• 4Dec 07

  The UPS Man

  UPS MAN
  

  One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
  "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the UPS man comments.
  Bob, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild."
  "Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."
  The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?"
  "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and with only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to gue ss who it is."
  The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
  "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responded. "Your name came up seven times..."

  • Posted Dec 4, 2007 6:03 pm PT
  • Category: Humor
  • 0 Comments
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg
• 27Jul 07

  Only in America...

  1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
  
  
  2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
  
  
  3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  
  
  4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
  
  5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
  
  
  6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
  
  
  7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
  
  
  8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
  
  
  9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
  
  .
  10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
  
  
  EVER WONDER
  Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
  
  
  Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  
  
  Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  
  
  Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
  
  
  Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  
  
  Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
  
  
  Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
  
  
  Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  
  
  Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  
  
  Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  
  
  When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
  
  
  Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  
  
  Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  
  
  You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
  
  
  Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
  
  
  Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  
  
  If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  
  
  If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  
  
  ------------------
  

  In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
  
  
  On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
  
  
  On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
  
  
  On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
  
  
  On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
  
  
  On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
  
  
  On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
  
  
  On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
  
  
  On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
  
  
  On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
  
  
  On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
  
  
  On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
  
  
  On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
  
  
  On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
  
  
  On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
  
  
  On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
  
  
  Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone

  • Posted Jul 27, 2007 3:42 pm PT
  • Category: General
  • 0 Comments
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg
• 17Jul 07

  Lock Your Doors!

  Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home!
  
  A man was found dead in his home over the weekend.

  Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.
  
  The tub had been filled with milk, sugar, and cornflakes.

  
  A banana was sticking out of his butt.
  
  Police suspect a cereal killer.

  • Posted Jul 17, 2007 11:20 am PT
  • Category: Humor
  • 0 Comments
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg

See Previous Blog Posts »