masterofaeons' Blog

18Mar 09

TV.Com

TV.com is a site that exists now only as a quick way to poll the population for ratings of popular shows peddled to the lowest common denominator. While there are a few Sanctuaries where die hard fans congregate to keep the fire of the classics alive, this website seems to be made of a slobberingly idiotic children that have come together only to rave about current, terrible shows. Smallville, Supernatural, Lost, reality programming, Heroes and Gossip Girl are nothing more than artistically devoid cash-cows that should have never made it past the greenlighting phase. This site is badly designed, poorly managed, ignores its users entirely, and has clearly sold out in every way. I have seen this website go from cute friendly mingling space into a lab where fans are dissected in the most sterile of conditions.

I don't agree with anything that this site has done after being constructed and am disgusted with its policies. I have enjoyed the forums and the people on them, but everything from the site's layout to the clueless administrators (Not Grailwolf) to the unabashed turnover of control to the mobs of blathering fanboys who will rate an unaired episode of their favorite cartoon a 10 and spam votes of its competitor with 1s for no other reason than to muck with the stats is an affront to good taste, professionalism, morality, and your audience.

There are some that will refuse to leave you for no other reason than they are well established here, love the community and largely have no where else to go. To them, I say "Get out. Get out quick, and leave a complaint on your way out."

It's been fun everyone. If you want to see me again, look me up on AIM: laughingmurray.

Posted Mar 18, 2009 7:02 pm PT
Category: N/A
6 Comments

15Jan 09

MoA Writes Better Than You (If you are an anime filler episode scab writer)

Or if you write Cloud/Sephiroth slashfics.

This is a copy of a rant I posted on Nakama-Fansubs' forum. I pasted it here because some of you watch Bleach, I want to archive it for later, and let's face it: I love to hear myself talk. Mi. Mi, mi, mi. Doooooo. Anyway, enjoy the pasted fun. I swear I'll stop talking about anime before my next post.

Okay, the problem with the first filler arc [of Bleach] was that it offered resolution within the first few episodes. The cast of good guys [captains in the army of "heaven"] matched up against the bad guys [vampires with attack dolls] and had the upper hand. In any other story aside from a filler arc, that would have ended with each "Bount" dying at the hands of a captain or lieutenant or whomever was matched to whom. Instead, the Hand Of God [TM] came down and pulled the villains from Harm's Way in order to prolong the storyline another 30 episodes where they would be killed in the EXACT SAME CIRCUMSTANCES. This isn't storytelling, this is A does not work, so try B, then try C, then after a speech, try A again, when it actually works. Then final problem with the Bount Arc lay in Jin, who was the worst bad guy ever to grace a non-DBZ anime. Jin was a lazy sort of fighter who relied on his "secret power" to win every fight. Ichigo attacked him and Jin deflected the attack utilizing the same animation as Aizen [deflecting the sword with one hand and then killing the hero with his MIND]. This makes you believe that he is using a power similar to Aizen or everyone 10 levels higher than the hero can catch a blade with a finger and when they curl a digit, it causes the hero to take damage equal to the villain's plot stat. Jin's powers were not at all thought out, had no interesting material to build a compelling fight on, and fluctuated in power between being on par with Aizen, to barely able to keep Ichigo and Byakuya's individual attacks at bay, to being a god (yet again). When he finally died, it wasn't because Ichigo had worked out his powers and squashed them, it wasn't because Squad 1's captain came in and showed him exactly what "9000" looked like, it was simply because the story arc was over and the character gave up. Jin wouldn't be as annoying had he not had a speech that pointed out that he was simply a plot device and that Ichigo, as a shounen anime hero, would go on to fight another big bad and another, each with escalating power levels. The first rule of writing is that you DO NOT TELL EVERYONE WHAT PLOT GUIDE YOU'RE FOLLOWING. If you just took the plot of Die Hard and put it in space, you don't have Zorg call Korben Dallas "John McClane" and ask him not to throw you from Nakatomi building's 57th floor [This is the real reason I copied this for the TV.com site.]

This brings me to the second filelr arc: The New Captain Shuusuke Amagai Arc, which starts up midway through the Hueco Mundo storyline right at the moment before things actually get good. Ichigo has recently been put in his place by Uliquorra and when he refused to submit to defeat, was stabbed through the chest by the Espada's HAND and DIED (if you tell me he survived that, I will ban you - er, cry). Luckily Grimmjow is the sort of guy who carries measuring tape around and likes to measure up against anyone else with a phallic meta - er, a sword. He steals the Plot-Bending Princess from the other castle and brings her to Ichigo's corpse telling her to get him back in fighting condition. They fight and Ichigo, now realizing that he's the main character, proceeds to do what he couldn't before even though absolutely nothing has changed.

*drinks from a nearby cup before continuing rant* [This was not just an emote, I actually did this.]

