As some of you may know, I've been privileged with the opportunity to freelance for GameSpot for the past few years. As a publication that I've read and respected for more than a decade, this has been a great honor for me.
You wouldn't know it by looking at my latest review, which was for Sengoku Basara: Samurai Heroes, but this was a special review for me to write. That's because it's the first review I've written as the newest member of GameSpot's in-house reviews team. I can't tell you what a thrill it is for me to be here, working with Justin Calvert, Kevin VanOrd, Tom Mc Shea and Chris Watters in the offices of this site that has meant so much to me for so long.
This may seem a strange shift in topics, but it's something that must be addressed, at least once. Those of you who have been reading my blog for many years will know this already, but it's not something I've talked about often, and it's not something I intend to talk about very often in the future. I'm not here at GameSpot to change the world or to make any kind of political statement. I'm here because I love games, I love GameSpot, and there's nothing I'd rather be doing than busting my ass for this site. But soon I'll start appearing in video reviews and making other appearances here and there, and this will no doubt raise some questions that need to be answered. So here goes.
I'm transgender, or as I usually prefer to say, TG. What this means is that, although I was born with a Y chromosome, in my mind, heart and soul I've always identified as female. The process called "transition" is, at least for me, a long, slow, expensive one, but in the meantime I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not. Being true to oneself is essential for one's happiness. Take it from me, I know. So if this should make anyone uncomfortable, I say: I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable. I'm not doing it to make you uncomfortable. I'm doing it because living a lie sucks, and because I'm so much happier just being honest about who I am, and not hiding it or apologizing for it or being ashamed of it. Also, with the tragic wave of bullying and suicides of LGBT teens, I don't think this is any time for any member of the community to hide in the shadows, and I add my voice to the chorus of voices that are saying to young LGBT people in pain, "It gets better."
Here is a goofy video I made two weeks ago, my first in years, for National Coming Out Day. If you want, you can watch this to get a glimpse of the face you'll soon be seeing in videos on the site, and perhaps a better sense of what I mean when I say I'm TG.
So that's it. Again, it's not something I intend to discuss often. If you have respectful questions, feel free to ask. (I won't tolerate or respond to hate.) I am TG but being TG is not who I am, and it's not what I want to be known for. It's a fact of my life but it doesn't define me, and it's not nearly as interesting as video games, or as working for GameSpot, which truly is a dream come true for me.
In conclusion, let me just say: Super Meat Boy is amazing. I grew up with the Atari 2600, and later, the NES, which, along with the arcades of that era, provided many games that were just pure, simple, challenging tests of skill. Super Meat Boy is like that, and it's one of the very best of its kind, ever. Using only the simplest and most familiar elements of video games--you run and jump your way through 2D levels--it creates something that constantly finds new and surprising ways to challenge you, and the gameplay is just about perfect.
Yeah. Video games are awesome.
Hi there! i just want to say it's personally really heartening to see another trans femme person visible and doing awesome work in this field. i always look forward to your reviews (though often not the comments below, sadly :( ) as well as your articles. keep it up!
Carolyn you are a hero for me! I really like the way you dont give a damn about haters. Very often i think about being a transgender too and i love videogames, whitch is why i see myself on you. I only think that you dont need to be sorry with who gets unconfortable with transgenders, there is no reason to be unconfortable and if someone is uncorfortable then its because this person is ignorant (or because he is sexually confused). Anyway, i want you to have a very happy life, i love you! <3
1 Like I have a lot of respect for you Carolyn (not that you need my approval). You write respectable articles that challenge gamers to think outside of ourselves, to the issues that surround the gaming world. I just want to say thanks, and keep up the good work!
3 Like I got mad respect for you carolyn, it takes guts to be transgendered and be in the media. Unfortunately society still looks down on people like you, or anyone who is "different". My sister is gay and she used to get harrassed about it alot when she was still in school, but no matter what she is she is still my sister and I love her all the same. It takes a special person to be honest and truthful in the way that you are and to put yourself in a position for all to see. You're a very brave person and I am glad that you have been successful in your life and hope it continues.
@stan_boyd took the words out of my mouth bro. I didn't look at your post before I just wrote my own, ha ha!
3 Like meh if people are uncomfortable, that is their problem. The only thing that should matter is that you love video games, and you take your job seriously, which you obviously do. I have enjoyed the reviews you have done, and thank you for being a rational and honest person... rare these days :)
Peace
felicidades caro¡¡ por tu increible trabajo en gamespot¡¡¡¡ admiro tu actitud y forma de pensar¡¡¡¡ te deseo exito en tu carrera¡¡¡¡ vivir una mentira es una completa mierda¡¡¡¡¡ se feliz¡¡¡ y sigue tus sueños¡¡¡¡ saludos desde honduras¡¡¡¡¡
Just watched your review on Dead Space 2, great job! :) After reading this blog post a smile came to my face because it's people like you in the world that make it better, You have great skills and I'm glad to see nothing personal keeps you from showing everyone your talents. Thanks again, I might have to buy Dead Space 2 now
@carolynmichelle You're a trans, I'm a les and we enjoy videogames; ain't life awesome? Welcome!
