•  
  • Kevin-V
  • Level: 43 (38%) 
  • Rank: Sword of Sodan
  • Member since: Sep 12, 2006
  • Last online: 11/28/09 4:51 pm PT
  • My Emblems:
    • Staff
    • Popular
    • Greatest Game Hero Bracket Submitter
    • First espisode of TOTS!
    • Virtually There: E3 2009 Microsoft Conference
    • Virtually There: E3 2009 Day 2
    • Virtually There: E3 2009 Day 1
    • Webby Awards People's Voice 2009 Voter
    • Staff
    • Popular
    • +1 Orator of Distinction
    • Beta Tester
    • Artistic Genius
    • Tagger Maker
    • Public Access
    • Tokyo Game Show 2006
    • MK Scream It Contest
    • After Hours: Virtually There
    • Burning Crusader
    • Virtually There: PlayStation 3 Launch
    • Virtually There: Wii Launch
    • I voted
    • Derek Jeter's #1 Fan
    • Bounty Hunter
    • Tolkien's Token
    • Virtually There: E3 2007 Microsoft Conference.
    • Virtually There: E3 2007 Nintendo Conference
    • Virtually There: E3 2007 GameSpot Show Zealot
    • Sweet Revenge
    • Readers' Choice 2007 Chooser
    • Interactive Achievement Awards 2007
    • Ticket Holder
    • Virtually There: E3 2008 The Big Three Conferences
    • E3 Electric Sheep
    • Virtually There: E3 2008 GameSpot Show Future Outlaw
    • The Dread Hallowiener
    • Gears of War 2 Marathon
    • Quick Change Artist
    • Animal Crossing City Folk Live Gameplay Marathon
    • PoP-o-Matic Emblem
    • Webby Awards People's Voice 2009 Voter
    • Virtually There: E3 2009 Day 1
    • Virtually There: E3 2009 Day 2
    • Virtually There: E3 2009 Microsoft Conference
    • First espisode of TOTS!
    • Greatest Game Hero Bracket Submitter
     
     

My Friends

11Oct 07

The news in the headline of this blog entry may mean nothing to you, or it may mean everything.

I remember National Coming Out day of 1991. I had been struggling with the issue for a while, so I decided to take the plunge and talk to my mother. I was petrified of what she would say, but it was actually a funny conversation. I picked up the phone, trembling, and she answered. I was standing in my dorm room at Oberlin; she was at home, in my small Pennsylvania hometown. I said to her, "Mom, there is something important I need to tell you." And she replied, "You're gay."

And of course she was right. I was gay though it had taken me many years to come to grips with it. I grew up in a conservative town, where it wasn't OK to be anything other than a white, straight Republican. Not that there is anything wrong with being a white, straight Republican, but I never really fit in. I was a nerdy kid into computer games and playing the violin. I spent my time going to music festivals, practicing my fiddle, and learning BASIC on my Commodore 64. I knew I was different, but I thought it was just because I was dorky, pimply, and didn't have interest in pep rallies and drinking parties.

Fortunately, I went to a very liberal school, Oberlin College--or more specifically, the Oberlin College Conservatory of Music. I went there because I knew my advance placement credits could count for something, because I wanted to study more than just music, and because I wanted an atmosphere that included people of different colors, ethnicities, and religions. I wanted to break free, and I was glad I chose the school I did. It gave me room to be myself, even though being myself wasn't always easy.

Even today, it isn't always easy. Certainly not in the world of video games. If you've played Halo 2/3 or Gears of War online, you know what I mean. Most of it goes in one ear and out the other, but there are times when language is hurtful and horrible. Just hearing the word gay used as a general insult ("That's so gay stings. And if it stings me, I can only imagine how it feels to a young kid wrestling with his orientation. This use of the word is fairly new, so I didn't hear it when I was young. If I had, the process would have been even harder for me. Perhaps the insult means nothing to you--it's just a word, right? Well, it is also a word that millions of people use to identify themselves. Hearing used as a synonym for "stupid" or "lame" hurts. I don't care if you don't mean anything by it--it still has meaning. If you use the phrase "that's so gay every so often, stop yourself and ask if you might be doing more damage to someone's feelings than you realize.

