I'll give you five bucks if you eat this penny.

• 24Oct 08

  Don't You Forget About Me! Epilogue!

  I've been through a lot this year. If I had to split my giant story into selective sections, 90%Z of which had song title parodies, it'd have to be something like this:

  Season 1: Amnesiac
  He's a maniac, amnesiac, that's for sure! Part 1!
  I'm Stuck In The Desert Without a Horse or a Name! Part 2!
  What's My Age Again? What's My Name Again? Part 3!
  Goodbye my Bruthah! Goodbye my Friend! Part 4!
  I Don't Remember, just what makes it so hard to... remember! Part 5!
  We are Family! Brother, Sister, we cannot be! Part 6!
  All the Small Men! Part 7!
  Somewhere Over the Rainbow! Part 8!
  Old Hard Witch! Part 9!
  Blast to the Past! Part 10!
  How to Save a Wife! Part 11!
  Her Story! Part 12!
  Point of No Return! Part 13!
  Mac and me maybe are no longer mammals! Part 14!
  A little story about Mac and Ryan! Part 15!
  His Story! Part 16!
  Hey Micky, you're so screwed, You're so screwed it blows my mind! Part 17!
  Prisoner of the Society! Part 18!
  Nowhere Over the Rainbow! Part 19!
  Knock, Knock, Knockin' On Kevin's Door! Part 20!
  This is a Story, about a man named Stikky! Part 21!
  Her Story 2! Part 22!
  And I will try to Pix you! Part 23!
  And I'm waiting for the real strife to begin! Part 24!
  Destination Unknown! Part 25!
  Search for the Holy Pail! Part 26!
  Only the Good Die Young! Part 27!
  Everybody's got a Hold on Rope, It's the last thing that's holding me! Part 0.1!
  My Dog's name is what? My dad's name is who? Part 0.2!
  As Long As I Can See the Lyght! Part 0.3!
  I'm Not Crazy, I'm just a Little Insane! Part 0.4!
  Oh, we're halfway there! Oh, four more flashes to bear! Part 0.5!
  This is Why! I Don't Like Mondays! Part 0.6!
  It's Been a Mad Day, Please Don't Take My Picture! Part 0.7!
  House of the Rising Sun! Part 0.8!
  What's it like when you die? Part 0.9!
  One Night, and One More time, Thanks for the Memories! Part 28! Season Finale!

  Season 2: Rebellion
  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!
  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!
  They've been Struck by some Smooth Criminals! Part 55!
  You have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had last year! Part 56!
  And I Will Always Dove You! Part 57!
  Where is the Dove? Part 58!
  And the Shadow of the Day will erase the world in grey! Part 59!
  Trust in my self righteous suicide! Part 60! Series Finale!

  But I had no time to even think about that. At the start of the year, I was a regular bloke. One day while working at the weapon store, I was shot in the arm by a gun I'd never seen before. The bullet was removed but somehow I started having visions, and having weird impulses to stop them from happening.

  Things only got weirder when my visions took me to Sweden, where I met my new sidekick, Kemp, and together we unravelled a conspiracy that all of my visions were linked to the evil doings of a secret Society bent on destroying the world. Then things got way too absurd when trying to escape the clutches of some evil henchmen, I turned into a hawk and found out that I was an umption, which is an odd word for shapeshifter.

  Then the pivotal thing happened. I was tracked down by a new Society member named Newbie and shot point blank in the head. Fortunately, he didn't realise this gun didn't fire bullets. Unfortunately, it wiped out my memory.

  When I awoke in an odd place with no memory at all, of who I was, where I was from or what I had for breakfast the day before, I was confused to say the least. Being an amnesiac for an entire season (Spring) was odd, but I still managed to get sucked into inadvertently get sucked into fighting the Society. I met leprechauns, witches, and umptions (when I didn't realise I myself was one too), and me, my sister Alana, who I may or may not have bedded with when I didn't know who she was, and Kemp found out that the Society's main goal was to find the Holy Pail, which had powers beyond reason or logic. So we figured we may as well get to it first. This was easier said than done when Mac, a witch and a lover, was being held captive by Stikky, who turned out to be not only the leader of the Society, but also my father, and Mac's ex-husband and Society supervisor, Alex was tracking down the pail with help from martial arts specialist and umption, Brain. We all found the giant Pail at about the same time and ended up at a Mexican standoff in Sweden. We all battled, and there were a few casualties, including Mac, who accidentally faked her death. More importantly, the Pail revived my memory, and I remembered all about me, that I was Micky Clarke, and my plans.

  Unfortunately, when I snapped out of it, I learned that the Society had succeeded in getting the Pail, so we formed a Rebellion to fight the Society, only to learn of a greater threat - I had an evil twin named Jimbo that wants to destroy the world. Naturally this was a downer, so we trained at the House of the Rising Sun until it was destroyed, and then we found a new base at the Rebellion doctor, Olive Cox (or Doc's) apartment, until it was destroyed, and then we settled for an abandoned warehouse until three of our comrades' heads were delivered, which was when we moved the base to the Dove Shack, which was a shoddy cubby house from my childhood. Speaking of the Dove, our inventor, who has passed on since, created the Dove, a silver device that you shove in your neck to become super strong and beat people up.

  When Jimbo kidnapped Alana, I vowed to get my sister back, and when I had a vision that showed the end of the world, I figured Jimbo was behind it. So at the end of this disastrous, stressful year, on New Year's Eve at 11:59pm, I was stuck in a room with Jimbo, who had just killed Stikky (which honestly is one less thing I have to worry about), but he and the Society had killed all of our team members, except Doc, Mac and Kemp, who had a dagger with which to stab Jimbo. When I found out that the Holy Pail was going to destroy the world, and in a few seconds at that, I put in the Dove, threw Jimbo against the wall, and at the last second charged into the Pail with so much force that I was either going to blow up (which would have happened if I'd stayed in the room anyway) or that I had prevented the explosion and saved the world.

  Now that 2008 is finally over, hopefully 2009 will be a little better. Unfortunately, I'm still in the middle of crashing through the Pail at light speed so I dunno what's going to happen.

  ***

  "Huh?" I opened my eyes and found myself in a weird enclosure.

  "He's awake!" Kemp cheered, and Doc, Mac and Alana gathered around me.

  "Dude, you were awesome" Mac said. "You destroyed the Pail and caused it to implode on itself. It's crazy you weren't hurt"

  "I saved the world too" Kemp bragged. "I stabbed Jimbo a dozen times while he was unconscious. He won't be bothering us anymore.

  "And I burned down the Society mansion for funsies" Doc shrugged.

  "I did my part" Mac said. "I found Alana, and got her memory back with a spell that I wrote myself"

  "How did it end up working then?" Alana grinned.

  "So the Society's completely diminished, Jimbo's gone and the world is finally safe" Kemp recapped. "How are you feeling, Micky?"

  "Who's Micky?" I asked. "Who the hell are you guys, and why are you wearing nametags?"

  "Oh, not again" Alana groaned.

  "And that's what's called a full circle" Mac rolled her eyes.

  "Huh?" I repeated. I had no memory of who I was or what my history was, and why all these crazy people were talking about being vigilantes like it was cool. This was going to be a confusing year.

  And thus ends the Micky saga. We laughed, we cried, we cut off sentences in the middle of a concluding rant about the longest blog series in the

  • Posted Oct 24, 2008 7:02 pm PT
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• 17Oct 08

  Trust in my self righteous suicide! Part 60! Series Finale!

  Me and Stikky stared each other down, both confused about what to say after putting each other through hell in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!
  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!
  They've been Struck by some Smooth Criminals! Part 55!
  You have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had last year! Part 56!
  And I Will Always Dove You! Part 57!
  Where is the Dove? Part 58!
  And the Shadow of the Day will erase the world in grey! Part 59!

  Finally I opened with something witty. "This is insane" I said.

  "Oh really?' Stikky retorted.

  'Yeah, really" I contributed to the conversation.

  'And what exactly is insane about it?'

  'The fact that it's crazy... You know, I'm getting this weird feeling of déjà vu"

  "I don't care" Stikky said.

  "Just think" I instructed. "I know that's hard for you to do and everything but just think. Who's pulling the strings here? Who told you to do this?"

  "I'm the leader of the Society, it was my idea"

  "No, it wasn't. You want to rule the world, not destroy it"

  "Who said anything about destroying it?"

  "It's New Years Eve, and that countdown over there is going to destroy the world"

  "Nothing's that powerful. And besides, I have a trusty informant who told me how this mind control device will work"

  "Mind control device? How gullible are you? Jimbo has really screwed you up in the head. You know, more so"

  "How do you know Jimbo?"

  "That's a long story, but you've never seen him face to face. You don't know what he's capable of"

  "I know what he's capable of, he's been helping me for some weeks to perform the most tricky of tasks, and I consider him an ally, and the fact that you have something against him just proves my opinion of him"

  "Tsk tsk" A voice came from the corner and I spun around to stare me right in the face.

  "Oh crap" I said.

  "Who the hell are you?" Stikky asked.

  "I'm your ally" Jimbo pulled out a gun and blasted Stikky across the room. "Trust is for the weak"

  "Crap, I should have seen that coming" I said, then slapped my forehead. "I did see that coming!" The vision I'd been trying to stop coming true was now happening exactly like before.

  "Now" Jimbo said. "Time to get down to business"

  "Why are you doing this?" I asked.

  Jimbo just shrugged. "It seems like a good idea, people annoy me"

  I stared at the computer screen as the countdown started to beep and I realised the clock was down to one minute. There was darkness in the room, now that the sun had disappeared, and the only light was glowing from the computers.

  "What did you do with Alana?" I insisted.

  "Don't worry, she's safe. Well, at least for the next 50 seconds"

  Without thinking, I shoved the Dove into my neck and slammed forward, throwing Jimbo across the room.

  I rushed towards the computer and began looking for what it was connected to. Then Kemp spoke through the earpiece.

  "It's the Pail. The Pail is the bomb!"

  I concluded that he was talking about the Pail destroying the world, rather than being awesome in rap lingo. I sprinted towards the door, but suddenly got a dizzy spell.

  "Oh crap, not now" I said in dismay, and with that, I fell to the floor and slipped into a vision, with five seconds left on the countdown.

  ***

  The Holy Pail, in all its glory stood in the Society's yard when out of the blue, a spark flew off the Pail and engulfed the whole mansion. I was thrown up and out of the Earth's atmosphere to see the whole world blow up.

  ***

  Just as quickly as the vision started, I snapped out of it and went for one final attempt to save the world in the two seconds left on the countdown.

  With energy soaring through me, I sprinted at light speed, thanks to the Dove, charged through a wall so I was outside and rushed to the Pail, slamming straight into the Holy Pail just as it was scheduled to blow up. That's the last thing I remembered before the blackout.

  Is this really how it ends for Micky and the gang? Did the Dove prevent the Pail explosion, or was Micky's final attempt to save the world in vain? Will this be the final paragraph of rhetorical questions to ever appear on the series? Or is there one final twist that ties everything up in a nice little package? Find out in the last ever Rebellion instalment in the Epilogue, next week.

  • Posted Oct 17, 2008 5:48 pm PT
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• 10Oct 08

  And the Shadow of the Day will erase the world in grey! Part 59!

  "It's been three hours" I muttered, the three hours of course alluding to the time since anything interesting had happened since:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!
  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!
  They've been Struck by some Smooth Criminals! Part 55!
  You have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had last year! Part 56!
  And I Will Always Dove You! Part 57!
  Where is the Dove? Part 58!

  "You'll find something" Kemp said through the ear piece.

  "Or someone" I pointed out. "Any luck on your end?"

  "Well, we still haven't found anyone to stab with the dagger you gave us. Are you sure you're alright without a weapon?"

  "Uh, hello. I do have the Dove, the most powerful weapon not known to man"

  "I thought the bomb that's destined to blow is the most powerful weapon not known to man"

  "Or the Pail" Mac pointed out.

  "Alright, I get your... point" I saw something that intrigued me. A flickering underneath one of the doorways. Since I always had a problem with doorknobs, I kicked the door in, to find a bunch of televisions with different rooms of the mansion portrayed on them. "Guys, they have security cameras here"

  "Why?" Kemp asked.

  "Uh, I dunno. Maybe because they're afraid a group of rebels will break in to foil their plot for world domination?" Mac said.

  "Yeah right. Who'd be stupid enough to do... oh"

  "So no luck finding anyone yet?" I checked for confirmation.

  "No"

  "Well, maybe that's because it's a little hard to find anyone when you're sitting in the kitchen, eating burgers"

  "Are you spying on us?"

  "Look, we're just waiting for one of the Society members to get hungry, that's all" Mac shrugged. At least I think she shrugged, it was hard to tell from the poor picture quality of the security camera.

  I suddenly saw a movement on one of the other cameras and recognised the hooded cloak that always hid Stikky's face poorly.

  "Guys, I found something. Look, we don't have much time. I may need backup, so Kemp, I'll be on the third storey, fifth room on the right"

  "The girls' bathroom?"

  "Oh..." I recounted. "Sixth door on the left. Only come in when you hear my signal. Doc, Mac, I need you to find where the bomb is. I don't care how you do it. Just do it quickly. Then let us know and get the hell out of here"

  "Yeah, I do want to go to that New Years' party down the road" Doc agreed.

  "We'll do our best" Mac promised.

  "I wish that filled me with confidence" I said, and made my way to the big room portrayed on the screen.

  I barged into the room, and saw that it was full of computers, dials and electrical equipment. It seemed familiar, as if I'd been there 18 parts ago, but at the same time I'd never been in the room before in my life.

  I surveyed the room, and it seemed that all of the computer stuff was dictating what the destruction sequence and stuff would be like. I noticed a giant screen to the side of the room, and numbers were slowly counting down.

  "A ticking clock? Could this be more cliché?"

  "Micky" Stikky turned around to face me. "I've been expecting you"

  "I had to ask" I rolled my eyes.

  And thus, the shortest part in months ends as I stared down my father, and the sun outside the window set behind the horizon. This was the beginning of the end. What was I saying about clichés before?

  • Posted Oct 10, 2008 5:34 pm PT
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• 4Oct 08

  Where is the Dove? Part 58!

  After breaking into the Society mansion for the umpteenth time, and pointing out how lax the security there was after everything that's happened in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!
  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!
  They've been Struck by some Smooth Criminals! Part 55!
  You have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had last year! Part 56!
  And I Will Always Dove You! Part 57!

  Mac and I retraced my steps and stared intently at the tiled floor in search of the Dove.

  "How could you lose it?" Mac said incredulously.

  "Sorry, I was a little preoccupied with fleeing and saving Kemp's life" I rolled my eyes.

  "You'd think GT could have made a Dove that would stay in your neck rather than fall out all the time"

  "Actually, that's a good point. It's never fallen off before, maybe I bumped into something while I was running away"

  "Like your courage that was fleeing in the opposite direction?"

  "Shut up"

  "Oh, is this it?" Mac picked a silver pin off the floor and stabbed it in my neck.

  "Ow! No!" I ripped the pin out of my neck as it started to bleed. "That's not even shaped like a bird. It's probably some emblem that fell off someone's shirt"

  "Seems like a lot of metallic thingies fall off around here"

  "Yeah, maybe the Pail has some sort of reversal magnetic power that prevents metallic objects from sticking to anything within a radius of some distance"

  "What?"

  "I dunno. It's not like the thing comes with an instruction manual"

  "I wanna know what the hell those dudes were doing to the Pail. They had welding equipment and jackhammers and everything"

  "They can't do anything to it. Maybe they were testing it's invincibility or something. Maybe the Pail has a weakness"

  "What do you think their plans are for the Pail?"

  "I dunno. But I'm more worried about what the weapon they're working on is" I was still too ignorant to make the connection.

  "Where is everyone?"

