• 29Jun 09

  Super Summer Movie Spectacular # 5 is alive

  Welcome back boys and girls. Its been a hot hot summer, the beach has been busy and I can already smell those 4th of Julie hot dogs cookin. So I went to the theatre last friday and what did I see? Well this time I proudly present to you...

  Transvestites: always in disguise...no wait

  Twansformers: Wobots that desensitize.

  Too much for your eyes.

  Twansformers..over emphasized

  Ok sorry for that lol ,and now the review

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  Prepare yourself,

  To do battle, wage war,and

  For 2 hours of metal, mayhem, super sized explosions, oversized mechanical monsters, evil alienoid robots from the planet Cybertron, coming to wipe out the human race using a giant plasma ray gun, hidden and buried deep below the earth.

  Does that sound a tad bit overwhelming to you? It's a recipe for disaster.

  Mix in some raunchy comedy and that's Michael Bay stile in a nutshell. He pulls no punches and every statement is balls out blatant. How about a scene with a teenage boy about to be raped by hot young teenage girl who is really an alien robot in disguise, hell bent on dissecting him? Yah sounds like it belongs. After all it is a Michael Bay film. So lets go for it.

  If you manage to get around all that extreme, you might be able to find a movie worth watching. Transformers ROTF, is in essence a sci fi war movie but in this war its really hard to know who to cheer for or even why. Everything and I mean everything takes a back seat to action and special effects. Yeah the actors look good, sound good ( all be it they don't really have any good lines ) and theres plenty of them, but I expected better usage of character this time around.

  The movie is funnier than I expect, the laughs in the begging really catch you off guard and were strong but like with everything else in a MB movie, it taste bad when overdosed.

  I really have to complain about the new Autobots, and some of the Decepticons, just looking and acting all together way too human.

  First off they tried to pour way too much personality into each one, making them sound like horrible stereotypes, or guests on a trailer park appealing talk show (ya know the kind that insists on airing peoples "Dirty Laundry" ) You might want to cry foul when you see the joke about the giant evil robot of destruction having a pair of metal clanging testicles.

  Some robos have big googly eyes that look swollen, long bat shapped ears, thick oddly shaped out grown teeth that mismatch in color, and some even have a full out bristly beard. Does that even make any sort of sense to you? A Robot with a metal beard? Whats next zits? tattoos, piercings, how bout a big wet metal tounge.Why not? Such is the stupidity. Theres no ruling on any of this insanity.

  But, enough about our non human actors, how about those 3 stooges and the 1 really hot chick? Does anyone else notice how actor John Turturro looks a lot like a would be middle aged Shia LaBeouf ? Do ya think the resemblance had anything to do with their pairing? or that in the movie Simmons even calls Sam his son ?

  Well Simmons is quite the protagonist as it turns out, he leads the group on a while goose chase( or should I say camel chase ) through the Egyptian desert of all places.

  What are they searching for? the plot of this movie ? A good joke ?, or a place to end their career?

  Now how about that love story between Miss Fox and LaBeouf? Well, it was well presented but had very few moments. Not a lot develops, until the end. It was definitely lacking, and considerably Megan Fox was hardly even there, it was disappointing.

  With all the movies absurdity aside it does manage to deliver a spectacular fight sequence on several occasions. Its most defiantly thrilling it's a bit shocking too, with some big moments of despair. ( Dont worry Im not going to spoil it )

  In terms of action this is definitely bigger and better than the previous but, a lot of personalities have been reduced in their role, such as the Air Force crew, other Auto bots and thankfully the annoying parents. ( although the latter come in to play a lot near the end. )

  I was surprised at the language this film explicitly delivers through its robot lips, and I couldn't help but feeling creeped out by the tiny little robot insects that stick their incredibly sharp metal feelers inside human body parts. Nasty.

  There was a lot more dialogue from the digital characters this time, and I think they handled it fairly well. The villains were pretty cool and very much evil.

  The best bit of course being the huge battle at the end with explosions a plenty.

  All in all it's a good movie, exciting and adventurous which is what you paid to see.

  You have to gear yourself up to see it though, cuz its going to leave you winded and dizzy.Its about the equivalent to seeing the Circus, Mardis Gras, a demolition derby and the 4th of July fireworks all in one day.

  God bless the USA. ( and even Michael Bay )

  

  
  

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  This movie seriously beat the pants off Terminator and out did it by like a thousand. (ok, not a thousand but still alot) Even though it was weird and confusing as all hell, it still managed to show me alot of fun and cool stuff. I think after this movie there will be a 3rd and probably final film in 2 -3 years, just to wrap things up and say they made a trilogy, because even though this 1, is going to be a huge money maker,I just dont see them doing alot more with the story. Thanks for reading my blog ( there will be more updates shortly as I see more blockbusters.) please comment and tell me about all of your summer adventures.

