10 months is all it took. I counted up movie/disc titles and it came to 599. And then naturally I had things not counted that I was planning to sell and I have since bought new things. But how could I have accumulated 100 titles in such a short time. It doesn't even make sense really because it averages out to 10 a month and I know that isn't true.

Life is okay. Student loan sharks have started chomping at me again. I'm getting back all the money my friend owes me which is great. Work is okay. Car still needs fixed but I'm hoping I can get rid of it through Cash for CLunkers or whatever it is called.

The most exciting news for me is my upcoming 10 year reunion. Most of these people I haven't seen graduation, and even during high school I never had a ton to say. One person has died from the war and another has suffered a major head injury. I am glad to see that several are now married with families and some couples from HS are STILL together.

My biggest complaint: merging with my facebook account made me lose my Teen Titans Robin pic I've had for ages. If you have facebook friend me all right!

Went to family gathering last week for Father's Day and my niece's birthday. She is so cute!!!! The rest of the weekend was kind of blah. I spent the last couple hours before leaving doing a 16x16 sudoku. I have yet to finish one completely but am still trying.

Bills continue to increase as money continues to dwindle. I got my phone bill from my trip. I knew it would be higher than normal but didn't think anything of it. Luckily, all my calls were covered since I called my area. All the calls my friend made all across the country aren't. It is over $300, about 5 times the normal. Which brings the money she owes me to a total of about $600.

I have to pay rent, the phone bill and now my state taxes with my next check which they will barely cover. My student loan sharks finally tracked me down and called me at work no less. If I don't send a payment of $25 a month within the next 20 days they will start garnishing my wages. If I could afford to just throw away $300 a year I would have started paying ages ago. I still haven't payed any of my other bills in the last month and a half and now I have to pay an out of state tax since I don't work where I live.

But yay! I will be getting a $125 company bonus next month. It will help a little but I doubt after I get those big 3 paid I will have nothing left over for 4th of July. And my siblings want to throw a suprise party for mother's birthday (July 14th). My car brakes still haven't been fixed and they have needed it for over a month and have noticeably started to sound worse. I'm broke as he77, I can't afford to do any of that. And as an even bigger tease, TVDVD are on sale every where!

My vacation could have gone better. I spent five days in Florida. Most people in their lives can't say that and this was my second trip there. But anyway, those five days were dominated by this girl (and I say that because at 27 she was most definately NOT mature) who thought everything was about her. No job, money or prospects. Slept with guys to pay her phone that she was NEVER off. Had to go to the bar every night. Bummed cigarettes from the world at large. Our mutual friend (who was moving and needed to pack) had to spend every free second worried about what ms. thang wanted. Over five days I saw a movie (can do that at home), swam in a pool (ditto), saw the LOST finale (tritto), and swam in the ocean (YAY! that was my big thing I had to do). Everything else was focused on packing and getting ms. thang gone because she was not going cross country with me. But I made some new friends in Travis and Caleb and was reintroduced to someone I had briefly met before in Lulu.

New Orleans is AWESOME. I went to Bourbon st. on a Thursday and it was nuts. My friend and I met this guy named MJ. His first day he got mugged and then, the 2nd was his birthday. We adopted him fot the rest of the night. And the hotel bed's were so COMFORTABLE. It is just off Charles St. and I HIGHLY recomend it.

In Texas we started to get a little cabin fever. The money she was supposed to have for the trip ran out and I had to pay for her moving (why not, I already had to put the truck in my name. Don't ask.) The second hotel was disgusting. My only joy was the pit stop in Odessa. I had 'Heroes' running all through my head for ... disappointment. No offense to any natives but from what little I saw there wasn't much going on.

Not until San Diego was I beginning to feel like I was on vacation. But my friend never mentioned that they (or more specifically, her husband) was paying for my ticket home. I had to tell him about the rest of the finances. Still no word on wether they're gonna pay me the $400 I spent trafficing their belongings cross country. But in the end, I did end up getting a Blue Lantern shirt and got a total of 5 of the DC figures I wanted.

It has been over a week and it still feels weird being home. It feels just wrong, especially in little things like wearing long pants instead of shorts. But my dvd collection continues to bulge. I am currently watching Wonder Woman Season 3, Star Trek the animated Series, Law & Order SVU season 5, My Name is Earl season 3 and Thundercats Season 1 Volume 1. I am waiting to rewatch Mile High Season 1 again because when I start it I become obsessed and cannot be disturbed for anything else. I also have Big Love Season 1 and That 70's Show Season 4 ready for whenever. And I picked up the special edition of Galaxy Quest. For bluray I upgraded Justice League Season 1, got the remastered Star Trek Season 1, and Quantum of Solace (got for $20, the double disc dvd with the exact same special features was 25. which would you have chosen?)