  "That's what I was wondering. The mansion seems kind of deserted lately"

  "The smart ones are probably fleeing from the explosion that's gonna happen"

  "First of all, the explosion is going to destroy the planet. Where are they going to run to? Mars? And besides, the Society still don't know it's a bomb. They think it's some kind of mind control device or something"

  "That sounds complicated"

  "Yeah, I remember at the start of the year, when the biggest confusion in my life was why the gun shop I worked at didn't sell ammo"

  "Are you sure you dropped the Dove around here? I can't see it anymore"

  "Well, it is camouflaged since it's the same colour as the floor. What sort of arrogant nutjob paints his floor silver?"

  "Your dad"

  "It was a rhetorical question"

  "And I gave a literal reply"

  "Whatever"
  "What's the time?"

  "I dunno, 5ish?"

  "You've got a watch"

  "Not anymore, that fell off a few steps ago. I was too lazy to pick it up"

  "Wow, that Pail is powerful"

  "Yeah. I still don't know how it's Holy though"

  "I thought it was just a bad pun that the leprechauns came up with"

  "You're probably right"

  "What are you guys talking about?" A new person joined us.

  "Your eyes" I said.

  "Really?" Kemp was intrigued.

  "Uh, no. What are you doing here? Where's Doc?"

  "Well, you told us to be useful, so I suggested that we split up and try to find the bomb"

  "Wait, what? You let Doc go off by herself?"

  "Well, she was getting clingy. Besides, you guys were taking forever so I thought I'd help you look for the Dove"

  "So Doc has the sole objective of finding and dismantling a bomb while we look on the floor for a trinket?" Mac said.

  "No. She's also looking for Alana"

  "And it's not a trinket, it's a weapon, and the only thing that can help us fight the Society" I added.

  "What about the dagger?" Mac held up the dagger Shrimp had given us to kill Jimbo with.

  "Eh" I shrugged. "Those leprechauns don't know what they're talking about"

  "Found it" Kemp picked up the Dove that was in the middle of the centre tile.

  "What do you know? He is good for something" Mac said.

  I pocketed the Dove and sighed in relief. "Glad that's over with"

  "Yeah, now all we have to do is thwart your father's company's evil plans, destroy your evil twin and then save the world. Then you promised to take me out for ice-cream" Kemp reminded me.

  "Can I come?" a sinister voice said behind us. Mac, Kemp and I spun around. Kemp got dizzy doing so and fell over.

  "I thought I told you to find Alana, stop the bomb, kill Stikky and Jimbo and pick me up some ice-cream" Kemp said.

  "I'm a doctor" Doc said. "I may be good at healing people and making creepy voices but that's it. Besides I got bored and thought I'd join you guys. It was choc chip, right?" Doc handed Kemp an ice-cream cone.

  "Where'd you get that from?" I asked.

  "There was this big freezer around the back. There were a few bodies in there, but it was mostly ice-cream"

  "Anyone we know?"

  "Heard of rocky road or English toffee?"

  "No, I mean the bodies"

  "Oh, no, they seemed random to me, probably their latest victims in the Society's quest for world domination. I think I saw a President or two"

  "Well, at least some good has come from all this"

  "So did you find the Dove"

  "Do pigs fly?" Kemp interrupted.

  "What do you mean? We have the Dove" I pointed out.

  "I know. I thought we were all just asking questions"

  "It was starting to sound like an interview" Mac pointed out.

  "So what now?" Kemp asked. "Split up again?"

  "No, that hasn't worked out for us lately" I decided. "You three stick together and find out as much as you can that can stop this from happening. And I know this is impossible but be discreet"

  "What are you gonna do?" Mac asked.

  "I'm going to end this"

  "How?"

  "Oh. To be honest I hadn't thought that far ahead. Good luck"

  And with that I departed from the remaining Rebellion members and prepared myself for a showdown that probably won't happen for at least another five parts.

  • Posted Oct 4, 2008 7:12 am PT
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• 28Sep 08

  And I Will Always Dove You! Part 57!

  Since opening random mysterious doors seems to have been a habit I've picked up during the chaotic events of:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!
  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!
  They've been Struck by some Smooth Criminals! Part 55!
  You have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had last year! Part 56!

  One more wouldn't seem to hurt, and since I was trying to find either the head of an evil Society or the man bent on destroying the world, both of whom are arguably related to me, if I was going to open any door, the one with a sign on the front saying "the enemy" seemed as good as any.

  Of course when I opened the door, I realised that I had misinterpreted the sign, as it was referring to the Society's enemy. I stared around the large room, which had photos and files and posters everywhere dedicated to the Rebellion and our various members.

  There were many thoughts going through my head, the most prominent being to find out how much they knew about us (although it would have been better if I'd walked into a room dedicated to the Society with as much information as this one) but something caught my eye on the far wall. I walked over and saw it was a board with all of our members' photographs, our full names underneath, and even I didn't know my team's names since we used codenames, but the photos were definitely of Slappy Bag, Dr Kickass, Corn Cobbler, Nanananana Pacman, Super Sexy Spy Specialist, Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister, Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister's Snake, Desert Dessert, Menace, Perminator, Mr Potato Head, Dyslexic Peet, Tyrannosaurus Sex, Poolmeister, Inventigator, Doc, Mac, Frogger, Blow Job and yours truly, Hawk Eye, a codename which I still hate to this day. What brought this collage to my attention was that the first fifteen photographs were crossed out in what looked like blood. I realised that this meant the Society had somehow found out Tyrannosaurus Sex, Corn Cobbler and Dr Kickass had died and assumed one of their members killed them, as opposed to the Jimbo they were all still ignorant of. I also realised that this meant after Menace, Desert Dessert and GT had quit earlier this week, they were still killed. I was glad to see Alana's photo was still uncrossed, though Jimbo had kidnapped her, so the Society just may not have found her body. Of course the four surviving, unkidnapped Rebellion members were inside the Society mansion which I realised was kind of stupid on our part.

  I also quickly realised that Kemp's undercover work wasn't fooling anyone since they would have all the Rebellion members' faces memorised.

  "Kemp, come in Kemp" I said aloud.

  "What?" Doc said back through my earpiece.

  "Is your name Kemp?" I said rhetorically.

  "No, it's Olive"

  "Look, you and Mac have gotta get out of here, I found a Rebellion Room. It has all our photos and files and stuff on us"

  "We're already out"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, you said we'd all meet back out the front at 4. It's now 4:01"

  "Is Kemp there?"

  "No, he's late too"

  "Okay, I'll be out in a sec. Kemp!"

  There was silence on the connection.

  "Kemp!"

  Finally Kemp's voice came through my earpiece. "We're spying. When we talk via technology, you're supposed to say 'over'. Over"

  "Look, this is no time to be focused on how to do our jobs. Did you hear what I said?... Over"

  "Nope, I've got a bad connection. I was assuming you were flirting with the girls again. Anyway, I've got a few Society members fooled. They're so gullible. They're going to lead me to the Dungeon of Secret Society Information in a minute. Over"

  "Look, they're not fooled. They know who you are. What are you doing now? Over"

  "Taking a dump. Why do you care? Over"

  "Where's the toilet? Over"

  "I dunno, there's like two dozen bathrooms in this place. Over"

  "How do I get to it? Over"

  "I dunno. Over and out"

  "Not out! I need to come help you. Over"

  "I still think I'm blending in. But it's about 14 doors down from some room that has the enema or something on the front of it. Except it's on the other side of the hall. Over"

  "You mean the 'the enemy'? Over"

  "I guess that's what it said, yeah. Over"

  "And that didn't strike you as suspicious? Over"

  "Eh, I wasn't paying much attention. Hey, dude, what the hell? You can't just barge in on a guy when he's sitting on the can. What are you all doing in here?"

  "Kemp?" I said. But there was no answer. I quickly jumped into gear. But as I started leaving the room, I thought better, reached into my pocket, where I always keep emergency deodorant for days when Kemp is unbearably stinky, and a lighter which I keep to keep my pyromaniac habits in check. I sprayed the deodorant, lit the lighter, and within seconds the Rebellion Room was aflame, destroying all evidence of us in the first place.

  Then I heard a loud beeping noise and realised I'd set off the smoke detectors. All this occurred in the timeframe of a few seconds, so I dropped my handheld flamethrower, which was weighing me down anyway, grabbed the last remaining object in my pocket, the Dove, shoved it in my neck and sped down the hallway, counting the doors I ran past, until I lost count at four, and ended up barging in on a random door, which luckily enough Kemp was being held hostage in.

  I grabbed the guy with a gun pointed to Kemp's head and threw him against the wall. There were five other guys in the bathroom, and within seconds, I'd cracked one's head on one of the urinals, drowned two in two respective toilets and thrown another two out of the room, and through the door on the other side of the hall, which happened to be the girls' bathroom, and a few women screamed "perverts" and started kicking and beating the two men.

  I picked Kemp up in my arms and ran out of the mansion, meeting up with Doc and Mac at the go carts.

  "What took you guys so long?" Mac asked.

  "Oh, you know, lighting a few fires, having a bathroom brawl, the usual" I shrugged.

  "You know I still think I had them fooled into thinking I was a Society member" Kemp said.

  "So that's why they were holding you at gunpoint?"

  "I figured it was an initiation thing. You know, not letting the new guy poo in peace"

  "Well, you were going to rest in peace if I hadn't saved your ass"

  "Speaking of my ass, I still need to use the toilet. Can you put me down now?"

  "Sure" I lowered Kemp back on the ground, before I realised that I could feel his weight. "Oh no" My hand went to my throat.

  "Look, if you want to keep carrying me, you don't have to choke yourself until I say yes" Kemp rolled his eyes.

  "No, I think I dropped the Dove while I was running"

  "Oh, that can't be good" Doc said.

  "That's an understatement" Mac groaned. "Alright, the Society already has one weapon, we can't give them another one. Me and Micky will go back in there. Doc, you and Kemp, I dunno, try and make yourselves useful"

  "You know, I still need to poo"

  "Everything comes down to poo with you, doesn't it?" Doc rolled her eyes.

  "So can I? I feel a bad case of diarrhoea coming on"

  "Shut up" Doc, Mac and I said. And with that, me and Mac went back into the enemy's lair, searching for a tiny silver object in the shape of a bird. Which wouldn't be too hard to find if the Society's floor wasn't made of silver. This was going to be a long day, with less than eight hours until the year and the world will end.

  • Posted Sep 28, 2008 7:48 pm PT
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• 19Sep 08

  You have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had last year! Part 56!

  *Full song/blog title that wouldn't fit: Nobody told me that you have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had earlier this year! Part 56!*

  If someone wrote a book about awkward silences, this would have to be in the top 3. For a complicated relationship that happened before the second season (by which I mean Summer) began and before all of:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!
  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!
  They've been Struck by some Smooth Criminals! Part 55!

  occurred, the awkwardness is a bit hard to sum up, but I'll try anyway. Before I lost my memory, or rather it was stolen from me earlier in the year, I was quite the hero, much like I am now, but a lot more anonymous as I tried to stop visions from coming true, before I even realised they were connected to the Society conspiracy, and later brought on Kemp as my sidekick. But literally the day before my vision, I was sleeping with a married woman, and I basically forgot all about her once the visions and weird stuff started happening. I hadn't seen her in person since, but before I got my memory back, she'd been in one of my visions that was almost a tour of the Society's lair, and she had been brought on as the Society's electrician, with the codename Lyght, who was incompetent and ignorant of the Society's evil plans. But once I got my memory back, I realised who it was but haven't run into her since, until I was caught in her office.

  Now how could this be any more awkward? Running into an ex-affair now working for the enemy after not calling her back for 6 months? I'll tell you. Since the last time I saw her, hallucination or real, she was a woman. Now Lyght was a man.

  Neither of us said anything for quite a while as we stared each other down. Then the door opened again and I dove behind a desk.

  Miles, whose codename was Yuumm, an old cla$smate of mine and weaponry expert, who was also working for the Society, but thankfully was still a woman, walked in, and as I peered through the gap in the desk, it took every ounce of restraint I had not to throw up.

  "Hey baby" Yuumm said, and kissed the male Lyght on the lips. "What's going on?"

  "Not much" Lyght said, her voice still feminine, so the sex change obviously wasn't completely operational yet. "I tried changing a lightbulb in the hall but it's obviously a three man job. Then I came back to my office to find Micky"

  "Micky? As in leader of the rebellion?" Yuumm said in shock.

  "No, as in mouse" I said sarcastically, standing up. "What the hell is going on here? There's some weird sex chamber next door and in here there's my ex-girlfriend, now a man, and my old ****ate, now shim's lover who are both hell bent on being part of a scheme to take over the world!"

  "Wait, were Bob and Jane using my T-Mart sex chamber again?" Lyght said.

  "We didn't exchange pleasantries" I said.

  "So what are you doing here?" Yuumm asked.

  "For the life of me, I can't remember" I said. "But it had something to do with saving the world or something"

  "You wouldn't happen to know what happened to Brain, do you? Nobody's seen her in days"

  "Uh..."

  "Because I don't mind if you killed her, it got her out of our relationship"

  "What?"

  "Oh, Lyght here was cheating on me with that hoochie"

  "I see becoming a man hasn't changed your infidelity ways" I said to Lyght. "Though if you wanted to sleep with women so badly, I don't know why you chose Brain, she was closer to a man than even you are"

  "What do you mean 'was'?" Lyght said suspiciously.

  "Oh, no, I'm not falling for the whole 'tell the enemy everything about our plan' trick"

  "Enemy? I'm just an electrician"

  "Yeah, and not a very good one" Yuumm chimed in.

  "Well, I didn't make a good woman either, people change"

  "If I can interrupt this lover's quarrel briefly" I said. "Can you tell me if you've built any more big weapons lately?"

  "You mean like that one that wiped out your memory?" Yuumm said nonchalantly. "Nope. Everyone's more focused on the big weapon"

  "Uh, isn't that what I just asked?"

  "No, you asked if I was making any guns or weapons. And I've just been making the usual. The big weapon is something very few of us are in on"

  "And what is it?"

  "Well, they're modifying it to control people's minds, and therefore control the world"

  "Modifying what?"

  "Look, that whole not falling for it trick works both ways" Yuumm rolled her eyes.

  "Well, the Society's being manipulated. Whatever the weapon is, it's going to destroy the planet"

  "Do you know how farfetched that sounds?"

  "And a weapon that controls people isn't?"

  "Guys, stop fighting" Lyght said. "Micky's just jealous"

  "No I'm not" I said. "I'm mad because you're both part of a corporation that's killing innocent people"

  "Hey, I just fix the wiring" Lyght said defensively.

  "Yeah, and I just make the guns that people are getting killed with" Yuumm's argument wasn't as convincing.

  "Okay, I've had enough of this" I said, and stuck the Dove into my neck. A surge of energy went through my body and quick as a flash, I grabbed Yuumm and Lyght, threw them into the secret entrance of the sex chamber, slammed the bookcase shut, then yanked the desk and pushed it against the bookshelf so that the two strangers, and two strange familiars would be trapped down there.

  I quickly got the hell out of the office and continued down the hall, listening carefully for anyone coming, but the hallway was still deserted.

  "Come in Micky" Mac said through my earpiece.

  "I'm already in" I said.

  "No, I meant can you hear me"

  "Oh"

  "Well, can you?"

  "Of course. What's up?"

  "Well, me and Doc are in the side yard, but we can't get close to the Pail"

  "Why not? It doesn't bite"

  "Well, there's like twenty people fiddling around with it or guarding it"

  "Why don't you use that paralysing power on them?"

  "I tried, the Pail seems to be a forcefield or something, because my powers aren't working on them"

  "Alright. I don't know why they're so protective of the Pail all of a sudden, you'd think they'd be more focused on the weapon"

  "Yeah. How's Kemp's undercover work going?"

  "I dunno, I haven't checked in, because if he starts talking to us, it'll look like he's talking to himself, and that'll make the Society suspicious"

  "I hear ya. Any luck finding Stikky or your evil half?"