  • Posted Jun 29, 2009 11:37 am PT
  • Category: Movies
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• 14Jun 09

  Analysing a franchise: Mario's Malfunction and the Problem with Peach.

  Let us now stray a bit from my usual updates. This time Id like to take a close look at a game franchise, perhaps the most popular game franchise of all time,

  Super Mario Bros. , in my opinion not so super anymore.

  Since 1981s Donkey Kong, Mario has remained essentially the same,

  short, pudgy, and Italian.

  He's the most recognizable and prolific video game character ever, he's appeared in more the 200 games, and is more popular worldwide than even Mickey Mouse yet...has anyone ever questioned why?

  Now going on more two and a half decades later ( that's 25 years in case your wondering ) what has Nintendo done with the character besides whore him to every type of game genre and merchandise opportunity?

  Nothin,Mario is just Mario, in fact Nintendo has done everything to keep his character boring bland and basic, even going so far as to make an official comment about Mario ( and Luigi ) not even having a last name.

  What kind of cop out is that other than pathetic? Mario's character is so shallow and simple that he makes Pacman seem like a politician.

  Have you ever considered the plot to any Mario game? Any game out of the 500 million that they've produced. There so flat and uninspired I can sum it up in 3 words , Bowser kidnaps Peach. There you go...that's the entire 25 year history of supposedly "Super" Mario. Seriously how creative is that? Can you believe they actually pay a team of professionals to come up with that and list them in the credits using a fancy title like development senior analyst, and how much do they get paid? A helluva lot more than your average college grad makes working at the local box factory.

  My point is not just Mario but the entire series and its characters of Mario games and spin offs are so grossly overrated, its sickening. Just the main games in the series have out sold every other series in the history of gaming. May I ask why?

  Because parents will buy anything Nintendo stamps with that overweight plumber's face. Nintendo has a grip on every youths mind this side of the moon. They see Mario and it's like an instant hypnotism and the parents buy it cuz its certified friendly.

  With Mario,Nintendo has a formula that is so cut and paste unoriginal, that it even makes a vcr manual seem like poetry.

  Now all things considered, the plot of a video game has never really been the biggest focus but in the past 10 years we've come to respect games as a truely creative work of entertainment, gaming storylines have taken on a whole new depth and variety. Nintendo refuses to evolve the series into what could be a unique experience. I'm not saying that Mario shouldn't be strictly for kids, but a fairy tale story can still be well written and intelligent.

  Mario throws everything out the window in favor of Game play. Granted game play is the most important factor of a game but, in order to be regarded as "Super" meaning superior or superb, it has to embrace all aspects of design including story, and character development.

  With this years E3, yet again more Mario games have been introduced which will no doubt sell up the wazoo, but they are the same cookie cuter, crap.

  S Mario Galaxy became game of the year in 2008, as voted upon by Gamespot.com. Yes the Wii is an innovate console and game play seems to be living up to that reputation, and the art direction is wonderful, but a little more story wouldn't kill it.

  After the 1993 release of Mario World the series has been neglecting two player capability.

  Mario is such a blatant stereotype. The original design of Mario was based on graphical limitations, they couldn't design a mouth so they gave him what looked like a mustache, they couldn't define his body parts so they used a strong contrast of red and blue overalls and shirt and added a cap to avoid designing a hair**** and white gloves to show arm movements.

  As a further cover up they included a large nose to depict him as being human, and if you don't believe all that just look it up. Well all of that worked out conveniently but what about when the graphics were no longer a limiting factor? Did they choose to redesign the character? No, instead they kept him in the same ridiculous clothing. Mario was without a voice or even dialogue until SM 64 when they decided making him say stereotypical catch phrases with a bad accent would be a good idea.

  How about the infamous S Mario Bros 2? Boy did they screw that up. Yeah the game play is great, but it wasn't even supposed to be a Mario game. In fact is was based off of a concept from Fuji television.That's right Mario had nothing to do with the games theme and setting, instead they took a previously developed game,( Doki Doki Panic )and edited the sprites to make it look like the characters were from the Mario universe. Can you say rip off? and to top it all off they came up with the lamest excuse to explain the story, the whole thing was a gawd dam dream. Yep everything that happened, forget it cuz it never really happened, Mario just dreamt it. Ha ha the jokes on you.

  Thanks a lot Nintendo, way to ruin things for us. Well that plot would have made since considering the game was originally titled dream factory, but in this case it's totally unecessary. The real story is that SMB 2 was deemed as being too difficult for American audiences so they decided to scrap it. Oops oh well.