Things have been moving along pretty well for the most part. Finances are getting more under control due to lack of spending. But I'll be honest it is due to less products out on the market I want to get (SOMEBODY GET IT IN THERE HEAD PEOPLE WANT THE NEW DC SUPERHEROES FIGURES! 8, COUNT THEM 8, TOY WAVES HAVE COME OUT AND NOBODY HAS THEM!!!!!!!!)

Anyway, I am going on vacation. I haven't had one in five years. Ten whole days (with pay for the work days) off of peace. I'm going to Florida in a couple weeks, which is where I took my last vacation to see my high school best friend. But unlike last time (where hurricanes kept me trapped for months and then I had to take a bus home), things are looking up. She is moving to the west coast where her husband's family lives and he has already gone on. I'll get to spend a few days enjoying the sun and fun and then ... ROAD TRIP! We are loading up a small uhaul and heading to San Diego. Originally she was going to come home to Illinois with me for a few days before going on solo, but since it is going to be part of my vacation her father-in-law is paying for my flight back home.

We already plan on spending a few hours in both New Orleans and Las Vegas, not to mention a pit stop at the Grand Canyon. Other than that the open road beckons. I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE driving in big cities. And she wants to tow her car cross country. So I most definately know that there are going to be complications (not once has she mentioned how sleeping arrangements are going to happen either). Luckily my boss is cool about it and desperately wants me to take the time I haven't used in 2 years of working for him. And if things do go wrong, I technically have 3 weeks of leave saved. I might be discovered when I hit Califiornia. You never know.

As I illegally type at my work computer, I am now allowed the effort to think about the New Year. Everybody tries to create resolutions by the stroke of the 1st, but by now have already started to lose that commitment. I say let the craziness of the holiday pass, decompress, get back into a rythym and then see what works.

1. Patience. Out of everyone in my life I am the most patient. But when it comes to things I think I want really, really badly I usually just cave. At least four times last year that I can think of, I screwed myself out of some money that I desperately needed at later dates due to impulse buying. Thanks to my new debit card I have already worked on that somewhat, but now I can make purchases online again too. Which leads me to...

2. DVD's . I have a list stuck to my wall of all the TV seasons I want. But my rapid collecting of the last year and a half has left the list now consisting mostly of okay shows I wouldn't mind having. So I am going to try and just wait for what I want. But this leads to ....

3. Upgrades. I have had no problems in the past, say, upgrade from VHS to DVD if I felt like it. Now with blu-ray, I want to start upgrading some things. And already started too. But I need to be more selective. I.E, Lost seasons have bonus features not on the DVD (yay!), Smallville is the exact same and doesn't even come with the episode booklet (boo!). But blu-ray definitely cost more which takes from ...

4. Necessities. I have no problem really keeping necessary food in the house. In the last year I have cut WAY back on my fast food spending. But I do need to pay more attention to littler things, like razors and pants. But I also need to get few more nicer things like a new computer.

What will the new year bring?

I had intended to leave for the holidays on Tuesday, but due to ice and weather waited until Wednesday. The weather was clear, ice melted, and was pleasant all around. I drove safely but would still notice an occasional vehicle alongside the road. But all were either pulled over by cops or had help from other stopped cars or maintenance vehicles. I continued on, and 2 miles from my brother's house it happened. A tire blew out, continuing an unintentionally started new tradition started last year by accidentally hitting a deer. A kind stranger pulled over and we had the spare on in less than 10 minutes despite the icy wind and slippery conditions.

Christmas was uneventful. $100 cash, $30 giftcard, 2 pants, 1 polo, & 2 bluray. But I can't fault my brothers. I told one I wanted Harry Potter 1, 3 & 4 for bluray. But some last minute shopping got me to get 4 for myself, and that ended up being the one he got me. And the other got me Stargate, because he knew I like SG1 & Atlantis. But the movie is BORING!

