Oddly, I'm going to be focusing on the multiplayer portion of a game this time around! Indeed, this will not be a critical analysis of a singleplayer mode (though that may come in the future), as has seemingly always been a custom of mine. Let's begin:

Apparently, DICE, in an attempt to tweak the nuances of their franchise either listened to the wrong people, or simply got lazy. One of the silliest omissions from the newest Battlefield in my view is the lack of a prone stance. Some defend this omission, insisting that if it were included, snipers (the recon class) would be impossibly hard to see amongst foliage and thus would become overpowered. However, it's not as if prone is exclusively benefitial to snipers. On some multiplayer maps, in open terrain, hitting the dirt would be a great way to avoid fire from those deadly, unseen assailants. Hell, even when scanning the horizon with counter-sniping in mind, crouched ghillie suited opponents are still incredibly hard to spot in heavily forested areas. The lack of prone is completely detrimental to the online experience for all parties involved. Others have claimed that the lack of this function is due to what is called "dolphin diving," a technique widely exploited in earlier games in the Battlefield franchise to the chagrin of others. If that's the case, this makes DICE's decision even more laughable. Let's not add a simple line of code to limit a player's ability to look ridiculous; let's remove a major control function! Who exactly did the developers listen to when making such a drastic call?

Perhaps you've overheard a friend or colleague complain about the infamous "bunny hopping," but have you ever heard them follow-up their complaint with, "You know what? They should just remove jumping! That'll fix the problem!" Then again, maybe some don't consider a prone button to be as important as jump button, but why remove something that has always been a staple of the Battlefield franchise? You might also say that other games, like the newest Rainbow Six titles don't have prone either, or jumping for that matter but are still mighty fun to play. Thing is though, the maps are probably small and the gameplay most likely hinges on in-door, closequarters combat; those controls aren't necessary... you're not jumping up mountain ranges or hiding out in the wilderness. In a Battlefield game, the massive outdoor maps and dynamic combat call for these control functions.

Other critics seem to be upset over the lack of parachutes. This is pretty silly, considering the only air vehicles in the game are helicopters, which are incredibly powerful in the right hands. Allowing pilots and gunners the ability to bail out and glide to safety would simply make the things even more infuriating. However, the logic I've heard defending their removal is also pretty ridiculous, with references to the days when players could simply hitch rides on aircraft and parachute directly into an enemy base abound. Yes, because defenseless infantry slowly gliding toward the ground must have been an unstoppable threat!

Gold Rush (Attack & Defend), the only game mode currently available (the familiar Conquest mode will eventually be added with future DLC) is new to the Battlefield series. After a substantial amount of experience with it (current rank: 19/25), I can't say I'm too pleased. I'll start by stating quite bluntly that it's one of the most unbalanced gametypes I've ever encountered... for the most part. There are maps where I see pretty even victories between attackers and defenders (namely Oasis, Over and Out and Ascension), but they are a small group. The problem lies more with a common lack of communication than with poor map design (though this issue is somewhat present).

Successful attacks are completely dependent on teamwork and DICE's ill-conceived "squad system" makes this an extremely aggravating and difficult process. Two teams of twelve are split into three groups of four, called squads. This means that during a game, you can only communicate with up to three other players, who appear as light blue blips on your radar and who can spawn with you in the field after dying. So basically, if someone on your team, not a part of your squad decides to enter a vehicle with you and man the turrent, you have absolutely no way to communicate with this person... sounds annoying, doesn't it? I figure DICE didn't want to force players to constantly trek through the open terrain from their spawn to the enemy base and wanted a system that wouldn't also be completely unfair to the other team. The system definitely has potential to work, it just needs refinement. For example, that whole vehicle situation could have been easily fixed by allowing the ability to "lock" vehicles for yourself and other specific players, as seen in Planetside. Limiting the voice-chat is foolish though. Would twelve voices in the lobby be utter chaos, an unmanageable cacophony? It's funny, then, how we've always managed just fine with seven others in every other online console FPS; those extra four dudes must be a bunch of annoying dicks!

