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• 27Aug 09

  Sony Crapstation Slim = Total Fail

  Introducing the latest way Sony plans on failing this generation......

  :::::::::: DRUMROLL PLEASE ::::::::::::

  THE PS3 SLIM!

  What? No applause?
  Oh yeah, of course there's not, because it's crap.

  Sony has decided that people don't want nice things in their homes. Who'd want something that looks nice in their entertainment center? That would let others speculate that the owner had taste and standards and you know, eyes that worked.

  So we're fortunate enough that Sony has released the ugliest console in recent memory. But wait, you ask "Leroy, it can't be THAT bad"

  In response I'd like to remind readers that my name is Jason and no, it's bad.

  Yes it's smaller but it's got basically the same footprint, what's changed is it's height and that's never been an issue. Also by lowering it's height when horizontal that means that when it's vertical it easily tips over. Don't worry though Sony is already making stands for the console. See they knew there'd be a problem there and instead of including the stand they have you buy it separately, isn't Sony great?

  Let's get to my biggest issue, it's finish, or lack thereof.

  The console is wrapped in flat unfinished plastic that has a texture. The outside of the console looks like it's at step 2 out of 5 on the assembly line. Know when writable DVD's started picking up and everyone got one of those cheap Apex DVD players so they could watch home movies of family events on them? The Apex DVD players that brand new out of the box looked the same as components that are heavily weathered at a yard sale?

  That's what the Slim looks like

  Kitty's tongue = PS3 Slim

  Who gives electronic components a texture?
  I mean who else besides a company trying to cut costs by releasing an inferior product releases electronic components with a texture?

  What's the number one threat to all electronics?
  Gorilla drinking Red Bull with a sack of hammers

  But you know the SECOND biggest problem?
  Dust

  So what does Sony do? They release a console that if you listen veeeery close you can actually hear it sucking the dust towards it. Run a Swiffer over it and you'll have a very nice contrast between the dusted plastic on top and the dust filled texture underneath.

  I'm sure Sony's original plan was to just throw all the PS3 components in a cardboard box and let users cut a slit in the side and call it a "green" console.

  The new Slims can't run third party applications on them. That's not a big deal since most users don't even know it can so that's not something worth complaining about. If someone wants me to I'd be more then happy to edit this but I'd much rather do another sentence on how awful the thing looks.

  Honestly, this thing is the console eqivalent of watching how hot dogs are made.

  So let us count some Sony failures this generation shall we?

  SONY SAYS RUMBLE IS A LAST GEN FEATURE
  That worked well for them

  SONY OFFERED BACKWARD COMPATIBILITY - FOR A WHILE
  Glad to see that was such a pressing need they had to work to eliminate it.

  SONY THINKS BACKWARD COMPATIBILITY IS DEAD
  Which after reading the last link has to make you giggle lol

  Now that's not even counting it's underwhelming PSN service which I always say...

  "The best way to describe the PSN service is that it feels like it's free"

  The fact that the PS3 is just weak when it comes to games. I hear Sally Struthers is starting a new charity getting game disks into hungry PS3 drive slots. I mean the console is pathetic when it comes to games.

  It's got a few exclusives and then......nothing lol

  Multiplats are all better elsewhere save maybe 3 titles?
  "Sony, when you can't possibly want the best"

  I mean the refs in Madden this year don't even have striped socks. I'm also pretty sure that Hasselbeck only has one hand and Adrian Peterson just "hovers" over the field because he's only got a torso, head, and arms.

  But let's stick to the PS3 Slim just like all the dust on the planet

  Not only is it a failed attempt to beat Microsoft....(how's that Elite price drop taste Sony? Want another bite?)

  It's giving the users less and hoping they fall for it

  The Slim is inferior to the "fat" but Sony doesn't care, they're content with failing this gen. The "fat's" nice buttons? Gone, too expensive. They're just trying to cover their losses as much as possible before the next gen starts.

