it's not like it's the greatest game i've ever played. and once you get into a pattern or two, the game doesn't change much. in art as in life, i worship at the altar of tech and science. but somehow, i can't stop playing this game.

i need to put some parental controls on my xbox

i live in the desert. i think i said that. most people who don't live in the desert assume that the desert has a "dry heat." as with all things, heat is relative, my friends. today it is 102 degrees with 35% humidity. the humidity is rising as the afternoon storm clouds roll in. in another couple of hours it will be 104+/- and the sky will be black with heavy, wet clouds. the desert is only dry in the dry season. there are two wet seasons - one occurs for a few weeks around the new year. it is cold and wet. not the kind of slushy, sleety cold and wet you get in other places. it's just cold rain with the occassional hail storms. once or twice a year, snow flakes will fall but they don't stick around long. it is pretty cool to see the sahuaro cacti dusted with snow though.

right now is the summer rainy season. dust storms, lightening storms, rain, hail and mini cyclones called "dust devils," vie for the attention of the meteorologists. come war, plague, polygamist children or space aliens, we don't pay much attention - desert dwellers watch the news to see what's up with the weather. and today, it is hot.

i cycle. i think i've said that. on the days i'm not biking, i run. so, like 3 days a week, i bike and 3 days, a week i run. on friday nights i meet a group of people for a 5-mile run/walk. there's some pretty nice hiking around here too. because, if you're used to it, the dry heat can be pretty pleasant. as long as it stays under, say, 106, and you're drinking plenty of water and you've got a hat on, you can pretty much do whatever you want. (it should be, a cool hat, you know, like a baseball cap or one of those jungle ones, not a "funny" hat. no lamp shades, jester's jingles, wizard points, etc. i'm all about the "funny" hats, but they won't help you with the sun). with the right shade and the right breeze, a dry 106 degrees can feel like 96. but when it's over 100 degrees with the humidity rising, that's just hot.

i went biking this morning and i was dripping after about 30 seconds. on a day like this, you just can't drink enough. i've got a camelpack and an insulated bottle mounted to my frame, but it doesn't help that much. neither did all the vodka i had last night. went to see the Dark Knight at midnight. had a late dinner and drinks first. it was a rough morning. i'm dehydrated. and it's hot. (i'm pretty sure i said that). oh, and i forgot my lipbalm and managed to sunburn my lips. did you know you could do that? all of the sudden my hat advice seems a little thin ...

hi! i'm back. i like that i was an assassin and the job went wrong. that's a good one. i'll go with that.

my excuse? i had to get into grad school. it's like a marathon only with brain blisters instead of footie blisters. seriously. i got a little overwhelmed with my own insecurities about being smart enough, talented enough, strong enough, etc. i know this guy who tells everyone he's as gifted as Einstein. he's an ass. and i'm pretty sure Einstein didn't wander around telling everyone how freakin' brilliant he was. he was too busy, you know, inventing Calculus and Quantum Physics to have time to hang out in the local coffee shop trying to pick up girls by gloating about his own genius. does that work? can't imagine it works. sure i like smart guys, but i'll take one with a work ethic and a good sense of humor over an eogmaniac any day... that guy really bugs me. plus, i just want a coffee... don't make me sort you out. wow that was a serious digression.

there was a point here and it was that i wish i had a little bit more sense of myself. i don't want to be a big egotistcal blowhard who can clear a room in 30 seconds flat. but i have a 4.0 GPA (we're on a +/- system, so you know, i had and A- in Literacy Theory and an A+ in Holocaust Representations so it kind of evens out) so, you know, it would be great to just be able to relax a little and focus all my energies on research and writing instead of bleeding off all this plasma on worrying and fretting.

anyways, i'm back. missed you.

i wish i could tell you that i'm off on some very cool backpacking trip in central america. but alas, i'm swamped with school projects and stuff. i might bounce in once in awhile to make sure you all are still here - does me good to see the friendly faces, uh, er, avatars. at any rate, it will all be over by early next week, so i'll be back then. luv y'all.

so, it's been said by someone here who shall not be named (ZD) that i play too much Oblivion. yeah. i know. i do. but when my game got all screwed up, i decided to start over with a new character. stubborn to the point of lethal - that's me.

my baby sweater is going pretty well... it's a mandarin style jacket knit in double-seed stich in a medium green, kettle-dyed, fair-trade cotton yarn. if you know anything about textiles, you'll think that's cool. so far it has a back and the two front panels with the mandarin shaping. i'm working on a sleeve. if you're keeping track, that means i have to finish the left sleeve, knit the right sleeve, then sew up the seams and add some cute buttons. ah, my inner domestic goddess jumps out with her sword and slays the mass-market, mass produced, cheesy store bought baby crap. I AM INVINCIBLE!

