Man of the People.

• 11Sep 09

  You can't make this **** up.

  It's been a while since I was really active blogging. I guess it is because summer is so incredibly boring when you're a grown up in the U.S. I can remember when I was a kid that summer was the most awesome time EVAR.
  
  But as an adult, well, there aren't really any major game releases. My favorite sports aren't going on. I don't have three months of vacation. Also, I don't live on a beach with half naked women parading around me constantly. Even if I did, the sensation would be kind of like going to a buffet without being allowed to grab any of the food. As a married man, all I would be able to do is look and salivate.
  
  Thank god though that we have the continued degeneration and devolution of the Republican right into complete and utter insanity. From "Death Panels", "Tea Party succession talk", "You Lie" to "Birthers" to "Deathers", it has been a non-stop, awe-inspiring summer of "can you top this?" among the Republicans in this country for nuttiness. It's been entertaining, if more than a little depressing. But then, I think Newt Gingrich just won the gold medal today.
  
  Straight from the "you can't make this **** up" archive...
  
  Former Republican Majority Leader Newt Gingrich has awarded Allison Vivas of pron studio "Visual Pink" his "Entrepreneur of the Year" award.
  
  
  
  Link to article
  
  Link to Actual Letter
  
  Er...."Money Quote"
  
  

  Allison Vivas wrote:

  "I'm honored, and more than a little surprised, to receive this prestigious award. Rest assured, I'll take the opportunity to inform Mr. Gingrich of some of the major challenges facing the adult entertainment industry in the current market ... from obscenity prosecutions to content piracy. I'll make sure he walks away from that dinner educated about the realities of the online porn market."
  

  
  
  I think my favorite part of the letter itself is the part where it invites her to an "intimate event" with Newt!
  
  Obviously a case where Gingrich's 527 group got a little too eager to sucker in potential big money donors by giving out awards and didn't do enough research, but still funny as all hell.
  • Posted Sep 11, 2009 4:25 pm PT
  • Category: Humor
  • 20 Comments
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• 30Jun 09

  This calls for the Jumbo Probe!

  "This calls for the Jumbo Probe!"
  Spiro, from "Destroy all Humans"
  
  The English language is insufficient to address how awful dealing with Microsoft's customer support is. My anger and irritation cannot be described in mortal terms. Some sort of divine language would be needed to describe (without violating the Gamespot filter for swearing) how atrocious my experience with Microsoft's "support" structure has been.
  
  I'm going to do my best to be succinct and passionless in attributing the ghoulish and demonic qualities that Microsoft has expressed to me into plain, unemotional words on a screen for my readers.
  
  1. After dealing with no less than nine (9!) different "supervisors" from the 1-800-4MY-Xbox phone number, I've decided that they are all complete tools and decided to abandon that method of getting any sort of satisfactory resolution and found their corporate number. Should anyone wish to call in just to give them hell, or to support my case, that number is 425-882-8080. Feel free to make them regret that they were ever born. Also, feel free to ask for "Sabrina".
  
  2. Microsoft, both through their off-shore support and their corporate support. does not care about you. Period.
  
  
  
  3. The promise made to me has been acknowledged by this company. Apparently, "Eric" mentioned in previous blog, no longer works for the company. (Odd, since less than three weeks ago when I first started pursuing this one of the employees guaranteed that he did.)
  
  4. Since the promise was inconsistent with business policy, it won't be followed. How that promise is MY fault and *I* should suffer for it is not exactly clear.
  
  5. I have an email given to me for complaints beyond Microsoft corporate. I have pursued this. Given that I'd like they not be flooded with complaints while dealing with MY complaint (I'm selfish like that) I won't release it here yet. Yet.
  
  6. As an example of just how much of a pack of liars and slimy rejects these people are, last Wednesday I spoke with a "supervisor" named Carmi about my case. (This is via the 1-800-4MY-Xbox number) and asked my case to be re-escalted.
  
  
  
  As I'm not an idiot, I took notes. I was promised that I would be re-escalated. Turnaround was 3-5 business days. I called in today and "George' (Yet another supervisor) said that my case had NOT been re-escalated because it had been rejected before. "How can that be?" I asked. "You guys said you would re-escalate. Now did you, or did you not?" (There may have been a swear word or three mixed in.)
  
  "No, we didn't sir. As I've said sir, you've been rejected already. There would be no point in escalating."
  
  "Then why did you tell me that you did?"
  
  "As I said sir, you've been rejected already. There would be no point in escalating."
  
  (Creative license is taken from this point forward.)
  
  "Does your mother have sex with farm animals?"
  
  "As I said sir, you've been rejected already. There would be no point in escalating."
  
  "At what point did you stop beating your wife?"
  
  "As I said sir, you've been rejected already. There would be no point in escalating."
  
  "Are you Hitler?"
  
  "As I said sir, you've been rejected already. There would be no point in escalating."
  
  (Creative license ending.)
  
  Jim: "This is so much bull (censored)!"
  
  I've written into the latest "escalation path" (translation: "Black hole") to try and get Microsoft to understand that it doesn't matter whether or not a promise made to me was against their policy or not. They've made it. They are bound by it.
  
  I have little to zero hope of any sort of resolution.
  
