Welcome to my dinky GameSpot blog! =D It's going to be so hard to get used to this thingy, but it looks pretty nice. Anyways, if you're wondering, I'm into fighting games and roguelike RPGs. Also got a guilty pleasure for first-person shooters, a couple combat simulation games, and a little bit of Mahjongg Solitaire to kill time. My favorite games are the Tekken Series, Unreal Tournament, Neverwinter Nights, GearHead (a mecha-based roguelike RPG), and the Mechwarrior series. I'm also a serious Magic: The Gathering player/collector, so if you're interested, talk to me. =P

Check these other blogs out..... I already got a LiveJournal:
http://www.livejournal.com/~kid_mcpizzle/
And a Xanga blog:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Invincible_Machine

Remember: Strength in body. Strength in mind. Strength in Christ.

• 15Sep 06

  The reason for my downfall.......

  "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

  And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever."

  - I John 2:15-17

  Lately, I've been doing some searching within myself. I looked back at my relationship with Amber and how it ended. I knew it was mostly my fault that it ended, but I needed concrete evidence. I applied the Bible to that situation, and found out quickly what I did.

  I was too prideful.

  When I was dating Amber, I acted like she was the meaning of my whole life. I mean, she was a very special person to me, but sometimes I overshadowed my faith with my love for her. I told almost everyone about her. I was more concerned about her than God's miricle to me. I even made a prayer request for her..... which was so vain.

  I Corinthians Chapter 7 explains a lot about relationships and marriage, and I constantly refer to it. This message in I Cor. 7:32-33 applies in my situation:

  "But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

  But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife."

  I thought about the whole situation and what the Bible said. I was a fool. I was more concerned about her than I was about what God did for me. He gave her to me. He gave her to me after He lifted my burden and heard my prayer to Him. And this is how I repaid Him, without even knowing it.

  Amber asked me for one important promise to me...... that I would love God more that I woud love her. Maybe that's why she broke up with me. She didn't even have to know that I was too prideful over her. God told her.
  I'm not saying that all of this was bad and for nothing. If anything, this was a big lesson for me. As many girlfriends that I've had, I am still inexperienced. I should be thankful that God has separated me from Amber so that I would learn this lesson that I wouldn't have learned if we haven't broken up.

  This also leads me to another issue: My whole life. I grew up basically having no proper mother figure in my life and it's so hard to find a connection and some common ground with my father. I tried affection towards my stepmother, but she calls me crazy every time I show affection. All in all, I was cared for and raised very well, but my emotional needs were never nourished. I've been through racism and a lot of tough girl relationships, to top it all off.

  But what if all of that never happened? What if I never went through all the junk I've been through all my life? Most importantly, if all of that never happened, would I have still found Jesus? I only found Jesus because I was searching for a purpose in life at the time, going through all of that stuff. I went through all of that for a reason. It's my destiny to taste failure and become oppressed by the world. God wouldn't have let me go through all of those things if he thought I wasn't worth living. Not only that, but if I cared more about Amber and less about God, I'd be afraid and upset at myself too.

  I've learned a lesson from all the things I've been through. The only thing left I have to learn is patience....... patience to find the woman who is truly destined to be with me.

  Dear Father, dear Lord. I thank you for giving me, my family and friends your blessings. Father, I ask of you to please forgive me of my sins of pride and all the others I have committed against you. Father, please help me be patient for the woman who is destined to be my wife. Also keep my family and friends safe this weekend and I hope to receive more of your blessings that you'll bestow upon me.

  Thank you Father. Thank you Lord. Amen.

  • Posted Sep 15, 2006 9:45 pm PT
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• 11Sep 06

  I'm 1 year old today. No really, I am.

  "Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad, and a gift destroyeth the heart.

  Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

  Be not hasty in they spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

  Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not enquire wisely concerning this."

  - Ecclesiastes 7:7-10"

  Today, I finally get to use my new Facebook account. I hope this is so much better than MySpace with all of those immature kids spammin' up the bulletin board with them four-lettered cuss words a' flyin' everywhere. For those on Facebook who need an idea of what's been going on in the past with me, check out one of my journals, like this one on GameSpot.com:

  http://www.gamespot.com/pages/profile/index.php?user=Inv_Machine

  Anyways, I've been feeling a lot better lately. I mean, there's still so much damage to repair in me, but I'll be back on my feet after I find a chance to talk to a couple of women to make friends with around the college campus. I've still been pretty upset over Amber, but maybe there's someone around campus willing to treat me a lot better. I just gotta find the right one though...... one of them's gotta be the one I'm destined to be with.