  "Not yet. I did run into an ex and his girlfriend though"

  "What?"

  "Never mind. I've gotta get back to work" I opened a random door, and was shocked to see what was inside.

  What deep dark secrets are inside that deep dark door? Will anyone comment on this week's episode? Will I keep doing these random rhetorical remarks? Find out in the next instalment of Rebellion. Saturdays at noon and reruns whenever anybody clicks on the button that leads them to these blogs.

  • Posted Sep 19, 2008 7:34 pm PT
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• 12Sep 08

  They've been Struck by some Smooth Criminals! Part 55!

  Kemp having a good idea for the first time during:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!
  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!

  couldn't have come at a better time. It was midday by the time we reached the Society mansion. Doc had flushed the remaining poison out of my system so I was up and healthy again. Since our method of transportation was blown up the last time we messed with the Society, we stole some kids' go carts and in no time we were a few towns over and hiding in the front garden of the Society base.

  "Okay, Mac, can you disable the security cameras out the front?" I said.

  "No problem" Mac concentrated and the two cameras on the roof of the mansion blew up.

  "Well, I was hoping for something more subtle, like turning out the power" I shrugged. "Okay, so Kemp and I will sneak through the side window. The place is swarming with guards-"

  "You mean those two standing on either side of the door?" Doc said.

  "Yep" I confirmed. "So you two know what to do?"

  "Yeah" Mac said. "But I still don't like being objectified"

  "Mac, you took your shirt off before we even left the Dove Shack"

  "I was hot"

  "I'll say" Kemp said. "I still think my plan was genius. I mean, I heard strip poker, and I realised that flashing the Society guards would help us break in"

  "Yeah, you can connect the dots as well as any 4 year old can" I said. "Now we can't really see the guards very well from here but they didn't seem to notice the cameras above them blowing up. I guess they're used to odd noises. Now, Kemp and I will go this way, and when we signal, you two go the other way and make them turn their heads, so to speak. Just talk and distract them for a while. When Kemp and I get in, we'll let you know through the earpieces. Once we're in, we'll split up, I'll go in search of Jimbo or Stikky, Kemp is going to go undercover and figure out what and where the bomb is. Now Mac and Doc, once you leave the guards, circle back around the block and jump the back fence. Use what little stealth you have to get any information you can. If someone finds you, get the hell out. We'll meet back at the go karts at 4, which will give us enough time to foil their evil plan, assuming I haven't already taken care of it"

  "Wait, who are we, Micky's Angels?" Doc said. "This is dangerous stuff"

  "You're kidding, right?" I said.

  "Of course I'm kidding. What do you think I am, chicken?"

  "Alright. Let's go" Me and Kemp snuck across the front yard, keeping out of the eyesight of the guards, until we were too close to go any further. Lying on the grass we looked at the two girls rip off their remaining clothes. This startled the guards and without looking to see what happened, Kemp and I moved as quickly as possible to the front window.

  "Damn, it's shut completely" Kemp whispered, and we tried pushing on the glass, sliding the glass over and cutting the glass with our blunt fingernails, but finally Kemp just picked up a rock and shattered the window. I crawled in and Kemp followed.

  "I guess subtlety doesn't exactly run in the Rebellion veins" I rolled my eyes. "Let's move quickly, the guards had to hear that" I switched on my earpiece. "We're in girls" I said.

  "Yeah, we heard" Doc's voice crackled back.

  "So did the distraction go well?" Kemp asked.

  "Actually, turns out we were way off on this one. The security guards were chicks. And they were pissed to see two naked girls on Society property. I tried convincing them we were there to get them to change their phone policy"

  "What happened?" I asked.

  "Well, they were about to beat the crap out of us, but then Mac used one of her powers to paralyse them and we ran off"

  "Wait, you can do that?" I asked.

  "Well, yeah" Mac's voice came back.

  "Why didn't you say that to begin with?"

  "You never asked"

  "Unbelievable" I said. "Okay, we'll be in touch"

  "Haven't you already been touched?" Doc giggled.

  "I said be in... never mind" I turned the earpiece off.

  "So what now?" Kemp said. We were walking down a corridor and had yet to see a single person. "Where is everyone?"

  "I dunno, but it makes our job a lot easier. Now remember, you're Kyle Edward Matthew Panther, a new Society employee of the Swedish conglomerate, and you're here to discuss the possibility of the Society becoming international, but you need full disclosure on all projects. Just make sure you don't get caught by Stikky, who would obviously know of any international plans"

  "Kyle Edward Matthew Panther?" Kemp said incredulously. "What were you saying about subtlety before? And why would I introduce myself using my middle names as well"

  "Just say it's a Swedish custom"

  "That's the stupidest custom I've ever heard of"

  "Ditto" Doc said through the earpiece.

  "Dammit, I thought I turned this off. Stupid thing's broken"

  "That's what she said" Kemp put up his hand for a high five"

  "International criminal bosses do not make jokes about vibrators" I said.

  "Well, it's a good thing I'm not an international criminal boss"
  "You're not exactly a method actor, are you?" I rolled my eyes. "Okay, you find some people to talk to. Everyone knows me, so I have to stay hidden and look for Stikky. I dunno if Jimbo is here yet, but he will be, he wouldn't miss this"

  "Yeah, but Stikky obviously hasn't seen Jimbo yet or he would have thought he was you and tried to kill you again. I wish my father paid as much attention to me"

  "You know what? I'm gonna check this room first" I said, opening a random door in the hall. "Get going"

  I closed the door behind me. Nobody was inside, which worked out well for me, as I could use my super secret methods to find any information I needed.

  After completely trashing the room and finding nothing, I shrugged and headed for the door, when I heard sounds coming from inside the walls. I noticed the bookshelf leaning against the wall, and I'd thrown all but one book off the shelf, which stood in the centre of the middle shelf. Remembering practically every movie ever invented, I grabbed the top of the book and yanked. Rather than coming out of the shelf, the book pushed down like a lever and the bookshelf did a 180 degree turn with me on the platform that turned, and I was suddenly in another secret room.

  It was dark, so I felt around for a light switch. I found one and flipped it on. Instantly the room was bathed in light. The sound I heard became blatantly obvious.

  "Ahem" I said.

  The guy looked up from who he was doing. "How'd you find this place?" The stranger asked. "Wait, do I know you from somewhere?"

  "No. Carry on" I rolled my eyes. All that was in the room was a bed with two Society members screwing.

  "Don't tell anyone about this place. Stikky doesn't know I 'sleep' on the job" the guy said.

  "Fine. Why did you make this whole hidden place just to have a place to have sex?"

  "I dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time"

  "Later" I waved, and pulled the book again to bring me back to the office. Well, that was a waste of time. And just when I thought I was getting a lead, it just turned out to be office bootie buddies.

  I arrived back at the trashed office, only to find that the room was no longer vacant. And Lyght looked pissed.

  • Posted Sep 12, 2008 11:15 pm PT
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• 5Sep 08

  When Darkness Turns to Light, It Ends Tonight! Part 54!

  As my mind floated through nothingness, I was too distracted about being close to death to worry about the events of:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!
  Her Story 3! Part 53!

  On the other hand, I couldn't concentrate on the nothingness either, as I barely felt alive. It had seemed like forever since I had been having a pleasant conversation with the Mexican Apple Poisoner by the name of Jimbo, when suddenly I opened my eyes and felt recharged as life and colour spread around me and I was back lying on the crappy couch at Jimbo's apartment. I immediately wished I was back in the sickly nothingness.

  "Get off me!" I shouted, pushing Kemp face off my lips and spitting thoroughly.

  "Uh, you're welcome" Kemp rolled his eyes.

  "What the hell were you kissing me for?" I asked.

  "Well, I saw you passed out on the couch and at first I figured you'd had one too many daiquiris, but then I figured Jimbo wouldn't be generous enough to let you drink yourself to death when he could get rid of you quicker. Then I saw your half-eaten apple and put two and two together. After I realised that it equalled four, I went back to the problem at hand and figured out that Jimbo must have poisoned you. I found the fruit bowl of weaponry on the kitchen counter, and the instruction booklet on top of the fridge, and figured out that to reverse the apple effects, a modified banana would heal you within five minutes. So I fed you the banantidote but after four minutes, it still wouldn't work, so I tried plan B, and figured in fairy tales, a handsome prince kissing the victim miraculously cures the poison-"

  "But you're neither"

  "Come on, I'm kind of handsome. And my mother was so slutty, it's possible my father is a Swedish king. Besides, it worked, didn't it?"

  "I guess. So how long was I out? I hope it wasn't a hundred years or something like that, was it?"
  "Please, it was barely a hundred hours. In fact, it's not even half that"

  "So how long do we have"

  "Well, it's December 30th at 11pm"

  "So 25 hours maximum" I realised, sitting up on the couch.

  "Actually, it's more like 20 hours, because the Society mansion is in a different timezone than Mexico, five hours ahead.

  "Crap" I said. "Where are the girls?"

  "I left them at the Dove Shack"

  "What? Why?"

  "Well, only one of us could use the Dove to get here" Kemp said.

  "But Doc's a doctor. Shouldn't she have come?"

  "Well, we didn't know you'd fall for the oldest trick in the book and eat a poisoned apple"

  "Um, I was hungry" I pointed out.

  "Whatever. Jimbo's long gone, so I think he must be fulfilling his plan or something"

  "Speaking of plans, what's ours?"

  "Oh, we were too busy to come up with a backup plan"

  "You've been hanging out in an abandoned cubby house"

  "Well, yeah, but Alex tracked us down and shot Mac in the arm, and then I accidentally manslaughtered him, and then we had to frame a driver by making it look like a hit and run, and then the last living leprechaun gave us a dagger, and then he died, and then I came to find you, and then I found you passed out, and then I saw you'd eaten an apple and then I did maths for a few seconds-"

  "Right, you told me that part" I said. "So how do we get out of here?"
  "Well, I figured I'd use the Dove to run back and you could hawk out and fly home"

  "Um, I only just became conscious again and I doubt all the poison has left my system. I don't have the strength to morph into a bird right now. Why don't I take the Dove and you morph?"
  "Because I'm not an umption. What does that leave us with?"

  "Well, since you've already tried making out with me, I'm sure you won't mind giving me a piggy back home"

  Kemp shuddered. "Fine, hop on" Kemp shoved the Dove into his neck, I hopped on his back and he sprinted back to the Dove Shack. We got there just as the sun began to rise.

  "Well, I guess it ends tonight" I sighed.

  "Yeah, I figured that out from the title" Kemp fourth-walled.

  "What happened to the door?" I asked as I stumbled through the hole where the door barely was before.

  "What door? I don't remember a door" Kemp shifted his eyes.

  "Uh, whatever. What happened in here?" I looked around the room, seeing Doc and Mac asleep in the middle of the room, surrounded by a bunch of cards that were acting as a blanket of sorts.

  "Huh?" Doc shook herself awake. "Who's there? Why'd ya wake me up?"

  "It's Micky" Kemp said.

  "Oh, hey dude" she rolled back over and fell back asleep.

  "How's your arm?" I asked Mac.

  "Where've you been?" she asked and rolled back over and went back to sleep.

  "You guys will have plenty of time to sleep tomorrow, when the world ceases to exist" I shook the two awake again. "Right now, we need a plan"

  "For a New Years party?" Mac said hopefully.

  "Uh, no, to stop the Society"

  "There's no way I'm going back to the mansion" Kemp said.

  "Me neither" Mac said.

  "Well, I've never been, but from what I've heard, it doesn't sound like a pleasant atmosphere" Doc shrugged.

  "Come on guys, I'm not doing this alone" I insisted.

  "Why don't we play strip poker?" Mac suggested.

  "Please, you don't even know the rules of snap" I rolled my eyes. "Though the game would help me relax and I come up with the most ingenious plans when I'm nude... no, we don't have time"

  "Why don't we play strip poker, and you supervise?" Doc suggested.

  "How would that help us come up with a plan?"

  "Oh, right, the plan"

  "Guys, this gives me a brilliant idea" Kemp said. "And that's a first for me"

  "Great, what's the plan?" I was intrigued, and while it was hardly a theory of relativity, Kemp's plan did seem pretty flawless. Plus it was easier to understand than anything Einstein could come up with.

  ***

  "Any word on who the Leprechaun Legacy is talking about yet?" Stikky asked.

  "Nope. I mean, not yet, sir, but I'm working on it" WhizKid said.

  "No matter, we have all the time in the world. Have you had any luck finding out who our anonymous partner is?"

  "Nope"

  "Why do I never hire the competent applicants?" Stikky asked rhetorically. "Anyway, we're on schedule, right?"

  "I've been following the modifications to a T" WhizKid promised. "Your brainwashing addition will be up and running within the hour. Do you know why this Jimbo fella is helping us?"
  "No, but I'm going to meet him for the first time tonight, just before we go through with the plan. Remember, as soon as the New Year comes, the switch is flipped"
  "No switch necessary. Everything's automatic, there's a countdown and everything. I've finished the plans. By midnight, the world will be under the Society's control. I just wish our members didn't keep getting killed off"

  "Speaking of being killed off, has Alex tracked down the last Rebellion members yet?"

  "Actually, he said he had a lead a few days ago, but that was the last we heard from him"

  "What?"

  "Look, don't shoot the messenger, but-"

  "I wouldn't be me if I didn't" Stikky drew a pistol and shot WhizKid through the head.

  "Now who is my second in charge going to be?"

  "What about me?" Joe suggested.

  "Look, the only reason I let you out of the dungeon was because you're the new moving target for the sniper training this afternoon" Stikky rolled his eyes. "But I trusted Alex. I don't know who can supervise these fools now. On the other hand, I may not need a team after tonight"

  "Why am I here?" Joe asked.

  "Because otherwise I'd be talking to myself, and that would be crazy. I need an excuse to do a random monologue. Brain would be my next choice, but she's nowhere to be found either. I don't think anyone else is up for the responsibility. I guess I can do some actual work for the Society for once instead of just being the boss. After all, it won't matter soon" Stikky stared at the sun rising in the distance. "It ends tonight"

  "I know, I figured that out from the title" Joe fourth-walled. "Actually, that's not true, I didn't get it and Whiz explained it to me"

  "Shut up, I'm not finished" Stikky said, despite the fact that his speech had ended. Not wanting to look like an idiot, he continued. "The leprechauns are extinct, the Rebellion members have severely dropped in numbers, and we have the most powerful device not known to mankind. Things are really looking up for the Society!"

  • Posted Sep 5, 2008 6:59 pm PT
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• 29Aug 08

  Her Story 3! Part 53!

  After the events of:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!
  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!

  I was now poisoned, unconscious and had no idea of my surroundings. Since I was on death's bed, for the first time in a while, I had no stories to tell...

  ***

  Doc continued sitting on the hard surface of the Dove Shack-

  "Stop calling it that" Kemp interrupted.

  "I'm worried" Doc said. "Micky's been gone for over a day. He could be in trouble"

  "He had to fly to Mexico" Mac pointed out. "It's not exactly down the road. Besides we promised to think of a Plan B while he was gone and we've been slacking off since he left, so the more time, the better"

  "I guess"

  Then there was a knock at the door, or what was left of the door from the crappy cubby house. The door opened and the three Rebellion members backed away.

  "Well, if it isn't my ex-bride" Alex grinned at Mac.

  "Yes it is" Kemp said. "She's right in front of you"

  "It's a figure of speech" Alex said. "Now where's your boss?"

  "As if we're going to tell you" Mac said.

  "Uh, maybe we should do what the man with the gun tells us to do" Doc gulped.

  "Oh, I'm sorry" Mac said. "Olive, this is my psychotic ex-husband, Alex. Alex, this is our group doctor, Doc"

  "Quit stalling" Alex said.

