• 14May 13

  humorousous thoughts and jokes

  Should have taken a lesson from the Balkans!

  Look at this crackpot idea that we had in 1920 of abolishing individual

  nations and putting them together under the Yugoslav flag.

  It led to disaster and the EU has sadly made the same tragic mistake.

  It is only now becoming obvious to everyone.

  Except the U.K. who didn't want any part of it in the first place.

  and Germany who is the only nation who has prospered from the Eurozone.

  belongs in this topic....the Eurozone has long qualified for joke status

  ----------------------

  BEFORE MARRIAGE:

  Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!

  Wife - Do you want me to leave?

  Husband - No! Don't even think about it.

  Wife - Do you love me?

  Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!

  Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?

  Husband - No! Why are you even asking?

  Wife - Will you kiss me?

  Husband - Every chance I get!

  Wife - Will you hit me?

  Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!

  Wife - Can I trust you?

  Husband - Yes.

  Wife - Darling!

  AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.

  
  --------------------------------

  FOR fans of X-Factor:

  Cowell wants body frozen after death'

  why wait?

  ----------------------------------

  British rescue operation.

  Use stealth tactics to get into the enemy building.

  Use silenced weapons and gas to disable combatants and avoid detection.

  Rescue victim quickly and without taking any casualties.

  American rescue operation.

  Roll up in Hummers, because they are cool. Throw grenades at building

  until everyone inside is dead, because explosions are f''ing cool.

  Drag corpse of person you just 'rescued' out of the rubble.

  stick American flag in the remains then the survivors make a high five.

  
  --------------------------------------

  Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.

  Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.

  He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

  "One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.

  "No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

  This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

  He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!"

  He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

  One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

  As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her 150 pound offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

  He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.

  As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.

  Sure enough, there was the hooker.

  He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

  Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!"

  ------------------------------------------------------

  
  

  mistake on the BBC News online.

  The headline said that Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall had broken a leg but

  the photo alongside was of Shergar.

  ---------------------------------------------------------

  
  

  Scientists have shown

  that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.

  If you do the maths, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about

  10 metres from the earths surface.

  This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tall ones, anyway.

  ------------------------------------------------

  Medal of Honour has been described as the most controversial game ever

  because there's a level where you have to shoot Yanks in Afghanistan.

  So, you play as an American then?

  ------------------------------------------------

  Afghans are unable to understand or comprehend such a violent massacre.

  A lone gunman running around executing people for no reason.

  Americans learn about this in school.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

  They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him

  continually go through airport security for the rest of his life.

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  I think its great that female pilots are dropping bombs on the Taliban.

  It would be even better if they dropped pamphlets that said:

  'This bomb was brought to you by Jenny,

  who is naked and enjoys drinking, smoking and premarital sex.'

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  SKY NEWS

  David Richards,40, from Caerwys snaps photo of UFO in back garden!

  Well sir if you say it's a UFO then you have identified it making it an FO,

  if it's landed in your back garden it's not flying thus making it an O.

  So David, you have succesfully managed to take a photo of an object in your garden.

  
  

  • Posted May 14, 2013 7:14 pm GMT
  • Category: Humor
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• 3May 13

  R.I.P. Jeff Hanneman

  whether or not you liked metal, the found of Slayer will be missed.

  he wrote some of their best stuff.

  Jeff's liver failure was a result of :

  "necrotising fasciitis" a flesh eating disease as a reult of a spider bite.

  it was two years ago he got the bite. In the past I never worried about spiders,

  the bites even of widows can be a bit annoying but never made me sick.

  this is something though that gives you pause.

  don't know what kind of spider because Jeff was having a couple beers while

  kicking back in his hot tub one day when he noticed the bite afterwards.

  he checked into the doctor when his arm got hot and the skin started corrupting.

  the nurse what it was right away.

  many people haven't noticed that they weren't on stage as much the last year or two.

  because when the musicians get older the fan base often moves on.

  Slayer has been playing for more than 30 years and the band member are nearing 50.

  Jeff was 49 which while not old for this day and age, he should have had years left.

  it is considered old for a rocker.

  • Posted May 3, 2013 8:09 am GMT
  • Category: Music
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• 1May 13

  it is May Day

  for May Day it is only appropriate to sing ">The Internationale

  and hoist a beer to the memory of Joe Hall and the Wobblies.

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Industrial_Workers_of_the_World

  • Posted May 1, 2013 1:09 am GMT
  • Category: Rant
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