After Christmas got my tires, which seriously cut into my cash & bill money for the next 3 weeks. I had even brought my bills with me so I could do them online. But that didn't stop me from picking up a couple things I was really wanting; like Angel: After the Fall Vol.1. I finally tracked down 2 figures I have been wanting for months, but I had already bought them online at a loss of about $40. Shipping costs suck.

I just spent the last 3 hours awkwardlu positioned while playing RockStar2, and I did the same last night. I've wasted too much time playing myspace games this last few days. By tomorrow night I will have started preparing to get my life back to normal since I left it a mess and only has gotten worse. Hope things are better in 2009.

Now that the holidays are at a halfway point remember the good things about them.

1. 10 months of sanity to prepare for the 2 months of chaos. A Wal-Mart employee got trampled and killed by crack of dawn shoppers. I would much rather pay an extra $1 for that DVD later in the day than get up from my triptophan coma. Not to mention travel, ever expanding families, extended families, coordinating where everything is going to be, who is staying where, etc. I've known my sister-in-law for about 3 years and I still know absolutely nothing about her because I only see her at the holidays.

2. That you don't live with your family anymore. I got woken up out of a very rare for me peaceful sleep by my mother barging in inviting me to breakfast. And when I didn't come fast enough, she came back to do it again.

3. Shopping, shopping, shopping. Not all the best deals happen on Black Friday anyway. I can patiently wait for the stuff I want. I mean, all those presents I need to buy. But this also leads to the problem of telling people what you want and not accidentally buying itself when you do find it on sale.

There is so much more but I can't think anymore due to planning my on-line shopping. For others, of course.

I was updating my dvdaf.com account a while back when I noticed something. I have my collection arranged by title, so everything is tallied individually (for example; the Back to the Future trilogy is counted as three titles, but came as one set). With a sudden resurgence on my part to collect/start/finish TV season sets my total had been steadily rising. The total had gotten into the 490's. I thought "that couldn't be". I try to count them on a regular basis, but I always got a different total than the website anyway . I was also kind of impressed/mortified that I had spent/wasted that much hard earned money. But I needed to be sure. I copied down the complete list off the site and began to compare.

I quickly noticed several titles that I had sold were still on the list. Plus a few my brothers had lost. But then I added on my new titles. Then the titles I had forgotten to add. Then made the realization I have several titles that are not listed with that very comprehensive website. But I can't blame them. With the proliferation of 2 or 3 or 4 movie combos sets surging onto the market it must be close to impossible to track all of those (especially since some of the titles are very random). Plus I have things that will never appear on the site, like the free DVDs given away from toy promotions. What had started out as reducing the list only confirmed the opposite. My titles arenow well into the 520's (thanks alot to bluray).

I love this site. I love it so much I have problems watching any TV show without taking notes on it. But when I started watching He-Man at the beginning of the year (which I finally just finished all of) I had to make the conscious decision not to note on it. I literally already have about 6 notebooks with unsubmitted notes, trivia, quotes sitting right next to me. Plus I actually really like writing synopsis (which can take for frickin ever). But due to my lack of computer useage over the last year it has seemed kind of pointless. So I am going to give myself a bit of a breather. I will continue to stop by and submit, but am not taking any more notes for a while. Maybe at least until a level 30.

I'm also now bummed because I now know the awesome He-Man cartoon I dreamed about as a child actually was a dream. Oh well, maybe it was a She-Ra. I haven't finished that yet.

Monday once again had a late start from my phone once again not going off. I gathered my things and headed to my mother's house to get some personal affects still left there. I called her but no answer. I missed her return call while I was trying to get all the cobwebs off my body (don't ask). When I called her back she said wait for her and take Woodstock out.

Woodstock is my baby brother's puppy, about 3 months old. I took him out, he peed, we played, I took him in. As soon as I brought him in he went straight for my mother's room and crapped on her floor. I was still cleaning it up when my mother got home. I see it as a great bookend, since my weekend started with having to clean up the crap left behind from another brother's dog.

We inevitably decided on a buffet for lunch since I don't eat Chinese food. I thought it was going to be incredibly awkward. I was even chivalrous enough to pay, but it was her birthday so I wasn't going to quibble. Conversation was minimal, but polite. I took her home then hit the road myself.

Overall, my weekend was a success. I got a bunch of comic, now filling up huge gaps in my collection. I found a couple DVD's I had been putting off getting until I saw the price. I tracked down the brand new Green Lantern Wave 3 Sinestro in Sinestro Corps uniform. I am now expecting a DC Superheroes Wave 1 Penguin to finish that collection. So I ended up 2 for 2 in that attempt. No video games though. And my younger brother (still thinking I was in there town) called wanting to make plans for seeing "Dark Knight". We have been making plans to see it together but we may have to see it apart first.

