• 4Sep 08

  Hope Falls(?) Eternal....

  Holy crap, two blogs in one week? Who are you and what have you done with the real Laughlyn12?

  Yes, yes, that's right... I'm back again for the second time in just a few days time. Unlike my last column there will be little to no mention of video games or the gaming industry. This column will instead deal with that will no doubt be the focus for my from tonight until Feb 1 2009, The National Football League.

  One of the odd things that I could never quite rap my head around is why Madden is one of the best selling video game franchises of all-time and every single year but when you mention professional football on video game sites it naturally attracts tons of comments along the lines of, "I don't really like sports," or "I hate football".

  My only guess is that the people who read/write video game blogs were probably not the most athletic kids growing up and have subsequently decided to take out their repressed childhood memories out on people over Xbox Live with the greatest of geek achievements... the headshot.

  Anywho, enough vitriole aimed at the shooter crowd. The time that they've spent mastering fully automatic weapons makes them naturally trained killers, or possible vice presidential picks for the Republicans should the super hottie Sarah Palin abandon the sinking ship that is the McCain campaign and run for president herself. (No jokes about Sarah Palin, she's a stone cold hottie who carries a gun and kills Caribou likes its her job. She's really going to be something in the future and no matter what I think about the Republicans she was a great choice because she is now setup as the future of the Republican Party who might want to try and get passed the old, white guy mold.)

  What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah, the NFL.

  Tonight the NFL regular season opens with my Washington Redskins (yes, as a hardcore liberal the name offends me) against the luckiest team in the history of the big bang theory (or God's creation depending on your world views) the New York Giants.

  There's a saying that people always bring up (usually Cub fans) at the start of the baseball season and that phrase is "Hope Springs Eternal". That phrase is basically a statement that at the beginning of every single season most teams and their fans think their team has a shot in the upcoming year... well unless you live in Pittsburgh or Kansas City, the you're only in the news if your team is involved in a brawl or at the trading deadline when you kiss those few awesome players that you have goodbye.

  What makes the NFL exponentially better than Major League Baseball is that their financial model guarantees parity. All the teams share in the revenue from the television contracts and have a hard salary cap unlike baseball where every team keeps the revenue from their own personal television contract and a salary cap that only makes sense to conservatives as its basically a supply side economic model. It doesn't work in baseball and it doesn't work for the country either but I digress once again.

  Hope truely does spring (fall, for football because of the seasonal difference) eternal in the NFL because teams that were terrible last year are guaranteed to get better and teams that were great last year are destined to fall apart. That's the way it goes and the way it will always go. What makes the NFL even better is that its almost impossible to predict at the beginning of each season which teams will rise and which will fall.

  If you meet anyone who tells you today that they thought the Browns were for real when last season started you should slap them in the face for lying to you. Anyone who tells you that they knew Miami would only win one game last year needs to be kicked right in the coin purse. No one knew they were going to be that terrible... and boy, were they bad, I bet my high school's JV squad could have covered the spread against them.

  The NFL is the ultimate sport to bring people together. Almost all of the games are on one day which makes it easy for you and your friends to get together every single week at the local sports bar (Caddie's or Tommy Joe's for me and my crew) and watch sometimes four or five games at a time.

  How many times do you see a bar full of people watching a baseball game outside of Chicago? A bar full of people watching basketball outside of Boston? A bar full of people watching hockey outside of Montreal? The answer is you just don't. Those seasons are LOOOOOOOOOONG and the games are so random that its hard to really follow a team or the sport as a whole if you're just a casual fan.

  The NFL is designed for the American viewer. The games are on one day and at set times (Sunday 1pm, 4pm, 8:30pm ET). The season is only 17 weeks long (we don't like long commitments to anything). Its a huge money maker (not only on TV and for the people involved but also for the fans. Try gambling on other sports and then try football... its is by far the easiest sport to gamble on, not that I condone illegal sports betting).