  So remember this saying for the current generation

  "Not everything that fails is Sony, but everything that's Sony fails"

  • Posted Aug 27, 2009 11:16 am GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 19Dec 08

  Stop Asking For Games!

  STOP ASKING FOR GAMES

  Oh dear LORD it's thread after thread asking "what game should I get?". No, that's a good day, usually what it is some sort of broken monosyllabic utterance like "wut game iz gud?"

  Now that the fatman is on the way there's even more of these threads asking what games they should ask for Christmas.

  Stop it, stop asking for games
  I don't care, no one cares
  All you're doing is showing that you have NO BUSINESS PLAYING GAMES.

  You're on a gaming site with literally hundreds of thousands of pieces of literature on games of all sorts. Every single possible game you can think of has some sort of notation here. Go look it up.

  Now someone is going to say "well what about my economic status?" Yeah terrific, watch me break this down...

  YOU'RE POOR: Since you can't get a game whenever you want don't trust strangers to make the choice for you. Go do the research so you'll get the game you want since you'll be stuck with it for a while.

  YOU'RE RICH: It doesn't matter if you like the game or not. Enjoy what you can out of it then go grab another.

  Now if you fall in between these two (WHICH EVERYONE DOES) then there is not one single reason to ask for a game.

  I've had people personally ask me about games. I have a friend (who will remain nameless so he's not associated with a jerk) who knows my taste and history with certain franchises and companies and asked my advice on some games. He broke down each game with their pros and cons and offered a very intelligent conversation between the games.

  That's fine. That's the way it should be done. He didn't just create a thread asking "What games are good?"

  Also, back on the threads people make, here's two all time favorites...

  "What games are good and don't say Mario" or "What's a good game and no Halo plz"

  Do you not want any Mario games because you already have them all and want something different? Do you not like platformers and that's why you said that? Do you just not like THAT kind of platformer?

  Same with Halo, do you have it, do you like the genre and just not the franchise or do you hate it altogether?

  If you need to ask such vague questions then you have no business gaming. This hobby is not for you. What's more your speed is the library. Lots of books there and you can flip through anything you want before you take it home.

  Go do your own research or get out of gaming, stop bothering everyone else with your inability to work your hobby.

  • Posted Dec 19, 2008 12:37 pm GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 11Nov 08

  Why Dating A Gamer Is Awful

  Never date a gamer, gamers are the worst possible people you could date.
  You always hear gamers say "Oh I wish I could find a girl/guy who was a gamer".
  Oh no you don't, that is your worst nightmare.  

  Why are gamers so awful, well let's start with the hardware and software you'll need in a relationship with a gamer...  

  2 television sets: You're gamers so the standard 20 inch tube set wont work. So be prepared to buy 2 LCD sets that range from the bedroom size of 40 inches to a living room of 60 or more. All playing together will be online because neither one will share TV space for split screen. You'll each have your own TV for your gaming, and they better be close in specs or one will always be complaining.

  2 of every console. Have a Wii? Well then you have two. Can't wait for the XBOX 720? Well the two 360's is an interesting way to do it. You'll need 2 consoles so you can play...

  2 of every title. When a new game comes out you're both going to want to play it. That means 2 Fables, 2 Little Big Planets, 2 Mario Galaxies. No one is going to wait until the other one is done with it.

  One heck of a broadband service. No wimpy DSL or cable service. We're talking Verizon FIOS or higher so both consoles are able to download all the patches and demos you need without slowing down the other person too much.   

  That's just the hardware side of things, let's also get into the other aspect of the relationship...  

  You can't talk about almost all of the games you're playing because you don't want to spoil it for the other person. That means any part of the 60 hours you've logged on Fallout? Mum's the word! Unlock the secret mystery in Fable? Zip it!  

  You can't even ask each other for help because it spoils something for the other person.  

  So great job, now you're unable to talk about your hobby completely  

  Dating a gamer may look good on the surface but in the end it's a costly and complicated relationship that leaves no one the winner.

  • Posted Nov 11, 2008 3:59 pm GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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