As I dreaded returning to work on Tuesday, dragging myself out of bed was an understatement. Work just seemed wrong after 4 days of doing nothing. Work itself was easy, and in the afternoon I took several of my "consumers" to the library. Guess what I found there? Comics for sale, quarter per or 10 for $1. Guess which one I got. I think this is a sign that I should be getting back into reading comics more more actively, considering how everything I ended up buying this weekend was comic or superhero oriented.

I need sleep so bad....

Another late start, but one I didn't mind. For today, I was going to shop. While on a small budget. Having already spent some of my money for the day, I had to maintain a thrifty mindset. No impulse buying.

Went to my third Toys R Us in three days. Nothing. Borders is a store I usually have a high success rate with. But today was one of the few instances they let me down when they didn't have the foreign DVD's I wanted. But I did find a video game guide I had been wanting. Target had the 4 of the 5 figures from the toyline I was searching for, but I already had those 4. Since I'm searching for a Penguin figure, I was about to have a Cartman moment and scream "D*** it, give me Pengin". But I lucked out and found a Batman Beyond Volume 2. I picked up my first two season of QaF at this town's Circuit City and they had always had the other seasons in stock previously. So I decided to try my luck there, but their TV on DVD is now compressed into one small back-to-back rack. I gave KMart a pity walkthrough.

I wrestled with the notion of going to the comic shop. Did I really need to after all the comics I had just bought yesterday? I finally rationalized... yes. As long as I action figure hunted and not bought back issues. I drove over and was blocked off. There was construction going on and a lot of foot traffic for a Sunday. As I tried to drive around to alternate ways of entering the area I was annoyed by all the police barricades and lack of parking anywhere near my destination. I was seconds away from givng up when I decided... no. I haven't been here in 2 years, I'm looking for one, maybe two things and they may have it. I risked parking in a nearby store parking lot (despite warnings of towing). Turns out there was an art fair going on right on the street I was trying to get to. Annoyed with it I went straight to the shop. I was in all of 10, maybe 15 minutes. After less than 5 I discovered one of the action figures I was searching for. As a reward I picked another figure I didn't even know existed.

After getting back to my brother #1's house I began to think "wait a sec". A 45 second search on ebay found yet another figure I had been searching for at a reasonable price. I payed my brother to buy it for me. I should recieve it in 3 to 5 days. My spending cash now down to $9 and miscellaneous change I can drive home happy tomorrow without complaints.

My mother and baby brother showed up for dinner. It was suprisingly painless, even pleasant. My father even stopped by. As we sat around the table the parents just started telling story after story of brother #1's antics and childhood experiences for his new wife. I sat there 1)amused to seeing them so happy about all the reminiscing, and 2)quite annoyed at the fact that they can do this with their 3 older children but not their younger 3. Before dad left he said "Here, this is for gas" and handed me $40. That shocked me more than anything else. And when my mother left she said to call her tomorrow so we could have lunch before I went home. While being protected in a bubble of nearby relatives is one thing, one-on-one time between the two of us NEVER ends well.

Slow start to the morning, but did get to watch 2 new episodes of Power Rangers Jungle Fury. Didn't leave until after noon.

The con was about a dozen tables set up in a hotel atrium. I didn't have high expectations but this just felt sad. I did a polite lap around the circle to see what everyone had. I then casually browsed through some 50 cent boxes and ended up spending $16, which is good restraint for me. But then I noticed the center table prices. There were various prices, but the best deal was 50 books for $20. I browsed thinking I could fill some gaps in my collection. But then I discovered a TON of old, old Avengers and FF comics. I ended up spending $40 at those tables for 100 books. 133 comics for $56 (counting the free one I was given) is not a bad deal overall, averaging 42 cents a book.

After a couple of disappointing pit stops and a bite at this filthy and disgusting McDonalds I hate, I realized I had pretty much spent my cash for the day. But brother #2's family live near a comic shop I like so I had to stop there. They had 3 Bats as GL figures from the new Green Lantern line, but none of the ones I wanted. (Why does DC think that fans want/need/desire dozens of Batman and Superman variants? This one makes sense at least, but still...) I didn't really need anything, but I hadn't been in a comic shop for longer than 3 minutes in over a month. And this place has a graphic novel assortment that puts every other chain, comic and novelty store to shame. I think I ended up spending $52.06. I over extended myself a little over all, but not badly.

