• 30Oct 10

  Video game movie nightmare: Max Payne & new resident evil

  Firstly, i would like to say that i wasnt really expecting much from this movie.

  But after watching the first hour of it, i really wanted it to finish. Max payne was a dissapointment for me and an example that there are very few games out there, that can be made into a movie (silent hill is the only decent one so far).

  Resident evil, well what can i say? Its retarded. The movie series is just getting worse from here and a good example that Paul Anderson should stop making movies. For an action movie, its okay, but fans of the series will be facepalming themselves through it

  • Posted Oct 30, 2010 11:08 pm GMT
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• 15Oct 10

  New silent hill makes me facepalm (more)

  For those who havent seen the new trailer please copy and paste this link below

  http://www.youtube.com/w...atch?v=BS7xj78t4dk&feature=fvw

  Now then, where to start off....

  Firstly, the walls are meant to rot or peal away, not light up like a damn cigerrate.

  Secondly, what the hell is this? Prison break meets Alan Wake?

  Thirdly, what is with the rain??? Isnt silent hill meant to be foggy?

  Arrgh, America sucks at making scary games.
  

  • Posted Oct 15, 2010 5:40 pm GMT
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• 10Jul 10

  Howard The duck: bad movie review

  You'd be surprised what people do when they are bored.
  But most people would choose the SMART option and find other things to pass the time, like say.... read a book, go for a walk, play a video game or go see a film. I most cases would eventually choose one of these options. But.... in the most EXTREME cases, i become so bored of these options that my mind blackens out and i eventually turn off my brain to make things seem more interesting. Often when this crap happens i entertain myself by watching really horrible movies to see why people hate them so much and out of spite.
  
  When i caught up with my good old Uncle Michael, i told him to lend me the some of the most **** movies he has got in his room just for me to watch. I was given a whole bunch of bad horror flicks such as 'Ghoulies 3' 'Critters' and 'Troll 2'. The one out of the whole bunch that really stuck out from the rest was a little Sci-Fi comedy entitled, 'Howard the Duck'. I heard of this flick a while back and never really bothered looking into it. It was only til now that Michael actually had copy for me to loan that i actually began to bother watching it.
  
  The film was released in 1986 and was produced by George Lucas (and just in case you have been living under a rock, this is the same guy who made star wars and directed the prequel trilogy) and is based off the marvel comic book series of the same name. Now looking at the back of the Dvd, i am given.....
  
  [Quote] Following the star wars and the Indiana Jones Movies, heavyweight producer George Lucas created one of the most controversial, high budgeted films in Hollywood history with this Witty comic book adaption that has developed a huge cult following [Quote]
  
  Wow.... Controversial? High budgeted? Hollywood history?
  hmm..... you have got my attention Mr Duck..... what else is there?
  
  [Reading the back] Howard drinks beer, chomps on cigars, reads play duck and finds himself attracted to a young rock singer Beverly... [Done reading]
  
  Hmm... doesn't seem that bad. From what the back cover has described, seems like a quirky comedy about a humanoid duck who is foul-mouthed and likes drinking... what can be so bad?
  
  [106 minutes later]
  
  ..........................

  ...0_0
  
  What the hell was i thinking?
  I feel so stupid at least expecting this to be 'decent' or at least 'better' then half the stuff I consider to be bad...... I don't know if its trying to be a kids movie, an adult movie or even a movie in general.... whatever the director was trying to make it, he obviously failed at it, because i don't even know what the hell i am watching. It sure isn't funny, so i wouldn't label that under comedy.
  
  Plot is about a Humanoid Duck under the name of Howard. One night, after returning home and opening up an issue of playduck, Howard finds himself in a bit of trouble when the whole apartment starts shaking around like crazy and him an his sofa chair being lifted up and pulled outside. As this is going on, he passes through multiple rooms along the way and one particular room that shows a humanoid female duck taking a bath and exposing the most scarring image that anybody can see.... Duck ****
  
  Howard is then pulled out of his homeworld and taken out of space..... We are then given the intro and well..... I dont know what to say..... Just watch this clip below....
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFcCfuiDxD0
  
  yeah.... this guy goes on about different worlds and realities and getting into a 'kinda' interesting topic.... and you know what ruins it all? Saying the bloody title of the movie!.....
  
  Howard then lands onto.... well Earth.... and lands safely onto his sofa chair in one piece. But his nap is cut short and gang members surround him all round and try to catch poor Howard. He tries to outrun them but whenever he turns, there is always someone or something trying to kill him (wow, who would've guessed that people in the 80's hated ducks so much...). Howard then takes cover inside a barrel and tries to get some sleep. He then comes across Beverly (Main Character number 2) as she gets attack by two thugs in a ally way. Howard bursts out to teach the thugs some manners with the masters of 'Quack Fu' (not joking, he actually says that).... after about five terrible duck puns, Beverly thanks Howard for saving him and invites him up to her apartment.
  
  Howard makes himself at home and takes a nap in her apartment. Beverly starts going through Howard's wallet and coming across the humanoid duck presidents on the dollar bills (Obvious duck pun) and of course another scarring image.... A duck condom (of course, Beverly doesnt find this gross or creepy. She mearly chuckles and says 'oh Howard')......
  