  "I see you're as polite as the last Society member I met" Doc rolled her eyes.

  While Doc and Mac had been stalling Alex, Kemp had inched behind him and clubbed him over the head with the door, that easily lifted off its hinges.

  Alex grunted, and fell to the floor, squeezing off a bullet before fainting.

  "I need some help over here" Doc said, as she looked over Mac, who had fallen to the floor.

  "No problem" Kemp rushed to her side. "We're a Swedish and a Doc above it all"

  "Uh, fantastic" Doc said. "But it's just nicked her arm. Got a bandaid?"

  "Sure" Kemp ripped a bandaid off his knee from where he had grazed it in a battle weeks earlier and placed it over Mac's bleeding arm"

  "That's not very hygienic" Mac groaned.

  "It'll have to do" Doc shrugged. "Should we check out Alan?"
  "Alex" Kemp corrected. "And if by 'check out' you mean 'throw off a bridge' then absolutely"

  "It'd be pointless anyway" Doc had already thrown the door off Alex. "He's dead"

  "How?"

  "A big splinter that goes from the back of his head, through his face. You can even see some of the brain at the tip of the wood"

  "Cool, can I see?" Mac sat up.

  "No time for that" another voice suddenly said, but a lot squeakier and less masculine than Alex.

  "Who are you?" Kemp asked the little dude that stumbled off the rainbow.

  "I'm the last remaining leprechaun on Earth. My name is Shrimp"

  "Of course it is"

  "I don't have much time left. The Legacy said that we would help bring the end of Jimbo, and since the few leprechauns that still lived died last night, and my Leprosy is going to win out in less than ten minutes, I thought you might need this" Shrimp handed Kemp a knife, which is harder than it sounds because he had to jump up in order to place it in Kemp's hand. "I worked for the Society, but now that I'm the last one left, I didn't want to give leprechauns a bad name-"

  "You're already called Shrimp, it's a bit late for that" Doc pointed out.

  "Be that as it may, this dagger is very special, if you plunge it through Jimbo's heart, he will die"

  "Um, wouldn't that happen if any dagger went through his heart?" Doc said.

  "Well, yeah, I just picked this up at a shop, and I figured delivering you a weapon may be our contribution to stopping Micky's twin"

  "Well, thanks, but it's too late for that. Micky's already gone to hunt Jimbo"

  "That wasn't a very wise decision. Look, I don't know much about this guy but he could be dangerous"

  "Ya think?" Mac said sarcastically. "The guy that's going to destroy the world is dangerous? Thanks for the tip, don't know what we'd do without you"

  "You're welcome" Shrimp said before falling to the ground, stiff. Five seconds later, he disappeared into the wind.

  "Well, now that that's over, we have to come up with a plan to stop the Society" Mac said.

  "I'd feel more comfortable discussing this without your husband's corpse in the room. Besides, if he could track us down, who knows who else can?" Doc pointed out.

  "I have to help Micky" Kemp decided.

  "How are you going to do that? You can't sprout wings and fly to Mexico" Doc pointed out.
  "Maybe not" Kemp picked up the Dove and shoved it in his neck. "But with this, I can sure run there fast" And with that Kemp sprinted at jet speed out of the shack.

  "Did he just leave two defenceless women in a shack where any number of evil beings could come in and kill us?" Doc asked rhetorically.

  "Oh, don't be such a wimp" Mac dragged Alex's corpse out of the shack, through the small patch of shrubs and trees and laid him across the road so that a driver would be blamed for the murder and went back to the shack. "Now what's the plan to bring down the Society"

  "Um, I'm a doctor" Doc pointed out. "What do I know about combat and missions?"

  "Well, you might want to know more soon" Mac said. "Because otherwise the world's going to end, um, tomorrow"

  "Fine, how about we go to the Society mansion, interrogate the members until we find out their plan, and then go after the boss to stop their evil plan?"

  "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard" Mac said. "I guess I'll have to come up with a plan myself. Now, we need to somehow break in to the Society's base, dodge the security, and find an office that could have documents or outlines of the master plan"

  "Where are they going to be? In a folder marked 'My Evil Scheme'?" Doc rolled her eyes.

  "Hey, at least I'm coming up with logical ideas"
  "Logical? Don't you mean..."

  And Doc and Mac argued for a long time, and never did come up with a suitable plan, so they decided to spend their possible second last day on Earth having fun so they played poker, despite the fact that neither knew the rules.

  "I have a toilet flush" Mac put down a King of hearts and a 4 of spades.

  "Snap!" Doc slammed her card down.

  ***

  As for me, rescue wasn't as far away as I thought. But poisoned apples aren't exactly something that wear off easily, and with Kemp as my saviour, I think it's safe to say that I'm screwed. But at least in Part 54, I'll have a story to tell so I can stop digressing and being too lazy to narrate my own life.

  • Posted Aug 29, 2008 9:54 pm PT
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• 22Aug 08

  Just Don't Bite it! Don't Bite it! If You Don't Know What it is! Part 52!

  As I flew my way to Mexico, rather than doing my usual thing of dwelling on everything that's happened in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!
  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!

  I was focused on the task at hand for once because it was a toughie. Assuming that Jimbo was still at the Villain Motel, I still had no way to stop him. At least Jimbo had a gun to defend himself. I was also worried that if I actually did have it in me to kill someone, it was a possibility if my evil twin died, so would I.

  I had to admit though, it was cool, flying around the world as a hawk, but it had started raining and my feathers were all wet. As I swooped in for landing upon recognising a large glowing sign that read "Villain Vacancies Only", I managed to transform back into a human and went in search of room 666.

  I considered barging in but thought it too impolite, so I knocked on the door.

  "Who is it?" A familiar voice shouted.

  "Uh" I tried to think of an appropriate pseudonym but couldn't. "Roo"

  "Roo who?"

  "Um, Roo Mservice"

  "Oh, right, my Monday Sundae" Jimbo opened the door. "Oh, it's you"

  "Yeah, it's me"

  "Well, come on in"

  "Really?"

  "Yeah, I wouldn't be a very good host if I didn't allow family members in out of the rain"

  "You realise we're not technically related" I walked in.

  "Meh. Make yourself at home"

  I sat down on the couch and put my feet on the table.

  "So, where's your backup?" Jimbo cracked open a beer.

  "You killed them all"

  "Oh, well, most of them" Jimbo said modestly. "But I can't take credit for all the kills, the Society did their fair share too"

  "So you still have the Society fooled?"

  "Yeah, they're gullible as hell"

  "You realise why I'm here, right?"

  "I assume it's to try and kill me?"

  "Well, yeah, I do need vengeance for all my friends, and there's the bonus of not having the world destroyed"

  "I understand. But you've flown far, you may as well have something to eat first" Jimbo chucked me an apple from a fruit bowl. I looked at it suspiciously. "It's an apple. A type of fruit that you eat"

  "I know, but you're not called evil for nothing"

  "Oh, please, do you think I'm unoriginal enough to give you a poisoned apple?"

  "Okay, I see your point" I bit into the apple graciously. "So there's something I don't understand. What's powerful enough to destroy the world?"

  "You mean other than me?"

  "You know what I mean. Where'd you get a bomb that strong?"

  "You really think I'm going to fall for that 'tell the enemy my evil scheme' ploy?"

  "Yeah, I guess I wasn't being very subtle. You know I have to admit, this is not how I imagined our epic showdown to go"

  Jimbo shrugged. "I'm full of surprises"

  "I'm sure Pool would agree" I pointed to the stiff legs protruding from behind the TV.

  "Oh, man, I thought I hid the corpse quite well. How do you know it's Pool? Oh, right, psychic boy, never mind"

  "So were you planning on killing me any time soon?"

  "Well, I was considering stopping by and slaughtering you on the way to the Society base tomorrow, but I assume you've moved from the Warehouse by now?"

  "Yeah, thanks for the belated Christmas gift" I said sarcastically. "I always wanted to see three of my comrades' heads in a box"

  "Well, it's your fault for sending them to me pre-emptively"

  "It's your fault for shooting them and cutting their heads off"

  "Hey, I'm willing to take part of the blame if you are"

  I threw the apple core into the kitchen bin.

  "Nice shot" Jimbo complemented. "That's at least a three-pointer right there"

  "Have you got anything else to eat?" I asked.

  "I have a few more apples"

  "You don't have any more food whatsoever?"

  "Look, I know this may seem like a cla$sy place but on my salary, fruit's the only option. I am expecting an ice-cream though"

  "Can I have another apple then?"

  "I don't know. There seems something pointless about letting my arch enemy eat all my food supply before I kill him"

  "So you are planning to kill me then?"

  "Eventually" Jimbo shrugged. "But there's still three days before the year and the world ends and I've pretty much prepared everything. So I figured I may as well have some fun and be social"

  "You call this social? You could have at least brought a keg"

  "Micky, poor remember"

  "That makes two of us"

  "Here" Jimbo threw me another apple. "But this is the last one"

  "Thanks"

  "Well, I do owe you"

  "So where's my sister?"

  "You really think my policy on not explaining my plan has changed?"

  "Well, if you're going to kill me anyway...?"

  "Every movie, the character is about to die when the baddie explains his plans, but they always escape. I can't take that risk"

  "Pfft, you think too much" I took a bite out of the apple.

  "And you don't think enough" Jimbo grinned.

  "Huh?" I suddenly felt weak and light headed. "I guess you are unoriginal enough to poison an apple" I said incomprehensively as I passed out.

  Will Micky escape? Will he die? Will Kemp, Doc and Mac be alright at the Dove Shack? Will the Society find out who Jimbo is? Will Jimbo come up with an original way of killing someone? Will I stop asking these rhetorical questions that always start with Will? You probably won't find out any of these answers and less in Part 53!

  • Posted Aug 22, 2008 9:14 pm PT
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• 15Aug 08

  Dove Shack! Baby, Dove Shack! Part 51!

  As we walked through the farming area, I had time to collect my thoughts after the many events of:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!
  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!

  "Where are we going?" Kemp complained.

  "Well, it's not safe to talk about our plans in the warehouse" I said. "The box was delivered there so who knows if Jimbo has anyone listening in on the place"

  "That doesn't answer my question" Kemp said. "It's just summing up what we decided before we left"

  "We're going to our new base"

  "Which is?" Mac asked. "The HORS is destroyed, Doc's apartment is destroyed, I'm sure the warehouse has probably been destroyed since we left. What possible place is left that hasn't been burnt to the ground?"

  "This" I said as I cut through a few trees and revealed the cubby house I had built with my mates when we were kids over 15 years ago. It was masterpiece architecture if I say so myself, and was big enough to comfortably fit the four of us for a day or so. "I present to you, the Dove Shack. I named it on the way over"

  "Uh" Doc said. "It's pretty... well, delapid... it's crap"

  "Well, it didn't matter that much when we were kids" I pointed out.

  "When we were kids, we were impressed by stink bugs"

  "No, that was just you" I pointed out. "But it's well covered and would be hard for anyone to track us down"

  "I'm not living in there" Kemp said.

  "When I found you, you were spending your nights in a 1 star bus stop"

  "Right, and this is a step down"

  "Everyone just get in" I sighed.

  When we were all inside the Dove Shack-

  "Stop calling it that" Kemp said.

  "I didn't say anything" I said defensively.

  "Yeah, but you're thinking it. I can tell when you're narrating your life"

  "We've been spending way too much time together" I rolled my eyes.

  Anyway, once we were all inside the Dove Shack, I took charge and pulled out one of GT's inventions. She'd made it to contact the leprechauns whenever we needed to talk to them. It was made out of an old bomb detonator, with a few wires crossed, so that when you push the button, a high pitched whistle that humans can't hear but leprechauns (and dogs) can is let out across a radius of... hell, I don't know, I barely paid attention to GT's explanation the first time.

  Within seconds, we were becoming impatient because the leprechauns sure were taking their time. Finally a rainbow shone through one of the many holes in the roof of the Shack and a sickly leprechaun exited before the rainbow vanished again.

  "What took you so long?" I asked.

  "Uh, the contacter you have doesn't have a GPS signal or anything. I went to the warehouse which is where I assumed you were, only to find nobody there, except a couple of heads in a box. So I had to get a sniffer dog to track your scent to where you went and eventually made it here, but the dog kept trying to swallow me"

  "So that's what smells like dog vomit" Doc realised.

  "Anyway, I think 30 seconds is impressive timing considering how much trouble it took to find you" the leprechaun said. "So what do you want"

  "Well, New Years Eve is only a few days away-"

  "And you want some good fortune so that you keep your resolutions? Sorry, all the leprechauns have leprosy and we don't have powers anymore. We've even lost our power to rhyme"

  "Yeah, that's a real shame" Kemp chuckled.

  "Look, the world's ending in 4 days, can we have some sort of civility here?" I asked.

  "Nope" Mac kicked the leprechaun.

  "Anyway" I explained. "We're ready to fulfil the Leprechaun Legacy"

  "We went through all of that just to have you repeat what you said when we left?" Kemp rolled his eyes.

  "Pretty much. Look, according to the Legacy, the leprechauns play a key part in stopping Jimbo, right?" I said. "How many of you are left"

  "Well, almost 80% of us have died of Leprosy, and all of us are infected now. Of course, I'm sure at least a few of us will be alive by New Years to help"

  "Well, have you come up with anything less vague, like how you help bring him down?" I asked.

  "Well, we're beginning to think that there's a play on words in the Legacy, with 'key' part. Maybe we're supposed to unlock something or make a key or something"

  "How will that help bring him down?" I asked.

  "You realise I'm not psychic. I'm basically making this up as I go along. Besides, you're the one that has to defeat Jimbo"

  "How?"

  "Still don't know that either. I'm afraid you're on your own there. Anyway, we've managed to get rid of all our traitors, so none of us are working for Jimbo anymore"

  "Well, if he was getting as much help from them as we are, we had nothing to worry about to begin with"

  "Maybe you shouldn't insult the leprechaun race that's trying to help save the world"

  "Maybe you should stop trying and save the world"

  "It's hard to do that when you're a foot tall"

  "Guys, shut up" Doc said.

  "Yeah, you're being immature" Mac kicked the leprechaun again.

  "We need a plan" Kemp said. "You just keep procrastinating"

  "Alright" I said. "We know Jimbo's temporary address, but we also know he'll be at the Society base by New Years Eve, so we have two days to get to Mexico and stop him. Any ideas?"

  "Maybe making the rainbow from here to Mexico is how we help you stop Jimbo" the leprechaun shrugged.

  "That's stupid" I said, "but I'll take that rainbow ride"

  "Sorry, our powers are limited and we can only manage to make a maximum of two rainbows a day, and that's with all our remaining strength combined"

  "Why don't you fly over?" Mac suggested. "The Legacy doesn't mention anything about the three of us helping you. And if you fail, you can come back here and we will have come up with a backup plan by then"

  "Not a bad idea" Kemp said.

  "You're just saying that because you don't want to put your life in danger"

  "Duh"

  "Look, I haven't mastered my umption abilities" I said. "I can't just turn into a hawk whenever I feel like it"

  "Well, it's not like we're in a hurry or anything" the leprechaun shrugged. "We've got three whole days to stop the world from being destroyed"

  And with that, I felt the familiar transformation as I sprouted feathers, shrunk in size and felt my fingernails turn to claws. I squawked my goodbyes and headed to Mexico. Unfortunately, it hadn't entered my mind that I left the Dove in the Dove Shack. So I was going to be fighting my evil twin mano a cloneo, with no protection whatsoever. Well, it could be worse, the fate of the world could be in my hands. Oh, crap.

  • Posted Aug 15, 2008 7:02 pm PT
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• 8Aug 08

  Don't Waste Your Time on Me, You're Already the Vision Inside my Head! Part 50!

  After the X rated events of last night, the Rebellion was quite exhausted when the package arrived. Of course after all the things that have happened to us over 50 instalments of insanity, namely:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!
  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!