I am not used to personal blog entries of this nature. In my work, I get lambasted all the time for gaming-related things ("ZOMG! You gave Metroid Prime 3 an 8.5 and you hate RPGs! YOU PHAIL!"), but that's par for the course. This kind of information, on the other hand, opens anyone up to attacks of a more personal nature. I don't keep the fact that I am gay a secret as much as I prefer not to talk about it in this manner. After all, it's irrelevant to my job, and Internet forums aren't the most respectful of social communities. But it is National Coming Out Day, and it's the day the LGBT community gets to be themselves. So let this be my quiet celebration of diversity and hope. You may have strong feelings about homosexuality or gay marriage, but if you think you know what gay people are like, or are threatened or uncomfortable with the subject, take some time to think about how your words and attitude could be hurting someone close to you. Perhaps you don't care about anyone but yourself. But if you have anyone in your life of importance, remember that what you say can sting, and what you do can harm.

On the other hand, perhaps you are struggling with the thought of coming out. How do you tell your parents? How do you tell your friends? Coming out doesn't happen in a day, and there are many degrees of being out. At times, my own process was easy: My mother was wonderful, my family generally supportive, and my work environments were always comfortable. On the other hand, I've been kicked out of a Christmas dinner for bringing my partner, and I've been beat up in the streets of a tiny, dirt-road town in rural Pennsylvania. I don't have the answers, and I don't know that baring your soul to those around you will always have positive results. But perhaps this day has arrived, and you are considering talking to your parents, or telling a friend. So do it. Take the plunge. Tell you mother. Tell a friend. Send me a private message and tell me. But whatever you do, don't isolate yourself. Don't let yourself feel alone and isolated. And you never know: That someone you tell may surprise you by being supportive, friendly, and willing to listen.

There's still a long way to go. Need proof? We live in a world where people like this exist. Viewer discretion is advised. But I am hopeful. If you are gay and have yet to come out, consider talking to at least one person today. If you aren't, take this day to consider what kind of person you are. Do you want to be a hateful, diseased soul--or do you want to show compassion and integrity? I am not asking you to compromise what you believe in. I am asking you to re-think how you act and what you say. You never know whose heart you could be destroying.

Note: There are issues with quotes that I just can't fix for some reason. Please forgive the weird grammar errors.

  • Posted Oct 11, 2007 2:26 pm PT
  • Category: People
  • 89 Comments

89 Comments

  • Chikinware

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 2:39 pm PT

    Although I myself am not gay I agree wholeheartedly. It's sick that in America, the land of the free, people do not always feel free to be who they are. It is especially sick that people would condemn others for something that is, I believe, an inherent part of a person from birth. I have friends and teachers who are gay and I support them as best I can.

  • andz5

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 2:42 pm PT

    Wow, that's brave thing you just did. I'm sure the community here is slightly better than most communities in showing support for what is a completely natural thing. Good luck and keep on reviewin' them games!

  • drewtwo99

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 2:42 pm PT

    Awesome blog entry. I can only agree 100% with everything you said. Good luck to everyone out there who may be coming out today.

  • clarkeyboy21

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 2:53 pm PT

    Really, I give you some respect. I'm sure alot of people would've noticed but big respect for coming out! No more secrets now.

  • clarkeyboy21

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 2:54 pm PT

    Nice, i giveyou so much respect for doing that. It takes alot of courage to come out with something like that. Now you should feel good, no better!

  • dannyodwyer

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:01 pm PT

    Pretty selfless act right here. Theres a pretty high chance that some kid(s) reading this are struggling with their emotional / sexual identity. I remember having strokes of depressed and OCD as a kid, and when we got the internet, just being exposed to so many people with similar issues really made me feel a lot better about myself. Less lonely i think. Much Respect Kevin.

