• 6Jan 08

  Foreign Sound Effects

  As kids, we were all told that trains go "choo-choo" and cars go "beep-beep." Check out the sounds they make in other languages:

  AAH-CHOO!

  Portuguese: Ah-chim!

  German: Hat-chee!

  Greek: Ap tsou!

  Japanese: Hakshon!

  Italian: Ekchee!

  SPLASH!

  Hindi: Dham! (lol... they curse in the bath)

  Russian: Plyukh!

  Danish: Plump!

  Spanish: Chof!

  Greek: Plitz-platz!

  EENY-MEANY-MINIE-MO

  Arabic: Hadi-badi

  Italian: Ambaraba chichicoco

  Japanese: Hee-foo-mee-yo

  Swedish: Ol-uh dol-uh doff

  Polish: Ele mele dudki

  CHOO-CHOO!

  Chinese: Hong-lung, hong-lung

  Danish: Fut fut!

  Japanese: Shuppo-shuppo!

  Swahili: Chuku-chuku!

  Greek: Tsaf-tsouf!

  ZZZZZZZZZZ....

  Arabic: Kh-kh-kh...

  Chinese: Hulu...

  Italian: Ronf-ronf...

  Japanese: Gah-gah...

  OOPSY-DAISY!

  Arabic: Hop-pa!

  Italian: Opp-la!

  Japanese: Yoisho!

  Russian: Nu davai!

  Danish: Opse-dasse!

  KITCHY-KITCHY-KOO!

  Chinese: Gujee!

  French: Gheely-gheely!

  Greek: Ticki-ticki-ticki!

  Swedish: Kille kille kille!

  UH-OH!

  Chinese: Zao le!

  Italian: Ay-may!

  Japanese: Ah-ah!

  Swahili: Wee!

  Swedish: Oy-oy!

  BEEP-BEEP!

  Chinese: Dooo dooo! (uh...?)

  Hindi: Pon pon!

  Spanish: Mock mock!

  French: Puet puet!

  Japanese: Boo boo!

  CHUGALUG!

  Arabic: Gur-gur-gur!

  Hindi: Gat-gat!

  Hebrew: Gloog gloog!

  Russian: Bool-bool!

  Chinese: Goo-doo, goo-doo!

  Source: Uncle John's Ultimate Bathroom Reader, (c) 1996.

  • Posted Jan 6, 2008 10:34 am PT
  • Category: Humor
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• 24Oct 07

  A Serious Curse O.O

  Recent paranormal studies have proven true a strange and selective curse placed upon some people in this world.

  All those with the curse display ALL SIX of the following characteristics:

  1. They are over three feet tall.

  2. They eat a lot.

  3. They are very hot-natured and don't like it.

  4. They get scared easily.

  5. They believe depression over a mail order package is best dealt with through art.

  6. They like crackers.

  The people with ALL SIX of those characteristics barely live past the age of 30. The reason? Starting when they learn to walk, they rapidly turn to dust while alive. At 17 years of age, their bodies begin to get weaker and weaker until the day they completely turn to dust.

  It is best that these people do not attend football games, take IQ tests, or go outdoors dressed as a giant carrot (that last one is only applicable to people whose family name appears anywhere on their property).

  I have talked with basselope7 and she says she is one of those people; she has all six of those characteristics.

  If you are too... get help. NOW.

  • Posted Oct 24, 2007 2:01 pm PT
  • Category: Science
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• 2Oct 07

  Book Criticism #1

  Today I am going to criticize--er, critique--a thick paperback textbook entitled How Rude!: The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out.

  I have spent a few days reading the book once-over to become familiar with the text, so that I can just skim the book when I quote, critique, or reference it. (It's a library book, so I can't keep it forever.)

  Overview

  The book is funny. It does seem to try very hard to appeal to teenagers, but it tries nowhere near hard enough. More likely, it will only be enjoyed by the percentage of teenagers that are mature... which is probably about 2.731% or so. And out of that, only .692% will actually follow the instructions given. Personally, I am one of the 2.039% that will not. I don't think a lot of the suggestions (as opposed to rules ) sound possible. Besides, this book costs $19.95 plus tax in U.S. dollars... not everyone can afford that just for a book that tells you what to do.

  Positive points

  • The book has a lot of humorous stories, footnotes, and puns (some of which are double-entendres) that kept me wanting to read it. I especially liked the joke about getting hard, which I quote below:

  HORMONAL HAPPENINGS: The male organ, especially during its owner's adolescence, often elects to stand up for itself at the most inconvenient times. Such "elections" should never be remarked upon or pointed out by witnesses. Other than for the embarrassed one, they Do Not Exist.