Congrats on your job at gamespot! Your review for Deadspace2 was one of the best reviews I have seen in awhile. Made me want to buy the game (which I did for pc today hehe). Anyways, I look forward to reading and seeing more reviews in the future! Keep up the great work! Don't know if you have seen a movie called "XXY", but its a foreign movie which I quite enjoyed and while its not what you have been thru, I thought you might enjoy it anyways. Here is the IMDB for it: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995829/ Keep the reviews coming and dont let some of the immature people with rude comments bother you! It made me a little sad reading some of the rude comments after watching such a great video review for deadspace2. Not everyone on gamespot is like that (as I am sure you know), there are some nice people on here (: Take Care and good luck!
Its is great to see that some workplaces are rally giving the same opportunity to other associates who really have talent and know how to do the job, I honestly think that you did a good job on the review and I hope you stand up for the task, I cant imagine how happy you are working for gamespot, like you said it?s a dream come true. Just don?t lose ground and I hope to see more reviews form you, now don?t get it twisted as a gamespot user if I see a review that feels flat/wrong/overhyped I will let you know.. ok ??? Have fun!! Sincerely, shava?
@Zcary @Urbnhottie @macca366 @biggest_loser @johny300 @johnbonham1980 @puffdiego I just wanted to thank each of you for the kind and supportive comments. I really appreciate them! :)
came here from reading the dead space2 review, I was disgusted with all the comments about you instead of the game itself, can't believe there's still people with such narrow minds, I consider that everyone should be treated as equal and I congratulate you for being true to yourself not to what some people think is "right", and yeah, video games are awesome, keep up the great work carolyn !
Living a lie does, in fact, suck. Extremely proud of you for being as courageous as you are (having known several TG people going through various stages of transition, I know how incredibly long and hard a road it always is). Anyway ... just saw your Dead Space 2 review ... great work! One of the best I've seen, and great writing for both the video version and the written review. You, like video games, are awesome. Don't let the bastards get you down.
I love you're reviews specially you're dead space 2 review and you are a very brave person :):).
Haters are immature, sociopathic cowards. Your review of Dead Space 2 was great, well-written and well-spoken. As good as any gamespot reviewer veteran.
Great review of Dead Space 2 :) Don't let the bstrds grind you down, they are just jealous they can't get out of their own personal prisons ;P I know how you feel though. I'm going trough the same process and work as a bartender. Always on display and a target of the publics positives and negatives. But all in all life is good. Hope to see more reviews by you here on GS.
@riccardo90 Thanks very much! @ViniciusLeite Thank you. I'm fortunate that GameSpot is based in San Francisco, since the Bay Area is one of the most diverse and tolerant areas of the country, though of course being a target of bullying or violence is still a very real possibility. I am sorry for the struggles you face as a result of who you are. I'm on Twitter at twitter.com/carolynmichelle.
Congratulations with your new job! You're amazing! As a gay person, it is hard to get used to being bullied all the time, I really can't imagine it being a Transgender, especially here in Brazil. Where is your twitter page?!?!
congratulations on your new job! will be happy to see you on Today on The Spot; have a nice day and best wishes for your career!
@MOM-JEANS Thanks very much! I certainly try to be a good person. Like most of us, I probably come up a little short sometimes.
@Col_Swamp Thanks! Yes, it's a passion for games that brought all of us here, and that's far more important in my mind than anything that may divide us.
@ManOfHorrer Everything I said is wrong? Even the part about video games being awesome?! But seriously, of course I'm never glad when a reader decides to leave GameSpot, but I'm not going to feel guilty about being true to myself or apologize for who I am. I wish you the best.
@metalkid9 Thanks for the comment! I tend to think that all of us have our struggles in life--There's a quote I like (which is often attributed incorrectly to Plato) that goes, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." And thinking of myself as a victim or as having it harder than others wouldn't do me any good; self-pity is a dangerous path. Besides, I'm so incredibly fortunate in so many ways--I have a job I love, wonderful friends, and so on.
@strangeseraph Thanks very much!