I then went and saw my new niece. She has a slight monkey face appearance, but a cute monkey face. And abnormally large toes which is what made me think of the monkey connection in the first place.

I love Bellacino's grinders. I knew one was in Peoria. Hence why I was adamant about eating there after a year of not doing so. I paid for it just incase brother #1 didn't like it, which tapped into my funds for the rest of the week. As we browsed in the Blockbuster next door I fought the impulse to buy a cheap, used Queer as Folk season 5. The clincher was that there was no box for the cases to slide into. I am about $14 short now in the overall average, but I can still live with it.

I have already sorted and alphabetized my new comics. I need to update my list on comicbookdb now but am being lazy. Should probably go into Bloomington tomorrow, but my mother will be coming over for lunch or dinner since we can't really celebrate her birthday on Monday. A shudder just went down my spine at the prospect of spending time with her.

Friday shouldn't count because I still had to go into work, but it was such an easy day. Did some client notes and watched a training video. But the video was so horrible and my colleagues and I were making fun of it so bad our supervisor shut it off in disgust (of the programming, he mocked it too). We then went and had a barbeque and I made friends with a millionare. Seriously.

Left Hannibal and went to Quincy. Got paycheck and hit the road. On the way I rationed my money so that I can afford over $67 a day and still be okay. This weekend I am on a mission. There are some particular DVDs, action figures and a video game I am on the prowl for. I stopped in Springfield to buy my 3 week old niece Kyleigh (sp?) a present and to test my luck.

Circuit City - didn't find what I wanted, but did pick up a decently priced copy of Reno 911 Season 4. Toys R Us - The new Care Bears irk me. They took a concept that was cute and adorable and have started to make it just stupid. But it is my thing to get babies their first Care Bears so I got the least revolting looking one I could find. I also found about a dozen of the rare Marvel Legends Emma Frost in diamond form exclusive to TRU. They were on the clearance rack so I figured I could afford it. When I got to the register, I was completely shocked. I got this rare, highly sought commodity for a grand total of $.72 plus tax. 72 freaking cents! 21.54 + 11.54 = 33.08, things are looking financially good so far. Thank God I was able to resist the urge to go to the mall or Barnes & Noble.

Am typing this because I was awoken by the ripe droppings of my brother's dog who hadn't been put out in 12 hours. When I confronted the dog, she then began to pee all over the floor (which she does when she knows she has done something bad). My brother and his wife caught me mid-clean-up.

Will be going to the comic convention in Peoria tomorrow. I'm a little suprised to realize this will be my first. I've tried to make a promise to myself I will avoid back issues (unless they are dirt cheap) and focus on the hunt.

It really started to dawn on me as I drove home from work on January 31st. Exactly one year ago at that time I was packing up some basic necessities to start my new job the next day. It was an odd feeling, considering how much had changed since then. On the first I went out with my co-workers to celebrate their January birthdays. I had just payed off my car. I sat down and organized all my bills, realizing I can be up to date with my next check. Things couldn't be going any better.

But the changes the last few days have killed the unnatural hugh for the time being. Monday - I get a call from a good friend saying that she is coming from Florida for a visit. Tuesday - I reserve the days off and receive the DVD a friend procured for me off ebay.

Then the buzz kill. The person neglected to mention the 5 disc set was incomplete with only four discs. The co-worker who got them for me was, out of the blue, let go. My friend called and told me her grandmother was in a car accident. Then had passed away two days later.

As I mentally prepare to help her through this painful time, I can't but help thinking of the close elderly friend I just lost a little over a year ago. And my upcoming birthday (always depressing in it its own right) isn't going to be any better than the 20 or so before it.

Here's hoping for happier times ahead.

I continue my new adjustments. Work is going good, bills are straightening themselves out (should be settledby February) but I still have three payments on my car (a fact oddly clearer after sideswiping a deer a couple days ago).

But even as I adjust, the tiniest bit of me still wishes for the much simpler lifestyle I led just 11 months ago. Doing almost anything I wanted without many cares or responsibilites, spending all my money on just about anything I could want, eating what I want, say whatever I want. Now: my new responsibilities bring new freedoms, I appreciate my purchases slightly more than more thought goes into them, I am trying to eat better and I am actually more vocal in my opinions.