  Lastly, and most importantly to some people the NFL and its structure allows people to really live vicariously through its product thanks to fantasy football. A friend of mine, who I worked with when I lived in Tampa, had one of the most insightful quotes that I have ever heard in my life when it applied to people and their love of football. He said, "Every man in this country feels like he is qualified for two jobs in this world, the one he has and being the coach of his favorite football team." Very few real football fans don't know the inner workings and nuance of the game. We know personal packages, plays, tendencies, all kinds of things and no matter how good your team is you always feel like you alone have the key to making that team better.

  Fantasy football is the way of measuring the football fans knowledge of the game against his friends. Want to know who has the best football mind in your group of friends? Start a fantasy league and see. My friends and I are beginning our fifth year in our fantasy league and there is nothing more satisfying in this world than knowing that you were the best the year before. There is a special reverence that is paid by all the guys in the league to whoever was last year's champion. We don't rag on him as much, he might even get some free beers when we watch games, and he basically decides where we go to watch games. How could you argue against the wisdom of the smartest person in your group of friends? You can't. That guy is a god amongst men for twelve months... until a new champion is crowned or until his team falls apart so bad that the league knows he's not coming back.

  This year is also a bittersweet year in my fantasy league as I will be moving away from our base of operations, the suburban Washington DC area, to one of the most beautiful cities in the country, Charleston, South Carolina in just a few days. My Sundays will no longer be spent sitting around a table at the bar watching games with guys who I've known forever and making fun of them and their teams. They will instead be spent in front of a computer emailing those guys constantly doing the same things that I would do were I actually sitting next to them.

  So, to everyone who loves the NFL like I do, I hope that the next four months are spent happily and safely (very key). I hope that your team, both fantasy and real, do well (unless they play in the NFC East in which case I would not shed a tear should a case of smallpox break out in the cities of New York, Philly or Dallas... especially Dallas). Let's get this season started!

  Hail to the Redskins,
  Hail Victory.
  Braves on the warpath,
  Fight for old DC!

  Laughlyn

  • Posted Sep 4, 2008 12:16 pm PT
  • Category: Sports
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• 2Sep 08

  A Dying Passion?

  Just in case you've been as active on Gamespot over the last six months as I have let me let you in on a little secret... I haven't been blogging as much about the video game industry. Not including this post I've written one blog since May. For a guy who wrote 90 something blogs in a year that's a huge departure.

  My life hasn't changed that much... I'm still very opinionated on sports, politics, the weather, geography, what I'm going to have for dinner, you name it. As far as the video game industry goes I don't think I could care any less at this point.

  What's the big news nowadays? Gears 2? Yawn. Final Fantasy 245? Yawn. If you had asked me at the beginning of 2008 what games I was genuinely excited about my list would have been exactly this:

  1) Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

  2) World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King

  3) Too Human

  4) Metal Gear Solid 4

  That's it, that's the list. Everything else was not a surprise in anyway or was completely underwhelming.

  GTA IV was fun for about a week. While I have no problem talking about how much better it was than any previous installment of the game after about a month the game grew stale. I know that most people will talk about how they're still playing it to this day but honestly I don't think I've even turned on my 360 in about 2 months... not even once.

  Too Human looked like it had promise but in the end turned out to be a semi-broken and over hyped mess... something that never happens in the video game world nowadays. So we can scratch that off the list.

  Metal Gear Solid 4 is still gonna be my vote for game of the year but I completely understand why a lot of people hate the series. The plot is convoluted in the same way that Republicans are flaming bigots... which is to say that calling it "convoluted" is just being polite. Personally I like a long, dramatic and convoluted story in my video games in the same way that Republicans hate gay people and love Jesus. Does that make us wrong? Well, it doesn't make me as wrong as the Republicans but I digress.

  Metal Gear Solid 4 is not going to be the earth moving phenomenon that, sigh... Halo 3 was. The reason for that is that it takes about 3 1/2 brain cells to follow the "plot" of Halo 3 and most people are more concerned with blowing up the other guy in multi-player for 6 hours a day over a period of 2 years than they are about the story. You don't have to be smart or capable of picking up nuance in order to play Halo 3. You just need reflexes and a hardcore social ineptitude that will allow you to kill someone while spouting racial epithets for such a long period of time. Basically, Halo 3 appeals to Republicans... which is to say it appeals to people's baser instincts and if there's one thing we've learned about America these last 8 years is that people would rather blow things up than follow a complex story.

