I was bored, so wrote a poem/song lyrics. constructive criticisms are appreciated.

What if all these emotions, ain't emotional enough,
Sensitive's never really worked for me, and I can't pull off tough,
There's precious little wrong, but there's precious little right,
Oh I wish these thoughts would leave me be, when I'm alone at night.

I know I ain't about to find the answers to my petty woes,
at the bottom of a glass of vodka in some cheap bar, so I'll go,
and I know, there's nothing waiting for me in what passes for home,
but the steady beat of a dismal downpour against dreary grey stone,

And I wanna believe, that it'll all be okay,
I wanna put my faith in fate and throw all caution away,
But I guess at the root of it all, I'm just not that brave
I'm just not that willing to let people see who I really am.

I wish that when I told you I loved you, that I meant what I said,
instead, of a calculated offering, to manipulate your head,
I wish that when I held you in my arms and watched you close your eyes,
I could just enjoy that moment, but I just worry about tomorrow's lies.

So I'll wander these darkened hollows and haunts that are probably bad for my health
It's all a stall anyway, and I'm most comfortable by myself,
Yeh, it's lonely, but that's my life, or at least my point of view,
Maybe one day, I'll let someone inside, but it's never gonna be you.

I give you a few kind and unfelt words, they make you smile for a while,
I truly do wish I meant them, but meaning's not my $tyle,
I feel bad for deceiving you, but I guess I don't have the guts to hurt you,
and it shuts you up for a bit.

I just found a whole bunch of my old songs. Terrible recordings though! So I'm going to transcribe the lyrics, try to relearn the guitar/bass/harmonica/electric guitar/drums/vocal/piano parts and re-record them.
Could take many months!

Wrote this whilst sitting at work being bored

Desolation in immaculate public places,
Lost souls encompassed in a sea of bland emotionless faces,
'Nothing's wrong' is right, but nothing's right,
and right now all I see is life
being lived the way it always has been
and always will be.

The only place I want to be is anywhere but here.

Then came the flood

of silence, so strong, roaring in my ears,

drowning out the tears of my soul,

Hang my head low, so that they'll never know,

just how proud I am, just how strong I am,

A broken man, yet undefeated,

my spirit still is undepleted, and no,

I haven't forgotten about the flood,

of silence, where nothing else can be heard,

that defeaning silence, just daring you to break it with a single word,

Running through the rain, because it takes away the pain,

don't let yourself think, just keep running, just one more step, just one more step,

Do you think you could ever climb the walls that I have built,

tall and strong, to keep me alone,

do you think you could?

an implosion in my mind, sucked it all inside,

and the fire reduced to embers, and yes i still remember,

about the flood,

of silence, that blissful gap between two moments,

'you can have everything you've ever wanted',

but what if you've been haunted by the emptiness,

that comes with never knowing if you've ever wanted anything at all.

Silence floods down my face, and no there's nothing wrong,

but why must something be wrong, to feel like nothing has or will ever be right?

embrace that which lies between the tick and tock,

the time after the singer stops before the crowd recover to applaud.

As the last note dies away, I always hope and pray that time will skip,

and we'll be stuck in the moment in between, for all eternity,

turn the speakers up but don't put on a record, just wait, and listen to the silence,

drown out the world, in any way that works, and pause,

forever.

but before every rebirth there must be a death. my car died. it made me really really sad. I loved that car and so very many memories that i have with it.

And I have a really annoying trapped nerve in the back of my neck, it's been there almost two days now and it's intolerable!!

Have some gorgeous lyrics. and go listen to the song on youtube, it's amazing

Alanis Morissette - Not As We

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure, Unkind, Insane
This faint and shaky hour

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Gun-shy and shivering
Tear it without a hand
Feign brave but still intent
Little and hardly here

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Eyes wet,
Toward wide open freight
If God is taking bias,
I pray he wants to lose

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

I love that episode. It's not as fantastically 'best-episode-in-the-world-ey' as brendan fraser's other one, but it's still great.

But anywhoo, yes, I've been thinking about death a lot lately. Don't get me wrong, I always think a lot about death, it's just been more than usual recently.