Still, sometimes I feel like I am losing too much of myself along the way. I can't be myself at work or my clients would rip me to shreds.I present a much more outspoken, take no crap attitude they all respond to. My hobbiesand interests had to be put on hold and I am only just now catching up on things, such as this site. I continue to take notes for every show I watch, but I don't get many opportunities to post due to not having a computer at home. This has made me drop slightly for a couple of my shows but I am in the process of rectifying that right now (I've only gone up approximately two levels all year, that is horrible for me).

Watched/Rewatchedfor 2007: Arrested Development (watched), Charmed (watched, notesabout 3/4 done), Friends (went straight through Season 1 to 6 and decided to take break), Oz (finally got whole series, started notes for Season 1), Queer as Folk(notes for 1 & 2 done, going back for more), She-Ra Season 1(watched, some notes), Six Feet Under(watchedto Season 4)and Smallville(notes up to Season 5 done, haven't gotten 6 yet).

Planned for 2007;Batman: the Animated Series (X), Freaks and Geeks (X), Justice League (check, done), Reno 911 (got Season 1, notes done),Star Trek: TNG (X) and Xena (X).

Started during 2007: Alf (3 seasons, notes mostly done), Daria (analyzed the crap out of a handful of episodes), Passions (watched religously for the last few weeks before it left NBC), Rescue Me (got Season 1, notes done), Stargate SG1 (got all 10 seasons, notes up to Season , Stargate Atlantis (got1 & 2, notes almost done), Will & Grace (notes up to Season 2 done)

Shows tostart/restart in 2008: Angel, Buffy, Clerks, Coupling, Dexter, Entourage, Mile High, Nip/Tuck, Power Rangers, South Park, all Star Treks.

Luckily it is still cold outside and I am a homebody.

When things change in my life, they REALLY change.

Just a couple months ago I was in a new city, new job, new truck, spending some serious time with a brother I barely knew. But things slowly changed supposedly for the better. My orientation was up and I ended up getting not one but two raises. My brother moved into an upstairs apartment but was still just a short flight of steps away, leaving with my own place for the first time in my life.

Then came the changes. New mandates from work forced several people to quit (and my brother to search for something else). He and his girlfriend of four months just randomly but mutually decided that they should get married. He found a job closer to her and decided to move. Two days before his moving my truck completely breaks down. I get a ride from a friend for a week but she was quitting too. Then I get charged over $200 to learn I need about $1200 more work done, but the mechanic doesn't do that type of thing.

A co-worker offers to sell me a blazer. The second day it overheats. Another week of waiting until payday results in taking half a week off from work and bumming rides when I can. When the blzer repairs keeping piling up, my co-worker tell me I should look for something else. On payday I buy yet another used car. Second day, "Check Engine Soon" light comes on.

My bills have been in a downward spiral ever since. I never have enough funds to pay everything, especially when they are all due at the beginning of the month. My cell people are trying to screw me out of the $100 credited to my account. I can't get the car looked at until my next payday, at which point it may be getting close to ruin already.

I always tried to avoid this. Not out of some Peter Pan "I don't want to grow up" complex, but because I knew that the moment I did I would be completely overwhelmed. I try to ask for help, but it makes me feel like a complete and utter tool who can't do anything. But yet when I try to do things on my own, people think I'm crazy or trying to do too much.

The bills I can try to straighten out. The cell phone people need some direct intervention with. I have still yet to pay off my entire deposit for my apartment. The co-worker's husband now wants $300 to help for the blazer repairs. Not to mention the eventual payment of student loans and a credit card I was drug to court over. The car desperately needs at the bare minimum a tune-up.

And here I thought I could start my Christmas shopping early...

Things continue to be pretty good, but the pessimist in me can't help but wonder how much longer that will last.

I took my required work physical the other day. I was in surprisingly good health. But the sight of my now pudgy frame in the exam room mirror makes we want to redouble my attempts at weight loss. Since my job is very liberal about work itself I stopped at an abandoned graveyard church on my way back. It had recently been vandalized and the police tape was lying on the ground. It had of course been spray painted with some very inappropriate things. Rumor is it is haunted too, so there could be some ticked off ghosts right now. Now that I am finally settled in at work, I'm now eligible for the raise we're getting around July. What I get paid now is great, especially with PTO (which they MAKE us take; I still can't get over that). After 2 months I had already accumulated 20 hours of Paid Time Off.