Instead of starting the filler arc after Grimmjow was defeated and the characters look into the sunrise and arrive in an ALTERNATE DIMENSION... this should have happened. Cut the arc after Uliquorra stabs and kills Ichigo. Ichigo says the same sort of things that a dying hero says (usually "Move! Move!" or "Stop! Stop!") before blacking out. Now we start the filler arc, which takes place in Ichigo's dormant soul as he believes that he has died. This opens up a lot more doors because this is a world that DOES NOT EXIST and DOES NOT TRY TO EXIST. My first attempt at a filler arc in this setting: Ichigo, believing that he has died, returns to the living world, haunts his family for two episodes before turning into a hollow and being killed by Rukia where he is sent to Soul Society. As a new soul in SS with a ton of spirit power, he begins the task of becoming accepted within Sereitei and the 13 squads. Eventually he becomes a captain in an interesting look at a world that could have been. Eventually though, he is revived by Orihime and returns to the HM storyline without ruining any continuity or sending out chainletters telling everyone that he has a hollow in his soul that imbues his sword with demon powers.

See? That wasn't so hard. [I have no idea who I said this to, or what it meant]

Posted Jan 15, 2009 2:36 pm PT
Category: N/A
2 Comments

6Jan 09

Further, On The Subject of Professional Anime Translations...

Please read this (It's a link)

This is mostly about anime and a call to make a translation company provide what they promised. I don't think anyone who reads this blog is really interested in this, but I want to link to it as much as I can. Thanks for reading my blog.

Posted Jan 6, 2009 8:59 pm PT
Category: N/A
3 Comments

31Dec 08

The Front Page Game

Recently, there has been an impossible to ignore trend on the front page. At first it was a gun pointed straight at your computer by someone from Smallville, I think. After that it was Kiefer Sutherland, hiding behind the news blurb, gun in hand. Now It's our very own summer Glau, holding a gun at the ready.

Here at TV.com, we bring people together in a community where they can be monitored and polled by producers and network executives much in the same way that a social services worker observs the way your father's sobriety level during visitation. If I write a review for Smallville stating that Kristin Kruek is the most relatable actress in recorded history, I get a cucumber slice and can proceed to the obstacle course, where I must identify SNL alumni in order of failed careers. If I say "Fox is the antichrist" I get an electrical shock and some gun-toting extremist on the front page hunts me down like the blog I am.

Why so extreme, TV.com? Maybe your next poll should be "Do you consider yourself 'edgy'?" Absoluetely no one likes the redesign. Believe us, the people who comprise your entire website. Instead of throwing an NRA-approved hero on the front page, how about putting a poll about your redesign? Find out EXACTLY who wants to read mini-comments on the front page about your scrollable news-bits? So far your "news" coverage has been "What's your favorite show" and "What was the best thing all year"? These aren't topics of conversation, these are ways to obtain samples of your demographic's likes and dislikes.

You invited us here for a community and a place to chat about our favorite shows at our own lesiure. Then you turned us into lab-rats, painted the walls white, sterilized everything and carefully ask us for our habits. To TV.Com: Don't alienate your fans.

To everyone else: If you find a gun on the frontpage, report it to me first for a special prize! You could win a car*!

...

(*In another contest entirely, but good luck.)

Posted Dec 31, 2008 2:40 pm PT
Category: N/A
3 Comments

27Nov 08

Zecipie! It's a long overdue idea (stolen from TJ)

Hey, everyone. Hope your tofurkey day is going well. Some time ago TJaman, the legendary theater genius, gave me the idea to post a recipie on this blog. News travels slowly to my brain, so this long overdue idea is just now coming to fruition. If you want to jump on the bandwagon, share a recipie from your Saladfurkey day.

Cran Apple Salad (Posted mostly for my own benefit, due to my short attent - ooh, a bunny!)
5 apples
1 bag of cranberries.

mince until these can be eaten by your toothless grandmother.

1 half pint of heavy whipping creme
1/2 cup of sugar

Beat in mxer until its no longer a liquid and looks like a frothy whip

Mix A and B both lightly in bowl.

Add 2 cups of of pineapple (crushed and defeated)
and one bag of marshmallows (mini)

Fold gently together until melded. Serve cold.

Enjoy your meal!

Posted Nov 27, 2008 2:36 pm PT
Category: N/A
4 Comments

25Nov 08

On Piracy

I, against my better judgment, watch Naruto on a weekly basis. I skipped a lot of the first series, because its almost nothing but filler, but like Shippuden. Unfortunately, the only way to stay current with an anime series is to either learn the lingo and sail the sea, or rely on fan-dubs.

Fandub (fandubbing, fandubbers): an online service in which a coalition of similarly tasted people come together as a brain-trust to translate and subtitle a foreign series (usually anime). See also, piracy.

So yeah, 90% of the anime watching world watches fansubs. The motivations for this are myriad, such as they're cheap, they don't have a TV, a prefrence of subs to dubs, or they, like me, would prefer to stay current, which is not an unreasonalbe request. If a translation company wishes to compete with fansubbers, it, according to Interactii of Dattebayo: "would have to be available just as fast, and free."