so, the coolest thing happened to me yesterday. i belong to this union. i won't name the union because, well, you'll see. so it's a cool union. everyone has a great sense of humor. they're all friendly and smart and clever. my kind of place. then yesterday someone starts a thread called "Girls" and you're supposed to post whihch body part you like best. i'm like, 'oh this is so lame.' so it's your typical 11 posts about breasts, asses and legs and i post how it's a stupid thread because you know, what about intelligence, personality, whatever and how irrtating it is that guys chop girls up into pieces like chickens. this guys posts me back that apparently intelligence isn't a body part. which kind of sets me off. i post to this guy that he doesn't get it and i ask him how many times a teacher has asked HIM to move fo the back of the room because HIS legs are too distracting. he says he understands and that he wouldn't date a hot girl if she didn't have a good personality. D'OH! so i say this whole thread is stupid. guys go back to posting body parts. oh, and i didn't obliterate my naughty words because i practicaly dare someone to complain about my language in a thread about chicken parts, i mean girl parts.

today, someone has deleted the whole thing. isn't that cool? see, i told you it was cool union.

well, i've got a massive paper to finish and only a week to do it. luv y'all

seriously.

go see it.   go see it now.

you're still here?  go!   

my friend told me that she's pregnant.  i was like, uh .... wow..... uh.... congrats?

seriously.

that makes 3 count them with me, one, two, three of my friends who have told me they're pregnant since Spring Break.

i'm a big fan of the sex, but we're not old enough, haven't lived enough, experience enough, we're not mature enough, prepared enough to have kids of our own.  ok, sure, people have been saying that stuff throughout history.  yeah, no one is every ready,  no one is ever mature enough.  but come on!  we were talking about taking summer classes at the University of Madrid last week.

today i started knitting a baby sweater.  

so, are you all going to be parents?  are you going to game with your kids?  how do you feel about game ratings?  i'm going to see hot fuzz tonight and then a tapas bar for LOADS of sangria. 

i've been thinking so much.  writing so much.  my semester is coming to a close and i've noticed the proliferation of "big" words (school words) in my speech, my blogs, my emails.  i need a break.  two weeks.  i have to get through the next two weeks and then maybe i'll sleep for a week.  then i'll hop a plane and go somewhere.  i haven't been back to new orleans since december.  maybe i'll go lose myself in live music and southern hospitality.

but in the meantime, why are there so few RPGs for the 360? why!?!

i've been playing a lot of oblivion but it's kinda frustrating.  i've encountered a bug that is preventing me from completing a quest that is killing my whole game.  and although i love all the elder scrolls titles, they're long.  yeah, i know.  but they're REALLY long. i love the sort of freeform style but wow do i needs something like a Baldur's Gate title you can hack through in the 60-80 hour range.  maybe it's just because i'm feeling burnt out.  but i could really use some lightening up.  quick, someone tell me a joke, post something funny, and/or recommend a fun game to play.  i need to get out of my head, it's really messy in here.

i've been silent for a few days... did you miss me?  i've been silent because i've been speechless.

what the hell is going wrong on this planet?  we have something rotten deep within our souls.  i was still seething over Imus.  whether you buy into the pop culture myth that we're all too PC these days, be real.  the Rutgers squad is possibly the fiercest women's team to ever take the court. they deserved, hell they earned, so much better than they got.  and i can't figure out why people don't see it.  how can they defend the indefensible?  

but then this horror-fest happened at Virginia Tech.  i love being at university.  i love the books, the bicycles, the coffee and the classes.  it is a place of ideas and friendships.  not mass murder.

and i'm wondering what is with the rage?  the hatred?  and i am numb.

i know, i know. enough about Oblivion! but it's so damn funny.

i'm now the master of the fighter's guild. and things are going to be different. we're making changes around here now that i'm in charge!

first of all, none of this crappy clay and tan dishware. no, people, we're replacing all of this crap with NOTHING AT ALL! i'm tired of knocking it off tables and accidentally picking it up when i'm sucking up the contents of a chest or trying to get some radishes out of a bowl. from now on people, we're eating with our hands while standing up. we'll have extra towels in the bathrooms and lots of soap. if only i can find the bathrooms ...