I just hope I have enough PTO by mid May. My brother's (K2) out of state wedding is coming up, but as time passes more things keep getting in the way. My eldest brother (C1) has taken it upon himself to insure I get there. He isn't making me pay my share of the utilities and rent. We're on the same car insurance so he went ahead and paid that. He's made arrangements for me to drive down with a few other people to make it cheaper still. It all sounds good, but I hate this feeling of indebtedness.

After successfully getting the upstairs neighbor kicked out, the landlady offered it to my roommate/eldest bro. So I get to keep the apartment we share now, and it is officially mine as of the first. So rent will be due in a few days (C1 already convinced her to let me slide on my security deposit until I can actually afford it). I still have one more car payment before my beater of a truck is legally mine. My next paycheck won't arrive until the day after I'm supposed to leave. Everything kind of hinges on me getting my income tax check back soon, while possible since I got my state back already I find it doubtful.

I have already told C1 that I am okay with the prospect of staying behind. While I would like to go, I think my building financial problems should take some precedence. But he isn't grasping the fact that I can't live on the $48 in my pocket for 3 weeks. Gas alone to get to work will easily cost $40 to $80. C1 keeps telling me not to worry about it until after we get back, but my already strained finances probably won't be able to pay him (or our sister, who may be helping me out too) back any time soon and I hate that feeling. Since I have lived with him I have had no problems bumming a few bucks here and there because I was good for it and I paid him back as quickly as possible. But this is (on my part anyway) an unnecessary expense considering I really can't pay for anything for the trip itself; food, gas, entertainment, anything. At this point I would just rather take the days I've already arranged off and start getting my new apartment situated.

I am currently trying to watch/rewatch the DVD's of Arrested Development Season 2, Charmed Season 2, Friends Season 6, Oz Season 1, Queer as Folk Season 5, She-Ra Season 1 Vol. 2, Six Feet Under Season 1 and Smallville Season 3. I already am making plans to start on Batman: the Animated Series, Freaks and Geeks, Justice League, Reno 911; and may go back to redo some stuff for Star Trek: TNG and Xena. I overanxiously await Harry Potter book 7 and movie 5. And on the sites, I just got level 8 at GameSpot and am inching closer to 24 on tv.com.

The last week has been exausting.

As per my job, there are certain requirements I need in order to continue at my job.  For one, I needed to take a CPR course I did it a few weeks ago and that was no big deal. This week I had both CPI and med training and I was completely unprepared.

I started my med training on the Friday before last.  It is a 16 hour course and I was bored out of my skull.  What didn't help matters was that I had to learn essentially the exact same as a Registered Nurse, but in only just two days.  What made it worse was I completely forgot about CPI a few days later.

I was fortunate though.  Crisis Prevention & Intervention is essentially a non-violent judo with a little study in psychotherapy on how to properly use it and in what situations and scenarios.  It also was a two day course but it was fun and interactive and I passed the test easily.  Just in case, I kept the manual and have it stashed away in a cabinet drawer at work.

Completing the med training was what had me freaking out.  I had left my reading material at work over the weekend so I couldn't review.  And then came CPI which became the immediate problem.  The first opportunity I had to study for my Friday test was Thursday night.  I was up until 2 o'clock, easy, reviewing abbreviations that the instructor said were important to know.  We finished off the review fairly quickly and focused on putting what we learned into practice.  We had learned how to properly take a pulse the week before, and now we learned how to take blood pressure and how to properly distribute medications.  I was horrible at taking the blood pressure, but the instructor said I was doing fine.  But lucky me, my arm is so scrawny that my partner could find the pulse in my arm to take mine.  The instructor took a shot at it and she had problems finding mine too.  Dispensing meds was just common sense with some clinical instructions thrown in.  And the test was a joke.  The first half was just mix and matching words with definitions and the second half required using a Nurses Medical Guide.  And as we were instructed to in training if you're not sure about something as serious as drugs, you should always ask to double check.  So we all just did the test out loud.  And the instructor would just tell us if we got it wrong and gave us the right one.  We got to leave 2 hours early last week, and that day we got to leave 5 hours early because we had covered everything we needed for practice in our facility.

Overall, a lot of panic for nothing.  They are now done and over with, now it is just waiting on my certificates of completion.  I just don't want to have to put what I've learned into practice anytime soon.

Finally got my Contributor of the Millenium, it only took 7 months.  The Black ribbon looked weird by itself after I added more shows and messed up my genre icons.  My 15 level is only at a 21 now.