  • Korubi

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:04 pm PT

    Kevin, this was incredibly brave of you. As I've seen on the forums, people can be really harsh behind the safety of a computer screen, but I only hope that they can take this maturely and accept you for who you are. Personally, I kind of always thought you were gay but never really gave it a second thought. It really doesn't matter much to me. It's kind of like another personality trait. If anything, it's something that defines you and makes you a more interesting person to know.

    That video you linked to just makes me really angry. I live in Southern California in a community that is pretty much 100% liberal and I don't think I've ever seen anything like that. If anyone tried to say something like that where I live he'd be booed, not cheered. I'm against discrimination of pretty much any kind, so that's really a bummer to see stuff like that. I can't pretend to be naïve though. Of course there are people like that. They're just people I don't want to have anything to do with.

  • trifuzion

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:06 pm PT

    Anyone who could come out to someone they care about is incredibly brave in my book. It's one of the most terrifying experiences a person can have and it doesn't always result in acceptance.

  • Panzer-schreck

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:11 pm PT

    Great read. I have much respect for you and all gays who live in these times. Fred Phelps and people like Neverov sure aren't helping things...

    Nor is the bible. People need to stop taking that archaic text so literally - especially the OT and leviticus.

  • -DarthMaul-

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:13 pm PT

    Nice blog, I will think about my word from now on; even though I haven't said anything bad yet. You have courage for coming out with the truth, and I respect you for that. You have my support.

  • REforever101

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:13 pm PT

    I'm not gay but I still think you're totally right. One of my closest friends is a lesbian. I've been friends with her since pre-school, and she's always just been "one of the guys", a total tom boy. It didn't surprise me at all when she confided in me that she was gay However, she was terrified. She made me swear not to tell anyone and she refuses to tell any of her other friends. Whats sad is that everyone already knows. Like me, pretty much all of my/her friends have figured out that shes a lesbian and are completely fine with it. She doesn't know that if she were to come out today just about everyone would be supportive. The only people who might be a shocked are her parents. She's actually dated guys that she has no interest in just to hide her secret and make herself appear "normal". I really hope she takes advantage of days like today.

  • MattUD1

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:16 pm PT

    Much respect to you. Much more respect to those who come out of the closet; not just this day, any day. I could never imagine what it's like telling friends or family that I'm gay because, well I'm not.

  • JLuke360

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:18 pm PT

    I have a gay friend, and amongst a group of straight people, he can definitely be the oddity at times. However, our group also consists of people with different beliefs and nationalities. Over time, we've all just developed such a strong friendship that we've come to value that above all else.

  • Katmandu678543

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:23 pm PT

    I have 100% respect for you.

  • ImError88

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:28 pm PT

    Kevin, I never knew you were gay and even before this blog I had respect for you, I still do now, but much more than before. And that video is just sickening. How can people think that way? It just goes to show that religion goes too far.

    Kevin, your a strong man, and I applaud you.

  • kevb84

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:33 pm PT

    That was brave to do Kevin I
    n the 2 years I've been a member here the community for the most part has acted mature towards (hot button) issues more so than other gaming communities.
    It's sad that even in this day and age there is still such hate and prejudice. That video makes me sick it shows to me that people who are uninformed on issues only listen to what religion and or Fox News(GOP's mouthpiece) tell them to think and believe.
    Kudos to you Kevin for coming out and telling us it was a incredibly brave thing to do and I respect you for doing it .

  • DouglasBuffone

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:34 pm PT

    I grew up in a similar environment, and my best friend, my cousin, came out to me about five years ago. I accepted him from the beginning, and as I am now attending an extremely diverse and international school, I am even more accepting.

    I don't personally know the trails and tribulations which you have faced in your life Kevin, but I have seen it happen to my cousin, someone who I care deeply for. I am so proud of you, and I barely even know you. The fact that you would proclaim this to the world takes more courage than anything I have done in my life. I applaud your effort for helping others accept who they are!

    Thanks and Congrats!
    -Doug

  • Dirk13

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:35 pm PT

    I thought this would be like many a misleading GS news headline (sometimes i really hate how they word them), so i was pleasantly surprised to read this.

    Kevin never struck me as the type but I suppose that means he does not play into stereotypes (and the few gay gamers i have met predictably do not either for the most part). So cool beans to that.