also, what's with all this stupid iron, leather and fur armor. WHO NEEDS IT!?! yeah, we're pitching it and making way for chain mail and that stuff the imperial guard is wearing for the lower level fighters. you upper level fighter just loot ruins for your swag anyway, so get to it already. it's just so irritating that those sap-head blackwood mercs have better armor than we do. NO MORE!

and what's with those imperial guard anyway? what good are they? you can't use 'em and it's kind of expensive to kill them. they hang around the castle and make rude comments about my muscles. privatize those punks! the castles can outsource to the guild for their security. lower taxes and better service!

oh, and where's the love? we fight and fight and hack and slash and the only fan i have is that little punk from the arena who keeps trying to follow me around, what is up with him? when i finally find the bathrooms, i'm going to lock him in one.

i am the MASTER!

that's what the guard-types in oblivion keep saying to me.  it cracks me up.  i've never said that to anyone.  ever.  don't get me wrong, i like guys.  and giving them complliments is fun.    but i've never said anything so cheesy as "hey there, look at the muscles on you." makes me think the designers get bored of scripting.  they've got one of those little paper-folded thingies gradeschool girls make to wiggle on their fingers and make decisions for them.  "what shall this character say?"  wiggle wiggle wiggle...  "the magic paper thingie say: get lost, pond scum!"

come to think of it, most game deverlopers are guys so they probably don't have the little paper thingie.  they've got the magic 8-ball.  shake shake shake ... "8-ball says: look at the muscles on you"

now i have heard some terrible pick-up lines, my personal worst being "marry me.  i have money." but still, "look at the muscles on you..."  seriously, is that what you guys want to hear? 

i'm admitting it. i am self destructive, and in that darkish way that guys think is sexy from a distance but, well, you know the kind of thing that's a raging bonfire until the whammey strikes and then it's a trainwreck. how's that for iterations of idioms?

i'm telling you this because 1) duh, it's kind of obvious and 2) i was over on the OT Board earlier today and there was much joking about how they should just rename it the Girl Trouble Board because that's what the majority of the posts are. and i started thinking: "oh boys are so silly, we're not all that difficult to figure out. just man up and..." and then i stopped.

who am i kidding?

so here's a little inside info from the mind of a girl.

the problem isn't that some of us girls are hard to figure out. it's that our motives are so completely counter-intuitive. you're trying to suss out how i feel or why i'm doing what i'm doing and you're employing the reasoning part of your brain. all the while, i'm just trying to gouge out my soul with an ice cream scooper for the hell of it. or because my parents sucked. or because the school system isn't made for smart people who also happen to be pretty (seriously, am i immortalized in the yearbook for my academic achievements? no, dammit. i'm "best legs." and if that doesn't make you want to take a pair of scissors to your perfect white flesh, then you're going to have to take the remdial class because i can't help you.) or just because i'm so sick and tired of everyone else trying to stuff me into a neat little box. f*** your pretty little boxes. squares suck.

so, here, i'm admitting it. i'm a girl. i think you have to destroy to create. i'm not depressed, this is how i always look. and for god's sake, don't try to save me. i don't need a rescuer. i'm waving, not drowning.

so i spent the whole day practically ...

well, wait. start over...

i woke up at noon on saturday and then did all kinds of stuff. stayed up until the sun came up sunday morning. passed out. woke up around 2 and hopped into the convertible (it's convertible weather) to go for some pancakes. did some more stuff. then played oblivion for like 8 hours. so i'm in the middle of this irritating quest and some guy in a bar, well actually, he's in an Inn, but anyway, drunk fighter guy yells at me to "get lost, Pond Scum!".

i'm staring at the screen. did i hear that right? did drunk oblivion fighter guy just call me "pond scum?" i think back to all the funny/obscene/stupid insults various game characters have thrown at me. some of the ones from crackdown are especially ridiculous. but Pond Scum? i think i was in like the third grade the last time i heard someone call someone else "pond scum." i started laughing like an idiot. then i choked on a chocolate easter egg.

you know what, i'm a little tired of people mistaking me for "nice' just because i'm friendly. seriously. what about me screams "i'll be the poster child for whatever interests you right now?"

oh, ivy plays games, let's ask ivy if she thinks they're too violent 'cause i heard it on rush limbaugh.

oh, ivy goes to school, let's ask ivy if she thinks kids today are more narcissistic today than in the past because i heard it on CNN

did your tattoos hurt? why do you have a nosering? those shoes are weird. what's your natural hair color? are those contacts? are you a liberal?

and on and on.,,

boy, i hope all these post-wedding relatives leave town soon. because i just might bite the next one who asks me if i'm a lesbian.