  Today's the 5th Anniversary of 9/11. Back in 8th grade, that event really took me by surprise. I wasn't scared, but it kinda tells you that there's a powerful force going on that's settling all of this stuff in place. I didn't know what that force was until I started going to church. Yeah. This is God's way of telling us that He's in control and it kinda reminds all of us that the Rapture is coming very, very soon. We all gotta be prepared by making sure that we're under the protection of God and that we are reborn again under the chosen children of Christ. That's how 9/11's bringing America together.... by reminding us that there's evil in this world and the second coming of our Savior is very, very near.

  Today also marks another important event: My 1st rebirthday! Yeah, I was baptized on this day last year. A baptism is a very special time in anybody's life where a person's old life dies under the waters of that baptism pool and that person is reborn into a new life as they rise up out of the water. I've really changed and matured a lot since my baptism. There's still a lot of growing up to do, but I know for sure that all who are baptized under the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, will have eternal life and salvation that cannot be taken away from them by any force in existance.

  Dear Father, dear Lord. I thank you for giving me the enduring will, the incredible courage, and the endless patience to get through my days. Father, please lift up my burdens that are boring down upon my heart, for you know each and every one of them. Father, please forgive me of my sins, no matter how minor or major they are. I thank you for all the blessings that you've given to me and to all of those that I know and do not know.

  Not my will but yours, my Father. Amen.

  • Posted Sep 11, 2006 9:39 pm PT
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• 5Sep 06

  I didn't just lose Amber......

  "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

  Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

  Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

  Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you."

  - John 15:12-15

  ....... I was betrayed.

  I lost Amber not only because of who I am. I lost Amber...... to my best friend.

  Yeah. Amber broke up with me not only because her father didn't approve.... but because she knows James has feelings for her. And she didn't want him to feel hurt. But to stir the pot up, James worked against me to have Amber break up with me by weakening my will without me even knowing it.

  That's just great. I knew it all along, too. I knew it since the day I started dating Amber and James found out about us. He tries to tell me all these things why he couldn't date Amber just to cover himself up. I knew that he knew that whenever I was out of the picture, he would've swoop in and taken what I've lost.

  Now I don't know. It used to be that Amber broke up with me for something nobody could control. Now I don't even have that. It was my fault she broke up with me. It was my fault that James took what mattered to me so much. I just wasn't the better man. I lacked gumption. I didn't take control of anything. I just let the whole situation end itself and looked for no other excuse but to say that the whole break up was nobody's fault instead of placing blame on my gutless self.

  James is the better man. He used everything he could to take her away from me, by taunting me with various unspeakable tactics while we were dating, to even telling me how I wouldn't make it past even a few weeks. Now that I look back, I noticed how weak I felt. And to make matters worse, he taunted me after the break up with the idea that he will date her before I even got a chance to recover. Now *THAT* right there, triggered my desperation to get her back, which made things only worse between me and Amber. It was all about the survival of the fittest, and I wasn't fit. I hope I learn from this lesson........ to take control and never let outside influences get to me.

  James, if you're reading this, you win. But God only knows if you're ever gunna learn from this too. You've stolen what I would've called "the rest of my life". Don't make any excuses that you didn't. I know human nature long enough to know that your intentions from the start was to take Amber away from me since "you know her longer tham me". I'm not bitter. I know that I've failed on my part because I wasn't strong enough. James, we can still be friends, no doubt. But let it ring in your head that you've stolen what would've been my future and who would've been a true "best friend" to me. I won't fight for her back. Basically, I have given up my future so you can have whatever you want Amber to be to you. You've won, I've lost. Bottom line.

  I'm still gunna move on as I've said in my last journal entry...... but God only knows if I'll truly find a true and complete resolution to my life. I may die never knowing true love on earth..... but at least the Devil won't take the better of me down. I'll always stand for my Lord and Savior, no matter what. I promised to be strong for Him, no matter what gets in my way.

  Dear Father, dear Lord. Please forgive me for my many sins against your will. For Father, I know that I am not perfect, but I bear the burden of ushering others towards your soothing light. Father, please forgive of my enemies and my friends who do not know you, as I have forgiven them. Please give them your blessing that they will find the true path they must walk forth on in life. For Father, I know that your will alone must be done. Nobody else's will, but yours alone. Not my will, but yours alone.

  Thank you Father. Thank you Lord. Amen.

  • Posted Sep 5, 2006 8:33 pm PT
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