It's weird how people attach so much importance to an afterlife. What is so scary about the thought of death being the end? I find it reassuring, after all, if it's not then conciousness stretcheson to infinity, and thatscares me.

Anyway Iam going to stop asI am trying to write thiswhilst talking on the phone and femenine though I am, my multitasking skills are failing me....

Starry
starry night
paint your palette blue and grey

look out on a summer's day
with eyes that know the
darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills
sketch the trees and the daffodils

catch the breeze and the winter chills

in colors on the snowy linen land.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how

perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry
starry night
flaming flo'rs that brightly blaze

swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain

weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist's
loving hand.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you
but still your love was true

and when no hope was left in sight on that starry
starry night.
You took your life
as lovers often do;
But I could have told you
Vincent
this world was never
meant for one
as beautiful as you.

Starry
starry night
portraits hung in empty halls

frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes
that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the stranger that you've met

the ragged men in ragged clothes

the silver thorn of bloddy rose
lie crushed and broken
on the virgin snow.
And now I think I know what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity

how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they're not
list'ning still
perhaps they never will.

This song is written about Vincent van Gogh. His life, his soul, everything was expressed through his art. Many artists choose to do what they do to express things when words cannot suffice. Van Gogh did not know how do express everything to other people in words, so he used his paints.

Vincent was a very unique person--not many of his "nature" are found throughout history; the spirit that he possessed was one that was extremely beautiful. Not many people could see this; he could, and he knew that he was different.
"Now I understand what you tried to say to me and how you suffered for your sanity, and how you tried to set them free" speaks of Vincent's reaching out to the world, and how he was misunderstood by his generation and by the people still today. He could see things with amazing clarity, but people today still don't understand. The world his blind--van Gogh knew it, and now Mclean is acknowledging that he, too, can see it. Notice, he even follows this with "perhaps they'll listen now" (though later he comes to the realization that society will never get it, when he ends the song with "perhaps they never will"). This could also be extrapolated to the destruction of society through lack of morals and goodwill to fellow beings. The world is becoming a far more cruel place to live in every day. all that it would take to make things better is for people to be compassionate.

What a beatiful man. To go through life acutely aware of the pain felt by everyone about you must be unbearable, as can clearly be seen through his untimely suicide. Was Van Gogh so unique in his pain and compassion. Certainly he was not the first to end his life because of the cruelty of the world. To merely survive from day to day, it is necessary to commit acts of cruelty which are simply unthinkable to individuals of such genteel kindness. To not be brought to our knees by the hideous, and preventable things going on right in front of our faces, we virtually have to completely numb ourselves to the empathy with our fellow human beings. if we were to let ourselves feel all the pain that's going on around us, it would do to us what it did to Vincent. but is it too much to ask to sit up and take notice? to make a small contribution each day. to smile at a stranger, to do a good deed each day, to put someone elses feelings first. to take your pleasure of life from helping those around you.

Then again, if his martyrdom and the suicide of so many others have passed into the abyss near-enough un-noticed, then what difference will one lost little boy's blog floating around the internet make? What will it take to make the world a better place? If only there was a switch somewhere that would make everybody care about everything. make people cry when they saw someone crying. If only.

If.

Yes, he killed himself because he couldn't deal with the cruelty of society, but also he did it in an effort to make people stop and see that there is something intrinsically wrong with society, and the world today. "They would not listen, they did not know how perhaps they'll listen now". The ultimate statement, when the entire world is filled with apathy, is martyrdom enough to make people actually stop and listen? I guess Van Gogh answers that himself. "perhaps they never will". He knew that nobody would notice his passing, but he did it anyway. Maybe he thought if even one person stopped long enough to see what he was trying to say, and to understand what needed done, that it would be worthwhile. worth his death. worth his life.

Why are you so obsessed with this image of yourself as hurt, damaged?

Because when everything fades to dust, I want to be remembered. even if it's just to one person, in their brief existance, until they blink out.

so you sit on your couch and drink wine? and invest yourself into your image. so you become the person you pity, and you admire. what happened to you in your childhood to torment you this much?

I can't say. it hurts to much to face the truth.