Attackers, as a team are primarily unorganized and since they have limited reinforcements, they go down pretty fast. Defense has squads too, but in their situation (unlimited resources and all), this barely becomes an issue. Little to no communication is required to do well, as their job mostly entails responding to on-screen text ("Crate 1 Under Attack!") and killing as much of the opposition as possible. I'm sure anyone can view their stats online, compare the numbers in front of "Defends Ending in Loss" and "Attacks Ending in Win," see that they are nearly identical and ultimately prove my point.

This state of affairs is especially unfortunate considering the game is otherwise pretty damn fun (ensured aggravation aside) and subtle tweaks to the multiplayer and maps will most likely not be able to repair the faulty balance, if implemented at all. Conquest (tired, maybe, but tried and true as well) seems to be the only light on the horizon, and I'm anticipating that DICE's attempt at bringing something new to the franchise will mostly be left abandoned for the lackluster mess that it is. There are other hurdles too, with connection issues, poor hit detection and imbalances between classes present as well. The more cynical might say, given DICE's track record, this will simply be another example of "what could have been." I'm dropping the game for now, but am crossing my fingers in the hopes I can pop it in a month or two from now and have a much more enjoyable experience (allusions to Ubisoft's new DLC for Vegas 2 springs to mind.)

I might be a bit late to the INTERNET PUNCH, but I honestly still feel the need to vomit my opinions onto your computer screen. Finishing the story mode of the ultra-hyped Grand Theft Auto IV has left me wanting nothing more than to replay San Andreas. I mean, sure, I guess I'd miss the magical phone-shaped time machine that lets me replay missions almost immediately, but I'd still have to deal with a broken checkpoint system and follow some guy around making sure to keep a distance of at least two car lengths for ten agonizing minutes anyway, right?

Let me start this critique off by just briefly stating that this game forces me to socialize with the denizens of the virtual sandbox I thought I could just crawl around in for a bit to escape every facet of the cruel, pathetic existence I must suffer through on a daily basis where making eye-contact and forming coherent sentences are always expected from me! JUST GREAT!!!

Anyway, I love how Rockstar masterfully tricked me into thinking I've succeeded in completing certain missions, only to give me some clever failure cinematic. "Niko! You big, dumb, Slavic buffoon! You broke Gracie's neck!" OOPS!!! If I can't continue to play the game, suffering the consequences of my failure, what was honestly the point of the developers spending time and effort to code this garbage? What if I was a completionist? Should I replay the game and try my hardest to do poorly in every mission just to access this delicious content? What's the point?

The controls are often unresponsive and awkward. The cover mechanic is brilliant on paper. Hypothetically, it would have added a whole new dimension to combat, introducing some much needed strategy and tactics to the original run-and-gun formula seen in all of the previous games. In action, I'd say it screws the player over more often than not. Niko will a lot of the time just glue himself to the wrong things. If an enemy gets close to you while you reload, you're dead, try again. Sometimes auto-aiming will work fine and other times it doesn't respond the way you want it. You can half-click the right-trigger to use precision aiming on the fly, but this just feels weird to me. The new driving physics were probably best summed up by Hassan Mikal of Something Awful in a wonderful display of hyperbole: "In Liberty City the roads are not only paved with gold, but a layer of butter has also been liberally applied and Japanese men were lined up along the sidewalk and ordered to [censored, it sort of sounds like bouquet] into the street. Steering is an exercise in frustration as you must now slow to a crawl in order to navigate turns. Hitting a light pole, other cars, or oxygen molecules at even the slowest of speeds will send you spinning wildly into trees that fade into existence right before your eyes." Also, why must Niko throw away guns when they're out of ammo, forcing me to buy them again? That cost me half a thousand money increments, you selfish chud!

Some mission design is just outright poor. Certain missions require you to follow targets who are completely invincible until they pass a certain point in their script. You'll literally pour ten clips of uzi ammo into a guy's bike and then realize, "Oh, I was supposed to wait for this train to pass by and now I can kill him!" It's just idiotic and destroys any illusion you might have had about open-ended gameplay. Another mission requires you to kill a drug dealer in a warehouse. You can aim a sniper rifle on him from quite a long distance away, but his spider sense tingles, he runs and all his cronies are alerted to your presence. Another scripted sequence actually made me laugh out loud due to its awkwardness, with police cars and other vehicles ridiculously careening off the road and rolling toward your position.