  If you're of the gender for which the words "rise and shine" have special meaning in the morning, you may wish to avail yourself of those fashion styles designd as protective covering for adolescent boys, such as baggy pants and long flannel shirts that go down to your knees. One hopes that your parents and teachers will have the sensitivity not to insist that you tuck in your shirt.

  I am not making this up. It actually says that.

  • Nothing else.

  Bad points

  • It speaks in such a manner that nearly all teenagers who read the book (assuming they do) will not understand it at all, and will not get a lot of the jokes. The only ones who will get them are called nerds, and they're already sickeningly polite and therefore would not decide to read the book. How many average teenagers will understand the phrase "suggesting anatomical acts individuals could commit upon themselves"? Do you? I only do because I am an evil genius.
  • It seems to give the impression that the typical teenage culture is in and of itself rude. Hey lady--we think the same about adults and little kids. Why don't adults respect us? Why don't little kids get slapped for making fun of us? We're older than kids, so we should be protected from them. We're often more "in the know" than adults, and we're stronger than them so we can lift stuff for them, so why don't they treat us with the same amount ofmanners and respect we get slapped for if we don't give them?

  Specific quotes I find helpful

  "It is unnaceptable to call someone a vegetable. It is preferred to call him or her a person with a brain injury." Darn right. If you call someone a vegetable, it'll conjure up images of carrots or broccoli in the minds of the average under-21 person these days. "Vegetable" hasn't been used that way in a long time.

  "For a good example of how obnoxious incessant applause can be, watch the President's State of the Union address sometime." Already I can imagine what that's like even if I haven't and never plan to watch the State of the Union address. If it's that many people watching a very important person talk about "We'll fight till we win!!" and "I promise we will do better!!!" and all that crudola meant to stir the emotions of the public, I can picture in my head without even experiencing the hours and hours of people clapping. The author knows how to paint good mental images.

  Specific quotes I find troublesome

  "To the typical Boston driver, green means 'twice the speed limit.' Yellow means 'pedal to the metal!' And red means 'Outta my way, you moron!' Boston motorists are trained from birth to add the words This Means Everyone But Me to road signs. Thus we have 'No Right Turn on Red (this means everybody but me)' and 'Yield' (this means everybody but me).'" Welcome to the 6:00 News. Our top story tonight:The Boston Pride Club set the house of a British children's book author on fire today for criticizing the driving manner of Bostonites...

  "Here are some examples of sexually harassing behaviors that have been reported in U.S. high schools:

  • unwanted touching (of the arm, breasts, buttocks, genitals)
  • verbal comments about looks, parts of the body, what type of sex the person would be "good at," etc.
  • name calling ("babe," "honey," "b*tch," and worse)
  • spreading sexual rumors
  • leers and stares
  • telling sexual or dirty jokes
  • displaying pornography or sexually oriented cartoons or pictures
  • pressing someone for sexual activity
  • cornering, blocking, or standing too close to someone
  • publicly "rating" an individual (i.e. on a scale of 1-10)
  • giving snuggies or wedgies
  • sexual assault or attempted sexual assault
  • rape
  • touching or exhibiting oneself sexually in front of others
  • sexual graffiti
  • making kissing, smacking, or sucking sounds
  • catcalls, whistles
  • repeatedly asking someone out when he or she isn't interested
  • pulling down someone's pants or skirt
  • facial expressions (winking, kissing, tongueing)
  • creating "slam books" (lists of students with derogatory sexual comments written about them by other students)

  Come on now. Only 12 of those sound like actual crimes. The rest can't actually hurt someone. If you whistle while someone walks by--can your quarter note's flag accidentally poke him in the eye? If you call someone "sexy," is he supposed to take it as an insult? I also don't see a problem with "displaying" pornography (though in a school context it may be a problem); if you hang a naked pic of Gaara in your locker, who, specifically, is being insulted? It may be a sexual offense,but how is it sexual harassment?

  And let's not even quote the entire subsection devoted to chewing gum. I see how sometimes it's inappropriate to chew gum... but how can chewing gum fall into the "Does Not Exist" category (i.e. it should only be done in private)? Is gum now considered equally as inappropriate as cigarettes? I don't get it.

  Would I recommend this book?

  No.

  • Posted Oct 2, 2007 12:04 pm PT
  • Category: Editorial
  • 2 Comments
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