The only way to get over these things is to bring it out. stop repressing it and tell me what happened to you.

It's so difficult to admit.....Absolutely nothing at all. There's no reason for me to be this way. I had loving parents, I was never abused, I've got absolutely no reason to be unhappy. and that destroys me. so yes, i sit and drink, there's no reason for any of this. you're born, you contribute, or you don't, then you die. if you're lucky your memory might survive for a few hundred years. then all the people who remember you die too. people blink out of existance every second and sometimes they're forgotten in a heartbeat. there's no greater reason, there's no devine plan, there's no eternal soul, this is it, and there's no reason to be here.

Does that trouble you?

Why do you think I go to such lengths to be deep. because this is all we have, and society is such a disgusting place to exist in, and the human soul is so horribly corrupt. so I repress it, I deny it, until it becomes a seperate part of me, then I spend all my time trying to tame it.

Which is more important, being happy or doing what's right?

Doing what's right

Why?

Because how can you be happy if you don't like yourself? how can you like yourself if you don't care who you hurt? In the end, nobody lives for themselves. they put across an image that they want someone else to like. there's no point in doing anything for your own satisfaction because why does it matter? If a tree falls over in the forest and there's no-one around to hear it, is there any point in it making a sound?

Are you comparing yourself to a tree?

I'm comparing myself to a sound that shall never be heard. if it will never be heard, why does it exist in the first place?

It just....does. the tree hears the sound. isn't that enough?

No! it's not! entity's cannot be singular! to be observed is to exist.

You don't believe that I think therefore I am?

No I believe I am observed to think, Therefore I am.

You'll never be happy unless you can accept that this troubled image of yourself is not real, and that you are not 'pure'. you are human act like it.

Why?

because if you don't then you'll never be content in life.

and you think I'm the first? you think no-one else has been disconjoined with themselves?

I think they've gotten help.

Or killed themselves.

But you're not suicidal.

No. why bother, there's nothing waiting for me.

so you admit there's something for you here?

there's pain. There's conciousness.

There's so much more. there's joy and happiness and love.

Of course there is. the difference is, they're not necessary. Pain and misery can exist in solitude. for joy, there has to be an antithesis, there has to be an opposite. Depression and dismality are the base states of being. anything else is an abnormality.a chemical imbalance. I'm not saying you shouldn't be happy. I'm just saying it's not real.

Lets just suppose for a second that you're right. why does that matter, why not be fake and happy?

Because it's a charade, it takes effort to keep up the facade, and I'm lethargic, and why should I.

Because it feels good?

So does the pain. not the anguish, that feels bad. I mean the physical pain, that reassurance, that solidity. if you feel something cut through your flesh, you know your place in life. why do you think people get tattoos, piercings. sure, they look all pretty afterwards, but it's an excuse to feel that pain as it's happening, it's a rush, and that's better than any joy or happiness. trouble is there's only so much you can cut til you're going over old scar tissue. until you use yourself up. There's only so much vitality in a person.

Do you want to be happy?

To be happy would be to lack conciousnous. to be aware of oneself is to inheritely be aware of what it is to be happy. and once that knowledge is known then the opposite can be understood, and what is understood cannot be denied. to be happy, is to surrender that which makes us human.

Do you want to be happy?

Happiness and goodness are mutually exclusive. not all the time, but at least some of the time. if I was to be happy, I would hurt someone, somewhere, sometime, and I couldn't do that. admittedly, denying my humanity has created a seperate ego which I sometimes cannot control, but that's not really me is it? 'I' could never hurt anyone. and therefore I could never be happy.

Do you want to be happy?

.....I am happy.

Inspired by House 3 -12.

and wine.

God there's some odd stuff in my head!

comments, debates, arguements, all appreciated!

Name?: Nicky

Age?: 20

Sex?: Male

Birth Date?: april 1987

Hair Color?: not sure, i think it's brown just now....it's growing out from being...red? i think red was the last one. or maybe black.

Eye Color?: blue

Height?: around 6 foot? not really sure

Weight?: hmmm, i think i was about 10 stone last time i checked

Body Type?: lanky, but somehow still flabby. you wouldn't think those two could go together. yay for my uniqueness

Piercings?: had my ears done a long time ago, that's grown out though.

