*looks at date on last entry* oops... i died, but like a good christ figure i came back! *stares at sky warily* not a good joke to be making around holidays, if there is a god, i should be dead with a bolt of lightning.

anyways. lots has happened since my last post, but i will make a long story short since i want to rant on a movie i saw which i find more important. no i didn't break up with the jerk *hides behind large rock*, yes we talked, and things have gotten better...ish. i finished classes and still work at the dead end job where they promoted me without the actual promotion in pay.

glad to have gotten that out of the way, not sure how much sense i just made, but onto the reason i made this, i just watched the the best christmas movie of the year... sweeney todd!

ok, maybe not the most holiday-like movie, but it came out around christmas, that and it is an awesome musical.

the casting was genius because as much as i feared johnny depp could not sing the part i was sorely mistaken. a few parts of songs were a little meh but the rest of his performance more than made up for it. he is just the right amount of crazy to pull off such a role. helena bonham carter was an equally inspired choice because she can actually sing (something which shocked me to no end) and she plays a crazed but sweet woman perfectly. *pats her* alan rickman plays the judge perfectly as i thought he would, and can that man sing. wormtail's actor played an awesome role as well, interesting to see him looking so much like the character from the other movie. *snickers*

i loved the tone and atmosphere of the movie, and though the blood seemed a little too paint red, i think that just added to it in the end. there was little enough color present onscreen, and scarily enough the blood brightened some scenes. the atmosphere was so well done. it seemed, dingy, dank, and dark. one could not help but notice what the industrial revolution did to london, how soot covered everything, the smokestacks that went towards the sky (though they loked a little fantastical as well) and the jusxtaposition of the rich and poor. well done.

all the costumes were well done,especially carter's and depp's and even rickman's. you could see the differences between rich and poor (stupid censor)easily and still find something to like about even the poorest person's attire.

see, i'd talk about the plot here too, but i don't want to give it away. lets just say though i loved how the movie ends!

everyone go see sweeney todd and enjoy your holidays! and yes i am back. (sorry if this made no sense btw. i should orobably be in bed)

peace,

-ashes.

PS. oh yeah i meant to make this known in my post more explicitly. this is a MUSICAL! meaning singing and some dancing, though not really as much dancing as you would think. go burton. you have no idea how many people i heard as they were walking out say "i liked it but i didn't realize they would sing the entire time." *faceplants* so when you go see the movie if you do, do not be shocked when depp sings!

Ok, I alluded to needing advice in my last blog with my boyfriend who in my opinion is being 'crappy' (that's how i put it...) I got a few people telling me to dump him or to elaborate on my problems and since I don't feel like typing my Sociology paper for tomorrow methinks I will. You all will probably think I am crazy for some of my complaints but meh. Besides you guys aren't obligated to tell me I am too good for him like my RL friends so you might give some better advice than them (that and you can't throw a dating book at my head...)

Alright. I'll tell you right now I am hopeless with boys romantically and even more hopeless with relationships. My boyfriend who my best friend has dubbed "Peaches" (twas a codename since I was crushing a little before we went out and I didn't want my brother to know, its his best friend...) and I have known each other for years. By years I mean since he was six and I was seven. He's been best friends with my brother for that long and we share almost all the same friends here while I'm at home. (At least all the male ones, all my female friends are seperate from them thank the gods.) He had been flirting with me for awhile, much longer than I realised and it took him kissing me (several times) for me to realize he was even actually interested.

Peaches though from the moment we started going out was not an ideal boyfriend (at least that is what Jynx keeps telling me, I have had only one other relationship and that one was slightly abusive, so I really wouldn't know). He lives with two other girls who he constantly talks about, not sure if its just to make me jealous or what. He won't call me ever. He once left for a week (on a trip I knew nothing about with said room mates and cousin) and I called him to tell him I had strep and he might want to see a doctor, he caught an attitude with me for calling him! He apologized once he came home, but I was a litte peeved that he would even yell at me when I am sick over the fact I called him to warn him. He won't answer my phone calls half the time and then he swears he never got the calls or had his phone on vibrate so he didn't know I called. When I do hear about him it is because he has called my brother and told him what is going on. I know he hates the phone a little bit but shouldn't he want to talk to me at least sometimes on the phone especially if he hasn't seen me for over a week?

