- Kevin-V
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The news in the headline of this blog entry may mean nothing to you, or it may mean everything.
I remember National Coming Out day of 1991. I had been struggling with the issue for a while, so I decided to take the plunge and talk to my mother. I was petrified of what she would say, but it was actually a funny conversation. I picked up the phone, trembling, and she answered. I was standing in my dorm room at Oberlin; she was at home, in my small Pennsylvania hometown. I said to her, "Mom, there is something important I need to tell you." And she replied, "You're gay."
And of course she was right. I was gay though it had taken me many years to come to grips with it. I grew up in a conservative town, where it wasn't OK to be anything other than a white, straight Republican. Not that there is anything wrong with being a white, straight Republican, but I never really fit in. I was a nerdy kid into computer games and playing the violin. I spent my time going to music festivals, practicing my fiddle, and learning BASIC on my Commodore 64. I knew I was different, but I thought it was just because I was dorky, pimply, and didn't have interest in pep rallies and drinking parties.
Fortunately, I went to a very liberal school, Oberlin College--or more specifically, the Oberlin College Conservatory of Music. I went there because I knew my advance placement credits could count for something, because I wanted to study more than just music, and because I wanted an atmosphere that included people of different colors, ethnicities, and religions. I wanted to break free, and I was glad I chose the school I did. It gave me room to be myself, even though being myself wasn't always easy.
Even today, it isn't always easy. Certainly not in the world of video games. If you've played Halo 2/3 or Gears of War online, you know what I mean. Most of it goes in one ear and out the other, but there are times when language is hurtful and horrible. Just hearing the word gay used as a general insult ("That's so gay stings. And if it stings me, I can only imagine how it feels to a young kid wrestling with his orientation. This use of the word is fairly new, so I didn't hear it when I was young. If I had, the process would have been even harder for me. Perhaps the insult means nothing to you--it's just a word, right? Well, it is also a word that millions of people use to identify themselves. Hearing used as a synonym for "stupid" or "lame" hurts. I don't care if you don't mean anything by it--it still has meaning. If you use the phrase "that's so gay every so often, stop yourself and ask if you might be doing more damage to someone's feelings than you realize.
I am not used to personal blog entries of this nature. In my work, I get lambasted all the time for gaming-related things ("ZOMG! You gave Metroid Prime 3 an 8.5 and you hate RPGs! YOU PHAIL!"), but that's par for the course. This kind of information, on the other hand, opens anyone up to attacks of a more personal nature. I don't keep the fact that I am gay a secret as much as I prefer not to talk about it in this manner. After all, it's irrelevant to my job, and Internet forums aren't the most respectful of social communities. But it is National Coming Out Day, and it's the day the LGBT community gets to be themselves. So let this be my quiet celebration of diversity and hope. You may have strong feelings about homosexuality or gay marriage, but if you think you know what gay people are like, or are threatened or uncomfortable with the subject, take some time to think about how your words and attitude could be hurting someone close to you. Perhaps you don't care about anyone but yourself. But if you have anyone in your life of importance, remember that what you say can sting, and what you do can harm.
On the other hand, perhaps you are struggling with the thought of coming out. How do you tell your parents? How do you tell your friends? Coming out doesn't happen in a day, and there are many degrees of being out. At times, my own process was easy: My mother was wonderful, my family generally supportive, and my work environments were always comfortable. On the other hand, I've been kicked out of a Christmas dinner for bringing my partner, and I've been beat up in the streets of a tiny, dirt-road town in rural Pennsylvania. I don't have the answers, and I don't know that baring your soul to those around you will always have positive results. But perhaps this day has arrived, and you are considering talking to your parents, or telling a friend. So do it. Take the plunge. Tell you mother. Tell a friend. Send me a private message and tell me. But whatever you do, don't isolate yourself. Don't let yourself feel alone and isolated. And you never know: That someone you tell may surprise you by being supportive, friendly, and willing to listen.
There's still a long way to go. Need proof? We live in a world where people like this exist. Viewer discretion is advised. But I am hopeful. If you are gay and have yet to come out, consider talking to at least one person today. If you aren't, take this day to consider what kind of person you are. Do you want to be a hateful, diseased soul--or do you want to show compassion and integrity? I am not asking you to compromise what you believe in. I am asking you to re-think how you act and what you say. You never know whose heart you could be destroying.
Note: There are issues with quotes that I just can't fix for some reason. Please forgive the weird grammar errors.
- Posted Oct 11, 2007 2:26 pm PT
- Category: People
- 89 Comments
89 Comments