Tattoos?: no. i can't think what i could get that would represent my life well.

What are you wearing right now?: yellow shoes with tigers on them, green wallace and gromit socks, blue jeans, black boxers, a muse t-shirt, a home-made top, and a blanket. it's cold, my parents can't afford to heat the house at night, so i have a blanket....

What is your hair$tyle at the moment?: annoyingly short.

* Favorites *

Soda?: any of the fizzy lemon ones

Food?: probably the spinach and riccotta panzerotti at la favourita in edinburgh

Drinks?: vodka and coke. and wine. any wine.

Alcoholic drink?: oh, this is the alcohol one, emm...more wine?

Time of day?: don't really have one at the moment. i guess...early evening?

Season?: autumn is so beautifully sad.

Day of the week?: if i'm not working, sunday.

Song at the moment?: damien rice - 9 crimes, and my chemical romance - cancer.

Band/artist?: iron maiden, muse, mcfly, my chemical romance, damien rice,

Book?: 'his dark materials' trilogy by phillip pullman. technically three books, but oh well.

Subject in school?: music i guess.

Place in the USA?: well the only place i've ever been was in the rocky mountains in colarado, and it was pretty awesome, so i guess that'll have to do.

Place outside the USA?: shetland can be so amazingly beautiful if you have someone to share it with.

Color?: don't really have one. colours lose their charm when they're isolated. it's the combinations and contrasts that makes them beautiful or interesting.

$tyle of clothes?: i guess i wear skater/goth/emo clothes, but i wouldn't cl@ss myself as any of them. probably slightly emo-ey, but oh well.

Store?: amazon. i don't have to leave the house, it's cheap, and it sells everything!

Mall?: i'd have to say...the bon accord centre in aberdeen.

City?: edinburgh. again, some incredibly beautiful sights if you have someone really special to see them with.

Website?: www.tv.com and www.thatvideosite.com and www.by-art.com and www.bebo.com

Magazine?: kerrang or metal hammer or the radio times.

Kind of pet?: guinea pigs. i miss them. i haven't even seen the babies yet, and they'll be all grown up when i do. :'(

* Worst *

Place to be?: nowhere is bad unless you're alone, in which case everywhere sucks just as much. but especially the cruddy thug/mugger/rapist infested parts of it would seem every single city these days.

****in school?: french. so pointless, if i wanted to go to france, then perhaps i'd want to learn french.

Time of day?: first thing in the morning.

Season?: winter but only when it's gloomy and bleak. if it's snowy, or stormy, or scary then it's great.

Kind of pet?: i imagine a shrimp would be a pretty crap pet.

Drink?: cider and vodka.

Food?: fish.

Mall?: princes mall is, sadly, pretty rubbish.

Store?: any large brand name shop.

****of clothes?: see above.

Celebrity?: oh they're all as bad as each other. well, no, that's a sweeping generalisation, i'm sure there are some okay ones, but in general, the whole celebrity/media industry is disgusting.

Color?: grey.

Book?: i have yet to read a book that i didn't feel glad that the author had taken the time to create and write the story. although the dictionary is a boring read....

Type of music?: urban, dance, trance, hip hop, rap, etc, etc, etc

Website?: any of those damned websites that clog up google when you're trying to find something, and when you click on them, they say, 'find such and such here' and then present you with a hundred hyperlinks to completely unrelated twaddle.

Magazine?: oh all the gossipy celebrity rubbish that tells people that they're not normal unless they're skinny and going out and getting drunk every weekend, and **** every person they meet. really, why aren't there more supportive, less destructive messages being put across, about how life can be more than that, and how you can actually have some self respect for yourself, and find people who actually care about you in life. no wonder society is going downhill so fast.

* Daily Life *

When do you get up?: depends. if i'm working, about 6.30am, if not, about 10 or 11am

What is your first thought?: do i need to get up yet *check clock*

What do you do first?: put on dressing gown.

What is your usual outfit?: black suit trousers and any random t-shirt and jumper, or if i'm going to be working outside then jeans and any random t-shirt and jumper.