Also is it normal not to tell people (like his other friends, ones we don't share) that we are dating. His room mates don't even know he is in a relationship, which makes me nervous becuase he won't even let me meet them and at least one of them has a crush on him. I am unsure if his other friends besides our mutual ones even know he has a girlfriend at all. In the beginning I could understand, after all it could not work out and that could be akward, but we have been going out for three months now. Three months!

In the whole time we have been going out he hasn't taken me out at all, but he has come back to tell me stories about this club he went to and that club he went to with such and such people. I have hinted a few times I would like to join him on these excursions, and have even given suggestions on days we could go. He has shot those down or ignored me completely. He even took his ex out after her father died to take her mind off of it (this is while we were dating mind you...), but couldn't do the same for me when my grandfather died. He also ignored my request that he call before he comes over so that I know to expect him but he refused claiming he liked to be spontaneous.

The only time I really seem to have his attention is when I am crying (which used to be really rare, because I hate showing emotion) or someone else points out I am pissed. He doesn't take to talking to me well for all his love of confrontations... I don't know what to do. I have tried being nice, I have tried talking to him, I have tried ignoring him (which Jynx assured me would make him interested again, he didn't notice since he never answers my calls anyways..) I don't know what to do. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Am I making too much out of the fact he won't take me anywhere, or only see me at night? (which I have explained to myself is becuase I have classes and work and he has work some days) Am I making too much out of the fact he won't call me and seemingly ignore my calls? Am I making too much out of the fact he seems ashamed to tell anyone about me? Am I just being a whiney, needy girlfriend?

Sorry about this rant. My best friends in RL are tired of hearing about this and if they could would have his head on a pike. I actually care about the bugger too which makes it harder for me, especially since when I tried to break up with my last boyfriend he actually cut himself in front of his little brother that very night, so I don't know what to do. *wipes a tear* I hate letting people get under my skin like this. *growls* Any advice would be appreciated, even if you do tell me I am being unreasonable.

*runs off*

-Ashes

Look I am alive!! I really should try and not take these crazy leaves of absence no matter the reason. I have no excuses that I feel like sharing, but I wanted to let you all know I am back, for good this time I hope. I am even writing again, and actually finishing chapters/stories!(Eric, I updated that original fic with the Light and Dark Ones if you want to read it... it is on LJ like before. Chapter three should actually be out really soon since I am on a roll with that..)

I hope everyone is well, and if anyone has advice on how to deal with a crappy boyfriend it would be much appreaciated!

Given my summer started out badly things have at least gotten somewhat better. I have a job with a youth center in my area where i work as a secretary which amuses me. the kids are hilarious and i know most of the people who work there so it is really like coming home for me most days. fun times.

i also managed to get a boyfriend which amazes me to no end since i wasn't looking. then again i was too oblivious to notice he was flirting with me until my friends hit me over the head and forced me to deal with it. (really need to get better with guys as something other than friends, because seriously i am idiot)

my brother jumbo and i got matching tatoos for our uncle and grandfather who died. an eye of ra with an ahnk. the anhk representing eternal life, the eye representing the life giving properties of the sun. we plan on getting it outlined in green sometime after they heal for the egyptian god of the underworld osiris.

and we got a kitten!!!! it is so cute. kittens make everything happier!

i might post pics later, for now i am too lazy. peace out.

I took another Hiatus. *hangs head* Sorries. Things got bad towards the end of the semester with family and such. My grandfather died and it kinda took a toll on my state of mind. That and the fights I got into with my father before the funeral didn't help. Stupid @ss. I didn't want to deal with people (online or otherwise for awhile.) But now I am back from my self imposed seclusion.