  • Stealthic

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:35 pm PT

    Ditto what Katmandu678543 and many others have said. It takes a lot of courage to be openly gay in this world, and I respect you wholeheartedly for that. I have a few gay relatives and I know it was hard for them to come out, but I'm glad they did.

    Hopefully society will one day shift into accepting everybody, but until then, I am very happy to see people like you stand up against a world full of ignorance.

  • TwoStirsPaco

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:36 pm PT

    How wonderful to see this dialogue about the struggles gay men and women face in the "land of the free/and the home of the brave." Great blog, Ordy. The voice of unity is often sounded in the silence of disharmony. It really touches my heart to see so many positive comments posted here. Paco=proud

  • BraindeadRacr

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:37 pm PT

    Like others said; Courage. And you got a hecklot of it.

  • GarnetPrincess

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:44 pm PT

    I have never had any issues with gay people. Not that I recall anyway, and I have known many people who are guy, lesbian, bisexual and even trans-gendered. Sometimes I see someone who seems obviously gay but I never hold it against them. I always have respect for those who speak openly about touchy topics such as this, especially in this day and age when you would expect everyone to be open to these issues, even though they are not.

    I have great respect for you for doing this and I hope others who read this blog feel that way too.

  • Sidburn19

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 3:57 pm PT

    That's very brave of you Kevin. It most have been very hard for you to tell your parents, but to tell a whole community must have taken guts. It doesn't bother my that your gay (meant in a friendly way) it's the person inside that counts.

    Young gamers are stupid, I remember playing The Darkness with you at a game night and a stupid child making stupid gay reference's at you. I got so mad went I heard him. Stupid young kids that don't have a clue about what there talking about. It just pisses me off.

  • MindFreeze

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 4:08 pm PT

    Nice blog, I get pissed off by the ignorance against homesexuals sometimes, including the use of gay as a negative term about almost anything, and I'm not gay either, it's just a stupid word to use.

    Maybe it's because I was raised in The Netherlands where homosexuality is accepted as a normal thing by most people and where gay marriage is allowed.

    Am I the only one who thought you were gay after seeing you in videos on gamespot? Maybe I can notice it better lol.

  • Loonie

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 4:14 pm PT

    ZOMG! You gave Metroid Prime 3 an 8.5 and you hate RPGs! YOU PHAIL!

    Nice post though!

  • _Bear

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 4:25 pm PT

    Hey Kevin, as one of your friends here on GS, I have known this about you for a while. It never affected how much I like you and care about you as a friend. I just want to say this, people use the word gay as a negative, most of them are too young to know the original meaning of the word was Happy.light, free of care. I wish we saw more people using the word in the context it was meant for. Because thats what I wish for you and the people you care about my friend. People lash out because they afraid of the unknown, to them being different in anyway way is unknown. Thus fear, loathing and all kinds of unfounded fears. I hope someone who is afraid reads this and learns enough to not be scared anymore. Maybe they can't admit they are scared, but maybe you will help just one or two people on either side of this with this entry, I hope so. I still think a lot of it is immaturity, though not age, any age person can have a closed mind or act like an idiot. I hope the world gets more tolerant. I get abused because I'm older on online LOL. People are like what are you doing here grandpa? It seems a certain mind set feels they have to insult, berate or otherwise bring down anyone around who might be different. I don't even think, they realize how dumb and mean they are . Some I even surmise feel it gives them an edge in the games, which is just pathetic. if you need to be evil, bigoted and mean to do well, its not worth doing.

  • BenderUnit22

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 4:36 pm PT

    A truly brave act of you and I whole-heartedly agree. It's sad that people are judged by so minor things like colour of skin, religious belief or sexual orientation.

    It'll be a long way until society gets to the point when we can look past prejudice, but judging from the replies here, we're on the right track.