  A package arriving doesn't really compare to the dangers otherwise experienced. There was a knock on the door, and I went to answer it. Nobody was there, but a box was on the doorstep.

  "Who sends mail to an abandoned warehouse?" Kemp asked the obvious.

  "It's addressed to me" I read the box in astonishment.

  "Who knows we're here? We have to move" Menace panicked.

  "Relax, I'm 20% certain that this isn't a bomb. There's a lot of stamps on it though" I opened the box and instantly backed away. Inside were three familiar heads, belonging to Dr Kickass, Corn Cobbler and Tyrannosaurus Sex. Only problem was they weren't attached to their bodies, and there were bullet holes in their skulls. I may have even laughed at the fact that Dr Kickass and Corn Cobbler's faces had been shoved in with their lips touching if the smell hadn't been so overwhelming.

  "What is it?" Doc asked.

  "I'm guessing a late, decomposing Christmas present from Jimbo" I choked out.

  "Really? Because I am kind of hungry" Desert Dessert said.

  "Unless you've become a cannibal overnight, I don't think you'd be interested" I said. "The three musketeers are dead"

  "Damn, I owe you 20 bucks" Kemp said to Menace.

  "Look, Alana's head isn't in there, so I'm guessing she's still alive" I said.

  "He sent us their heads?" Mac raised an eyebrow. "Jimbo isn't exactly full of original ideas, is he?"

  "Someone wake up GT" I said. "She needs to hear this"

  "She left" Menace said. "Last night"

  "Where?"

  "I dunno. She said she was done with all of this and wanted out for good"

  "Really? It hardly seems fair to abandon the Rebellion when we need her the most"

  "Uh, this may not be the best time, but I was going to hand in my resignation" Desert Dessert said. "Too many people have died"

  "But you knew you'd be risking your life to save the world when you signed up for this" I reminded her.

  "I only joined because Menace did. And then I got tired of him and figured I can't dump him if we still work together"

  "I quit too" Menace said. "I don't want my head to be put in any packages"

  "What's wrong with everyone?" I said incredulously. "The world's ending in 4 days and all you're all abandoning the cause?"

  "I'm not" Kemp said.

  "Me neither" Mac said.

  "And I guess I still need to heal you three when you get hurt" Doc decided.

  "Well, we're certainly understaffed" I shrugged. "But if you two wanna leave, take the box with you. I don't wanna see it or you again"

  "What are we gonna do with a box of heads?" Menace rolled his eyes, stepped over the box and left.

  "Thanks for the opportunity. I hope you'll give me a good reference for my next job" Desert Dessert smiled briefly, stepped over the box and left in the opposite direction.

  I sighed. "Okay, so the four of us have to think of a plan" I said.

  "Yeah, I'm not good at plans" Doc shrugged. "I'm good at doctoring and making martinis but that's about it"

  "Okay, you can mix us some breakfast martinis while we come up with a plan" I said. "C'mon guys, three heads are better than one. Jimbo proved that"

  "You're just trying to shift the blame because you haven't come up with anything yet" Mac pointed out the obvious.

  "Hey, check it out" Kemp had flipped the box over. "There's a return address on here"

  "Who would be stupid enough to put a return addre... Pool!" I realised. "Where are they?"

  Kemp squinted. "Mexico. 666 Villain Motel"

  "Hey, I know that place" Mac said. "I hid out next door for a few weeks when I was running from all these problems. I stayed at 23 Cowardly Witch Boulevard"

  "Okay, I didn't ask for your life story" Kemp said. "Can you give us directions?"

  "I dunno, guys" I hesitated. "How do we know this isn't a trap?"

  "Do you want your sister back or not?"

  "Of course, but I still think we need a plan"

  "Be honest, if we wasted a few days brainstorming, do you really think we would come up with a sensible plan?" Kemp said.

  "Point taken" I shrugged. "Let's wing it"

  Suddenly I was hit with a wave of dizziness and collapsed on the ground. I instantly arrived, floating over a scene in what I assumed was the crappy apartment Jimbo called home. It had been a long time since my last vision, and by the looks of the place, it had been a long time since a maid had come through the motel.

  "Why would you put the return address on the package?" Jimbo was lecturing Pool.

  "Uh, if they weren't home, then it would be sent back to us. I figured we couldn't risk a bunch of heads travelling through the postal service for eternity" Pool thought he said logically.

  "Yeah, but if you hadn't put our address down, there'd be no way to trace it back to us in the first place"
  "What does it matter anyway?" Pool argued. "It's not like this has anything to do with the master plan"

  "Yeah, but now Micky can come over and try to stop us"

  "Isn't that why we're keeping his sister alive? Where is she anyway?"

  "I've already put her in position"

  "A few days early, isn't it?" Pool pointed out.

  "Yeah, but I had a feeling you may be incompetent enough to somehow ruin the plan, so I sent her off as a precaution"

  "So should we set up a trap for the Rebellion in case they come over for some form of vengeance for their fallen comrades?"

  "As literary as you tried to word that question, we're not doing anything. You've outlived your usefulness"

  "That's not true"

  "Give me one reason why I should keep you alive" Jimbo raised his gun.

  "Because I'm a productive member of society?" Pool attempted.

  Jimbo chuckled. "I'd say 'nice try' but that was an awful try. Goodbye" Jimbo pulled the trigger and I snapped out of the vision, throwing myself off my position on the warehouse floor and in the process headbutting Doc in the process.

  "Ow! I was just trying to examine you" Doc rubbed her head. "What was that anyway?"

  "I think he had a vision" Kemp said. "He seems to faint like that whenever he does"

  "What did you see?" Mac asked.

  "Well, it's not a trap, Jimbo's killed again, and Alana's part of some elaborate leverage in the master plan" I shrugged.

  "So what now" Kemp asked.

  "Now" I said, pulling myself to my feet. "We fulfil the Leprechaun Legacy"

  • Posted Aug 8, 2008 7:56 pm PT
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• 2Aug 08

  I'm Dreaming of an Alright Christmas! Part 49!

  Not much happened on the days following the latest incident of

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!
  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!

  And we took the coward's way out, Mac, Kemp and I escaping the Society base and fleeing back to Doc's house, only to find it burnt to the ground. We then contacted Doc who let us know the abandoned warehouse that she, GT, Menace and Desert Dessert were hiding out in. When we arrived there she told us that Alana wasn't in town and assumed missing, and that the three musketeers were MIA and not answering their phones. So the seven of us, 5 rebellion members, our doctor and our witch hid out in the warehouse, not wanting to make any move against the Society while we were unprepared. We held a memorial for the Rebellion members we knew were dead and kept trying the missing members' phone numbers, to no avail. We kept turns keeping watch because after the last setback, we didn't want anymore dead members on our hands. I worried most about Alana because if my vision that seemed like forever ago was coming true, she was in Jimbo's hands and since Dr Kickass, Corn Cobbler and Tyrannosaurus Sex were trying to track him down at the time, I doubted that they were all alive. But I held onto hope, and after a few days, there was only six days left until New Years Eve, which is when the world was scheduled to come to an end at the hands of Jimbo. The unsuspecting world had no idea that it would be destroyed, and the few of us that did had no idea how it would be destroyed. The Rebellion knew it had to do something, and Mac pointed out that it was Christmas Day and we should relax for once. One last hurrah before going into a losing battle sounded like just what we needed so a few of us went to the liquor store while the rest of us bought presents and mattresses, since the floor of the warehouse was very uncomfortable and just because we couldn't afford anything didn't change the fact that if the world was destroyed we wouldn't need to pay back our credit card bills.

  One long paragraph later we were back at the warehouse and trying to have a fun time, knowing that we'd need a lot of luck to defeat the Society. GT had bought some supplies in town and was busy trying to build inventions, preferably another Dove but the blueprints for the indestructible, invincible, powerful object had been destroyed in the fire, and she kept accidentally making a ring she couldn't break and handing them off to random leprechauns to throw in a volcano. We were happy to know that not all the leprechauns had died of Leprosy yet, and with their help and some of Mac's insider information we had a chance of winning this thing. Unfortunately, we had no idea what the 'thing' in question was.

  Anyway, we all had a lot of fun talking and drinking, though not as fun as Christmas at Doc's place would have been until something entertaining happened.

  "What the hell?" Kemp yelled as Menace took a swing at him. "What's your problem?"
  "What's my problem? You just had sex with my girlfriend!"

  "So? I shared my rum with you, I assumed you were sharing your chick with me. It's Christmas. Ever heard of the spirit of giving?"

  "Look, Kemp" I reasoned. "Swedish tradition is a little different from ours. You can't just sleep with someone's girlfriend"

  Menace swung at Kemp again, and Kemp grabbed his fist and flipped him to the ground. "Calm down, man. Desert Dessert came on to me"

  "I don't care"

  "Look" I tried interrupting again. "You have to stop fighting. Now, Menace, your girl slept with someone else. To get even, why don't you just have sex with someone else tonight. There are three other chicks here to choose from"

  "Fine, I'll take Mac" Menace said.

  "Excuse me?" Mac protested.

  "Uh, sorry man, I already picked Mac" I said.

  "I'm not a piece of fruit" Mac pointed out. "And that's not the right way to tell me you want to do me in a warehouse"

  "My bad"

  "Fine, I'll go with Olive" Menace chose again.

  "Actually, I wanted to hook up with Kemp" Doc shrugged. "And Micky's an old friend so he was my second choice"

  "Mine too" Desert Dessert said. "But Menace, you don't have to do this. I promise I won't sleep with anyone else tonight"

  "Doesn't anyone want me?" GT piped up.

  "No!" We all said simultaneously.

  "Well, never say never" Desert Dessert said.

  "Thin ice, honey"

  "Don't call my girlfriend honey, jackass" Menace took a step towards Kemp.

  "Look, we all agree that Desert is the group tramp, but this is one sentence away from turning into an orgy" I rolled my eyes.

  "Yeah, and I'm one drink away from nailing Desert again" Kemp agreed.

  Once Doc was done patching up Kemp's broken nose and Menace had calmed down enough for us to stop restraining him, I tried to lighten up the mood again.

  "So, who wants to do Desert next?"

  "It was a joke, you idiot" I said to Menace as Doc finished stitching my ear back on. "And we have to stop fighting inside the group. We have to focus our rage on our enemies, not our team. And it's Christmas. Can't we enjoy one day before we worry about the world and our friends in danger again?"

  "Uh, guys, I think we miscalculated our days" GT said. "It's Boxing Day according to my watch... wait, now it's midnight, it's the 27th"

  "Okay, then, we can panic again" I shrugged.

  "Not necessarily. Try this" GT pegged the metal, dove shaped object to me, and I shoved the pin into my neck and immediately felt power go through me. I patted GT on the back and she was flung across the room, slamming into the wall.

  "Nice job" I said.

  "You too" she groaned.

  "Okay, guys, here's the plan" I said.

  "Uh, before the plan" Mac said, "You reckon you could keep the Dove on and follow me to the far mattress"

  "Absolutely" I grinned. "Okay, guys, merry fake Christmas. We'll reconvene at this spot in 8 hours. Just as well, because I actually haven't come up with a plan yet, I was just bluffing"

  "Night Micky" they all said.

  And with that, I went to bed with Mac, Kemp put his arm around Doc and Desert and headed for another mattress and GT and Menace were stuck with each other for the night. Blame Menace, he was the one who only bought three mattresses. And blame whoever documents this one day for having to pair up all the characters on a Christmas special.

  I awoke the next morning with four days left until showdown and still no clue what the plan is.

  Part 49B: Jimbo Bells! Jimbo Bells! Jimbo all the way!

  "So what's the plan?" Poolmeister asked.

  "The plan is to take a break for the day. It's Christmas, we've earned it"

  "Uh, Christmas was two days ago, Jimbo"

  "Oh, in that case, no time to rest, we have work to do"

  • Posted Aug 2, 2008 1:18 am PT
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• 25Jul 08

  The Roof is on Fire! Part 48!

  And now for something completely different. Rather than me explaining my tales and adventure as I have in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!
  The Witch is Back! Part 47!

  This instalment, since I was there for none of it, and was only told of the respective moments later by the rest of the Rebellion, will be told in third person to update everyone on the status of everyone else's troubles. So I, Micky, will take a break for part 48, and let this part be told to you through song... or just words.

  ***

  Mr Potato Head, Super Sexy Spy Specialist, Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister and Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister's Snake spotted the Ute as they jogged away from the Society mansion.

  "How are we all going to fit in there?" Mr Potato Head asked.

  "Ssss" the snake replied.

  "You're right, we'll have to try" Mr Potato Head said.

  "You don't really expect us to believe that you can understand snakes, do you?" Super Sexy Spy Specialist rolled her eyes.

  "There's no proof that I don't"

  The spy sisters and snake clambered into the back of the car and Potato Head got into the driver's seat. "Where's Slappy Bag? I thought he was our getaway driver"

  "Who cares? Let's pick up the others and get out of here" Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister's Snake said.

  Mr Potato Head gasped. "You can talk?"

  "Nah, that was me" Super Sexy Spy Specialist said. "I'm just a good ventriloquist"

  Mr Potato Head turned the ignition and slammed on the accelerator. The bomb planted there by a crooked cop was pushed down and exploded, killing all of them.

  The burst of flames sent smoke flying up, and met with more smoke a few towns over, where the Rebellion base, Olive Cox's house was on fire.

  Doc was tending to Nanananana Pacman who had inhaled a lot of smoke and was coughing violently.

  "We can't get out the door, there's too much fire" Menace shouted.

  "Can't get out the window, it's too high up" Desert Dessert screamed back.

  "Then how the hell do we get out?" Dyslexic Peet yelled.

  "He's gone" Doc said.

  "Who?" Menace asked.

  "Nanananana Pacman"

  "No, he's not. He's lying right there"
  "I mean he's dead, idiot"

  "Guys, I have a plan" GT declared.

  "Will it make me walk again?" Perminator asked.

  "Uh, no, but it will get some of us out of here"

  "What do you mean some of us?" Desert Dessert dodged a piece of collapsing roof.

  "Well, two of us will have to sacrifice ourselves"

  "Not it!" All of the Rebellion members shouted.

  "Sorry, Perminator and Dyslexic Peet, you guys said it last"

  "Dammit" Perminator groaned. "Just my luck"

  "Alright, Dyslexic Peet, you have to push Perminator through the door so that it crashes open. Can you do that?"

  "Uh, no" Dyslexic Peet said. "The house is on fire"

  "Really, I hadn't noticed" Menace said. "Just do it!"

  "Uh, thanks Menace" GT said.

  "Fine" Dyslexic Peet gathered all his courage, lost it, then got it back again and ran into the flames, pushing Perminator's wheelchair as he ran. He slammed through the collapsing door, and both bodies aflame fell down the spiral stairs, landing motionless on the second storey floor.

  "So what's the plan?" Doc asked.

  "I dunno, I was sort of coming up with it as I go" GT shrugged.

  "What!?" Menace shouted.

  "Relax" GT said. "You and Desert Storm-"

  "Desert Dessert" she corrected.

  "Whatever. You two take Newbie and Pacman's corpses and throw them out the window"

  "Why?" Menace asked.

  "Just do it"

  "Okay"

  Just then the floor gave way underneath Doc's feet, she fell through and landed in a crouched position on the second floor.

  "Are you okay?" GT yelled through the hole.

  "Yeah" Doc coughed back. "Do you need me to do anything while I'm down here?"

  "Is there a window down there?"

  "Yeah"

  "Okay, throw Perminator and Dyslexic Peet out there"

  "Are you insane"

  "Yes. Just do it"

  "Alright" Doc checked their pulses and finding them dead, through them out the window, next to the bodies of the other two corpses.

  "Now" GT yelled above the creaking and crashing. "We all jump out and aim for the bodies to cushion our fall. There's four of them and four of us"

  "Uh, couldn't we just jump down the hole Doc made and run down the rest of the stairs" Desert Dessert pointed out.