Surprisingly rising to the challange, Viz (The Company behind the Naruto dub) will begin releasing the anime in subtitled format the next week of the Japanese airdate. While not as fast and apparantly "stiff" in translation quality, this is a great step to eradicate piracy, not by squelching it with red-tape and wagging fingers, but by cutting off one of the reasons why piracy was created.

Piracy exists in many forms: media, video games, literature, etc. In many cases, the property stolen is unavailable to those attempting to "leech" it, or it is obsolete and even forgotten by its company. An example of this is emulation, the use of a program to simulate a game console and software. Would you like to play Super Mario Bros 3? Do you have an NES? If you don't, do you know where to get one? If you do, can you tell me? Emulation is one of the forms of piracy most legitimized, due to the fact that the consoles needed to run them are no longer produced. However, this is being conquered by another company: Nintendo. The Wii has implimented the Virtual Console to allow owners to run NES, Super NES and N64 games on thier Wii system.

It seems like this is another step in a much larger scheme, one that will quell any need for piracy simply by convenience. As for me, I am a consumer who will gladly support any product that I love. I once downloaded Firefly illegally after its run on Fox was cut short. In the time since, I have purchased the DVD set three times (and given away these copies to proliferate the signal). The point that I would like to make is that I, like many others, am a die hard fan. We are loyal and ravenous. Many of us will find a way and if that involves illegal activity, then perhaps it is due to the negligence of the company in question. Fans deserve to be respected and honored for the loyalty they give. I congratulate Viz on taking the steps it has and also congratulate Dattebayo for honorably stepping down once this change has enacted. I would love to see the rest of the world follow suit. What's next?

Posted Nov 25, 2008 4:50 pm PT
Category: N/A
2 Comments

19Nov 08

PETA Beware!

Warning: The following Nightmare-inspired blog may offend, traumatize or inspire evil tendencies within minors or those with weak stomachs/maniacal tendencies. Please sign a waiver before reading.

Early this morning, I was awakened by a strange nightmare in which my neighbor tore down entryways between my yard and his. His kids kept running ranmpant, like unhinged George Lucas brainfarts, in my yard, riling up Toby, my real life doberman. Eventually, I wandered into his yard/secret frakking laboratory! He had a collection of black lab puppies (HAHA! I never caught that inner pun!)which he injected with his product toallow them to turn to sand immediately after making contact with acid, which he had all over the place. It actually ruined my shoes. After saving my wanderlust addled doberman from strolling into danger, I woke up.

Recently, I thought back on it and after hashing out the improbability of whether or not something like that could exist, I disccovered that there could possilby be a market for something so morbidly appalling. So far I've come up with the slogan: "Doggie Dust - A touch of magic to avoid the tragic."

On another note, I need to refrain from drinking before I sleep.

Posted Nov 19, 2008 11:49 am PT
Category: N/A
5 Comments

12Nov 08

Stolen From Someone Not You (so it's okay)

I used to follow an online blog back before they were trendy. The person who wrote them really inspired me back in High School. He's the reason why I like the Beatles' "Strawberry Fields Forever" and part of the final injection of sarcasm that would turn me into the chippy-shouldered bitterman I am.

This is one of his earliest blog entries, stolen word for word. Do not PM me for stupid typos. As a bit of background, his name is Scott Fitzsimmons from Perth. He was a link from losers.org where he was given the title "Mr. Yappy" due to his all text website. Unfortunately, he grew to hate his past work and discarded it all. Fortunately, there's a site called the Internet Archive where you can find old sites even if they have been taken down (useful in blackmail). Unfortunately, it doesn't completely compile his rantings. Anyway, I'm done ranting. Fortunately.

Part VI - Death

I've often thought about the logistics of being buried alive. This isn't because I have a morbid fascination with death (being the wacky atheistic heathen that I am, I believe there isn't anything after death, so I'm doing my damndest not to die), but because I like logistics. I look at mathematics and see lines. I look at art and see circles. Anyhoow, I digress. The question that's been bothering me is this: if you were buried alive, what would be the cause of death? Assuming that you can't possibly escape (which is a reasonable assumption, being buried under 2 metres of dirt), you'd know you're going to die. Would the terrible reality of the situation kill you then and there? That would happen after about 3 seconds. But let's say for the moment the shock dosn't kill you. You see people in the movies who slowly run out of air. This normally happens after a couple of minutes. Now, I'm no biologist, or physicist, or any sort of ist, but it seems to me just because you're underground dosn't mean that you're not getting any oxygen. Fact it, undertakers don't exactly seal coffins watertight, do they? There's plenty of gaps around the hinges for air to practically burst in.