 I hope everyone else has been well! I look forward to seeing you all again!

Ok. I realize most people won't care, but I apologize for not being on GS lately. Less than a week til the end of classes and I am a little more than stressed. I have papers and presentations due everyday next week, so I will not be on for awhile to do anything substantial, prolly anything more than post in OT for like five minutes to give my brain the necessary break. I just won't have time as much as I want to.

I have my stories and RP stuff on hold since I can't take much more writing and reading than I have at the moment. I still have to pack to get to go home as well.  I apologize if that is annoying to anyone (prolly more of a big deal on LJ, but meh, I am posting something like this there, and figured to make things easier on myself.)

 Warning the rest of this will be a little long since I am still angry about it and I won't have anyone to rant to since all my friends are gone this weekend, besides I won't have time to talk to them...

To add to the stress of the end of the semester I have wonderful friends and I use that term loosely at the moment, who are insisting that I get in touch with my feminine side and deal with my space bubble issue. Work went like this today. Her and my boss gang up on me as soon as I walk in:

"Friend": Why isn't your hair done today? I thought we talked about this? (she had done my hair earlier in the week and wanted me to continue the trend making me look more 'feminine.' )

Me: Well excuse me, I haven't slept in three days and the fact I brushed my hair this morning was a miracle. 

"Friend": Well I haven't either and I took the time to do it.

 Me: I didn't have the energy. *she looks at my outfit*

"Friend": Ashes you realise you are a girl right?

Me: Of course I do. 

"Friend": I don't think you do. Don't you think you are pretty? You need to have better self confidence. You need to 'own' being a girl.

Me: I know I am a girl, I just happen to wear baggy clothes which sometimes happen to be guys clothes. So what? I like how I dress and I like who I hang out with and my interests.

"Friend":  Yet you came to an all women's school, you must be searching for your feminine side I think.

Me: No. They just gave me the most money, and I wanted to live somewhere other than home. I didn't come in some quest to find my lost feminity. (yeah spelling not so great tonight...)

she argues with me over this fact trying to psychoanalyze me. I hate people psychoanalyzing me, I already second guess my actions, I don't need other people to do so as well. So I get up and start talking to the other girl in the office, hoping my friend gives up. She doesn't, but my boss actually gives her work to do and it gets her off my case. I think he realized it was that or I just might snap...

 Sadly that doesn't end it, since my boss stands right next to me and stares at me. Now I am a twitchy person and I have never been great with touchy-feely-ness (yes that is a word) hell I hate people being within a foot of me most times. (This was a fact my ex hated to no end, because sometimes I refused to sit near him. *shrugs*) Well he wouldn't move and I assume he is gonna yell or blame me for something since he had already did that a few minutes before. So I tell him I am innocent of whatever he plans to accuse me of and that I was actually working. He still doesn't get that I hate people being near me, and I have worked there TWO years now. He has the freakin nerve to hug me to "make me feel better". I wanted to kill him, if I wasn't crossing my arms and cringing I would have hit him. (good thing for me I didn't since that would be my last action as an employee.)

Yes I realize I am a girl, even though I wear baggy clothes and don't go all star-eyed over every guy that walks down the street. I have some self esteem issues, but that doesn't mean I am blind to the fact I am a GIRL. I don't have to wear a skirt to be a girl, don't have to be touchy-feely, don't have to show emotion, don't have to wear make-up and do my hair.  I am who I am and I am tired of people assuming things about me, assuming that I need to be 'fixed'. Maybe I over reacted, but my friend and my boss, hell even my room mate have been obsessing over the fact lately I am not enough of a girl for them, they were floored when I wore heels and dress clothes earlier in the week for my tribunal case for law. It is just annoying that I can't be who I want to be around people who are supposed to be friends. I think I jsut need the end of the classes and finals to get here so I can escape Lynchburg and get away from these people. I hope to get on here again soon. I think I am going to go be sick now from my lack of sleep. 

Hope you all are well.

Ashes