What is your first ****of the day?: i don't go to school.

When does school end?: it used to end at 3.20

Do you see your friends?: not very often.

What do you do when you get home?: listen to mum lecture me.

What time do you go to bed?: about 2am normally.

* Do you... *

Brush your teeth daily?: i try to. i normally get it at least 3 times a week. is that really bad?

Brush your hair daily?: no.

Shower daily?: no. i aim for every second day.

Sing?: yes. lots. although i can't sing at the top of my voice anywhere just now because i have no car.

Dance?: rarely. but sometimes.

Party?: no. too many people. i'd rather dinner parties, and garden parties to the drunken, loud, overcrowded things that seem to be all anyone is ever interested in.

Get drunk?:

Have sex?: not for a while. but to be honest, that's the last thing on my mind.

Read books?: every chance i get.

Listen to music a lot?: yeh. i used to have it about 24 hours a day (yes even when i was sleeping) but these past few years it's just been maybe 8 - 12 hours a day.

Read magazines?: not very often. usually just if i'm going on a megabus.

Go online a lot?: pretty much every night.

Have a religion?: no

Have an iPod?: no

Want an iPod?: no

Have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: it's complicated.

Play an instrument?: a few.

Get sick a lot?: i guess i do. mainly migraines, and injuries, but i seem to get illnesses every few months too.

Watch TV?: not so much as i used to, but yeh maybe an hour or two a day.

Like MTV?: don't have it.

Like VH1?: don't have it.

Like the History Channel?: don't think i have it. if i do i've never watched it.

Have digital cable?: i have digital...

Have more than 500 channels on your TV?: i doubt it.

Listen to the radio?: not so much anymore, but still quite a lot.

Still use your CD player?: not really. occasionally. ie - if i really like a band's new album i'll actually bother to buy it, and then listen to it on cd for a while.

Stalk people?: no.

Have more than 200 buddies in your buddy list?: which one? in fact, i don't think i have that many in any.

Have dial-up internet?: yes. grrrr.

Have AOL?: no

Know HTML?: i can struggle through it. i know enough to create my own myspace page etc, and could probably create a basic web page. i know some jave though.

Have a GPA higher than 3.9?: a what?

Do well in honors ****s?: i don't understand this question. i'm guessing it's some american thing.

* Music *

Do you listen to rap?: no. although i guess the likes of linkin park is almost rap and they're quite good. also the beastie boys, but that's a different kind of rap.

R & B?: no

Blues and/or Jazz?: yeh, but not a lot.

****cal?: a fair bit yeh

Pop?: i suppose i do, yes.

Country?: mainly only comedy country. and the dixie chicks. and nicklecreek.

Emo/Screamo?: i guess quite a lot of emo.

Heavy Metal?: yes

Christian?: no. i have nothing against it, just haven't found any bands that i like.

Techno?: no.

Reggae?: not really, a couple of bob marley/bobby mcferrin ones maybe.

Broadway Musical Songs?: oh yes.

Oldies?: even bigger oh yes.

* In a boyfriend/girlfriend *

Hair color?: doesn't matter, as long as it suits them.

Eye color?: again, doesn't matter, but blue eyes tend to be the most captivating.

Tattoos?: if it's something that they feel sums them up, then it probably represents their personality, and if i was going out with them, i'm assuming i would like their personality, therefore i would probably like their tattoo.

Piercings?: again, whatever suits.

Favorite Music?: it's always nice if they share your tastes in music, but not terrible if they don't. just one less thing you can share together. (but they must love disney)

****of clothing?: nothing too slutty.

Body type?: couldn't care less. i mean, of course i'd prefer them not to be absolutely hideous, but that's not what matters.

Personality or looks?: personality.

Would you go out with someone just for their money?: never.

Do you go on "Pity Dates"?: i....don't go on dates. i wouldn't know how to.

Does size matter?: see as a guy, i'm stuck. if i say yes, i sound arrogant and cocky. if i say no, i sound like i'm making excuses. but screw what you all think. no it doesn't.