So you don't die of shock, and you can still breathe. It seems to me that the problem then is lack of water. Estimated time of death - 2 days. Now, remember, there are gaps in your coffin for small things to fall in. 2 metres underground, you've got a lot of moist dirt around you. So the solution is simple - suck the moisture out of falling dirt. That means there's enough water to survive on, though your throat might be a little parched. Food is the next problem. This one will kill you in about 7 days. But this is an easy problem to solve. In dirt, there's worms. Worms are made of meat. Eat the worms. Not exactly nutrient packed, but it will do.

You must be asking yourself, 'What then, Scott, would be the cause of death?'. You might be thinking at this point that there's a huge number of people buried under the ground surviving by eating slugs and sucking dirt. But, sadly, no matter how much dirt you drink, and how many insects you digest, death is still inevitable. Because life has unfortunate by-products. Most of you wouldn't think how much waste comes out of you every day, but it's a fair bit. To imagine living in a coffin, think of this. Go to your toilet, sit down, and seal the door. For the less astute readers who haven't worked out what the cause of death would be, I'll tell you - drowning in a pool of your own urine. You'd eke out a sad existence, living day by day on whatever meat falls through the cracks, slowly watching your bodily waste fill up the coffin. First it reaches your ankles. Then it reaches your ears. Eventually, it reaches the mouth. You think about drinking it, but you realise it would only return with reinforcements. Your lungs would fill, you'd slowly stop breathing. Death would only take a couple of minutes.

What's the moral of the story? If you're buried alive, don't drink the sand.

Posted Nov 12, 2008 12:55 pm PT
Category: N/A
3 Comments

14Oct 08

I Never Share Anymore

Hey everyone! I was reccomended to this site by TV.com. I don't like the layout, so I'm probably gonna go back to the old site after a week. This one hurts my eyes (If anyone has the url for the old one, please IM me!).

Once at a middle school I met a girl named Somethingnormal Cockburn. I made it about five minutes through a conversation with this kid before I started giggling. Some days at my work I meet kids with weird food names: "Hershey Girl" Sometimes I meet inspiring names that seem to be God's way of telling me to breathe and calm down: Heavenly Cloud. Others are probably a que to start writing about supervillians: Marcus Bloodgood.

In a conversation with my friend today, the name came to my mind from the spitball "What topic" blabberfest. Roll clip.

[20:37] laughingmurray: I tell you about me meeting a girl with the last name of Cockburn?
[20:40] Crazy13Ace: I don't think so, but I already feel badly for her.
[20:43] laughingmurray: Unless she goes crazy and starts setting fire to penises. Then I don't pity her.
[20:43] Crazy13Ace: Would that be irony or just unfortunate?
[20:45] laughingmurray: It's only ironic if it uses an alternate meaning than the one implied. If she creates a cajun sty!e franchise of chicken restaurants, that would be irony.

So if you're ever in South Pasadena and you see a Cockburns' Cajun Chicken Cafe, give it a spin. And Miss Cockburn: I'm sorry.

Posted Oct 14, 2008 8:54 pm PT
Category: N/A
2 Comments

22Aug 08

Weekend Update

Coming out of this weekend with functioning legs deserves a prize. I get a paycheque. It's strangely satisfying this time, well it is right now...I'll update that after bills. :/

A recent good mood has spurred my writing again. I'm collaborating with a friend on a Peter Pan story, which may be a comic later. The other project I've been messing with is a musical about an emo-kid in love. I've tried this before, but this time I've got a little better of a handle on the songs.

When I saw Moulin Rouge first, I thought to myself, "Modern takes on classic songs in a rousing musical! What a great idea!" Then I thought, "Why is 'Silly Love Songs' so tragically underused?" Eventually, I grew to hate the movie for turning tragedy into a half-hearted gimmick.

"She's dead, Obi-Wan."
"What? How?"
"Plot device."
"We had 17 seconds of screentime left! Couldn't this have been handled sooner?"
"Get off the backlot, Mr. Kenobi. We have to start filming The Matrix Revolutions."
"Where is that hack writer? Where is he??? I'll kill him! I'll KILL HIM!!!"

A few years later, I began thinking about using the concept of Moulin Rouge's mish-mash approach to many cl***ics, but telling a darker more modern story using some rock songs. The opening number is a boy leaving home for school where he puts on a tough facade to get through the day. His mother sings Desperado. The boy sings his own song about his life. The townspeople sing the melody from "The Memory Remains". In the end, he and his mother sing the "It's funny how the feeling goes away" verse together. Then the townspeople all rise together in chorus to mock the boy singing, "Your prison is walking through this world all alone"

The story gets happier, but that's another song. If I can work it out better and get a little more material, I might upload the full lyrics.

Posted Aug 22, 2008 6:23 pm PT
Category: N/A
4 Comments

15Aug 08

Zack By Popular Demand

Actually, Zack is my brother in law.

This week has been really long. I worked 10 hour days at least all this week. Yesterday I worked from 6:00 to 9:00 then had to wake up at 4:00 today for another 10 and a half hour day. I'd really like a massage right now. I'll probably just sleep all weekend instead.