  "Um, no" GT said, and leapt out the third storey window. She landed on Newbie and groaned, before getting up and shouting "It's easy, just try it"

  Doc shrugged and jumped out the window on the floor she was on, landing on Nanananana Pacman.

  "Thanks Pacman. At least you've finally done something useful" she said.

  Menace and Desert Dessert followed, Menace landing on Perminator and Desert Dessert landing on GT.

  "Ow" GT shouted. "What did you land on me for?"

  "I don't have very good aim" Desert Dessert shrugged. Just then, the whole building collapsed and the four Rebellion members fled for their life.

  Speaking of fleeing, at that very moment, Jimbo and Alana were fleeing back down Mexico way, arriving at his hideout, Room 666 at the Villain Motel. Jimbo opened the door and led Alana in.

  "It's a simple question" Alana was saying. "Why are we in Mexico? I mean we should be helping the Rebellion and I don't want you hiding me out down here. Shouldn't we at least let them know, Micky?"

  "I'm just saying..." Jimbo trailed off as he noticed Corn Cobbler, Tyrannosaurus Sex and Dr Kickass sitting on the couch having a drink with Poolmeister. "What are you doing?"

  "Oh, never mind, some of them are here already" Alana shrugged her question off.

  "Hey boss" Poolmeister waved.

  "Who are you?" Alana asked.

  "What are you doing?" Jimbo repeated.

  "Oh, I was just telling these three about our plans for world destruction, with the Pail and everything" Poolmeister said nonchalantly.

  "How many times must I tell you, do not tell the Rebellion any of our plans. It's the rookie mistake for all bad guys in the movies"

  "Sorry boss. But they aren't hurting anybody"

  "Not yet" Jimbo said and shot Corn Cobbler, Tyrannosaurus Sex and Dr Kickass in their heads before they could blink.

  "What did you do that for? I already poisoned their drinks. The bullets are redundant" Poolmeister protested.

  "I guess you're not completely useless after all" Jimbo shrugged. "Now most of the Rebellion are taken care of, we have to go after Micky. He's the only one that has a chance of stopping us, but he's been captured"

  "Hey, where'd the chick go?" Poolmeister asked.

  Jimbo looked next to him to find Alana gone and the door open. "Aw, dammit" He ran out after her and upon spotting her tackled her to the ground. "Thought you could escape, huh?"

  "You're Jimbo, aren't you?" Alana said.

  "Nothing gets past you" Jimbo grinned.

  "Are you going to kill me?"

  "Of course not. Not yet anyway. You are going to play a very important part in this plan. You are called leverage. Ever heard of it?"

  "No, but I've heard of screwed and I know I'm certainly that" Alana groaned.

  Back at the Society base, me, Kemp and Mac were running as fast as we could and... oh, looks like we're out of time. I guess I'll pick this story back up later.

  • Posted Jul 25, 2008 6:06 pm PT
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• 18Jul 08

  The Witch is Back! Part 47!

  I tried to wrap my head around what just happened since it seemed like the dungeon door opened a few months ago rather than a few seconds. Regardless I was confused about more than one thing after the events of:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!
  Their Story! Part 46!

  But the most worrying was what my old ally, lover, friend, witch and corpse was doing fighting on the side of my arch nemesis, father, nutjob and terrorist leader.

  "Mac?" I managed to spit out.

  "Close, but you're way off" Mac said, as she looked around the room we were captured in.

  Stikky grinned evilly. "Perhaps you've heard of the twin complex. Somewhere in the world is you're exact duplicate. It just happens that in theory, this is correct but the twin is not released into the world until the original passes on. And while they may look the same and have the same personality, they're intentions are the complete opposite of the originals. Mac wanted to help form the Rebellion. Now that she's out of the picture, she regenerated as an opposite and is now helping the Society. Of course once I found out about the twin complex, I immediately started tracking down her double when she died, just to see the look on your face."

  Of course, I'd heard this speech before, and while Stikky was trying to pass the revelation off as his own, I guessed that WhizKid had deciphered the Leprechaun Legacy after all. I kept playing ignorant however, because I knew whose duplicate was going to destroy the world, and it happened to be mine.

  "So what do you think Micky?" Stikky continued.

  "I think you talk too much... dad"

  "Dad?... Oh crap, I forgot to put on my cloak to hide my identity!"

  "Oh please, I figured it out ages ago!" I rolled my eyes. "So what's the name of Mac's duplicate?" Mine was called Jimbo which I thought quite random for the name of an evil twin, but then again my whole life was either completely random or overly planned.

  "My name is Mac" Mac said. "Just to stop confusion, you know?"

  "Good job" Kemp mumbled.

  "Oh, that reminds me, we found a few of your friends snooping around upstairs" Stikky revealed Super Sexy Spy Specialist, her sister and the snake and threw them into the dungeon with us.

  "What reminded you of that?" Mr Potato Head asked.

  "Oh, the snake bit me. It's not poisonous, is it?"

  "It doesn't even have teeth, how could it bite you?" Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister asked.

  "Ssssssss" the snake agreed, which roughly translated means "yeah, blame it on the snake, why don't ya?"

  "Well, then wha-?" Stikky collapsed on the dungeon floor.

  "Come on, we don't have much time. The tranquiliser dart wears off in thirty minutes"

  "What was that?" I asked our saviour.

  "A tranquiliser dart. Jeez, Micky, open your ears"

  "My hearing's the least of my problems. I feel like my brain's going to explode"

  "Look, it's very simple" Mac said. "I'm not Mac's evil twin. I never died in the first place"

  "I beg to differ" Kemp said. "We all saw you die at the Pail showdown"

  "You saw someone that looked like me"

  "No, you were captured by Stikky, and you were with him until you got to the Pail. You had powers. And last but not least, only a witch dying can trigger your life flashing before your eyes, and the beam that caused me to remember everything clearly came from you" I listed all the faults in her answer.

  "Did it really?" Mac said. And then she explained everything.

  Over four months earlier when the race was on for the Holy Pail (just filling in the gaps for those that weren't there, namely Mr Potato Head, the spy sisters and to a lesser extent their snake, since Kemp, Mac, I and Joe (who was cowering in the corner) were all there last season (by which I mean Spring of course)) Kemp, Alana and I were searching in Sweden, while Stikky had Mac hostage and was following us to see what we were up to, while Alex and Brain were on the other side of Sweden also looking for the giant pail. We all ended up at the Pail where all hell broke loose, and one thing nobody counted on, Joe actually being smart enough to track any of us down, was disposed of quickly when he got a bullet to the hand. More importantly, Stikky had fired at me in the chaos and it would have hit me if Mac hadn't slowed time down and jumped in front of the bullet. She died and what seemed like a ghost drifted out of her and slammed me into a lifeflashing spree (Any more detail read, Part 25-27, this is starting to seem like a clip blog or something). Anyway, what we didn't know was while Stikky was following Alana, Kemp and me, Mac really needed to go to the toilet. Stikky found a cave, where he briefly let Mac go inside since it was barely two metres deep, and aimed his gun in the general vicinity of the cave in case she tried something tricky. Well, she did, but the cave was too dark and the snow too blinding for Stikky to notice. See, deep down, and something she'd told me upfront several times, Mac never wanted a part in this conspiracy and wanted out as soon as she found out her husband, Alex, was a terrorist. But coincidences continuously threw her back into action. She took this time as a chance to escape. But since it would be impossible to just run off without getting shot, she had no ingredients or a cauldron for a potion and Stikky would hear her if she started reciting a spell aloud she used a trick she had up her sleeve, and blinked and winked a secret code (Mac described the sequence in great detail to our stunned group - I'm not going to repeat it word for word since I don't remember it by heart but it went something like 'close right eye, blink, close left eye, close right eye, close right eye, close left eye, blink, etc...blink three times) and a replica of her came out of Mac. Mac could control the replica with her mind, but the body itself was practically a puppet. But if Mac said something aloud, the dummy would as well. Anyway, Mac controlled the dummy out of the cave where Stikky took it back hostage. Then Mac had a change of heart and instead of running in the opposite direction, she followed from a distance now that her life wasn't in danger anymore. She tried to warn us once, but we had started sprinting towards the Pail when it came into sight. Anyway, she hid in the trees while the Mexican standoff took place, and when nobody did anything for a few seconds she got bored and decided to give us the advantage by making the first move, so she picked up a small rock and threw it at Brain. When it hit her in the head, Brain got mad and assumed it came from us since she didn't see anyone throw it, and none of us had seen the stone at all, so we were taken off guard when Brain dropped her gun and lunged at us. That's when Mac realised she wasn't helping at all and stayed out of it. She had made a mistake earlier when she muttered to herself "hey, you're that cop" when she saw Joe, but luckily she said it quietly, while the Mac dummy practically shouted. But she did control the Mac dummy to get out of Stikky's grip before he got suspicious of her, and then she started making it do tricks she could never do in person. When Joe got shot, Mac was taken off guard, and she was trying to get her revenge on Alex by charging the dummy at him, but seeing the cop shot, her mind got blocked and the dummy stopped in its track. The mind block caused an involuntary power of Mac's that she hadn't used since high school when she wanted sex to last longer. If a witch clears her head, she can make everything around her move in slowmotion and when she realised that's what she'd done, she surveyed the scene from her hiding spot and that's when she'd noticed Stikky had pulled the trigger and a bullet was exiting the gun. She had quite a few seconds to figure out what to do but the bullet was moving a lot faster than my instincts, but still slow enough for Mac to jump into action. "Micky" She had shouted a warning, before realising that my ears wouldn't hear the whole word for a few seconds since I was moving in slow motion too. That's when she focused all of her power on the Mac dummy running and jumping into the bullet. The dummy itself never lived or thought or anything, but while the puppet didn't necessarily die, it certainly broke. And the memory of all that happened in the dummy's hour of existence since Mac's bathroom break escaped it and that's what I had seen escape who I thought was Mac. Not a ghost, but the signal of a power dying. The body and spirit of the dead dummy eventually faded, but not until minutes later when the war continued, with both Mac and I out of the fight, leaving Alana and Kemp in a losing battle, which they eventually quit, grabbing my lifeless body and fleeing the scene, unable to spot Mac's body in the process. Then the rest is history, them taking me to a place that they thought would be safe - not a doctor's office where normal coma patients go, but the basement of a burnt down secret house, the infamous House of the Rising Sun. Kemp then searched for people to help our cause while Alana tried researching the Society as it grew more powerful and had more influence on the world. A few months passed and I awoke from my memory coma, knowing everything about my life, and sort of ready to lead the Rebellion to a victory that isn't looking likely at the moment. But I digress. Five sentences ago, Mac was finishing her story. Since Mac had focused on the dummy saving my life, her mind was no longer blank, and time was going at the normal pace - I assumed at the time that being dead Mac couldn't keep things in slow mo. What the rest of us had failed to notice while we were preoccupied with Mac's death was the Pail which only for a second briefly shot a blast into my body, coincidentally straight through the dummy's spirit that was already dying. Being disoriented, dizzy, distracted and whatever other "di" word you can come up with, I thought it was Mac's spirit that charged into me, triggering the memories when in fact the Pail had used one of it's many powers of memory revival, one I only heard of a few days ago, in the hopes of reviving Alana's memory. But wherever the Pail came from it hadn't thought of a completely blank memory and it took four months for all the memories to come back to me. We had come to the conclusion that a witch dying causing your life as you know it took a few seconds, but a life that you didn't know had unexpected side effects, namely longer to refresh my brain. Anyway, it was the Pail that shot me into the tree. Only Mac had seen what the Pail did, and since the fight quickly continued, Mac had a few seconds to check on how I was doing. She checked my pulse, and finding me barely alive thought that was good enough and quickly ran away from this crazy predicament forever. She was hiding out for a few months, but Stikky eventually tracked her down, believing her to be her own evil twin. Mac had to play along to survive, but she also learnt more about the Society, just in case she was needed later. She found out where Alex kept the tranquiliser darts and always carried one with her in case she was needed to save the day. Alex once told her that since Mac had divorced him, the opposite intention for her twin would be to get back together with him and have a life of evil forever, but Mac covered up by saying that she never would have married him to begin with. Stikky wanted to use Mac's powers to the Society's evil advantage, but Mac bluffed her way through by saying that for some reason she was created without powers, possibly because the powers died with "Mac". She was also a bit slow on her feet so when they asked what her name was she had to say "Mac" because "Uh... Sarah" sounds a bit suspicious. Mac had also cracked into WhizKid's files at night and deduced that the anonymous tipper that was helping the Society known only as Jimbo, something Stikky was trying to find out about, more to thank him than anything else, was actually my evil twin, since the code from the Leprechaun Legacy matched some identification on a fax number Jimbo used to communicate with the Society, when he didn't disguise his voice on the phone or send a letter like a caveman. Anyway, when she heard that we had once again been captured by the Society she convinced Stikky that it would be a good shock for us to find her working for them and would be fun to see our faces. Since Stikky was finding it hard to find a use for Mac, since she not only had no powers but also seemed to lose the kicks and moves she was performing at the Pail showdown along with seeming to have no information on me, Alana or Kemp, since she was created without memory of these events and she'd need some sort of power to see a different lifeline, Stikky decided it would be fun. Little did he know, his plan would backfire as soon as he opened the dungeon door...

  "Wow" Super Sexy Spy Specialist's sister said when Mac was finished telling her story. "That's half an hour of my life that I'll never get back"

  "Half an hour?" Mac said in horror, turning off the torch she was holding against her face while she was telling somewhat of a camping story and leaping to her feet, before running to Stikky who was beginning to stir. "The tranquiliser's wearing off!"

  I yanked the gun out of Stikky's hands and pocketed it. "Can you tranq him again?"

  "I only had one dart" Mac shrugged. Come on everyone!" I insisted, as Kemp, Mr Potato Head, the spy sisters, the snake and Mac ran out of the dungeon and up the stairs. I started to sprint after them but Stikky grabbed my leg and I tripped over.

  Stikky struggled to his feet and stared down at me. Suddenly there was a gunshot and Stikky fell back down to the floor.

  I stared at Joe. "You had a gun this whole time?"

  "Yeah, I've been looking for it ever since they threw me down here weeks ago. It was in my pocket. Always the last place you look"

  I stood up, but Stikky too was getting to his feet.

  "Didn't you hit him?" I asked Joe frantically.

  "What? No, I think he just ducked. My gun only shoots blanks"

  "You idiot!" I said and kicked Stikky as hard as I could. Still weak from the tranquiliser, he stumbled back and fell into the dungeon. I slammed the door shut with Stikky and Joe inside for punishment.

  Not wanting to know if Stikky had dropped the keys or not I ran after the other Rebellion members. Finally arriving at the top of the stairs, I slammed through the front door and ran out into the open, glad that it was night time and the rest of the Society was sleeping comfortably in the mansion. I met up with Kemp and Mac who were standing at the roadside.

  "Where's Mr Potato Head and Super Sexy Spy Specialist and Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister and Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister's Snake?" I asked.

  "You know you can just say 'the others'" Kemp rolled his eyes. "They went to get Slappy Bag to bring the car around"

  At that moment we heard a gunshot. Fearing that Stikky was behind us I turned around and instead saw a police car parked in the mansion driveway with the boot open and an officer standing behind it. I cautiously walked over next to the cop and casually looked inside the boot. I staggered backwards when I recognised Slappy Bag's body with a bullet in his head. I stared at the cop who was still armed.

  "What the hell was that?" I asked.

  "Oh, uh, he was resisting arrest" The cop chuckled, then stopped when I didn't join in. "Wait, you're not from the Socie..." Kemp hit him from behind. "...ty" The cop passed out.

  "Nice hit" I said. "We've gotta get out of here" I briefly stopped. "Sorry Slaps" I tried the new nickname I was going to give him as a congratulations for waiting in the getaway car the whole night... The car!

