It's a whole new season.

• 19Sep 09

  4 months ago today....I had something to say.

  I'm sorry for that ^. I've been away for 4 months and I need to get back into the swing of coming up with a half-creative blog title.

  But wow...has it been 4 months? Exactly 4 months, actually. That's totally coincidental...I was bored here this afternoon and just thought of my tv.com account and how many cobwebs were probably covering it.

  Anyway, how is everyone? Anything cool happen since mid-May? I did a couple of things over the summer, went to Vermont for a half a week with like all 30-something members of my family and had a great time in this huge house out in the middle of a bunch of farmland. We're thinking about maybe going down South somewhere next summer since we have some family that lives in Virginia and North Carolina and it would be easier for them since they always have to come up to NY/Long Island to see anyone. Add that to three different high school graduation parties that we'll be having next summer, and it should be some good times in June/July/August. Really looking forward to it.

  It wasn't all good since I was gone though. About two-and-a-half weeks ago, my little 11-year-old cousin went to the hospital with symptoms of meningitis. I didn't really know too much about the disease before this, so I did what every American does and went to WebMD to edjumacate myself. Needless to say, I was a bit distraught. I got the text from my brother at around 3:30 pm on a Thursday, and I was getting ready to go to a 4:00 class. I never left my room for the rest of the day. Not for class, for dinner, for anything. If you knew my cousin, you'd probably understand my emotions. She's this spunky little thing with a big heart and a lovable personality. She's cute to the point where everyone still feels like she's 5. I even get caught up in some of the "kiddy" things she does sometimes and she's always fun to be around. So of course everyone is beside themselves when they hear about this. Add to all of this that she's had trouble staying healthy all her life because she's pretty skinny, and everyone in my family of atheists is praying for her to make it through this. I won't lie, I was crying for a little while. I couldn't deal with not ever seeing her again, with her being just a memory and never being able to grow older and live a long, healthy life. I know a few of you on here have dealt with some unbearable loss in your lives--let me just say that I might have, just maybe, got a glimpse of what that may feel like, and I admire you all for being able to make it through something like that.

  It was in the days before Labor Day Weekend, so I went home and everyone but my brother up in Plattsburgh went down to LI to see her and be with everybody. My poor aunt, who's dealt with so much loss in her life already (four miscarriages and a close friend who committed suicide to name a few), was breaking down. No one in that damn hospital seemed to know what was wrong with her for days, and the spinal tap that you do to determine whether or not the patient has meninigitis, well...the resident did it wrong the first time, and those things put you in a tremendous amount of pain. And to hear her crying (while coughing that sickly-sounding cough) because she can't even drink water and "they're taking everything away from me"....it was bad. Like you-feel-guilty-just-for-breathing bad. My mom's pretty strong and I don't see her cry too much, but she couldn't handle it. My cousin was throwing up violently when she first got to the hospital and had a severe headache, so this child went through way too much for an 11-year-old girl. And the doctors, as I said, seemed clueless for the first almost-week. First, they said meninigitis was likely, then they said it was a severe sinus infcetion, then it was a staph infection. Finally, they settled on a combination of the latter two. They gave her some strong antibiotics, and she's out of the hospital now. But she apparently made a comment upon returning home, something along the lines of wondering if this would be the last time she would come from the hospital. I guess she's seeing a child psychologist about it. But it makes me numb to hear about something like that. Why can't she just be able to live a normal life like her friends of the same age? Why has she had to deal with all this crap? She's the least deserving person that I know to have to endure as much as she has. I just hope that she's still the same kid that makes all of us smile so much.

  I'll try (seriously) to be on here more. With the start of fall, I have the NFL to talk about again, so that's always fun, right? And I'm back in college of course, so there will be stuff to talk about I'm sure. Until then though, I bid thee adieu. Whatever that means.

  • Posted Sep 19, 2009 4:41 pm PT
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• 19May 09

  "Everybody's got a boat upon the ocean...

  ...not everybody's sailing out to sea."

  I'll admit, this is addicting and makes for an easy way out of coming up with your own creative blog title.

  Just in case any of you haven't read Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows yet and want to at some point (what exactly are you waiting for if so?), this is a...