Today's story concerns a woman at my work I don't really like. She's the kind of girl that shuns responsiblity, has no group mentality and talks too much. She's a Peruvian mother of I estimate 4, always speaks on her cell phone or to some gal-pal she borrows to feel important. My experiences with her consist of me working under her lead, getting no direction from her and having her drop everything into my lap at the end of the day. She'll take the pictures, but at the end of the day, she drops all of the Lead's paperwork onto some poor sap. She breaks down her equipment when the last class of kids is coming, sends them to my camera and drives home immediately. One day she forced all of her work on a girl at the office and made her cry at a school in front of everyone. She's the kind of Heartless that Frank Miller writes about.

I decided early on to never let her push me around. One day she worked at a job with me and sent the last class to me while she broke down. The second I took the picture for the last kid, she had everything in her car and was off to go home. I had my paperwork next to me and a mountain of equpment to break down, put in boxes and shove into a car (imagine disassembling a home theater system, paccking a concert, and then playing tetris with a miata). Not to thrilled that my "lead" had no idea what the term implied, I did my job and went back to the office. I don't think I filled out my paperwork.

Back at the office, I drive up in my shiny Honda Civic and park. Immediately, this woman rushes me "Where is your paperwork? I have to leave now." I looked at her confused, "My paper...? I left it by your station at the des . . ." Then I really sold it by dropping my jaw in shock. "It's STILL there, isn't it???"

Panic set in and she ran back inside. I opened her car door, put the paperwork on her seat in plain sight and drove off, giggling like a masochist that stubbed his toe. I love my job.

Posted Aug 15, 2008 4:54 pm PT
Category: People
8 Comments

25Jul 08

Kidz zay zee darndezt zings.

I can't actually pronounce that.

As vaugely inferred, I work at Lifetouch. I used to work there before. Now I work there again, just started this month. You get a lot of stories working with the crew (who have been driven insane due to unenforced labour laws), the kids (who are so loud I can only hear by feeling the vibrations of someone's chest) and the fatigue-induced hallucinations that plauge your mind after the 15th hour of working in a sweltering gym with nothing to eat except your fellow man.

I'll post another story. One day, I was doing the usual setup. Not to blow any trade secrets, you calibrate your lights by photographing a color card (available at The Photo Hut for 19.59) and have to take a picture of a white pad of paper to ensure that any dust in the photo will be ignored (sketch pad available at any art store for 30.00 depending on quality and sheet count). As usual, there was a huge crowd of children, eager to see what was happening in the maaaagical world of technology. I was in a good mood. I like photographing elementary schools. The kids at middle schools are a hair past evil and the high schoolers - while easy to level with - are plagued with insolent seniors, all of which want to do craaaazy things at the camera. Suffice to say, given a choice, I'd rather work with kids. There's enough attitude in the situation with me with my bag of Pringles on my shoulder.

I was taking a picture of my Dust Board, the white paper. Some kids were all "Oooo! So neat!" "That young man is a God!" "Look at his hair!" I replied with a "That's right kids, and you too can be like me!"
Oh right, my story.

The kids asked "Why is he taking a picture of a piece of paper?" I didn't have enough material, so I ignored the question. Another kid was like "You go piece of paper! Work it! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!"

I then said to the kids in a serious tone. "You need to stop making fun of the piece of paper. You're going to make it cry."

The kid didn't miss a beat. "It's his birthday. He can cry if he wants to."

I like ageless kids. The ones that come to my camera wearing a John Lennon - Give Peace a Chance t-shirt. The ones that if you make a reference to Monty Python, they follow up on it. Kids gotta respect the ****ics. I feel like an old man now. All I need is a lawn and an old bloodhound at the feet of my old wooden rocking chair.

Next week's story: The Time When My Grandpappy Took Me Fishing!

Also C-L-A-S-S-I-C-S is a baaaad word...!

Posted Jul 25, 2008 2:59 pm PT
Category: N/A
3 Comments

23Jul 08

Some People Are Like Blue Cheese

...I hate them.

In response (or perhaps its better to consider it a snide satirization) to Auntie's blzg entry.

The Top 10 Things You Always Wanted To Know About Auntie But Shouldn't Have Asked (and now it's too late) [Editor's note: This copied text should pertain to MoA. Instead, I look like an idiot.]

10. I have an CD that goes from Portishead to Garth Brooks. My girlfriend hates me.

9. I consider myself a "car vigilante". I am a kind driver, who will let you over if you have your blinker on. If you abuse the road in any way, I will pin you into a lane for 30 miles. I've always wanted to swerve when someone drives down the side of the road to avoid traffic and watch them swerve into a ditch.

8. I consider myself an alcoholic, but I'm really just a lightweight that can't handle the aroma from a beer in another room without - wooo, I'm soooo druuuunk!