This game gives you so many choices. Should I kill the young, rich black guy or the older, down-on-his-luck black guy? If I help the former, maybe he'll give me a massive amount of virtual money dollars that I can spend on... suits that are already in my safe houses' closets that I for some reason can buy again (on a somewhat related note: the closet system is still utterly atrocious)! However, perhaps helping the latter will net me a nicer-looking apartment! Then again, perhaps I'll also have to deal with him pathetically asking me out on play-dates every other day. Upon refusing to chill with him he'll tell me maybe I should have whacked him instead because he's so depressed he might just cut himself, just you wait! Oh and holy crud, should I kill the corrupt cop who I know is going to give me another six boring, tedious missions or should I help the other guy who will never bother me again?! Gee whiz, Mr. Videogame, what a conundrum! The game also gives you the ability to kill or spare people during specific missions. I decided to spare everyone I possibly could because I was a changed Niko Bellic! The game warned me there might be consequences to my actions and no, there kind of never were! Well, maybe that drug dealer who told me he was going to go legit was a lying dick and we had a tiny shoot-out awhile later... that wasn't even forced on me. SO WHAT?

The phone is a gigantic burden and a lot of times I wish the game were more realistic so I could call up the Liberty City Phone Company and block numbers or alternatively chuck the stupid thing into a sewer. Waiting for post-mission phone-calls is an unnecessary waste of time. I love having a nice chat in the middle of a gun-fight and having my head blown off with a shotgun. Those car-stealing missions that require you to work off of grainy, dark photos of vehicles and hard to read street names are also wonderfully intuitive.

It seems Rockstar spent most of their time making stuff to watch and read. There's seriously a lot of content, but straining my eyes to read the small text that appears on random virtual Interweb sites on my mediocre real-world SDTV doesn't seem worth it. Watching random shows on my spectacular wide-screen videogame HDTV is also mildly amusing, but it certainly isn't more entertaining than shutting the game off and watching real-life entertainment. And hey, I guess Ricky Gervais and Katt Williams are pretty funny! I like that one joke from Mr. Gervais' about the fat people, ha-ha-ha! Man, it reminds me of this one time I saw this fat girl at Wawa who got a Slurpee, a milkshake and a salad! MY SIDES HAVE SPLIT WIDE OPEN!

The best part of this game is the bank heist and the HEAT-style battle that takes place afterwards. It's the best mission in any Grand Theft Auto game. Honestly, I hope Rockstar's next project is just a game that is entirely bank heists. Taking a beloved franchise and adding annoying real-world elements that add absolutely nothing fun is not a good direction to go in and I don't understand why anyone is supporting this path. San Andreas featured wider custimization, a highly rewarding skill system, and a massive, colorful, quirky world with lots of interesting things to see and do. GTAIV on the other hand goes back to basics, turns what could have been an interesting setting into a copy of a real-world location with half the charm and then throws in some generic non-linear gameplay and calls it all a revolution... oh and it has pigeons.

P.S. I'm pretty sure killing all the pigeons gives you quick access to a useless helicopter with chain-guns impossible to actually utilize in any productive way at all. I've also learned that if you kill Playboy X instead of Dwayne, you get absolutely nothing! So much for non-linear choice! Also, you'll apparently meet most if not all the people you've spared in those random pedestrian missions, and I suppose you need to do all of those in order to get the achievement. Apparently, the only consequence of killing everyone is you get screwed out of an achievement. You've got to be kidding me.

P.P.S. I honestly used to love games, everyone, but somewhere down the line I became a bitter, critical bastard. Is the games industry really going down-hill or is this just my self-diagnosed Asperger's flaring up and putting me into some nerd rage?

I probably should have written something up about this quite awhile ago, as it revolves around one of my favorite games. Back in April, a coder going by the name of Drog Black Tooth began releasing unofficial patches for Arcanum: Of Steamworks & Magick Obscura. This game is critically-acclaimed for its complex character development, interesting world and immersive story-line. However, it's also critically-infamous for its massive amount of bugs and glitches. Drog, in the hopes he could polish this gem of a game has been collecting bug reports and consistently releasing amazing work throughout the months. Drog does not add any custom content, unless you believe slightly modified dialogue fits into this category. There's no rebalancing, no modifications, just a massive amount of refining.

