• 17May 08

  bsn1-3

  mood: determined

  location: bedroom

  "if i'm ever to reach any understanding of myself and the things around me, i must learn to stand alone. that's why i can't stay here with you any longer."

  -henrik ibsen, a doll's house

  051308, 8.50 pm

  last night, i slept at around one in the morning. and that's why i find it sucky that i have to wake up four hours later. stupid apostolate. i woke up at 5.30. that's already late. i immediately changed clothes and went straight to school without even taking a bath. am i disgusting or what? i was thinking that what's the point of taking a bath when i'm just going to get dirty during our apostolate? and i still have school in the afternoon. haha, that's my excuse for waking up late. our assembly time is 6.30. no time for bathing.

  our apostolate was in lubas watershed. an exciting prospect, at first. trekking through a jungle/forest, oooh, what fun! but not really. there was a strong downpour last night so the trails are muddy and quite slippery. my hatest part was the mosquitoes. they're everywhere! i killed one and the little bastard sucked a lot of my blood. what if i get dengue??? or malaria??? ugh! i'm a very fragile person! don't have much immunity reserved in my body.

  you might ask, what are we doing in this watershed, anyway? well, we're suppose to plant lots of trees. i might've enjoyed it if the area was flat. but nooo. i'm like planting on the side of the mountain where the area is very steep. one wrong move and rolling down the mountain, here i come! thank god that didn't happen to me. the apostolate was kind of stupid because we planted over 150 trees in 45 minutes. since we're rushing to plant them all, the trees were not planted properly. and the place where we planted, it can't accomodate 150 trees. what were they thinking??? bryan said that only 10% of it will grow to be a sturdy tree. i would already be surprised if three of them survives. i don't know what we did. we wasted plants. mass murder of pine trees. i'm suppose to be an environmentalist. yeah, right. i'm too prissy to get my hand dirty and plant a friggin' tree!

  on our way home, bryan and the others planned on having a block trip or something. yay! i totally agree, because this summer is our last semester together. *tear*. i do hope that we'd all be blockmates again this coming second year. but i highly doubt it. i'm so gonna miss bsn1-3. best block of slu ever!

  when i got home, i took a bath, changed clothes, then headed for school again. but first, i need to have some lunch. i ate at mcdo by myself. they're serving huge today. i was unable to finish my meal. i sort of feel like a loser, eating by myself. i'm never gonna do that again. i saw abigail. thank god she didn't see me. i don't want her to see me alone.

  strat was a bore. i was too sleepy to concentrate. our group used to have the highest score. it was beaten by one of the two groups who presented today. at least, we're still in second place. but still, it's kinda fun being on top. the power. then, our teacher returned our first quiz. i got a low score but our teacher adjusted the denominator so it became average. oh well, i'll try and do better next time. i sort of don't care about grades anymore. it's not right to revolve your world around numbers. not right, i tell you!

  before going home again, i played a bit of poker with some of my blockmates. crud, i'm so gonna miss those moments. sigh. i laughed and cheered. i'm soo happy around them. if only i could make it last forever...and ever.

  now reading: a tale of two cities (charles dickens)

  now watching: ned's school survival guide

  "lord, thank you for the people you chose to guide me in the way of life. amen."

  time check: 9.39 pm

  signing out, ciao!

  • Posted May 17, 2008 4:02 am PT
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• 16May 08

  eyes are glazed over

  mood: lazy

  location: bedroom

  "that's all one asks of a sermon. no possible relevance to anything but itself."

  -phyllis dorothy james, the skull beneath the skin

  051108, 6.57 pm

  it's been three days since my last blog entry and i hate missing out on a single day. so, i'm going to recount to you the details of what mostly happened to me during those times.

  050808 (thursday)

  i woke up pretty early today. it's so stressful! today is the first time i woke up as early as five in the morning...and it's summer! i don't know what we did. we practiced, i think, for our teaching demo. oh, and we rushed our teaching plan and teaching content to be submitted tomorrow. i won't be a teacher, why do i need all this crap? so, i went home pretty late. typical of me to do so.

  050908 (friday)

  i woke up again pretty early. apostolate. we have to go to lubas watershed to mostly clean. the watershed was infested with mosquitoes! i feel like i'm their breakfast. i was bitten many times! i hate this kind of apostolate. as much as i love helping in the community, i don't like this kind of help. i'd rather do outreach programs or something.

  anyway, for tonight, i ended up sleeping at jem's house, with chad. it was the weirdest thing ever. i love sleepovers, but i was not prepared. plus, i'm not really that close to jem and chad to start with. i was mostly quiet there. the sleepover was kind of pointless, too. we were supposed to do something important but i don't think we got around it. i miss the comforts of my home. i feel sick.