  Consider me no longer a customer of this company for life. Like the phone company Qwest, they are now dead to me.
  • Posted Jun 30, 2009 4:35 pm PT
  • Category: Rant
  • 40 Comments
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• 19Jun 09

  Microsoft's Public Relations (A.K.A. 360 #3 RIP)

  Well, I wish I could claim that I was surprised that my THIRD 360 has now started to experience severe problems, but I can't. As anyone who has seriously followed the trail of the 360 hardware issues should know by now, Microsoft released a piece of crap console from a hardware reliability perspective in order to be first to market and ordinary consumers have been paying for this cash-in decision ever since.
  
  For the record, I do NOT have the dreaded "Red Ring of Death" issue. I have a related hardware failure that deals with non-stop console "freezes" when I am playing. Specifically, the console freezes up for no particular reason even when playing not particularly new games (like NBA Live 08 ).
  
  
  
  If Microsoft wished to claim plausible deniability that this isn't a known and frequent problem, then their support menu should not list this issue in the same sentence as the three red light issue when you call in for tech support or to submit a repair ticket. Now seems a great time to bring up what Microsoft promised the last time I had a broken console.
  
  Microsoft's Documented Promise
  
  The Cliff Notes version is that Microsoft committed to me that in return for accepting a repair on my current console for a second time, if I ever had a third broken device I would get a brand new 360 Elite in return. The great thing about blogs is that they are a very good source of documentation.
  
  Specifically, a gentleman named "Eric" made this promise on behalf of Microsoft back then. Unfortunately, Microsoft has not been willing to deliver upon this commitment. During this last week, which, fortunately, I've been on vacation from work for, I've escalated this situation TWICE and been rejected both times. Whomever "Eric" is, he apparently doesn't take good notes. Despite the fact I asked specifically for this commitment to be documented in my case file, the folks I've been talking with on the phone claim that no notes on this commitment are in their records.
  
  The beautiful thing about having a wife who works in customer support is that you get a lot of detailed inside knowledge on how to get what you want when you are working with customer support from other companies. Specifically, I've gathered the following bits of information during my repeated calls into 1-800-4MYXBOX.
  
  1. That phone number does NOT take you to Microsoft itself. Microsoft has outsourced their customer support to a 3rd Party. Based on the accents, I'm guessing that their outsourcing is probably Costa Rica. (The same country that the company that *I* work for has outsourced so many things to.)
  
  
  
  2. I've spoken with three different "supervisors" thus far. "Kelly" and "Malcolm" are probably first level supervisors. "Krissa" is apparently one step up from either of them.
  
  
  
  3. The "Specialty Department" is where "Eric" who made the promise to me documented worked when he made the promise. Unlike Kelly, Malcom and Krissa...Eric actually works for Microsoft itself.
  
  
  
  4. Eric STILL works in the Specialty Department. This would be the same Specialty Department that has denied my case twice after promising me the exact thing that I am currently asking for.
  
  
  
  5. Kelly, Malcom and Krissa are powerless to give me what I ask for. Due to the genius that is Microsoft's public relations, they don't have any real power to give customers anything. They instead have to escalate to Microsoft itself in the form of the Specialty Department.
  
  6. The program that Eric works for is called "Risque Exchange". Entry level grunts don't know what this is. Malcom acknowledged this program's existence.
  
  
  
  I'm writing this blog as I wait for exactly one hour to pass. After an hour, I intend to call the support number back again and immediately re-escalate. I promised Krissa that I would do this during our last call. She and I both know she can't do **** to help me, again do the the genius of Microsoft's PR department, but she CAN put detailed notes into my case that the Specialty Department reviews. So I want to ensure that she argues my case convincingly.
  
  Essentially, I'm probably the very worst type of customer to deal with. Most customer support folks are not allowed to hang up on you so long as you are being polite and calm. They also usually are paid based on how many calls they take and resolve per hour. So I have no problem screwing their metrics up all to hell to ensure that they become my advocate. This makes my case a personal thing for the people handling it. Not only am I causing Microsoft money by calling in again and again and writing scathing blog posts detailing their abdominal console reliability and customer support, I'm costing the people speaking on the phone with me money personally.
  
  Granted, this is not the nicest thing in the world to do, but on the other hand, this could have been resolved on Monday if Microsoft had stepped up to the plate and shelved out the $200 it probably costs them to actually make each of their 360 Elite consoles. I guarantee that it will cost them a lot more than that if they keep stringing me along.
  
  At the end of the day, I was given a promise and I mean to ensure that the company that extended me that promise follows through. I don't care if it ends up costing them $200, $2000 or $20,000 before they finally cave. Three broken 360's is completely unacceptable.
  
  I have almost 400 people tracking my blog. In the big scheme of things, that isn't that many. But on the other hand, that is four hundred people who have now (hopefully) been given a very negative view of Microsoft's cash-in decision to rush a broken, unfinished console to the market in order to beat out Sony and Nintendo. How many people will THEY say bad things about Microsoft to? How many people will the people they talk to say negative things about Microsoft to?
  
  At the end of the day, By jerking me around Microsoft has probably cost themselves AT LEAST a couple of thousand dollars worth of future business to avoid spending $200 to give me a working, functional console.
  
  Apparently, math is not this company's strong suit.
  
  My next blog post on this subject will be on the Soap Box. (If necessary.)
  
  Edit: If you think *I'm* harsh, you should listen to the wife while she takes HER turn on the phone. I'm not even the person on the other end of the line and she makes me want to hide under the bed. I'm so proud of her!
  • Posted Jun 19, 2009 3:06 pm PT
  • Category: Rant
  • 31 Comments
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