7. I don't believe in money. This causes me great stress when suddenly this paper matters and I have none. Then I start kvetchiing about America needing to "reset" the dollar bill.

6. I have always wanted to work in film, but would probably take things too far. For instance, my idea of how to end Avatar: The Last Copout Kid's Program would have probably traumatized many children . . . and created another foil-snuffing writer.

5. I wanted to be a vet when I was younger, but wouldn't be able to live with putting pets to sleep.

4. If I buy a new CD I have to listen to a the whole thing a few times before I can discover individual tracks and place context within the music. It helps if I'm doing something while listening. For instance, I can't play Enigma without remembering wandering through Vanadiel as a Tarutaru.

3. I believe that there are many things that are done with no other reason than to hurt yourself. For instance, I smoke, drink coffee and watch Naruto all because I have a death wish and want to slowly poison myself. I just watched a Nicorette Cinnamon Fire commercial and said "Until they make 'Ashy Self-Loathing' flavour, I'm not interested."

2. I make up words and use British spellings to amuse myself. One of my favourites is saying 'complected' when I mean 'complicated'. My girlfriend hates me.

1. I once met an Elvira at a middle school photoshoot like a year ago. I looked at her skeptically. "Your name is Elvira?" I cast out the baited line.
"Mmm-hm!" ...spoken like a true optimist.
"Do you know who you're named after?"
"..." Damn. She stole my catchphrase.
"Do me a favour. Rent an Elvira movie on your way home. After you see it, ask your parents why they don't love you."

Oh and 11. I'm a bad person.

Posted Jul 23, 2008 5:00 pm PT
Category: N/A
4 Comments

18Jul 08

Does Whatever Zatman Can!

Just got back from a midnight showing of Batman, The Dark Knight. While the first maybe 20 minutes are dull and you may not think Heath Ledger is doing the Joker justice, the pace quickly picks up and a labyrintine masterplot begins unfolding in a chaotic mess of brilliance and tragic sadism - in other words, nothing short of what a movie starring the Joker should demand. I have often said that a truly great story captivates you no matter what you know about it. For instance, I saw The Sixth Sense already knowing that Bruce Willis was a ghost. Few people sit down to watch Star Wars without knowing the fact that Luke Skywalker is Darth Vader's son. You know by the end of the movie, Debbie will have Done Dallas. Similarly, many people know what the name "Harvey Dent" implies.

While his character arc may be similar to that of Anakin Skywalker, Harvey Dent's fall lies worlds beyond that of the figure of George Lucas' prequel trilogy. Though this movie is about Batman facing the Joker and recognizing the parallels within himself and the villian, my favorite parts in the movie dealt with Dent's descent into depravity. Eckhart's portrayal and flexibility evinced in this work is chilling. Yes, Heath Ledger is brilliant. Yes, he is a different Joker than Jack Nicholson, but comparing the two of them only shows the strengths of the character. While the first Joker was a kid playing with toys, Ledger's Joker is a kid trying to incite a rise out of a lesser person and then toying with them as they prostrate themselves to his mercy. This is best shown in a scene where Joker and Dent speak candidly on chaos (which the Joker symbolizes) and chance (which Dent's Two-Face rises to command).

The movie has a run time of 2 hours and 45 minutes, all of which is well spent and filled with compelling character drama. The first Batman in the reset Batman Begins established a precedence for credibility and a serious tone which this movie continues well. Thankfully, this series shows no signs of caving to silly villians or campy dialogue and aside from a minor break in continuity, it stands strong. Had Iron Man not already came out, this would have been the best Superhero movie of the year.

...please don't leave a comment debating whether or not Batman is a "super" hero.

Posted Jul 18, 2008 3:41 am PT
Category: N/A
6 Comments

5Jul 08

The Cake is a Late Upload.

I'd say something here, but I don't have anything prepared.

Right click and view the image to get a better effect (stupid TV.com narrow blogspace).

Cakeface

Cakelong

Cakecut

Cakeme

That's really how wide my eyes open. You should see me when I'm not excited.

Posted Jul 5, 2008 4:59 pm PT
Category: N/A
8 Comments

3Jul 08

On Age

Cake's being decorated right now. All I know is that it has grey frosting. Maybe it's going to be a PS1 cake. I'd kind of dig that. To elaborate, my sister is a cake decorator. She loves designing for all sorts of occasions. Oh, and it's also my birthday. I was born July 3rd, 1983. That's right, I'm the big 24.

My girlfriend and I argue on this point a lot: my birthday is easy to remember because it happens before a holiday. Her's is October 16th, which is a random day in a month that wouldn't be special if kids didn't love candy. I only managed to remember it because my brother (in law) pointed out that its the day after the middle of the month. Or is it the day before?