the 500  

 i totally signed up. i have so few opportunities to unleash my inner Barbarian.

so, i went to this brunch wedding this morning at the golf club. i had to be there at 9AM for photos. which means i had to get up at 7:30. on a saturday. yeah. i've got long, wavy hair. and i had to wash while not frizzing it, and then there was makeup and heels and the dress and all without coffee because i am not drinking caffeine anymore. and ALL before 9AM on a saturday.

i don't enjoy playing golf. i don't care for the whole "club" environment. the funny hats and the people who really shouldn't have drivers' licenses zipping around in all those little carts ... i don't mind weddings but i'm a perennial bridesmaid and there's the whole, stand here, smile, stand over there, look serious, let's take pictures with all the girls, with the couples, with the bride, with the groom, with the grandparents, with the caterers...

the reception was in this glass-walled, circular room over-looking the water. it was punctuated by the occassional golf ball hitting the glass. i also spent a lot of time wandering over to the patio doors and opening them to ask all the people lined up staring inside if they needed something. many, many gentlemen in the 60s, wearing a riotous variety of plaid, expressed an interest in observing our "decorations." yeah, that's what i call the other bridesmaids too. i turned down a couple of dinner dates and what i think was a marriage proposal. do theses guys really troll for trophy wives at the golf club?

so afterwards, there was this whole family thing at the grandparents house. (not my grandparents, just THE grandparents.) i didn't want to go but my guy said we should. (ever notice how anything related to the word "should" is totally judgment laden? i should go to class, i should call my mother, i should go to bed now). but i went and stood around sipping ice water and trying to make conversation with the matriarchs. which didn't go that well for too many reasons. then i heard what sounded like monsters dying. hmmmmmm... so i followed the sound and discovered the two high school boy-cousins hidden away in a guest room playing God of War. they saw me and scooted over on the couch while beckoning me to quickly close the door behind me. how could i refuse?

Golf Club =0; God of War 1 + 2 Vicious

my doctor told me to give up caffeine. 

i'm in hell.

my head is pounding, my skull feels like it's full of eels, and i'm not sure what's going on with my arms and legs but they feel like they belong to someone else. 

i was trying to play Crackdown tonight and i could not drop the volume low enough.  the screen was too bright and the images were all frenetic and jumpy.  i called her and told her i couldn't do it.  seriously.  i had surgery a while ago and they hooked up some caffeine to my iv so that i wouldn't wake up in withdrawal.  i was all irritated when they wouldn't let me take the iv with me.  i know they're just hoarding all the good caffeine for themselves.

so i called her and told her that it's been a day and i'm in HELL.  she laughed.  actually laughed at me and told me to try meditating.

right.  i'm in hell. 

----------------inspired by lovechaos and trystkl1826

a couple of days ago i relayed an experience i had where, absent any other explanation (because the perpetrators fled the scene), i am left to conclude that my feminine superpowers inspired intimidation or awe in the masculine gaming masses.

i've decided to elaborate and list but a few of those SUPERPOWERS here, please feel free to add your own.

here are the rules:

1) do not give me a hard time about sexism - i have a degree in gender studies, do you?

2) do not give me a hard time about my sense of humor. i have a snarky sense of humor, do you?

3) try not to get yourself, me or all of us suspended

Feminine SuperPowers (in no particular order)

1) defiance of gravity. we can run, drive a stick-shift and dance in 3" heels (occassionally simultaneously)

2) telepathy. we know what boys are thinking. oh, yeah, we can tell when you scope another girl, get hungry or are anxious to check the score of the game. just do it already. you're not bothering us.

3) diplomacy - the ability to broker world peace. sure, war, drones, guns, strategies, kablooey, whatever. turn the UN over to us for a week and we'll have access to clean water, health care, education and prestige cosmetics back at the top of the agenda where they belong.

4) telepathy. again. you're thinking about sex. you are! you are! you are! well, so am i, so get your coat already.

5) weather control. yep. when we can work a sundress at your cousin's wedding in New Orleans, San Francisco, Phoenix, Billings OR D.C., with the same smooth, glowy skin, non-frizzy hair and non-shiny complexion, you know we've got a special bond with the elements.

6) telekenesis. oh, really? here's a bottle of black nail polish. you try it!

yeah, all i've got is one pathetic little badge that i had to pay for to get.  everyone else has all these cool badges for like being able to eat pizza, shoot grubs and scratch their noses at the same time, and i've got nothin'  i'm pitiful.

i don't need no stinkin' badges!!!