  Now before you get all worked up ( or maybe its too late ) I don't hate the Mario games,( In fact I think Mario 1-4 are great I only hate Nintendo's lack of production effort and lazy approach to using the characters, when it comes to the Mario series. Mario had such potential for expansion and development.

  Now some will argue, why fix something that's not broken? It's simple everything good deserves to be made better, and everything great can still be improved upon, that's what development is all about, but Nintendo seems to ignore this.

  I'm sure they aimed to achieve greater heights but, failed in the writing department. For instance,how incredibly weak and insignificant was the ending of SM 64 ?

  How many times are they going to recycle the same ideas, Mario has to find X amount of Stars / Shines /Magic wands before he can rescue Peach or Daisy or is it Toadstool...whatever the hell her name is, since they cant quite seem to decide.

  How many more times are they going to say they were on a vacation when the Princess gets kidnapped? Honestly I give SM Sunshine some credit for at least including the imposter Mario, but they quickly ruined that by revealing his true identity.

  And another thing why is it Nintendo refuses to explain the origin of Princess? How is it that she's royalty of a kingdom of species that have mushroom heads yet she is clearly human? Any explanation? Of course not Nintendo just expects you to by their product, regardless of plot holes.

  Another problem I have, is that the Mario franchise spawns characters that they end up dropping such as the Koopa Kids. What the hell happened to them after SMW ? ,and why are they suddenly being included in "New Super Mario Bros Wii"?

  Speaking of Koopas, where did Bowser Jr. pop out of? How is Bowser reproducing? Is there a female Bowser that we're not aware of, or is Bowser hiding something from us?

  Don't even get me started on how they've outcasted Luigi.

  You may say I'm over thinking a franchise intended for children but once more I tell ya theres no excuse for redundancy.

  My intention is not to hate but merly to point out what is inexcusably poor. Please share your thoughts on both the future of the Mario franchise and its past.

  • Posted Jun 14, 2009 10:26 pm PT
  • Category: Games
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• 3Jun 09

  Super Duper Summer Movie Spactacular Review # 4....Where are we goin?

  Hey and welcome back, lets get right down to it. Today its my pleasure to present to you my review and detailed opinion of the Disney and Pixar animated movie

  

  "Come fly with me,come fly, lets fly away."

  

  An old Man,a young boy,a talking dog, and a flying house...and you thought it was gonna be silly.

  

  ( The following is my review of the film " UP" )
  
  I sat down in the theatre and got caught Up in a really sweet, storybook escape. Up is like a daydream that goes beyond your expectations and you slowly drift into a feeling of euphoria. The rich, colorful palette of this film pleases your eyes with its flavor. The seemingly endless and vast blue sky calls out to your sense of adventure and encourages the imagination in us all.

  

  
  I truly enjoyed watching Up, and was entertained from minute to minute. although, I didn't like the idea of this old man having to drag around a house, I wasnt expecting it to be that way. I feel like it limited this films mobility and dragged down the overall plausibility. I don't know who wouldn't enjoy this movie. The only thing you really need while watching this is to turn on your imagination and let go of your logic a little, its best not to remain so grounded.

  

  
  Up is a real charmer its a splendid family film even for the grandparents. It's very sincere, and sentimental in tone and message. The folks at Disney and Pixar have once again dazzled us with lovely images and a story thats pure, youthful, bliss. The romantic overture, and delightful nature of this film, carries you along for a ride you'll want to share with everyone around you.

  

  Jokes are a fickle thing, but humor is the voice of the heart and Up beautifully captures that quirky and spontaneous humor that only comes from experiencing lifes precious moments. Joyful isnt a word I like to throw around but, it fits quite well when attached to the spirit of this film. A very small gripe I have with Up, is it's lack of human characters, which leaves us without much dialogue, and no narration to boot, also some of the jokes repeat a little to much. Oh and dogs flying airplanes...not sure about that, but I can easily look past it for all the underlined pleasantry of this pic.

  

  
  Its cute, its fun filled, free spirited, UPlifiting and sensational. Young and old will love it. What else is there to say about Pixar that hasnt been said? Pixar is to animation what Picasso was to paint, and if characterization was ever considered an art form than this film deserves its own section at the Norton Museum of art.

  
  
  Theres a lot you can walk away with after seeing this pic, but mostly I like to believe that 1.Your heart is never too old to have an adventure and 2. .No matter how much life brings you down, don't give Up on your dreams, you never know how high they may take you, if you let them lift you Up.

  • Posted Jun 3, 2009 11:35 am PT
  • Category: Movies
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