I'm just shocked at how I've changed in that time span.  No longer living at my mother's house.  No longer in a job where I have to ask "What would you like to drink with that?"  Having my own vehicle.  Paying rent.  Growing up, I always had to be and act like an adult.  But now, I'm actually starting to grow up.  And it's not like I was ever against it or anything, but I was never given the opportunity.

"Family" obligations were ingrained into me as being the most important thing in my life, even if it meant sacrificing my needs and wishes for others.  While this is a noble endeavor, it always led me to being taken advantage of by that same family (if my mother had her way, I would have to pay her back the medical bills from when I was born).

Money is tight.  I spent the last week getting my used truck fixed.  But I'm content, and I haven't felt this free in 3 years.  3 years!  My life is truely beginning and I am so anxious about it.  And while I may finally be growing up, I will forever refuse to grow too old.

This time last week, I was anxiously awaiting my orientation for my new job.  There was a new Super store opening, with 300 positions available.  I applied towards the end of November, and at the beginning of December went in for my interview and a couple days later my urine test.  Then my orientation date.

I had applied with the store a few times, and had almost been hired once before.  My younger brother also landed a job there, and we discussed what we would do with our store discounts.  I longed for the day I could tell my manager to f*** off and quit my crappy job.  And I almost did a couple of times in sheer eagerness of my new job.

SUNDAY - I walked in 3 degree weather to my orientation.  15 minutes early, I was the second to arrive.  The other applicants slowly came in and some small talk was made.  Our trainer led us into the back and began by handing out nametags.  My name wasn't called.  The trainer quickly shared a few small words with the employment office and ran off to check something.  She called me out about two minutes later to tell me I was unhireable.  I was mistakenly given the orientation date before my background check came through.  And the check I had bounced 3 years ago was more than enough evidence to prove I was untrustworthy (despite the convicted criminals and drug users who worked there).

So many conflicting emotions hit me at once I was almost numb.  But I couldn't waste time being angry or upset or depressed, my shift at the job I was desperate to leave started in just under 3 hours.  Complete misery took over.  I was still reeling from the death of my friend Della, her funeral had just been a few days before.  The only thing I had going for me, my only glimmer of hope was the prospect of this new job.  And it was shattered.  I gave up.  I realized that my prospects were non-existent and nothing would ever change for me.  I now knew I would just have to accept that.  Younger brother had since called our mother to give her my news.  She in turn called an older brother and mentioned it to him.  He mentioned that there were a couple openings at his work.  Mother relayed this to me, I contacted older brother and he arranged an interview. 

MONDAY - With nothing to lose except gas and a 4 hour round trip drive, I went with no expectations and no hope.  One short interview later and I was hired on the spot!  I was almost giddy as I drove home.  A job I had once thought of as persuing as a career had just been handed to me on a metaphorical silver platter.  With great pay and really good benefits!  I was now a Psycho-Social Rehabilitation Aide, working with the mentally and physically sick.  Nepotism kicks ass!

TUESDAY - I went to get my paycheck.  Even though I was scheduled to work that day, I knew I wouldn't be.  I told a couple friends there what had happened and they completely understood.  The rest of the day and a chunk of Wednesday was used to quickly tie up some immediate loose ends.

THURSDAY - My first day, and we go bowling.  I haven't bowled since high school, but now that I'll be going every Thursday I'm hoping I'll get better.  It was also my older brother's birthday, so I didn't get home until about 11:30 that night.

FRIDAY - Short day.  We picked up the patients.  They sat around for about an hour and a half.  They were taken home.  Office fun ensued where I ended up learning about a good chunk of my co-workers sexual practices and partners.  We had lunch during our staff meeting and finished the day 2 hours early (while still getting paid for those 2 hours).  Some of that quality time was then spent on shopping for some new clothes.

This time last week, my entire world revolved around the loose prospect of getting a slightly better job than the one I was struggling at.  Now, I actually think I might be happy.  With me, this is a completely alien concept and am still adjusting.  I have a job I can really enjoy and be challenged by.  Prospects and opportunities becoming available, and even plausibly attainable.

Della, in the grand cosmic scheme of things, I can't help but think deep down you had to have some involvement in this.  It helps having a dear friend recently ascend to a higher state of existence.  While I couldn't be there for her as much as I wished I could, now I can help others in similar circumstances.