^ Uh, Boss?... Is that a penis ?

• 11Nov 09

  Yarrr! A Poor Man's Briny Tale of Modern Gaming! Part 1.

  Throughout my long and storied gaming history I've always been a late-adopting skinflint and a prideful bargain bin dumpster diver. The first & only state o' the art system I ever owned from launch was my Intellivision and that was after a solid month of constant browbeating from my older brother when I balked at spending my entire $100 (in 1980 dollars!) savings to go in halfsies with him on that fateful, fateful purchase. Up until the last few years, I had been in and out of the hobby, not really paying much attention to what was hot or new and have generally only bought systems on the verge of irrelevance, when prices are low and a bushel of decent titles can had for the $60 of single brand new game. Fancy graphics and cutscenes be damned, I revelled in being a tightwad and figured gameplay conquered all when it came to the soul of the experience. Little did I know that my strict adherence to my cheapskate ways would ultimately be the undoing of an identity forged well before Metroid or Madden even existed.

  
  Last February, the late, great Bedlam came to me with an offer; a friend of his had a faulty 60GB PS3 that wasn't reading Blue-Ray media, but was otherwise fine. He wasn't so interested in keeping the 13 pound cinder block of a PS2 he now had and was willing to part with it, a headset and two well-worn sixaxis controllers for $160! My luck with Sony products had already been established: a freebie "bricked" PS2 I acquired from coworker needed it's lens realigned - nothing fancy, anyone with a $5 jeweler's screwdriver set could do it - and a $40 PSP off of Craigslist simply required a new LCD. A couple clicks on ebay and $17 (shipping & handling included) had me in clover! The thought of having Sony's entire gaming product line for a little over $200 was too much. I would finally be current AND I was getting over on The Man! Tall clover, indeed! I began searching YouTube for tutorials and it was back to ebay for the Blue-Ray laser assembly.

  It was a funny exchange after a half-dozen, or so, phone calls and settling on meeting Bedlam at a restaurant in town. As we met in the parking lot he held it in it's original case and I felt as though I should have said something like " The blue canary flies at midnight" to which he could have responded "So does the spotted hummingbird"... or something like that... as I handed over the cash and took the case. When I got it home and unboxed it, it was pretty well marked up and the silver "3" was missing from it's cover, but it purred to life without a hiccup and the glorious title screen greeted me with an elegant symphonic intro. Now this was living! It was intoxicating. I was finally "living the now" in gaming. That is except for the little Blue-Ray problem. Sure enough, when I inserted the copy of MGS4 I bought on the way home, no icon appeared. My old standby move of blowing on the disc (Hey! It worked for cartridges!) did nothing for the stoic PS3. However, as promised, God of War II booted and played beautifully. Small victory aside, my inner cheapskate began to fret about the $100 laser assembly I had to buy on ebay. I unplugged the machine, consulted one last YouTube tutorial and with tiny screwdriver in quivering hand, I began exploratory surgery.

  With the console splayed open, internal covers removed, various springs and levers akimbo, there rested the delicate & tiny laser assembly! My hands were still shaking as I paused and read the numbers off the carriage housing. Double checking the digits with the assembly I had queued on ebay, it was all systems go. I was one click away. It was then, as I relaxed and settled my nerves (did I mention I'm ADD and rather high-strung?) on a sip of beer, I had a "Luke Skywalker-at-the-exhaust port" moment! I stretched my back and took a cleansing breath. The voice in my head didn't implore me to trust The Force so much as it said "Moron! Get a Q-tip and some rubbing alcohol." I took another sip. Then I got a Q-tip and some rubbing alcohol...

  Riveted yet?

  End part 1!

  Or actually, I gotta go and didn't start this in WORD, so...

  • Posted Nov 11, 2009 1:51 pm PT
  • 13 Comments
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg
• 13Oct 09

  A quick word on Dragon Rising.

  You all know the "Blah! Blah! Blah!" I've put into promoting this game and I have to say, like it's older brother, "Elite", it's a title that gets mixed reviews.

  Well, after cruising forums and almost finishing the campaign, it's clear they nail it's feel and overall atmosphere, but people are complaining about bugs and AI.

  The truth is: It's a demanding game with a ton to manage, but I have yet to encounter any bugs or glitches AND the AI seems fine. They follow orders well and engage the targets I assign. I'm not sure where the all the ire is coming from. I understand that this might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I ain't no noob when it comes to this series and I ain't had ONE problem with my fire team throughout the campaign. NO teammates staring at walls. NO refusal to follow my lead. NO AI running blindly into the line of fire. I dunno. Like I said... It's not for everyone.

  If you manage your team correctly THEY WILL NOT CROSS YOUR MUZZLE during fire... And the one time my AI buddy did, he was ordered to engage and was stepping into a better line of sight. My fault. Not his.

  Like I said, I dunno...

  While it's not as "complete" a game as OFP: Elite, it's more streamlined, better looking and solid throughout. I expected changes when Bohemia and Codemasters "divorced" and went their separate ways and I'm not surprised Codemasters went for a slight "dumbing down" on squad management and mission type in favor of a smoother, more polished & refined gameplay experience. The old one was a favorite of mine, but it could be a clunker... C'mon! It had a lot going on under the hood... Just like this one.

  My quibbles?

  Not enough vehicle play in the campaign. I love Helo's! Let me fly them!

  Enemy AI can stand around in the face of heavy fire (but only when you're far away) and will take fire without reacting... Especially at gun emplacements.

  You can't choose weapon loadouts.

  You can't have your fireteam scavenge weapons.

  OFP: Elite was 2/3's longer!

  Not enough opportunity to "jack" enemy vehicles.

  Online match set up is clunky.

  DLC won't come quickly enough.

  It's not accessible to noobs.

  Not enough map features.

  And lastly (I put up with it, but if you hate it, I don't blame you): walking, WALKING, WALKING,WALKING!!!

  That's it for now.

  9.0 in my li'l world, including online.

  OFP: Elite is still the better game, though. Think Morrowind vs. Oblivion.

  There you go.
  

  • Posted Oct 13, 2009 2:18 pm PT
  • 10 Comments
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg
• 10Oct 09

  R.I.P. Bedlam & DEATHCALIBUR

  Shine on you crazy diamonds.

  

  You'll be missed.

  Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

  • Posted Oct 10, 2009 12:57 pm PT
  • 10 Comments
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg

See Previous Blog Posts »