The cake is strawberry with a cheesecake filling. One good thing about living with a cake artist is that you get tons of scrap when she's working. Think about it. If you live with a writer, what do you get? Leftover bits of paper and nagging questions about "Does this character intrigue you"? If you live with a firefighter, does he come back with water for the family to share? My first job was at a Domino's Pizza. I ate more pizza than Jesus. God willing, I'll work at a beer factory during my 30s and a funeral home when I'm 80. That's a good setup.

Posted Jul 3, 2008 2:46 pm PT
Category: N/A
11 Comments

27Jun 08

Zucking Zwesome!

I just got back from Wall-E. The more I doubt Pixar, the more they astound me. It's as though I deny cheesecake. "No, you cannot be luscious and solve all of my problems. You are only a mixture of cream cheese and sex poured into graham." Yet, bite after bite, you continue to give my life meaning. My heart beats for two things: pies and Pixar.

When the Incredibles began its ad campaign, I was less than impressed. A superhero movie about a washed up hero who can't put on a belt? I'll pass. I can't remember when I figured out I was a spelunking idiot, but I went to see the Incredibles and have yet to find the lower half of my jaw, which I lost in Parkway Theater. (Please deliver to my home address, if found.) I put off seeing Finding Nemo until my sister owned it on DVD, during which my sister walked in on me and said "Don't cry, it's okay!"

*brushes the chips off my shoulder*

There has yet be a Pixar film that I do not love. Pixar makes me feel like a kid again, watching a cartoon for the first time. Not only does it give me the same joy as the first time I saw Goofy get a wallop and fall into a series of consecutive wallops that border on a painful Rube Goldberg, it gives us back the same wonder of when we first discovered that people can fly, a hero with a pure heart can believe in hope enough to undo EVIL ITSELF. Another thing it can do is unravel the shielding you have shellacked over your heart with cynicism and logic.

"What the Hades are you babbling about?" Plot devices! If you are on the TV.com website, it is a fair guess to say that you have seen a show or two. You know the forumula to a basic movie or half hour serial. Rising tension, climax. Hero is pushed, nearly overcome, prevails. If Harry is told about a Key Item, said item will factor in immensely later. If you hear about a legendary badass in an RPG, you WILL fight him. If a hero is in danger and something occurs where the hero must accomplish something offscreen, he will survive.

My favorite one of these fakeouts happens in Wall-E, in the final sequence. It's a pretty common scare and you know how it will be resolved...or do you? If you like cute things, watch Wall-E. If cute things break your heart and cute things in peril causes you to scream in the middle of the theater...

Can someone tell me what happened at the end of Wall-E? I got kicked out of the theater.

Posted Jun 27, 2008 2:53 am PT
Category: N/A
7 Comments

10Jun 08

Love the Tentacle?

Hey. The Futurama movie Beast With A Billion Backs leaked online early. Being the impatient fanboy I am, I downloaded it (I fully intend to buy it, please see cases of Spaced, Hot Fuzz, Clone Wars, and Firefly. I am only a Temporary Pirate). Here is my quick review.

In a surprisng stroke of continuity, this movie picks up after the events of Bender's Big Score, wherein this universe is torn apart. All that actually happens is a lightning shaped scar appears in space... I couldn't help but think that the year 3000 was a horcrux. After that, Fry loses faith in the world, befriends the big bad and the plot thereon becomes a light joke on relationships.

Fry's relationship with the big bad made me feel like I was reading an angsty "I'll never love again"/"Love stinks" diary entry of a high schooler. While funny, the material in the movie just feels lifeless and unless you've just broken up with someone (or have a crush on an octopus), you won't find yourself caring much about the story.

There is a neat bit of dialogue where Fry refuses to let Bender follow him to meet the big bad which should have been explored more. The last movie revolved around Fry/Leela and did well because of it, but is abandoned for this movie. Weird.

In all, my review is...who cares if you like it or not? Go buy it so they keep making movies. They're bound to hit better material in the next installment.

Posted Jun 10, 2008 1:11 pm PT
Category: N/A
2 Comments

24May 08

Zshirt Isn't A Word.

Hey. I got two shirts.

http://www.torsopants.com/store/product.php?productid=5049

http://www.torsopants.com/store/product.php?productid=5065

I highly reccomend this site. Also, don't ship. It only breeds fan segregation.

Posted May 24, 2008 2:15 am PT
Category: N/A
6 Comments

19May 08

On Spoilers

On the Avatar Forums, there is a thread "1000 ways for Nickelodeon to mess up the [Avatar] finale." Mostly this is a list for people to say "They air Spongebob! I hate Spongebob!" I've been using it to cram endings to popular movies/other media into the Avatar world. If you're an Avatar watcher, beware of spoilers. If you've never seen Avatar, a little boy runs away from his destiny as messiah, gets frozen in stasis for 100 years and wakes up to find out that nazi ge-"The Fire Nation" has overrun the world. Unless he overthrows Hit-Ozai, the world will be irreversably ruined. Along with him is overpowered watergoddess Katara, her practical weapon focused brother Sokka, and new recruit Toph, a blind earthbender who can even bend metal at this point. Originally they were pursued by Zuko, who has now redeemed himself and joined in the plot to overthrow his father, but his sister Azula has taken his position to kill Aang.