Do they have to be popular?: not at all. in fact it's normally better if they're not. just as a generalisation, the popular ones are usually the most shallow. besides, if they have less friends, they'll appreciate you all the more.

Does the guy ask the girl out or the other way around?: it doesn't really matter.

Where do you go on the first date?: for dinner?

Kiss on the first date?: i have no idea.

Sex on the first date?: again, no idea, but on principle, i'd probably have to say no. sex should be something that means something, something that is intimately shared, and that can't happen if you don't really know the person. but i guess that's not a golden rule.

* Right Now *

Do you think you look good right now?: god no. i'm a mess.

Are you eating something?: no. never really hungry these days.

Are you drinking something?: no. although i could do with another cup of tea. i've only had 6 or 7 today and my hands are a bit shaky.

Are you IMing anyone?: *sighs*

Are you talking on the phone with someone?: I wish.

Are you talking face-to-face with someone?: no.

What are you listening to?: right now, there's actually quiet. just the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard.

What are you watching on TV?: it's switched off.

What other websites do you have open?: tv.com

* What do you believe? *

Do you believe in ghosts?: i don't firmly believe in them, but i in no way disbelieve in them.

The afterlife?: there might be one, there might not be. we wont know til we get there, so why worry.

Aliens?: it's highly possible.

God?: i don't believe in the conventional, biblical sense of god, but there may be some higher power somewhere.

The devil?: i don't think it's logically possible for something of pure evil to exist. there has to be good in there, otherwise there is no such thing as evil. there has to be the contrast there.

Heaven?: no

Hell?: no

Scientology?: i'll skip all these, because i am not familiar in their beliefs

Hinduism?: ...

Buddhism?: ...

Christianity?: ...

Stole this from Mac

Starting time? 3.52am

Name? Nicky. no more than that, or you might...all...steal me. or something.

Nicknames? mirador (It's actually a meaningful name of something that i use as a username and as such has become my forum name, if anybody wants to know the story (and indeed song) about it, ask.

School? I AM NOT A SCHOOL!

Eyes? Two of them actually.

Height? I refuse to admit i'm over 6 foot. last time I measured I was 5' 11[1/2]", so as far as i'm concerned, as long as I don't measure again, I'm still that height. that was about 4 years ago though.

Siblings?   I have 1 elder sister and 1 older brother, i'm a baby. (incidentally, what is the difference or appropriate usage of elder and older?"

Missed school because it was raining? No, I come from the hardy countryside of shetland, where school was only ever cancelled if there were 6 foot snow drifts (which there often were)

Set any body part on fire for amusement? . Actually yes, back when I was about 16 I used to do it quite a lot, good old can of deoderant and a lighter. always fun, except this one time i did it to my shin and it just would not go out! I had to run downstairs to the shower whilst on fire to put it out. It hurt like hell!

Kept a secret from everyone? Only secrets I've kept is when someone asks me to keep them (and I decide that it's not hurting anyone), so the person who asks me would know the secret, thus the secret is not kept from everyone so no!

Had an imaginary friend? Yes actually. has anyone ever read the book 'jonathon livingston seagull'? Well I used to imagine he drove a pickup beside my car whenever i went anywhere. odd.

Cried during a Flick?  flick's being films yes? I cried during U571, is that gay oh well. cried for a couple of episodes of scrubs. namely my screw up, gets me every single time.

Had a crush on a teacher? No, all our teachers were hideous.

Ever thought an animated character was hot? No. not even jessica rabbit. just doesn't do anything for me.

Ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the Block tape? no. however I do have 'the right stuff' on the computer.

Prank called someone? Companies, never people.

Been on stage?  Lots of times, some quite prestigious ones too! (I played guitar for a traditional shetland fiddle group) we went to america, london, edinburgh, aberdeen, glasgow, norway, faroe and played for lots of politicians lots of times!

Favourite shampoo? Does anybody actually have a favourite shampoo? It's whatever's cheapest at the supermarket

Favourite colours? ALL the colours of the rainbow. and the night rainbow.

Day or Night? It's night just now. well...actually it's getting light, the streetlights are going out now.

Summer or Winter? It's summer. apparantly. still pouring with rain.

Like anyone?  I tend to like everyone unless I have a good reason not to.