  Now, as the other two games on my list have yet to be released... hell, one doesn't even have a release date yet, I'm going to have to withhold judgement on those games but come hell or high water I will buy Star Wars: The Force Unleashed on launch day and play the ultimate game of craps, hoping that the game doesn't come out a seven.

  In years past I would know of every game coming out in a particular week. My list of games that I was interested in would be too huge to name and nowadays my list is 4 games for an entire year.

  I wonder what's changed.

  Is it that I'm too cynical now because the gaming industry is nothing more than trying one new IP a year and if it succeeds then releasing a new one every year with a higher number at the end? Gears 2, Resistence 2, Ninja Gaiden 2, GTA IV, etc.

  Is it that the gaming industry is becoming the new Hollywood where it appeals to mindless idiots who are quick to give their money for shiny explosions and could care less about anything resembling a story? Army of Two, Haze, Dark Sector, etc.

  Or...

  Worst of all, am I simply growing too old for the gaming industry? I'm not 13 years old so all my income goes to things like a mortgage, car payments, insurance and things like that. I don't have mommy and daddy buying me every game to make up for the fact that they're not home all the time while at the same time giving them someone to blame when their kid turns out to be a maladjusted boil on the ass of society.

  There don't seem to be enough games for ME. It seems that games nowadays are geared to the "big talking, I hate black people over the internet but am a loner in school" demographic. The intelligent point and click adventures are gone, so are the complex RPG's... they've been replaced by shooters, shooters and more shooters. Once in a while the industry throws out cool little nuggets like Little Big Planet and Spore but for every game like that there are a million Haze's, Army of Two's or Resistence 2's.

  Those first two games were absolute crap but yet sold a ton so what does that gaming industry do? Makes more games like that. Spore could turn out to be one of the greatest games of all-time but if it doesn't sell as many copies as Haze does then there will be no sequel which is a true crime.

  I also thought the gaming industry would evolve as its core consumers grew older. Much like a lot of people it seems stuck in the 20something fraternity boy mindset only to want to stay there way passed its time to move on. Sadly, people like me who were once in that mindset and have moved passed it are simply being left behind. The only difference is that they only people who seemed to be bothered by this are people like me. The gaming industry could care less because there will always be wannabe racist 14 year olds spending mommy's money who want to blow things up and occassionally get a peak at some "side boob" action.

  If the gaming industry doesn't do something then it might never become "mainstream" like it wants to be. Adult titles are not ones with tons of swearing and violence. Those are titles with adult subject matter. Adult games are for people who want some intelligent entertainment... deep stories, character development, new IP's.

  Sadly, I feel like the passion in me is dying and the industry isn't doing a damn thing to prevent it.

  Laughlyn

  • Posted Sep 2, 2008 6:21 pm PT
  • Category: Games
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• 15Jul 08

  E3 Devil's Advocate - 2008 Edition

  I know I've been away for a while but you guys didn't honestly think I would miss out on an opportunity to drone on and on in a negative way about the video game industry did you? I thought you guys knew me better than that!

  So, just like last year when I did the Devil's Advocate edition of E3 2007, I'm going to sit around and poke holes in the obvious propoganda that the "Big 3" want you so much to believe in so they can hand you a glass of their Kool-Aid.

  Microsoft

  One thing Microsoft seems to be missing from their pressers are a definitive personality. Nintendo has Reggie and Miyamoto, Sony used to have Kaz and Microsoft just seems to throw out some person from management and they are a little... what's the word? Oh yeah, DRY.

  We saw Fallout 3... big deal. Its a multi-platform release. Bethesda could have just shown it at their own presser and been just fine. Is anyone concerned about this game being bad and needed reassurance? Seriously, I'm pretty sure its going to be amazing, no need to waste time showing it. It's almost like taking 10 minutes out of my day to tell me why eating and drinking are good for me.

  We saw Resident Evil 5... once again, big deal its a multi-platform release. It looks a whole lot like RE4 and no time was really taken to explain what makes this one better or at least different from RE4. Oh wait, they did mention that it took place in Africa, in what had to be the most offensive and stereotypical name given a place in Africa by foreigners.