  • Strike_Zer0

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 4:37 pm PT

    An excellent read. You have a lot of guts for pointing that out here and my respect also. What is sickening is that I have to point out that it takes courage for anyone in the LGBT category to come out and tell others, we live in an age where we look back at slavery and other hideous acts of the past with disgust yet there are millions of ignorant jerks around who freely insult people who they don't see as "normal" just because of their sexuality or are transgender. Hopefully in the future people will look back at how LGBT people are treated right now with disgust. Although things are improving steadily. The world needs more people like you who will come out and provide encouragement for others. I remember back at school the atmosphere towards this issue was just sick, I can barely imagine how hard it must be for someone confused over their sexuality and having to be around those people. Even the teachers, who were meant to be mature and set an example, seemed to treat it like a joke. But to end my rant: again you have my respect. I wish everyone luck who comes out to somebody today.

  • fuzzysquash

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 5:00 pm PT

    I am shocked to hear that you've been beaten up before because of your sexual orientation.

    The current struggle of the gay community in some ways (though not all) resembles the civil rights movement of the African American community.

    Though I am straight, I believe that the right for a gay person to be married to the person he or she loves is as much a human right as the right for a heterosexual individual to marry someone of the opposite sex. This is in line with the fundamental principle upon which democracies are founded: respect for a person's ability to make her own decisions about how she wishes to live her life and with whom she wishes to share it with.

    Such a position is in stark contrast to fundamentalist notions of homosexuality as a moral crime. Why is it a moral crime? "Well, because my Bronze Age holy book says it is!" Because of religion, it will take human society a long time to accept the increasingly apparent fact that sexual orientation is in part--though not completely--determined by our genes.

    And if a person is not allowed to be who they biologically are, how can we call ourselves a "liberal" society?

  • gunshipradio

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 5:45 pm PT

    It makes me smile to read these comments. Nothing but love and respect from the GS community. And kudos to you Kevin for your courage and to the users of Gamespot can discuss a topic like this with maturity. Its moments like this that make me feel good to be part of this community.

  • led_zeppelin_19

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 5:46 pm PT

    Hey man, this was a brave thing to do. And it doesn't bother me at all, in fact, I respect you a lot more after reading this. Though I'm not gay I sympathize with those hated against for being one themselves.

  • StanleyL GameSpot staff member

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 5:50 pm PT

    As a Christian, I find that video pretty sad. Not just because of the ravings of the clearly extremist speaker, but more so because of the rapturous applause he got. Religion is very often fronted as a weapon to push one's personal beliefs, and here's a great example of it.

    You grew up on computer games and violin? Sounds like my upbringing!

  • edubuccaneer Site moderator

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 5:54 pm PT

    It takes a very strong person to accept one's true self... I am always extremely astounished when someone I know takes a step towards accepting who they really are, because not only do they have to face their own fears, but the reaction of their peers.

  • f15srcool

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 6:01 pm PT

    The fact that the word gay is an insult is actually quite funny: Can you imagine calling people on XBLive "straight JERKS"? I myself am 13 and found your post quite interesting and thought provoking. My Aunts are Lesbian, and they're the most friendly... Of course it doesn't help that my other Aunt tried to save my soul from the DEVIL since I read Harry Potter.

  • Caddy06_88 Site moderator

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 6:07 pm PT

    I always admire the people who gain the courage to say who they are instead of living in shadows. I can only begin to imagine what its like going through something like. I hate the fact there are mean people like that out there, I guess its just nice to meet people like the community of GameSpot who on the most part, are really nice people. We can only hope there are more good people like us than there are nasty people. Nasty people can really hurt people and its a great shame.

  • aliens1234

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 6:16 pm PT

    I didn't know prior to this, doesn't change a thing in my book. Respect for being so open about it. I can totally see how playing Gears or Halo online would pose issues - I mean the level of ignorance is so high and you could probably find a George Neverov in every other Gears lobby. I have to admit, in the past I have used "that's gay in a derogatory sense; not to cause offence, it was just the way things were said. Since a couple of people I know came out I stopped using it that way after it got me thinking.

  • lost_wraith

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 6:30 pm PT

    Congrats Kevin. Although I cannot in any way try to understand or put myself in your place, I'm glad you're doing what you believe is right. People are people- some people just can't seem to look past labels or stereotypes.