Btw Carolyn you're free to pm me whenever you like about whatever. I'd love to hear from you. I'd like to learn about people like you and I have tried before but couldn't probably due to the trust and emotional issues they may have. I"m really sorry if I sound like I'm differentiating gay people from everyone else because honestly my belief is that we're all different in a physical level but in the soul level we're all part of god but unique at the same time. But we are one and if someone does one small thing (whatever it may be) it will affect someone else somewhere else in the world so therefore we're all connected and since that's the way the world works (or the law karma in technical terms) why not be positive in the inside and once that happens others will get the positive energy as well. But ya, that's just my belief and I would love to hear yours and get to know you more. I really don't mind having a gay friend and I would actually cherish it. Like I said I'm not gay but I enjoy being different than other people and I enjoy it when people judge me because then it gives me a chance to question their actions. Btw Carolyn, If you'd like to ask me anything about the book or anything in particular you can pm me as well. Take care!
Hey Carolyn, I'm not gay but I'd like to say that I have the most utter respect for gay people. Listening to their stories is one of the most inspiring things ever. I've always had a spiritual attraction to them and their personalities. I find them to be the most strongest people emotionally and I 'd like to congratulate you for being one. I'm a very spiritual person myself and love learning about different kind of people and lifestyles; and from what I've seen and heard gay people tend to have old and wise souls because not any soul can go through what gay people go through. They clearly have a harder life than the average joe and that is why I find them so inspirational. If you'd like to know more about the spiritual side of life and the meaning of it I recommend you to read this book: Destiny of Souls by Michael Newton. And just in case you might be in doubt he proves souls scientifically. It's a very heavy book so try to go slow. ;)
Hey Caro Look forward to reading/seeing you more on GS! I like this blog, particularly since you call out one important detail, this is a gaming website....let's talk about games and leave ideologies at the door. Well done.
Good job being open, honest and direct, no doubt you're a good person. Good reviews too, thanks.
@bugside @drokmore @8-BitPenguin @vanguard400 Thanks so much for the words of support, all of you. GameSpot has such an awesome community, and people like you make me feel that much more fortunate to be here. :D
After watching you on the today on the spot videos I was confused about your gender but didn't knew how to ask (didn't wanted to be rude). Nice of you to explain it to us. It's nobody's business but your own, and has nothing to do with your work here at Gamespot. Welcome to gamespot, hope you stay for long, and help us out choosing where to bury our money!
Thanks for sharing about yourself, I look forward to seeing/reading your gamespot contributions in the future :)
Hey Carolyn, didn't know you but you're a great addition to the team, congratulations for the promotion. And video games are really awesome.
More power to ya Caro. Gaming is all about having fun. Gender, race, and ethnicity don't matter. If you are a gamer, you are my friend :)
You are so amazing :). What makes us good is what is in our hearts and our actions towards other people and you have proven that these words are TRUE :). Take Care Mayra
@exquixotic Thanks for the insightful comment. I try to be optimistic and I definitely think that slowly but surely (and certainly with the occasional major setback) our society tends to move in the right direction, and as you say, I don't think that would happen without people being true to themselves and refusing to conform to society's expectations. I wouldn't mind if it all moved a bit faster, of course, but I'm very grateful for the change, slow and hard-fought as it is. @wigwam2 Thanks! That's very kind of you. :)
Sometimes I think the world may actually be improving. It's fleeting, but as small sections of the population review and reposition their prejudices, as people once peripheralized find themselves sitting inconspicuously and comfortably with the rest of that mad crowd, one can almost imagine great shifts of consciousness gearing up to make their play in the universe. Being who we are, not meeting the off course demands of society, is what does it. Thanks for the momentary hope rush. Congrats guey.
@carolynmichelle you truly ARE awesome!!! Welcome to Gamespot and congratx on the job I've been dreaming about for a LONG time X( I'm looking forward to your reviews, cuz I liked the Naruto and Pacman ones ;) don't be a stranger!
@alanisman1 No, YOU are awesome! Thanks so much for the words of support, I really appreciate them. :)
YOU are awesome! Thank you for standing up for yourself and for the LGBT community without letting it become all about "an agenda." Stepping up and addressing this (and NOT hiding away) takes courage and I applaud you for that. You are a great writer and reviewer and I look forward to seeing more of you on Gamespot!
I'm a bit late, but I just wanted to say Congrats! I like your Pac-Man and Nail'd review. (:
I found your blog because of your Pac-Man Championship Edition DX video review. I just bought that game and have been playing it nonstop for about a day, getting nothing productive done in that time lol. I love that game and you did a good review of it.
@Bamul @ak5b2 @shalashaska88 Thanks very much for the kind comments. As you all suggest, our love of games matters more here than anything that may make us different from each other. Or at least it should matter more. Don't worry, the hate from some people doesn't get to me at all. But it would be nice if everyone could look past these issues and just focus on the far more interesting subject of games. Step by step, we may get there.