  Then I kind of zoned out as I was distracted by something shiny in my house that proved way more interesting for about 10 minutes.

  Hey, look Avatars! Wow, how original, Microsoft! Oh wait, they would be if they weren't blatant ripoffs of the Mii's from Nintendo. Later, when Shane Kim was interviewed by Dan Hsu, who had the audacity to imply that the avatars were a reaction to Nintendo's Mii's, Shane was visibly upset and seemed shocked that Dan could make such a leap. After further prodding Shane did back down and use the phrase, "Well, that may be true but we never claimed to invent them." Awesome, just awesome.

  Ok, now we've abandoned gaming so that Microsoft can continue to feed me the idea that I want to use my Xbox to watch movies through their partnership with Netflix. As someone with both an Xbox 360 and a Netflix subscription, what the hell did I get out of this arrangement? Nothing. I already have both and from what I understand about the numbers that are WAY more Netflix subscribers than Xbox Live subscribers so who benefits from this? There's a decent chance that people already have both.

  I then decided to clip my toe nails for 10 minutes.

  Final Fantasy is coming to the 360. Ok, and... oh wait, that's it? That's the big bombshell that you're going to drop on us? I bet the people at Microsoft are sitting around patting themselves on the back over this "triumph". What they're not telling you is that releasing on the 360 is almost a necisity at this point for Square-Enix. They don't release games but every few years and their budgets have to be through the freaking roof at this point... they needed MS almost as much as MS needed some credibility in the Japanese market. Its a smart business decision for both parties but not the "victory" that I think MS paints it to be.

  Nintendo

  Good to see my mom away from my dad and leading a press conference this morning. Oh wait, that's not my mom but damn that woman has the same false perkiness that my mom does and frankly I feel a little queasy. Jesus, where the hell is Reggie when you need him? This woman is driving me nuts. Now, she's showing her mother's day card! I think I'm going to be sick... we get it, your kid thinks your awesome cause you work for Nintendo, great. Why not just give the kid ten bucks and have him run on stage and tell you how great you are in front of hundreds of people while you're at it?

  Thank God, Reggie! I've never been so happy to see the huge PR Incredible Hulk in my life. Is it just me or is Reggie some sort of giant? Where the hell does he get suits? From the Andre the Giant collection?

  Powerpoint, powerpoint, powerpoint... I haven't seen this many boring slides since college.

  I do like how Reggie took shots at Sony and Microsoft by constantly using the phrase "imitation". Way to have some stones at an event like this.

  Now Reggie's talking about how many titles the Wii has had during its first 19 months on the market... its way more than the PS3 or 360... too bad they're mostly crap shovelware, bad ports or mini-game collections.

  The lights go out... uh oh, this can't be good. I hear a drum solo the likes of which I haven't heard since I was at a Poison show a few years ago. Oh wait, its some guy who looks like Jai from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy using his Wii-mote and balance board as a drum set. Guess Nintendo figures you're tired of constantly adding plastic musical instruments to your living room decor.

  Finally, Miyamoto-san is here. Its my firm belief that Miyamoto has a pretty good grasp of the English language but just prefers Japanese. I could be wrong, but its just a feeling I get. So Miyamoto shows off Wii Music and it doesn't look so much like a game as it does a bizarre, yet, intuitive MIDI synthesizer.

  Time for middle management to come out and do an air, virtual instrument a rendition of the Mario Brothers theme. These people couldn't have been any more fake enthused if you drugged them. We get it, Nintendo, you're family friendly and fun... but make us think that you're believable fun not this fake, Joker smile-esque, cult look that your people have.

  Wii Sports 2! What a shock... oh wait, Wii Sports Resort? What the hell is that? Shuffleboard and bingo?

  Reggie's wrapping it up and taking more swipes at Sony and Microsoft using the word "imitation" more. Awesome. Why not just call them posers while you're at it, Reg?