  • Nignarv3

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 6:50 pm PT

    As always Kevin, another great post. We've had this talk before, but I live in the South, where it is NOT ok to be gay I've seen kids get the tar beat out of them, and all other sorts of bad things. I didn't always stand up to defend them, it wasn't that I agreed with what was happening, but I guess I myself was too weak to stand up for someone, knowing I'd put myself in the same fate. Luckily, I am no longer like that, and this place is no where near as bad as it was. I hope this post made a whole lot of ppl think about who they are, and who they'd like to be. I can't understand how race and sexuality can still be an issue in this day and age. I'm not gay but I can't see myself being mad at someone for being gay It's not different then being mad at the guy behind me in line, wearing a blue shirt. If it's ok to beat up a gay person, I should be able to turn around and whoop this poor guy who decided to wear blue and cross my path. Is it right? Hell No. And we should all be doing something to prevent it, and stand against. How can we ever evolve as a society when 80% of our country still act like morons.

  • laughlyn12

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 6:57 pm PT

    My hat's off to you for such a brave and touching blog especially considering the world we live in. Much respect to you. I hope kids will read this and see your courage and have that same courage themselves. Well said.

  • thalesa7x1

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 7:54 pm PT

    I saw the title and thought to myself, "Well, I was right about him." Of course this is nothing bad. Good in fact. The first time I saw you on video, I just knew. I haven't told my parents about myself but I am pretty sure they know, or at least suspect. With the way they talk about gay people, I'd rather not talk to them about it. At least not while I'm living here.

    But, you know, maybe they will snoop around and see this comment. If so, that just makes it that much easier on me later.

    Oh and...one more thing..

    ZOMG! You gave Metroid Prime 3 an 8.5 and you hate RPGs! YOU PHAIL!

  • soldjango

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 7:59 pm PT

    Never woulda guessed you were gay Kevin. Oh well, still the same ol' KVO in my book. Good points were made though, props.I really dont care about race or sexual preference, as proven by having a couple gay friends, a bi-sexual friend, a lesbian friend, and having a black girlfriend.
    Once again, kudos Kev.

  • phantomtech85

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 8:30 pm PT

    Kevin, It's very courageous of you to present this. It just pains me hearing insults or jokes from people (Especially on Xbox Live) relating to race, religion or sexual orientation. Unfortunately, with the state of the country today, people seem to be fairly inconsiderate in who they may offend. As for the video, I've never thought of homosexuality as a sin really, but a way of life for some, I guess that guy thinks otherwise. Anyways, I commend you for this great blog.

  • Smaqaho

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 8:54 pm PT

    Being true to oneself is always a good thing, no matter the issue.

    As for the topic at hand, I think this "National Coming Out Day" does more harm than good. It's meant to ease the tensions of sexually confused people to realize that being true to oneself is a perfectly healthy lifestyle. The bad part is that it just further differentiates the LGBT community from everyone else, something that goes completely against what I perceive to be their goal (equality).

  • EE2lemmonhead

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 9:27 pm PT

    all the people who take religion to seriously need to stop. i do believe in god and the bible but i also believe that people have a choice to be gay i cant think of how hard it would be to admit your gay i mean i know someone who admitted she was bisexual in front of 250 people at a thing at school and she just said it, ran out, and started crying...luckily the kids gave her support and not hate. kudos to kev for coming out and saying it, although i already knew you were gay from an earlier blog

  • Nickolai1979

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 9:30 pm PT

    You're a wonder person, Kevin. (It should be obvious to anyone). Don't let anyone tell you different!

    Have a good weekend!

  • HAStyLe

    Posted Oct 11, 2007 9:37 pm PT

    Great blog Kevin! I know for me, coming out turned out to be pretty easy, though I was pretty scared that my Mom wouldn't agree with it, but she was accepting like the rest of my family and friends. I felt more confident and better about myself when I got it off my chest. I wish we lived in a world where no one would have to come out, that everyone would be treated equal no matter who they are But sadly, that's not the case.

advertisement