(French me, I'm Irish!) Wait, something about that doesn't seem right....oh well, at least this year there's two St. Patrick's Days: the Catholic one for yesterday, and the real one (screw the Holy Week (crucifixion isn't good, especially near the weekend!)). Enough of this, I'll be drunk tomorrow, so here's a precursor to the swearing . But before I'm getting into bar fights because the bouncer said my girlfriend was hot (I think ), let's get to the games! First up is Gun Nac, and, you guessed it, I just picked the latest game in the Video Game Vault. Damn, gimme a break, I find a bunch of obscure games on my own! Anyway, there's not much I can say about the game that wasn't said in the video (but I'll try). The plot is this: there's a solar system that was playing God by manufacturing animals and plants and stuff, and they revolt! What do they do? Call the police (who can always be trusted wink wink). And this guy comes equipped with 5 weapons: standard shot, fireball thing, heat seeker (always the best), flamethrower, and lasers. You can also upgrade your ship in a shop between levels, courtesy of a chick who'd probably kill me in my sleep . And speaking of that girl, this game makes no effort to hide the fact that its Japanese. Heavy anime influence permeates through the game. Its as if you dated a chick and her first priority on the first date was to announce that she was from Japan. But that's not for all the looks. Most of the game looks good, and it maintains a steady speed with a lot of stuff on screen at once. And none of that "make the background black" crap (looking at you, Metroid), there's color and texture! The music is OK, but not that memorable (except for the finished level theme). As for the gameplay, there's not much to say. The shop becomes useless after the 1st visit, and you can hold down the B button for most of the game. However, near the end, it seems it realizes its mistake and gives you a bunch of crap flying at you at a frantic pace. So much challenge, so insane, so chaotic, so hard, I love it! And from that, I suspect I'd be the type of guy who's into S&M (just a hunch ). Overall, nice game that isn't known of. I give it the Miyamoto's S&M Fury in Your Sleep Award. Wow...that sounds...um...horrible.

Very, very horrible. Let's forget it with something calm and peaceful. Oh, I know! DoReMi Fantasy, for the SNES. Apparently, this is the sequel to Milon's Secret Castle, but I didn't play that, so screw any backstory or whatever. Besides, this game is obviously aimed at kids, so you wouldn't expect the stories to relate. How do I know its for kids? The graphics are candy coated and full of charm. Lots and lots of charm. However, that's their saving grace, as the graphics are fairly average. On the Super Bonk or Spanky's Quest level. Second, the game is easy. It does take a long time to beat, but it is fairly easy. Enemies are generally easy to avoid and the levels can be finished fairly quickly. Although that's sort of a mixed blessing, mainly because of the silky smooth controls. If you want Milon to do something, he doesn't give you any crap, he just does it. There's no drift after a run, nor is there any awkward jumping. Hell, if you get the boots, you can control how fast you fall, which is fairly helpful in this game. It even keeps your guy from doing a stupid mid-air pause that alerts one that you're falling, something I couldn't have figured out by just looking at him and seeing that he's in the air. OK, so you basically know everything there is about playing it. Oh, there's also bubbles you use as weapons. Think Bubble Bobble, sans fruit. Now as you've already guessed, this game has a strong musical theme. You collect musical notes as your coins (mandatory for platformers, I think), and your goal is to collect a bunch of musical instruments to free a fairy who was captured by somebody. Each one gives you a special ability, like pushing blocks or creating musical ladders. They're not really used as often as one might hope, though, only spanning a few levels before forgotten. Overall, an avergae platformer that gets by on charm and charm alone. So I give it the Dragon Warrior of Platformers Award, because that game also got by on charm. And since its near St. Patrick's Day, let's finish our St. Patrick's Day MultiPart Thing!

And that's why there's no snakes in Ireland. Or trees. Or old ladies selling jewelry or swords.