  Sony

  You know your presser isn't going well when it starts with you telling people that they should still wait because of all the good games that came out for the previous platforms way down the line. Yes, God of War 2 came out 7 years after the PS2 launched but that's not exactly reassuring to people who got a second mortgage for what is basically a Blu-Ray player that can play Metal Gear Solid 4.

  Hey, did you guys know that Sony won the format war? This is the first I've heard of it... and the second... and the third... and the fourth. Jesus, we got it. Blu-Ray beat HD-DVD. Why not just spend five minutes of my life telling me the sun came up this morning.

  Who the hell is this guy anyway? He reminds more of a high school science teacher than a video game industry talking head. I can't believe I'm saying this but I would rather watch Kaz say RRRRRRRIIIIIIDDDDDDDGGGGGEEEEEEEE RRRRAAACCCCCCCEEEEEEEERRR for three hours than listen to this guy!

  Now he's talking about how the industry isn't about exclusive downloadable content but about exclusive games. If that's the case then why did the 360 version of GTA IV outsell the PS3 version almost 2:1? Apparently it is important to some people... you know, the consumers, the ones that you're going through all this for?

  Resistence 2 is shown and it looks amazing visually. I might have missed the whole boat on Resistence as I feel that it smashes two well defined genres into some bizarre bastardized hybrid. You have your WWII shooters (CoD, MoH) and your alien shooters (Halo, Doom) but I'm not sure about crossing them together. Its my opinion that the only reason Resistence is in the position that its in today was that it was by far the best launch title for the PS3 (which isn't saying much) and that Sony fanboys just tell themselves how great it is so they can excuse themselves for not playing Halo.

  More blah, blah, blahing from the chubby Bill Nye the science guy and I guess they showed something about Home or maybe they didn't. At this point I was so bored that I seriously considered the whole spoon enigma from the Matrix.

  Then they showed something that looks like a cable channel revolving around GT5. That's all well and good but the footage that they showed had all Japanese personalities hosting. So are they going to show the programming in Japanese or are they going to hire the same voice actors to do the dubbing that they use for martial arts films? Either way... yawn, time to go clean the litter box.

  I get back in time to see a completely CG rendered trailer for God of War 3. Apparently the people at Sony have learned nothing from the whole Killzone 2 debacle a few years back. I mean, who wants to see actual gameplay? Give us 30 seconds of CG rendered cutscenes and we're good, right? Right?

  Speaking of Killzone 2 where the hell was it? Sony has been touting it as the Halo killer for so long now that it appears as their strategy towards having Killzone kill Halo is to just let Halo die of old age before Killzone 2 comes out.

  And that's it... thank you very much, everyone drive home safely.

  Overall

  So, who won? Honestly, when the events are this bad I'm more glad that they're over.

  Microsoft had nothing original to show and are completely ripping off both Nintendo with their avatars and Sony with their new party system on Xbox Live. The Final Fantasy thing was probably the biggest thing to come out of this E3 and even that's not that big of deal... its more of a matter of survival/thriving than it is a major coup for Microsoft. The days of the Third Party Exclusive are done and this just proves it.

  Nintendo is going at things with the George W Bush "just stay the course" route and unlike our 43rd president, when things are going well I guess you can do that. I don't like how Reggie kept using the idea that you have to stay in front of the imitators by changing but gave nothing to back up his point.

  Sony might as well have said, "Uhm... ugh... look over there!" and then ran out of the room when everyone turned to look during their presser. You can't start it off by telling people to continue to be patient. People who think that Sony will ever regain the status that they had during the PS2 days are completely nuts. Its not happening. Be happy with a 30% market share. Its what the future holds and there's nothing you can do about it.

  If I had to pick a "winner" I would go with Nintendo by default. They're in the lead so there's no need to go all crazy. Microsoft is clearly playing copycat and Sony seems to just want to tell people that things will all be fine at some point like when Home launches and when Killzone 2 comes out... those are the last pieces... uh huh, just keep thinking that.

  Well, thanks for reading this. I know I haven't been all that active over the last couple of months but I promise to address and correct that in the very near future. I can't wait to read everyone else's impressions of the events thus far. Take care.

  Laughlyn

  • Posted Jul 15, 2008 3:19 pm PT
  • Category: Games
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