  ***SPOILER ALERT***

  Two years (I wanna say about two years) after it came out, I finished the last Harry Potter book yesterday. I don't know how many of you (if any of you) read the books, but I liked them all and had read the first six all sort of right around when each had come out, but I had never gotten the seventh because I just never got around to it. That and I don't usually spend money on a lot of things. But when I saw it in a Borders up in Plattsburgh when we were visiting my bro for Easter, I felt compelled to get it. I didn't start reading it till about a week after I got it, and combined it probably took me about 5-6 days to finish it (I read it off-and-on). Having finished it, I have to say I was really surprised that there wasn't as much death and sadness as had been advertised (or as I had been expecting). A few supporting characters died, but I was half-expecting Ron and Hermione to die bravely for Harry in some way or something like that, or maybe even Harry dying along with Voldemort. And the ending was really cheesy, showing how, in nineteen years, Harry would marry Ginny and have three kids: James, Lily, and Albus (really? You couldn't have come up with names more original than that?) and Ron would marry Hermione and have two kids: Hugo and Rose. Anywho, it was a happy ending that seemed too predictable, but overall it was pretty good. My cousin said she hated it so much that it turned her off from the entire series, which is saying something, as I'm pretty sure it was one of her favorites at one time. Anyone else read it and find themselves asking, that's it?

  My first day of work at the supermarket was tonight. It was actually scheduled to be tomorrow, but they needed me to cover a shift, so I worked for 5 hours. I don't know if any of you remember from last fall about a girl I liked and was at one point trying to get with, and then found out she had kind of a messed up life and was making some bad decisions and all that $hit...well, I don't know if I ever said anything, but she works there too. And since I had tried to avoid talking to her altogether since this past winter when I made the decision to break off ties with her, I knew going in that this was going to be awkward. I'll admit, me ignoring most of her texts for a few months was a huge d!ck move, but I felt like it was the only way of conveying the message of "I don't want to talk to you anymore" without actually saying it. Apparently, some people can't take a clue.

  I was relieved to find out she wasn't working tonight, so I wasn't so tense for the first few hours or so. That is, until I was coming through to the front end through the bottle closet, and there she was. Except, she was checking out and had her back to me, so I slid out of there pretty quick. I felt stupid about it, but I really just wanna move on from her, and having her see me and try to strike up a conversation with me doesn't really condone that. I went outside to collect some carts, and I was half-looking for her car to make sure I wasn't near it when she left, so I sort of hung out in the cart corrals (which have roofs low enough where my face can be hidden) when she came out. I saw her leave, so I calmed down a little and resumed by menial job. I actually spent a good while literally scrubbing down kid carts (they have these seats in them that look like cars and apparently they were dirty) tonight. Anyway, an hour or so later, I go to the front podium area to see when my break is, and I turn the corner, and there she is, getting her schedule for the week. She looked right at me.

  I was amiable enough and said the usual "Hey, what's up?" and we talked for a little, mostly about work this summer and how we were both pretty loaded with work. It never went beyond that, and I was pretty glad about that. She left, and I went back to whatever the hell I was doing. I was worried about her asking me about "us" and all that crap, and since I'm still not ready to talk about with her (I don't know that I ever will be), I was cool with it. We talked like two friends, nothing more. If that's what comes out of all this, fine. I won't kick and scream about it. She's kinda cool, but I've heard her stories. I'm not going back there again. I don't need to deal with that.

  So I go to clock out when I'm done and I figured I'd pick up some ice cream and gum while I was there. I went to one register, but the lady there had WIC checks (for those who aren't familiar, it's one of those welfare programs to allow mothers with little to spend to buy basics such as milk, juice, and cereal for their kids), and these checks are take a while to go through and get them all straightened out, so I go to another register that didn't have such a huge wait. I go up to the girl and she rings me out, and then when she hands me my stuff, she just, out of nowhere, tells me, "[girl I'm avoiding] loves you."

  I stood there for about ten seconds, with no clue what to say. I didn't even know this girl at the register and didn't know she knew that other girl either. It was so casual the way she said it too, like it was nothing and shouldn't have unnerved me the way it did. I guess I was just dumbfounded. I don't even think I made a coherent response to the girl. She added, "Not in a weird way." Maybe because she saw the look on my face. Instead of answering her, I just kinda said goodnight and left the store and spent most of the ride home shaking my head and sighing. I'm not even sure if I should believe this person, but I feel like I'm just accepting it as truth. Why would they tell me something like that? Am I naive about this? I really hope so, because I really just wish that all this hadn't happened between me and this girl. I went too far before I knew what I was getting into, and now I'm paying for it.