As of today, the patch contains over four-hundred-and-fifty fixes, one of which disables the game's use of sprite-mirroring, nearly doubling the amount of sprites and animations in the game! Drog responds to bug reports on the RPG Codex messageboard in this thread. He has also started work on another project with the goal of restoring cut-out and broken content in the game. So far one release has seen the light of day, and it adds two weapons and three machines. Unfortunately, work on this so-called "extras pack" has been temporarily frozen, most of the focus on fixing the base game.

Basically the reason I'm making this post is to advertise the game and the new patches to anyone interested. Whether you've already played Arcanum or not, download Drog's patch and give it a whirl! Follow through and if you run into a glitch or a bug, report it on the Codex and keep the project moving!

So I'm sad to say it, but the newest entry in the Burnout series, like Forza Motorsport 2 has left me dreadfully disappointed! The stark change of format turned me off almost immediately. It took a week for the formula to even begin growing on me, and even then it felt more like the beginnings of a cancerous tumor than something along the lines of a magnificent beard.

Like Dominator, the game is missing the classic Crash mode--one of the most critically-acclaimed features of the other games--an intense puzzle-like gametype where the player aimed his speeding phallic symbol with reckless precision toward gridlock traffic in hopes of causing as much vehicular genocide as possible. I'm assuming the developers felt they could no longer innovate in this gamemode, so merely abandoned it. I think a little more thought could have went into what they replaced it with, however. Show Time allows the player to turn their car into an unstoppable wrecking ball with potentially limitless supernatural momentum. This is basically Katamari Damaci, but you're not collecting things (or getting bigger; ironically, you'll become smaller as pieces of your vehicle progessively fly off), just making them explode. It's fun, mainly due to the satisfaction of gaining multipliers from hitting buses and bonus points from knocking down signs. It can also be activated at any time! It really doesn't have much lasting appeal though, at least from my perspective. You won't gain any strong sense of accomplisment like you would in any of the Katamari games, and the rewards are nothing more exciting than getting your gamertag on an online scoreboard and maybe some more achievement points.

The entire concept of Paradise Island isn't anything special and navigating through it is more a chore than an immersive experience. Races are made far more difficult, as making wrong turns and falling off overpasses isn't just dangerously easy, but also guarantees failure. Making these mistakes is obviously going to be common without the blinking arrows of the past guiding you. You'll have to rely on the same technology used by 16th century explorers to get around: a compass and map! Additionally, the lack of a retry option goes even further to accentuate a major annoyance. It isn't impossible to restart a race once you've come to the conclusion you're screwed, just more tedious, making the ommission of a retry option completely unnecessary and more of an "F' you!" from the developers. You'll have to reload your last save (since the game uses an autosave feature, your data will save automatically after every win and discovery) and drive back to the starting line from your garage. Oh and I almost forgot to mention, the gold, silver and bronze medals of the last games are also nonexistent. You either get first or lose completely. Of course, I'm sure the development staff feels this wanton increase in difficulty is justified, as you don't have to WIN every event! If you lose, you can simply move onto something else until you receive your next license, at which point all of the events will reappear, allowing you the opportunity to try them again.

There has to be something entertaining about a ripped-off feature from the latest Test Drive game, right? Perhaps. Smashes, otherwise known as shortcuts allow you quick access to major roads and are quite useful during events. Superjumps are just what they sound like, gained from launching your metallic steed off ramps at top speed. Lastly, billboards are scattered across the city and the game encourages you to punch through them with a few thousand pounds of steel. They'll offer up some challenge, as some require lots of speed and precision.