On with the spoilers.

26. In the middle of the mech fight to save humanity, the rest of the battle takes place in the low-budgets of Aang's head.

27. Zuko wakes up in WW2 torn Nazi Germany without the ability to transmute air into fire and learns his mother has been here the entire time learning about the other world though it never happened in the manga.

28. After passing his reverse-blade sword to Momo and living the life of a hero, Sokka dies quietly with Suki.

29. They find out Appa is a sled.

30. Aang was actually a girl.

43. Have Aang tell Vicki Vale he's really the avatar and she doesn't bother showing up for the sequel.
44. Zuko finds out that the Blue Spirit was actually his alter ego, and never actually existed. (The first rule of the White Lotus is, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE WHITE LOTUS!)

45. Aang realizes that he met Sokka, Katara, Toph and Zuko at an orphanage long ago that Fire Lord Ozai owned and Ursa ran. Since then Ursa has merged with an ancient Sorceress and is trying to destroy the world because she is the pawn of a sorceress from the future, named Ultimecia.

46. Aang discoveres Katara was in his heart the entire time and releases her, restoring the Princesses of Heart. He also guesses correctly that Kingdom Hearts is light and watches Xehanort's heartless destroy itself as it tries to gain the ultimate power.

47. They fly Appa to Miranda, discover that the Fire Nation created the Reavers due to genetic tampering, Sokka gets harpooned through the chest, and Aang manages to get the signal out, weakening the Fire Nation long enough for them to continue sailing the verse.

48. After much time travelling, Zuko sets up Iroh in the ancient west with a family and returns home with a better appreciation for cause, effect and consequences.

49. Zuko realizes that the Blue Spirit was actually a friend he made in SOLDIER, comes to grips with his identity and kills Fire Lord Ozai, avenging Katara's death.

50. Aang realizes that the Avatar is the dream of the Spirits and that the Spirit World he is from is a dream summoned by the collective Spirits dreaming of a world they would like to live in. By defeating the Fire Lord, he breaks the spiral of summoning and the Spirit World ceases to exist. As he says goodbye to Katara, he starts fading and jumps off of Appa to meet Monk Gyatso on "the other side".

51. The kids discover that the world was originally an ancient kingdom, but has been covered due to a great flood and that Katara is a Princess chosen by the Triforce. Aang unites the Triforce of Courage and kills Ozainondorf, restoring peace to the world.

(Not mine, but really good)
61. Aang realizes the only way to truely defeat the Fire Lord is to destroy all the pieces of his soul he hid in 7 items. Turns out, Aang himself is one of those items and lets himself be killed by one of his fireballs. Then, miraculously, but with no real explanation, he comes back to life and has an epic, but only half-a-minute long battle with Ozai. Ozai dies pathetically by a simple punch to the face. Everyone lives happily ever after, have lots of kinds, and names them ridiculous names like Teddy and such.

Mine again!
75. Aang realizes he died at the beginning of the movie during the fight with Zuko, Sokka is the only one who can see him, Katara has been mourning his death the entire time and he makes peace with his death and crosses over.

76. Realizing that the Fire Lord's weakness is water, Aang easily defeats him and sends the rest of the fire nation back to their planet. He discovers that everything up to this point has been planned by god and his faith is renewed.

77. Sokka reveals that he has been responsible for every bad act, including freezing him in ice because he has been freezing everyone in ice looking for the Avatar, because he is the super-villian Ozai who can only find identity in his conflict with a hero.

78. Aang dies, finally coming to understand that his life spent searching for the perfect cherry blossom was in vain because they're all perfect. Tom Cruise continues on his legacy as the Last Airbender.

79. After coming to grips with Aang's death, Katara gets into a car to live her life. As we travel along with her, we watch the destiny of each character unfold. After passing on his family's funeral home to his son, Sokka starts a security company but is gunned down tragically during a job. While vacationing with her husband, The Boulder, on a cruise ship, Toph suddenly has a heart attack and dies at the age of 75. Suki after moving on and starting a new life without Sokka day in the park notices young Sokka playing wargames. He waves to her, calling her home. She dies at the age of 63. One day while her brother is talking to her about how tough his life is, Azula dies, leaving her brother mid-sentence.

Katara, after living a full life embracing art looks up at her wall full of memories, pictures of the Gaang in their youth and of her many years with Zuko (who died many years before) finally dies at the age of 102.

80. Aang realizes he is fighting the fire lord as punishment for killing his wife, who Katara looks just like. He accepts that he has done a terrible thing and begs forgiveness, kills the fire lord and tries to continue living, taking Toph away from the foggy town.

Big points if you can identify each reference.

Posted May 19, 2008 5:54 pm PT
Category: N/A
3 Comments

My Friends

masterofaeons's blog