  The next morning, Beverly takes Howard to her friend Phil (played by Tim Robbins) who is a scientist working in a Museum. It doesn't go well when Phil starts mocking Howards Duck appearance and starts pulling of the most retarded Duck impersonations.
  
  Skip over to 1:10 and watch all til 3:40
  http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=CJZlApf8otU&feature=related
  
  Yeah...... This guy CLEARLY has got some mental problems. Its just painful watching this scene, let alone the whole goddamn movie itself.
  
  [Wiki Duck Trivia]
  When the film was screened for Universal, Katz said that the studio's executives left without commenting on the film. Screenings for test audiences were met with mixed response. Rumors suggested that Universal production heads Frank Price and Sidney Sheinberg engaged in a fistfight after arguing over who was to blame for greenlighting the film. Both executives denied the rumors.
  
  Wow.... a movie so terrible that even the heads of the Universal Production tried to kill each other just because of greenlighting this film. Forget
  'Yo mama' insults. The biggest insult you can clearly give to anybody is actually accusing them of greenlighting Howard the Duck in Universal.
  
  Anyways, Howard storms off in a 'Ducky' tantrum with Beverly. Phil tries to catch up with the two and explain the reasons why Howard may have came here. After he explains the evolution of the duck, a scientist calls Phil over to clean up the mess he made in his station. The two then find out that Phil isnt a real scientist and is mearly working there as a janitor (After watching that scene before me..... it was painfully obvious)
  
  Howard then has a go at Beverly now, tells her to leave him alone and storms off to go find a job. He then finds work, cleaning up at a local romantic spa but leaves because of his boss's unfair treatment. He heads back to the club were Beverly is performing in a crappy band called Cherry Bomb. He then confronts the manager of the band who clearly is ripping off the girls and tells them to let them out of they're contract. Howard then goes Quack Fu on his ass and beats up the manager. Howard then heads up to the back and talks to Beverly and apologises for his bad 'Ducky' Behavior. He then escorts Beverly back to her apartment and tells her and the girls along the way that he is the new manager.
  
  When they both head back to the apartment, Howard begins to.......ugh.... Flirt with Beverly. This then results to...... them almost engaging into...... well you get the picture. Sorry but this scene is just plain sick and everytime I mention it, my brain suddenly just turns itself off for some rea...............bkjbj....
  
  [Wiki Duck Trivia]
  The six actors who gave physical performances as Howard received a Golden Raspberry Award for "Worst New Star". The appearance of Howard was generally seen as being unconvincing.
  
  Anyways..... the human and duck sex scene is cut when the Phil and two of his fellow colleagues arrive to reveal how Howard arrived to Earth. They explain.... sigh..... in a nut shell; blah blah blah, dimensional-jumping device.... blah blah blah,.... pointed to Howards planet,.... blah blah blah. Anways, they try to point it back to Howards world but the device malfunctions for the second time and points it to a planet of Dark Overlords. Police take Howard into custody but Howard escapes with Beverly. The two then over hear that the police have orders to 'Shoot and kill' Howard if they come across him (Great, now the police hate Ducks too). The two then come across one of Phil's colleagues (played by the principal guy from Ferris Buellers Day off) Walter who was caught in the middle of the blast and is suffering from a major Headache.
  
  The three of them then escape the facility, into a Sushi bar, were Walter starts to act strange around the two and claims that he is now an Evil Dark Overlord who has possessed Walter in order to take over the world. (i would also like to point out... yes.... Jeffrey Jones is the best actor in the movie)
  
  People at the diner begin to give Howard and Beverly some trouble and Howard starts mouthing off at them. Bad that doesn't go well because.... well, just like everyone else in the movie, they are complete psychos and then tie Howard down onto a bench were the Chef of the Kitchen tries to cut him up.
  
  Walter saves Howard from the people by destroying the kitchen with his telekinesis and Electricity powers (i would like to point out that the special Effects in this movie are terrible)
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqkQA6fcOBk
  Oh god.... now we have got Walter saying terrible puns now......
  Well at least this guy wants Howard dead as much as i want him dead. Go evil Overlord!
  
  [Wiki Duck Trivia]
  The film cost a total of 36 million dollars to create. When it was released, it only made 10 million, making it a box office failure.
  
  Walter then kidnaps Beverly and heads back to the facility to summon his Dark Overlord buddies. Howard heads over too and picks up Phil who is being held in police custody. So yeah.... blah blah blah.... Howard stops the Overlords from coming to Earth but screws up his chances from ever returning home. The film ends with Beverly's band live in concert and Howard joining in and performing his own guitar solo.
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVb2xZn2gqY
  If you can sit through all 4 minutes of it, i personally congratulate you. I couldn't withstand it all, the films crappyness was just too much for me. When he started playing the guitar, i took my chances and ran over to the power point, switched off the power for the television and laughed like a maniac as i did it.
  
  Now that i have basically summed up the entire movie for ya i'll give it a rating out of ten....
  hmmm Special Effects.... 0 out of 10
  Acting...... 0 out of 10
  Story.... 0
  Music and sound.... 0
  
  May seem a wee bit harsh, but hey.... i don't give a Quack....

  • Posted Jul 10, 2010 7:15 pm GMT
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