Name your best friend(s)? I guess it would still be louise.

Who's the loudest? I tend to not associate myself with loud people

Who's the shyest? me. yes, i'm friends with myself.

Who do you go to for advice? Louise

Who do you cry with? Louise

Cried? A lot these past few days...

Cut your hair? I did it once. never again.

Been mean? I try my hardest not to, I really would never like to be mean to anyone.

Been sarcastic? Oh I don't know, I'm not......wonderwoman.

Missed someone? Oh yes.

Hugged someone? Free hugs for all.

Fought with your parents? A lot with My mum, rarely with my dad.

Wished upon a star? Yes, I know it's a load of rubbish, but hey, no harm done!

Laughed until you cried? Not really, I'm not a big laugher. I laugh in my head. I have however been known to fall off my chair laughing if something is truly hilarious.

Played Truth or Dare? Not for a long time. back when I had friends.

Watched a sunrise or sunset? Both, tonight actually, seen both.

Went to the beach at night? Not that I'm aware of.

Are you lonely?  Right now, yes.

Are you happy? Right now, no.

Ever been through Depression? Refer to above.

Are you talking to someone online? Do scrubs forum inhabitants count? then yes.

Last person u talked to? a bus driver was the last real person, mac and stikky last online people.

Favorite real animal? Guinea pigs

Favorite Fantasy Animal? A horse with a sword that guards my hopes and dreams.

Do you believe in God or the Devil? Nope. however I do agree with many principles of some religions. but as for actual almighty beings, then no. not in the slightest.

Do you believe in love?  I do actually. I still do.

Do you believe in The Closet Monster? I believe in the mind-closet monster.

Do you believe in The Big Bang Theory? BANG! erm, it's plausible.

Do you believe in Heaven or Hell? Nope. refer to the god b0llocks above.

Do you believe in superstitions? I don't believe in them, but they can be fun and interesting to uphold

What is your full name?. NO STEALING!!!

Who named you? My parents.

Backstreet Boys or N Sync? Oh n sync all the way. I'm not kidding, really! honest!

Favorite band? Muse, Iron Maiden, Mcfly, My Chemical Romance

What is your computer desk made of?

What is your favorite state? It's a bookcase.

Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? somewhere isolated, where it can be just me and them. maybe the moon.

Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? hah. someone who doesn't want to spend it with me.

How many buddiess do you have on you list? I do not understand the question. if you mean msn buddies? 266.

Hows the weather right now? Rainy.

What did you do last night? Drank. still doing it.

What's the best thing that you find about the opposite sex? Compassion, and love.

Favorite hair colour in the opposite sex? Brunette

Pizza or ice cream? Depends on my mood. sometimes ice cream on pizza

How do YOU eat an Oreo? what the heck is an oreo?

Dream car? bowler wildcat or buggati veyron

What do you want to be when you grow up?  no idea. married to someone who loves me. with a family.

What are your future goals? get through this thing we call life

Favorite music? classical, pop-rock, and rock.

Least favorite time of the year? winter, I think I have mild SAD.

Did you notice that number 90 was missing? They're not even numbered. fu ck off.

Fast or slow? what? stop this wierd....stuff

If you could change your name, what would it be?

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? I might grab one tonight. I have a big tiger called raja.

Have you ever been in love? I honestly think I was and still am.

What will your first son's name be? Fuquan! no, I have no idea. something that will hopefully give him a decent life.

Favorite drink? Right now, vodka and coke.

Do you like scary or happy movies better? Why cant scary things be happy? hell, happy things scare me.

Last movie you have seen? Pirates of the carribean 3: at worlds end.

Favorite movie? Erm, "Undefeatable" honestly, hunt it down and watch it.

Lust or Love: Love. 100%

What sport do u do? I don't. I sit and drink, and watch tv. yet I'm not fat.

What hobbies do you have? playing guitar, piano, violin, etc, song writing, recording, etc.

Do you want your friends to do this survey? I couldn't care less.

When's your birthday? 16th april

How old will u be? I wont. I've decided I'm going to regress in years until I'm 10.

Time done? 4.51am almost exactly an hour!!