  Kemp, Mac and I ran down the street to join the rest of the group to warn them. We were a block away before the explosion occurred and I fell to the street with tears in my eyes. We'd lost 4 Rebellion members tonight. And a beloved pet. Little did I want to know, that was the least of our problems.

  ***

  I hope you enjoyed Micky's double length blog return. Micky will be back next week with an amount of words that only sort of gets on your nerves rather than takes you hours to read. Stay tuned for Part 48: The roof is on fire!

  • Posted Jul 18, 2008 7:50 pm PT
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• 18Jul 08

  Blatant Advertising

  This is a promo of sorts that I'm using to promote the return of Season 2: Rebellion after a 2 month hiatus. Shameless I know, but for all of those that have been gripping their seats in anticipation, you can all relax, since in less than 18 hours, Micky's blog will return, and as a reward for waiting patiently, it's a double length return. Or is that a punishment? Depends if you read the blogs out of habit or because you actually enjoy them. Guess it's a punishment for everyone. Anyway...

  This week, Micky and the gang return after two months of sitting around in suspense waiting for their new blog to be jotted down, but only two seconds have passed in that time. When we last left Micky, he was locked in a dungeon with a Swedish sidekick, an incompetent cop and a fellow Rebellion member, while the rest of the Rebellion were in peril as well. But there were more shocks to come as the dungeon opened and... wait, I'm advertising this week's episode, not the previous one, read the old ones yourself you lazy bastards! Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, how will Micky escape and save the world in time for New Years Eve when a bomb will destroy the world? Well, the second part of that won't happen for at least a dozen episodes, but the first one is possible, but with so many obstacles in their way, how can the Rebellion begin to regroup and save the world? Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself again. Never mind, all you need to know (that is, if anybody even reads these blogs anymore, because it's starting to seem like I'm talking to myself), is that the Micky saga will continue tomorrow at noon Australian time in a special double length blog (as if the normal length weren't long enough) as we bring you in the season return, Part 47: The Witch is Back! Stay glued to your computers for all the twists and turns because this episode is confusing if you're not paying attention, or have forgotten the events of last year's Pail showdown. Wait, aren't promos supposed to be short? Oh, well, speaking in a weird summing up way: Micky, season return, tomorrow, be there or be threatened.

  Uh, thanks for that Mr Voiceover Man. Oh, did I mention that the Micky blogs are back starting tomorrow? Several dozen times? Okay, well I didn't name the blog "blatant advertising" for nothing.

  • Posted Jul 18, 2008 3:11 am PT
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• 30May 08

  Their Story! Part 46! Mid-season Break commences...

  As the door to the dungeon creaked open, I couldn't help remembering what had happened in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!
  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!

  And I came to the realisation that for the first time in over seven seconds I had only one story to tell, and that was who was behind the door. But little did I realise, I wasn't the only one in peril, and all across the world, the Rebellion's plan was failing horribly...

  ***

  "How's he doing?" Dyslexic Peet asked.

  "Still dead" Doc rolled her eyes. "But then again, Newbie's been a corpse since you met him so I'd probably let you know if anything changed"

  "Wow, that's a bit harsh" Nanananana Pacman said. "We don't know what kind of crazy stuff we're into"

  "Quiet" Perminator suddenly ordered from the window. "I think someone's coming"

  "Well, how do you know it isn't just someone walking home from work?" Desert Dessert said.

  "Well, she's carrying a gun"

  Menace, Desert Dessert, Nanananana Pacman, Dyslexic Peet, Doc and GT stopped what they were doing, which was basically sitting around doing nothing and rushed to the window, looking down to the streets two floors below.

  "I don't see anyone" Menace said. "Are you sure you didn't imagine her?"

  "Uh, my legs are broken, not my eyes" Perminator said defensively.

  "Okay, where'd she go then?"

  "I dunno"

  The group suddenly heard footsteps echoing up the steps.

  "Oh crap" Nanananana Pacman said. "Quick, hide"

  "What sort of group of rebels hide when enemies come?" Doc asked.

  "Uh, the cowardly sort"

  "Yeah, but... hey, the footsteps stopped" Perminator said.

  "Are you sure?" Menace said.

  "My legs are broken, not my ears"

  "Well, where is she?" Desert Dessert asked.

  "Maybe we're being paranoid" Dyslexic Peet shrugged.

  "Do you smell smoke?" Nanananana Pacman asked.

  And that's when Doc's house, the Rebellion base, burst into flames.

  ***

  Across town, at the library, Alana was trying to research information on anything to do with the weird things the Rebellion had encountered, but she was too confused and gave up, and started to play a computer game, which she hoped would jog her memory.

  This wasn't working either, so she logged off the internet and walked out of the library, preparing to go back to the base with a failed mission. Alana was concerned about the end of the world of course, along with the worrying factors of backstabbing leprechauns, evil twins and a magical Pail written with a capital for some reason, but the fact that she couldn't remember anything was more distressing. Especially since she was attracted to someone that was apparently her brother. And speaking of the devil, the guy she knew as Micky was walking towards her.

  "Micky, hey, how'd the mission go?" she called out as they ran into each other.

  "Uh, fine" he replied. "I was just coming to collect you. There's been a change in plans, I have to take you someplace else"

  "Oh, did Kemp screw something else up?"

  "No, this is bigger than you think. Here, take this pill, I'll explain later" And after drugging and kidnapping Alana, Jimbo was back on track and ready for the big plan to commence.

  ***

  Slappy Bag was a few towns over, sitting in the getaway car and wondering what was taking the rest of the group so long to get the hell out of the Society's lair. He checked his watch again, and rolled his eyes at the disorganisation of the plan. He considered leaving the Ute, and heading to the mansion, but didn't want to screw up the plan.

  Suddenly there was a knock on the driver's side door, and startled, Slappy Bag looked out the window to see a cop. He rolled down the window.

  "What's up, officer?"

  "Did you know you're illegally parked?" the cop asked.

  "Yeah, sorry about that. I'm waiting for some friends"

  "Really? Are they having a party up at the mansion?"

  "Sort of" Slappy Bag shrugged.

  "So why aren't you parked up there?"

  "Oh, the guy there doesn't like me, so they agreed to walk the two blocks down here. Wait, how did you know they were in the mansion?"

  "Oh, well, what's the opposite of straight?"

  "You're a gay cop? What does that have to do with anything?" Slappy Bag was slow.

  "No" the cop whacked Slappy Bag over the head with a rainbow coloured baton. "I'm crooked" And with that, the cop pulled Slappy Bag out of the car, and put him in the boot of his police car. He then placed a bomb underneath the pedal of the Ute and drove off.

  ***

  A few blocks down the road, inside the Society mansion, Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister, her sister and her snake were busy spying on a revealing argument.

  "Because I didn't realise this was an evil organisation when I became an electrician for you guys" Lyght said.

  "Yeah, but whose fault is that?" Alex asked. "It's just a coincidence that your ex-lover is our number one enemy"

  "Geez, who hasn't Micky done?" Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister whispered.

  "Shh" Her sister hissed back.

  "Sss" Her snake just hissed.

  "Well, am I allowed to quit?" Lyght asked.

  "I wish it was that easy. Trust me, your inability to screw in a lightbulb hardly makes you a valuable employee. But you know too much"

  "I don't know anything" Lyght pointed out.

  "No argument here" Shrimp chimed in.

  "Aaagh!" Alex said. "Geez, how long have you been here Shrimp?"

  "Uh, since lunchtime, I've been standing right here the whole time"

  "Well, the desk was blocking you so I couldn't spot you. You need to grow a metre or two, dude"

  "I'll leave you two with it" Lyght said and rushed out of the room.

  "What do you want?" Alex asked.

  "Oh, well as you know, we leprechauns have a seventh sense, and-"

  "You're not getting a raise" Alex said shortly.

  "Well, I know my seventh sense told me that. And so did Stikky. But anyway, I just thought you might want to know that there's a couple of rebellion chicks hiding behind your curtains"

  "O'oh" Super Sexy Spy Specialist said.

  "Shh" her sister said.

  "Sss" her snake hissed, just before the curtains were ripped open and the three were captured by the Society.

  ***

  A long way from home, the three musketeers, Tyrannosaurus Sex, Corn Cobbler and Dr Kickass, arrived in Mexico and finally arrived at the resort that GT's invention had pointed to. Corn Cobbler pushed open room 666 and they prepared to meet Jimbo.

  Unfortunately, Jimbo wasn't home. However, they did see their former leader, Poolmeister, sitting in a rocking chair and talking into a phone. He immediately hung up.

  "Hey guys, long time no see" Poolmeister grinned.

  "You backstabbing bastard" Tyrannosaurus Sex slapped him.

  "Look guys, if you were in my position, you'd do the exact same thing"

  "What, betray the cause and start working with the enemy?"

  "Hey, the enemy was the Society that was trying to rule the world. I quit and joined Jimbo-"

  "Who's trying to destroy it" Dr Kickass said. "You realise if the world dies, you die too?"

  "It's not that black and white" Poolmeister reasoned. "Besides, the Pail is-"

  "Right, the Pail" Corn Cobbler remembered. "How exactly are you planning on using it? We heard it's some sort of weapon"

  "You're kidding, right?" Poolmeister realised they weren't. "Wow, looks like I picked the right team if this is how slow your detective work is"

  "What are you talking about?" Dr Kickass asked.

  "The Pail isn't a weapon. It's the weapon. The Society is going to do everything. They're oblivious to the whole thing"

  "What whole thing?"

  "We're sending information to a Society member called WhizKid, who thinks he's reworking the Pail into some mass mind control device. But come New Years Eve, when the countdown commences, the Pail is going to blow the world to kingdom come"

  "The Pail's the bomb" Corn Cobbler realised.

  "Well, duh, it's the biggest Pail in the world, it has plenty of dangerous powers, it doesn't take a moron to realise that it's the only thing in the world strong enough to destroy a planet"

  "We're screwed" Tyrannosaurus Sex summarised.

  ***

  So all the Rebellion members were in the middle of failing their missions, none more so than me, Kemp and Mr Potato Head who were staring at the open doorway of the dungeon at the leader of the Society, my father, cloakless, Stikky. But he wasn't the one I was staring at. For right next to him was someone I never thought I'd see again. Standing next to Stikky, fighting on the side of the Society was Mac.

  And now comes the midseason break. It may be hell but wait two months and the rest of season 2 will be very worthwhile. Or maybe it won't, it's all a matter of opinion. Stay tuned.

  • Posted May 30, 2008 6:56 pm PT
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• 23May 08

  Prisoner of Society (Redux)! Part 45!

  As Alex and a few guards dragged me, Mr Potato Head and Kemp through corridors and down flights of stairs inside the Society base, I wondered what we could have done to deserve this. Then I realised that was a stupid question, given everything that we had done in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!
  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!

  Anyway, the stairs seemed to go on forever, and it wasn't until we reached a steel door and were thrown in a dark room that I realised the Society were going by 15th century punishments and the three of us were locked in a dungeon.

  "Well, that idea backfired" Mr Potato Head said.

  "Ya think?" Kemp rolled his eyes.

  "Yes, I do" Mr Potato Head clearly wasn't as used to sarcasm as the rest of the world.

  "Okay, we need a way out of here" I said.

  "Great, we'll just crash open the door, knock out all the security guys and escape through one of the windows" Mr Potato Head clearly knew as much sarcasm as the rest of the world.

  "Look, I know this isn't an ideal situation" I said. "But we've gotten out of worse before. Me and Alana managed to escape from a Society cell months ago.

  "Yeah, but we don't have leprechauns to help us this time" Kemp pointed out.

  "And we can't call the base because there's no reception down here" Mr Potato Head checked his phone before shoving it back in his pocket.

  "Okay, look around, there's bound to be some secret exit somewhere around here" I suggested.

  "There isn't" A new voice said from a few metres away. It was hard to make the person out in the darkness but I immediately recognised the voice.

  "You again?" Kemp rolled his eyes. "What are you doing down here?"

  "He probably accidentally locked himself in" I pointed out.

  "Hey, give me more credit than that" Joe was agitated.

  "So why are you down here?"

  "Well, I found out that the people that hired me are like this cult that's trying to rule the world"

  "And you're a cop" I pointed out. "It only took you six months to figure that out, huh?"

  "Well, it is record time for me solving a case, but when I confronted Alex about it, they threw me down here"

  "Why didn't they just kill you?" Mr Potato Head asked. "Wait, why didn't they just kill us? They seem fine with offing everyone else"
  "I'm guessing they have orders of wanting me alive" I guessed. "As for Joe, I'm guessing he annoyed them so much that they figured killing him wasn't enough of payback, and torturing him was more fun"

  "Well, if they want us alive, then I'm guessing someone will be down eventually to fetch you" Kemp finally had a logical point. "So we need a way of using this to our advantage so that we can make our escape"

  "How about we just knock down the guards and run off?" Mr Potato Head suggested.

  "Yeah right, did you see how many stairs we'd have to run up to get to the ground floor" I pointed out. "They'd catch us before we get ten steps up"

  "Well, let's search the dungeon for any weapons" Kemp was unusually in control, but it worked for me, since I was no good at making decisions.

  "I told you there's nothing down here" Joe repeated.

  "Yeah, but we don't exactly think that your sleuthing is words to go by" I said.

  "Well, I did only check one wall before I gave up" Joe realised. "Still, I think you guys are wasting your time"

  "Why?" I asked, and then realised that Joe, one of the key players in our Mexican standoff months earlier, would know more about the Society's plans than Newbie, the corpse at our base who had wiped my memory what seemed like a lifetime ago, ever would. Of course this was a big assumption, given that Joe didn't seem the type to memorise details or even notice that the people he was working for were trying to rule the world. All the same, the three of us stopped looking around the dungeon and waited for a response from Joe. After a minute, I said "Well?"

  "Oh, you were talking to me?" Joe realised. "Well, they call themselves the Society and go by codenames. I just assumed everyone liked using nicknames around here, but I never would have guessed that my co-workers were going around killing people and getting money to use on the weapon"

  "The weapon?" I waited, and this time Joe figured out I was talking to him in half a minute.

  "Well, I don't know much about it, but apparently there's some secret partner who's helping Stikky - that's the boss - alter this thing called the Holy Pail. Now I don't know what it is-"

  "It's that giant pail that's been in the castle yards since you moved here" I told him.

  "Oh, I was wondering what that was for. Anyway, I overheard Stikky on the phone once, after he'd told me to get the constable's authority to enter the White House for a tour or something, and he was talking about using the Pail as some device to control people's minds. Then I saw a fax that had technical directions or something, and Stikky told me to take it down to Whiz Kid so that he could use it to change the PNA of the Pail. I said 'what pail?' and he said 'oh, yeah, you don't know about it, never mind'." Anyway, I started to get suspicious a few days later when I saw this midget guy called Shrimp talking about some Leprechaun Legacy. I thought he was just talking crazy, because this is the same little dude we saw trying to have sex with a doll. We used to say "throw another Shrimp on the barbie" but then something was apparently lost in translation because this other guy-"

  "Uh, Joe, get to the point" I said, but it was too late. Joe's digression had wasted too much time, and I wasn't going to stick around to wait for another door to open after this one just to hear Joe continue telling his story.

  Anyway, there were a bunch of creaks and sounds of locks as the door started to swing open.

  Mr Potato Head, Kemp and I braced ourselves as we got ready to wing it and try to escape. But there was no way we could escape, because who we saw before us stopped us dead in our tracks.

  Of course I could tell you who it was right now, but I feel like screwing with you and leaving you in suspense over the break. Stay tuned for the final episode before the mid-season break next week, as the suspense builds and builds until you realise that this is just a blog that comes around every Saturday, and the only person it really affects is me, and trust me, I'm screwed.

  • Posted May 23, 2008 7:55 pm PT
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• 16May 08

  I Ain't Sayin' he a Gravedigger! Part 44!