  051008 (saturday)

  today is the day where it all ends! we presented our teaching demo, something that has occupied me for the past two weeks. as far as i'm concerned, it was a success. mrs. mallillin said that being the first group to present, we really did a great job. then she congratulated us. we got 50.5/60. it doesn't seem that high to me. when you combine our teaching demo + teaching plan, we got 84.5/100. b+. ok fine, i'll take what i can get. i'm just happy i got this thing over with. for the first time in weeks, i can sleep like a baby...if my allergies don't flame up.

  now that i've relayed to you what happened to me for the past three days (which must've been a boring read), i'll relay now what happened to me today.

  051108 (sunday)

  i woke up at nine in the morning. i was surprised to see 25 messages in my inbox. then it hit me, today's mother's day! my mom went in my room and i said "happy mother's day!" she replied with whatever or something...but she was smiling. i got out of bed and then read a book. i was in no mood to do my laundry. the book was a waste of time. it was amateur-ish. i must've liked it when i was in sixth grade. but i'm in college now.

  i mostly slept. stress from last week did a number on me. i don't feel rejuvinated, though. i still feel like i've got some weights on my shoulder. something's wrong with me, i feel really sick. and my allergies are not helping. they're getting worse. i'm allergic to everything! ugh, maybe i should start eating right. i have to be better.

  one more week before summer school ends.

  now reading: pale immortal (anne frasier)

  now watching: bones

  "lord, help me heal, not only in terms of well-being but spiritually as well. amen."

  time check: 8.13 pm

  signing out, ciao!

  • Posted May 16, 2008 3:09 am PT
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• 6May 08

  raindrops

  mood: depressed

  location: bedroom

  "it's dogged as does it. it ain't thinking about it."

  -anthony trollope, the last chronicle of barset

  050508, 7.47 pm

  i woke up today a bit grudgingly but i woke up with a purpose. the drive of doing really good in my quizzes, i thought, starts today! and even though the sun is only starting to crisp the morning air at the hour of six o' clock, i willed myself to get up and study. i was pretty confident since i thought that the flashcards i had a hard time doing last night would incredibly contribute to my review session this morning. i guess i'm trying too much. because they didn't work at all. which sucks. you work so hard for something and yet, it leads you nowhere. the problem with me is i don't know how to set my priorities straight. i review everything, i get nothing. reminder (to me): review first the important facts, worry about details later. in the quiz, i got 15/20. not bad, right? but after all those hours of memorizing, i did not review for a 15/20. i reviewed for a perfect score. i was also rattled. i really know the answers to my mistakes but i was so nervous and my hands were shaking bad after the teacher sort of scolded me before the quiz started. my brain totally blanked on the questions and i was left grasping for answers. here comes the sucky part: all those who got a perfect score will get +5 added to their finals exam which is 60% of our grade. i know the answers but i blanked! for the first time ever, i hate our strat teacher. if she didn't scold me, then i wouldn't be rattled. i would've gotten a perfect score! aaack! screw it!

  also, one of the screw-up-ables i have done today is forget my id at home. another demerit in my record. crap, i'd be uber surprised if i get in the quota. i'm so careless and stupid nowadays that i can't even keep my record spotless. so much for my dreams.

  and as i was commuting my way home this rainy afternoon, i made this little poem in my head:

  as i walk under the rain

  i think about my fears

  even though i hide the pain

  raindrops represent my tears

  crappy, i know.

  when i got home, i cried in my bedroom for a minute. maybe i'm crying because i got 15/20. or maybe i'm crying because i forgot my id. or maybe i'm crying because i feel like i have a screwed up life when in fact, i don't. or maybe i just want a little bit of drama in my life. whatever the reasons are, don't mind me. i'm such a shallow person.

  drama queen

  someone strangle me

  i can't stand myself

  overbearing

  p.s. thanks to c.d., j.s., j.d., and e.s. you've proved to me how great of a friend you guys really are!

  now playing: apologize (one republic feat. timbaland)

  now reading: fire bringer (david clement-davies)

  now watching: chuck

  "lord, help me wander away from the fiction in my head and help me answer the knock of reality on my doorstep. amen."

  time check: 10.42 pm

  signing out, ciao!

  • Posted May 6, 2008 9:40 pm PT
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