  If there's one thing I'm confident in in all this, it's that I don't want to be with this girl. There are too many reasons why it won't work and why I'll regret it forever if I do. I'm not even attracted to her like I was when I first met her. I feel like she must have caught me at a depserate time. In a perfect world, she would have stayed in Massachusetts (she temporarily moved there when the $hit at home just got to be too much, but supposedly it's better now...I'll give it a few months) and I would never have seen her again. I'm ready to move on. I want to. So when I don't always reply to her texts or lie and say I have plans when she wants to hang out does she not understand? Why would she still have feelings for me after having not seen me for months or really even talked to me? I know she told me about how she hooked up with a guy at some point (which, before anyone says anything, I'm totally cool with and am hoping for so that she can move on like I'm trying to). I know I'm the type to kinda sit around and think about stuff and people from the past for a while, but even I can learn to forget about something that I've had virtually no contact with for months. I feel like I can't tell her flat out that I don't want to be with you and then have to say why. But short of that, there doesn't seem to be anything I can do. And I am not going to deal with this crap all summer at work. If my internship was paid (oh how I wish), I would quit my job at the supermarket on the spot. But it's not, and I can't. I can't run and hide from her forever, and I understand that. I guess if I manage to get a girlfriend then that would send a message, but I'm not getting into a relationship just to get out of another one (if you can even call it that). My best hope right now is that I can ignore her long enough and eventually she'll get tired of it and move on. But I have a feeling that could be a ways away. Oh well.

  Sorry I dumped that on you guys. As I've said before, this blog is my way of getting stuff out that I'm not always comfortable talking about with people.

  I should probably go to bed now. By the way, I have work tomorrow 3-7, and she's working 6-9 I think, and she'll be just two registers down from me. Great...another hour of awkward, half-assed, forced conversation just to get through 60 minutes. This place keeps getting better and better....See ya around.

  • Posted May 19, 2009 12:15 am PT
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• 9May 09

  "As I dream about movies...

  ...they won't make of me when I'm dead."

  Just a line from probably my current favorite song. No need to play the guessing game to try and figure it out; I just figured I should start off my first blog in almost 3 months with something completely unoriginal.

  So yeah. I'm not really sure why I haven't blogged in so long. I mean, it's not like more of nothing started happening back in February and that I've had less time to rant aimlessly or droll on about the NFL offseason (I actually have another blog for that but I don't even use it really at all anyway). Finals were done yesterday, and if all else works out, I'll have a Masters in two years. I also had an internship interview Friday for the NYSDOT (unpaid unfortunately) and that went pretty well. But in between all that, I was busy getting laid on a weekly basis and recently took up regular drinking and smoking a joint every once in a while. Yes, that last one was a horrible pretention and you should all know me better than that. I'd be the moron who couldn't put the condom on correctly even if I was completely sober and flaccid at the same time (not really, but you get my point).

  Do you ever spend those lonely nights going back and revisiting those old things you were hooked on as a kid? I know about a year or so ago my brother and I found some of those first Pokemon episodes and started watching them, and it's amazing how even still you get the goosebumps when Ash first catches his Caterpie, but now you're old enough to marvel at his stupidity when he sends it into battle against a Pidgeotto. Anyway, I (used to) enjoy the Sonic the Hedgehog video games back when GameCube was 50% of my life. I didn't get into it until about high school actually, so I never played anything before Adventure 2: Battle, but that quickly became a favorite of mine. I liked most of the characters and even wrote my college essay on how I felt like I had a lot in common with Knuckles the Echidna, my favorite character. Anyway, I had heard that they had made an anime series a few years ago called Sonic X, and it was based on a few of the games and had some original ideas to it. I started searching for it one night and found a few episodes and, as a 4Kids animated cartoon, you're expecting the immature themes and cheesy dialogue, and there was plenty of that. But still, I found myself going back and trying to find more episodes. Maybe it's because it's something I feel like I never got to see when I was younger and more into the whole Sonic thing. It's a lot like the Pokemon series (I say that because I feel like most of you can relate more to that) in that it's very corny at times but can be fun to watch if you're feeling about 10 or so years younger than you actually are. I feel like most people would privately admit (maybe only to themselves) that there's still an affection for those kinds of things that we never really let go (music is another one that I have). But because we live in a world where you're viewed as "weak" or "immature" if you still publicly like those things, people shy away from them in the open. I don't know, maybe I'm just hopeful and pretending that I'm not the only loser who still watches an episode of Sonic X every once in a while XD.

  Hopefully I'll be on the site a little more often now that school's out till August 31st, but the internship and by supermarket job that just won't go away might keep me busy enough. It's not that I "moved on" or anything stupid like that. I just have almost nothing to talk about almost all the time, except when the NFL is going on, at which point I can't shut up about it. I'm even trying to get the scoop from rookie friggin' minicamps this weekend. I'll just chalk that one up to hardcore fan dedication and pretend that I do have a life outside of watching football . Anyway, I gotta go watch the martial arts tournament episode of Sonic X. Not really, but I'm kinda tired. Well...maybe just this once . Catch ya later.

  • Posted May 9, 2009 10:49 pm PT
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