  Of course as easy as the decision was to make, after all that had occurred in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!
  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!

  Stealing a giant pail isn't as simple as one may think. So we unanimously decided to just wing it, and take it as it came.

  Super Sexy Spy Specialist, her sister, and their snake were going to gather more information, with their spying skills, at the castle base which we now knew as their base. I suggested leaving the snake at Doc's, but Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister was overprotective of Super Sexy Spy Specialist's Sister's Snake, and it could be used as a good distraction if we needed it. We had no idea if the Society knew about Brain's demise yet, but Mr Potato Head volunteered as grave digger to hide the body so he was to accompany me, Kemp and Slappy Bag to the Pail area outside. We had immediately rejected Menace's suggestion of cremating Brain, because the smoke would alert any guards immediately, and stealth was our main advantage.

  Doc was to stay at our base, given that it was her house, and we didn't want our doctor to be in the crossfire that may occur, because dead people can't heal others. She was to stay with Newbie's dead body, with Dyslexic Peet, Desert Dessert, Menace, and Nanananana Pacman to guard her, while GT stayed there to work on altering the dimension warping thing into a teleporter.

  Perminator was obviously in a wheelchair, so he was going to be lookout for our base, in case anyone had found us. As for Tyrannosaurus Sex, Corn Cobbler and Dr Kickass, they were our three musketeers, because they were in charge of tracking our other problem, Jimbo, using some sort of invention GT had made by taking my blood sample and adding an evil gene or something, and then pouring it into a little chip and, well, I don't really know how it works, but apparently it does, so that's all that matters. Which brings us to the final Rebellion member of Alana. Since she has no memory of the group, and doesn't have the same enthusiasm of taking down the Society, we were reluctant to have her do anything productive, given that she doesn't even know her name. However, we did know that she wanted to remember who she was, and I could relate, given that a little while ago, that was my only care, until I stumbled into the mess my father had created. Anyway, her aim was to go in to town and research any paranormal things we've come into contact with, leprechauns, witches, evil twins, maybe even the Holy Pail if that had been leaked into wikipedia yet. At the same time she could look up any ways of rejuvenating memory. We weren't going to kill some witch just so that she could know that I'm her brother, not her crush, though I can't say I haven't been in that situation before.

  Anyway, while I was randomly recalling what our plans were, me, Kemp, Slappy Bag and Mr Potato Head had arrived a few blocks from the castle. The car we'd "borrowed" was one we found with the keys in the ignition, just outside a bank, down the street from Doc's house. But in essence, we did the guy a favour, since the parking meter was about to run out so we saved him a hundred dollar fine. Anyway, it would have been a little suspicious if we just drove into the Society driveway and asked to look around, or go undercover as door-to-door salesman, to which Slappy Bag half-jokingly said the Society would hate more than the Rebellion crashing their doors down, so instead we parked further away so we could hide our getaway car. In case we needed a quick getaway, we agreed that Slappy Bag could stay in the car as driver. Well, all of us agreed except Slappy Bag who complained that he never could go on one of our adventures. Mr Potato Head offered to swap with him, but Slappy Bag was allergic to corpses according to his quick decline.

  Anyway, the two Super Sexy Spy Specialist sisters and their snake also hopped out of the back (there wasn't much room, so they'd ridden in the boot), and we parted ways, as the sisters went towards the castle, which they planned to get in to from the top (with help from a few trees or preferably a conveniently placed ladder) and Kemp, Mr Potato Head and I headed down another street so we could approach the yard from the back, in case Brain's death had been alerted in the few days I'd slept through, which was more than likely.

  Anyway, you can imagine our surprise when we got close enough to see that next to the giant Pail, which Mr Potato Head was especially impressed with, given that he was the only one of the three of us who had not seen it before, was Brain's lifeless body, the sword still sticking out from her heart.

  "Wow" I said, "I guess the Society really doesn't notice when they haven't seen a staff member in days"

  "Well, they don't exactly seem like a caring bunch" Kemp said, "But maybe it's a trap"

  "Come on, they can't think we're stupid enough to return to the scene of the crime" I said, then realised that was practically what we'd been doing all year. Either way, I wasn't about to abandon the plan, so I examined the scene. "Well, everything's as I left it" I noted. "Except the lawn's been mowed, but I doubt their gardener is paid for finding bodies, so he probably ignored it"

  "Either that or the Society hired a blind gardener so he wouldn't see the Pail. Or maybe it's a robot!" Kemp got excited.

  "Wait, never mind" I realised, "The lawn hasn't been mowed, my eyes just haven't adjusted to the dark. Let's go in"

  So the three of us climbed over the back fence, to which Mr Potato Head instantly complained "We should have brought a shovel" but began clawing at the ground anyway, beginning to dig a grave for the dead umption, who was giving off a bad smell by this time.

  "Excuse me" Kemp said, "I fart when I'm nervous"

  "Didn't need to know that" I said.

  "Neither did the first girl I ever asked out" Kemp pointed out, "but luckily I've gotten more confident at rejection now" So Kemp and I studied the Pail closely for any possible way to transport it, or at least some way of getting it to use one of its powers. GT was currently trying to make a handheld teleporter so we could get around easier, but it could also be a way of teleporting the Pail the hell out of there. Unfortunately, the so called Inventigator said it may take weeks until she could do that, and the world was scheduled to end in ten days according to my vision. On a side note Christmas is only four days away and I was excited at what the gang may have gotten me. But this wasn't the time or the place to think about that, so I focused on the Pail. It was of course invincible, though I knew there was a small weakness at the top of the Pail, however bringing in a crane to try and push through the metal and pull it up might be a bit suspicious to the Society, and it would be stopped before the crane even reached the castle, which was only slightly bigger than the Holy Pail itself. Besides, where we'd get a huge crane I have no idea, and Kemp's dirty joke about this failed to cheer me up, though he did get a high-5 from Mr Potato Head. The way the Pail had spat out bullets and swords, I had no doubt that we would be unable to move it from the inside, and Kemp's suggestion of tying a rope around the handle and towing it via a monster truck was ridiculous since the Pail didn't have any wheels.

  We continued working in silence, and trying different techniques to see the Pail in action, and while we closely inspected the thing, we came up with different theories on what the Society was going to use it for, or whether Jimbo knew about it. After a few hours, Mr Potato Head finally sighed in relief, and said "Okay, I think the grave is big enough. That was hard work. Little help, guys?" So I helped Mr Potato Head lift Brain's corpse and placed it in the hole, and we quickly covered the hole back up.

  "I'd like to say a few words" I said. "I've never killed anybody before, unless you count Pix, but he basically sealed his own fate since he set off the bomb"

  "Amen" Kemp concluded.

  "I wasn't finished" I snapped, and continued. "It was an accident, but I had to kill Brain eventually anyway. It was her or me. I just never thought I'd be capable of murder, even if it was self defence. I'm not proud of what I did, but I'd do it again if it helped protect the cause we're fighting for"

  "Which is?" Mr Potato Head enquired.

  "Saving the world, idiot" I said, rolling my eyes, and realising this was the most inappropriate eulogy ever, so I stopped talking. Not because I was ashamed, but because the Holy Pail had just started glowing, illuminating the yard. As soon as it had started, it stopped, and without warning (unless you count the Pail's cryptic warning) a hand shot out of the ground, and suddenly Brain had pulled herself out of the ground, as healthy as ever. She charged towards me.

  "Micky, catch!" Kemp found a shovel leaning against the castle and threw it at me. I caught it and whacked Brain repeatedly in the head, long after the first blow had killed her.

  "Okay, that murder may have been a little less accidental" I said.

  But Mr Potato Head had bigger troubles. "There was a shovel here the whole time?" he raised his voice.

  "Be quiet!" Kemp hissed.

  "Relax, if there was anyone in the castle, I'm pretty sure the Pail glowing would have woken them up"

  "He has a point" Kemp agreed, which was the first time he'd forfeited an argument so quickly.

  "I don't think they saw it" I reasoned.

  "I do" another voice said.

  I turned in the direction of the voice and to my dismay saw Alex standing there, holding us at gunpoint. I reached in to my pocket to grab the Dove I was so used to using, but then remembered I had given it to Dr Kickass because I assumed their mission was more dangerous.

  "Run!" I suggested, but a warning shot stopped us in our tracks, mainly because it was coming from inside the castle.

  So the three of us were willingly captured by the Society, and I had a bad feeling that we weren't the only ones that were screwed.

  • Posted May 16, 2008 8:51 pm PT
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• 9May 08

  Enemy and Irony! Part 43!

  As I dreamt about all that had happened in:

  Let's See How Far We've Come! Recap!
  It's The End Of The World As I Barely Knew It! Part 29!
  Here I am, Losing my Election! Part 30!
  What's Dove Got to Do With It? Part 31!
  Say it Aint Joe! I Will Not Go! Part 32!
  Alive With The Glory of Dove! Part 33!
  I See A Bad Doom Arising! Part 34!
  Doctor, Doctor! I'm Not With the News! Part 35!
  SEX! Now that I've got your attention here's the next Micky Instalment! Part 36!
  You're so vain! You probably think this blog is about you! Part 37!
  Hey Micky, Look What You're Doing to Me! Part 38!
  Dove is in the Air! Part 39!
  His Story 2! Part 40!
  Tell Me That I'll Open My Eyes! Part 41!
  I Wanna Know! Have You Ever Seen The Brain? Part 42!

  I writhed in pain, despite the double dosage of morphine Doc had given me days ago. But I quickly awoke when the sound of gunfire filled the room.

  I leapt to my feet in fear, and looked around, but all the Rebellion members were acting casual. At some point in time, someone had moved me to the couch and clothed me, and I saw that Kemp and Slappy bag were standing next to the flat screen TV where an action movie with guns was playing loudly.

  "See, that's how the surround sound system works. Pretty cool, huh?" Slappy Bag was saying.

  "Yeah" Kemp said. "Hey, Micky, you're up. So are you ready to tell us what happened?"

  So I did. The rest of the Rebellion members gathered around as I told them about what I had overheard in the meeting, how I'd had a vision, and the fight to the death with Brain, and how the taxi driver was reluctant to drive me since I was naked and bloody. The Rebellion sat in silence as I told the story, while Doc examined me, and Alana sat with a confused look on her face, and then it was my turn. "So what happened while I was gone?"

  "Well," Kemp said, "It all started when you flew away to fight that lion and to spy on that castle. A few minutes after you left, Jimbo rocked up, pretending to be you. I quickly deduced that he wasn't you, but I was too late, and he shot Alana. We all thought she was dead, but it turned out he shot her with the same gun that Newbie guy shot you with, so she just had her memory wiped. But Jimbo left as soon as he did that, and I don't know why, because he could have easily killed us all, or done one of those evil speeches revealing what his plans are. But apparently, as you say, he's just going to destroy the world in a few weeks. Anyway, we filled Alana in on what we know of her life, and all the problems that are going on in the world, and what we're fighting for. She doesn't technically believe us, but we have enough proof to keep her interested. Anyway, after we filled her in on all that we knew, we started wondering why you were taking so long, so we decided to have a few drinks to brainstorm what we should do. After having a few drinks, we were having fun and forgot all about you until you barged in here, clothes-less and bleeding. Anyway, the past few days you've been sleeping, so we've come up with a few options on how to go about on our next mission. Any questions?"

  I was about to ask "what mission?" but was beaten to it by Alana who said, "Yeah, what's this?" She pulled something out of her pocket. It looked sort of like a detonator, but more advanced, like a technology that the Society would make.

  "Maybe Jimbo placed it on you while you were fighting?" I suggested.

  "No, they didn't get close enough for him to have that opportunity" Perminator calculated.

  "So Alana's been holding out on us this whole time?" Dr Kickass was sceptical.

  "Give me that" GT snatched the device from Alana's grasp and studied it. "Unbelievable" She said a few hours later.

  "Huh?" I looked up from the pool table, where me and Kemp were playing, while the rest of the group were also doing their own thing while GT was taking her time.

  "This appears to be a multi-dimensional transporter. This thing can actually take a person from one dimension to another. I just don't know how Alana managed to get a hold of it. Only a bright mind could have made it so that rules all of us out"

  "Wait a minute" I remembered a conversation I had with Alana months ago, while I still had no memory, but was locked in a Society prison cell with my sister. We had been separated while crossing a rainbow, I had met Mac in a witch cavern, and Alana had managed to be warped into a 2D world, where she met some guy named Steve, who helped her escape using some weird device. I deduced that this weird device was what GT was holding, so I explained all of what had happened during my memory loss, to both help Alana realise it is possible to regain memory, and live well without it if you don't, and to make sure that if any of the Rebellion members knew anything that could be connected to this past, they could help the mission.

  "Alright, we didn't ask for your life story" Menace rolled his eyes. "But this thing can take us to another dimension? I don't buy it"

  "Me neither" I said. "But it happened anyway, so we have a few choices. It's illegal to travel between dimensions, especially in the second dimension, because the flat cop cars can arrest you in an instant when they can trace where a... whatever GT called it... is used. But then again, we've broken plenty of laws already. What's one more? But apparently there's also some risk of landing in another dimension altogether. Also, there doesn't seem to be any link between the Society and the second dimension, so I don't think there's any point using it. Agreed?"

  The group mumbled there agreement until Desert Dessert pointed out, "Hey, where's GT gone?"

  "I'm right here" GT said, from where she had been standing half an hour before, but hadn't been a few minutes ago. And next to her, crumpled on the floor, was the man that had put me in this mess to begin with, Newbie. "Okay, so I used the device while you weren't looking, but I found Steve. Maybe he can help"

  "I doubt it" Doc said.

  "How do you know he's a Society member?" I asked.

  "I didn't know that" she replied. "But I know a corpse when I see one"

  I remembered that in Mac's cauldron, it had showed Newbie shooting me, and assuming I was dead, when in fact it was a memory deletion ray or something. Then it showed Alex punishing him by shooting him dead. But moments after he died, Newbie apparently disappeared, since the device he pushed before he was shot took a minute to transport him. That device must have been the inter-dimensional one, so when he was in 2D form in the new world, he was back to life. Then Alana must have later run into him, assumed he was an ally giving his help, and graciously accepting his device to leave the 2D place. Then I realised that Newbie actually did help her leave, and she must have mentioned me, and he wanted to get revenge on the Society that killed him by sending her back. So the bullet wound in his head, which was now covered by a bandaid, was deep and killed him in our world, but in whatever the hell the 2D place was it couldn't be deep, given that everything is flat, including the people, which Alana had mentioned made it hard to walk. But now that he had been brought back here, by GT, who clearly acted before she thought, he was well and truly dead.

  I had a decision to make. Newbie had erased my memory, and had been killed by the Society for doing so. I knew the Holy Pail had resurrecting powers, though I don't know how it works, so I could either keep my enemy dead, or revive him and hope that he becomes our ally, since he'd have information on the Society that we wouldn't know of. Then again, he could try and go after me again, in which case we'd have to rekill him.

  Either way, there was a corpse in the room, and I had to make a decision fast. We had to steal the Pail back from the Society eventually to have a chance of winning this war, and now seemed as good a time as any since I'd already crossed the line and killed Brain, evening the score, given that they killed Mac, who I'd much rather revive than Newbie, had her witch body not vanished from the scene after her death.

  It was a conundrum, so after kicking the dead Newbie a few times to get the rage at seeing him out of my system, I turned to the rebellion, and said.

  "We have a new mission. To hell with the Jack and Jill method. Let's go steal us a Pail!"

  With three more parts before the mid-season break, how much trouble will Micky and the rest of the Rebellion get into? There's only one way to find out. Read the next three parts, which will be released at the usual time of Saturday afternoon over the next three weeks, starting with Part 44: I ain't sayin' he's a grave digger!

  • Posted May 9, 2008 7:06 pm PT
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