I'm a little conflicted with the new event setup. Potentially, you could do any type of event as many times as you'd like in a row, as long as there are still some around before you get a new license. I enjoy this because Road Rage and Marked Man are my forte. However, a part of me liked being forced into a variety of racetypes, as it made the game a little more interesting. I mean, it's obviously my fault I don't willingly seek variety, but when the basic Races are annoyingly difficult and activating Burning Routes force me to go all the way back to one of my garages to get a specific car, I'm just not up for them. This new format just makes me grow tired of my favorite events, and quickly. Before, I could look foward to the parts of the game I loved most while screaming at the aspects I hated. Now I can just stuff myself full of the stuff I love like any careless, selfish jerk would do! Please stop me! I cannot govern myself!

If Criterion got anything right, it's the new set of achievements. No more of this "Beat an EA employee in an online race!" nonsense. Paradise's achievement list is perfect, full of straitfoward, enjoyable challenges that add to the replay value. The game isn't a complete flop, just too drastically different than its predecessors and overwrought with the issues that seemingly always accompany drastic change. It's still the game we love. It just came home from a long day at work and isn't as gracious and forgiving as it was in the morning.

I am going to present a few disappointing facts that fuel my opinion that the sequel to one of the best racing simulators available for consoles takes barely any steps foward and actually lacks more fun content than the original. Please also note that I am focusing on the single player content as I do not currently have Live access and that I have spent nearly 50 hours playing this game, gained about 800 achievement points and beaten every game mode.

The first thing to strike me immediately upon popping the game into my console and viewing the tracks in the Free Run mode was that both Rio de Janeiro Circuit and Tokyo Circuit (two of my favorite tracks from the original game) were missing. I was deeply saddened, but figured the developers simply had trouble rendering tunnels on the Xbox 360 or something. If the gameplay was infinitely better and the graphics were of stunning next-gen quality, it would not be entirely disappointing. Then I noticed another thing upon entering career mode. There are no hill climbing events! So not only have two circuits been removed, but an entire section of career mode (and its respective tracks) had also been scrapped. It's OK. No big deal.

The game is pretty beautiful. The car models, reflections and textures are phenomenal and even that little helmeted avatar in the driver's seat looks wonderful. It's too bad there is not even a semblance of atmosphere, except for the bird sound on Sebring (really awesome, guys, especially when it sounds at the exact same moment every lap). No more fallen leaves in Maple Valley, the same sky and overcast (one for each race) every single time, the lack of any night-time track (like Tokyo Circuit) and no added weather effects whatsoever. Every track you're racing around on looks like it is literally frozen in time.

Anyone remember that revolutionary Drivatar feature, where you could train an AI driver and use him in career events? I admit, it was completely useless, seeing as how you lost a massive amount of your winnings when you used it (after spending hours getting it to perform decently on every possible turn), but I figured an enhanced, more intuitive and more useful version of that would be included in the sequel. But alas, it has been abandoned. Oh yes, they allow you to hire AI drivers with different skill levels, just so you can select a menu button and watch television while a computer finishes the tedious exercize of performing 35 laps around a track you've raced on approximately 80 times that still has the same painted overcast. Removing major features is cool too.

I realize there are more Fairlady Z's than I ever knew existed and the graphics are better. I'll also reveal that the stat ratings are improved and well-implemented, the damage modeling is more impressive and the vinyl custimization tool allows more layers and has better functionality as well. I suppose I simply expected too much in terms of revolutionizing a racing game on a more advanced format.

Also, the cars are too God damned expensive and the only way to make money after reaching level 50 without losing sanity is to hire drivers on endurance races and do something more exciting while you wait to make a measly 180,000 CR, which will eventually build up into a million credits or so if you're patient, but of course that will all disappear within seconds as you buy the same Porsche 911 with different liveries for 350,000 CR each (NOTE: you'll also have to go through the same series of menus every time you buy a car, as you're forced to instantly enter it and go back to the main screen).

I am playing DiRT. It may only have 46 vehicles, but at least they are all unique and not the same make and model with a different vinyl applied. Also, there is mud and crap flying everywhere and you can do barrel rolls and your tires fling off. In short, it is entirely awesome.

One last thing though, what's with music in racing games now? I mean, the soundtracks are fine, but since they're only on in the menu you'll barely hear them. Why is there no option to turn them on during races? I can hear things off the dashboard, but for those without the luxury of wi-fi this is sort of disappointing. Forza isn't the only game to do this either because DiRT is guilty of it as well. I don't get it.