I'm opinionated, but fairly open to advice. Critique me all you want, but play nice, and don't be a lemming (read: fanboy).

• 6Nov 09

  Prenatal

  I realized it's been a while since I've blogged, and to be honest I hadn't planned on blogging again for a while since other things occupy my time right now that are highly important and mostly insurmountable. I will say, however that it has taken something of extreme stupidity to bring me out of my nest and unfurl my tail with an angry lash upon the gaming landscape. Actually, it's taken a few choicely idiotic things to get me to turn my eye away from my own problems and decide to pound out this tirade (sarcasm begins) I'm sure nobody saw coming (sarcasm ends).

  First things first, I told you so! No really, those butt ugly chunky graphics they decided to "show off" was the best they could muster in a decade or so and some of you were still holding your breath. I am relieved, beyond words relieved, that in it's final act of dire stupidity 3DRealms managed to be sued by it's investors, hopefully never to be heard from again. Okay, I doubt this is the last we'll here of them, but I'll remain optimistic. Gamecock died away, so I believe dreams can come true.

  Secondly, what's with big shows like E3 and all the boot licking journalists that hoot at the site of unfinished games? Seriously, keep it in your pants people. We already know that most of you lack integrity, but shouting this en masse from a showroom floor like rabid fanatics only further proves what token "journalists" you are. I defy any one of you to prove to me or anyone that you are not feeding the hype machine at these events, and I pity every one of your readers that buys into your garbage. Case in point, Peter Molyneux's excitement over Natal (more on this idiocy in a moment). Wasn't he the guy that promised the world in two Fables and managed to deliver brevity, bordering mediocrity? Didn't you "journalists" actually give the aforementioned Duke Nukem Forever awards at one of these shows a few years back? A game, that I remind you, has not and will likely never see light of day, and even then it will be nothing like what you "journalists" awarded? Buncha grifters, these "journalists".

  Street Fighter IV is horrible, there I said it! Hype has sold more of this game than it deserves, but hey, that's how "honest reviewers" earn their pay. Don't misunderstand me, the game is mostly functional in what it does, but the production values are laughable, the graphics are heinous, and in many ways this is yet another step backward for the once greatest fighting series of all time. Why bother mentioning this here? Because I think it's a prime example of what I was talking about before. This game scored exactly the same here at Gamespot as Perfect Dark Zero. What's wrong with this picture? PDZ was a game that changed hands, and was rushed out the door to fill a spot for the Xbox 360 as a big launch title. It's unpolished, ugly, bland, bad story, shoddy production value, poor but functional game play, and hyped by people that want a paycheck. Let's face it, if games are not selling well, sponsorship goes bye-bye, and sites like Gamespot suffer. Can't expect them to be honest about the hand that feeds them (even if by proxy), but boy does this prove my point. Street Fighter IV is about as bad as the series has been in years. I was not a big fan of SFIII, I thought it paled compared to SFII and Street Fighter Alpha 2, but SFIV is just bad on so many levels. It's graphics are chunky and ugly, the music is pretty annoying, and the voice acting is a nightmare. Every time I've beaten C. Viper and would hear her yowl through my speakers I swear blood started spilling from my ears and the windows in my apartment cracked (that last part might be a little exaggerated). Why does Gamespot give these craptacualr games such high marks? I'm being plainly rhetorical, and it's plain to see why.

  I rented SFIV, and I'm sorry I did. Even worse for me though is that I have played this abortion on my Xbox 360, which for these sort of games has by far the worst controller ever. I could barely enjoy a game of Pac-Man CE on it because of how poorly made the D-pad is, and the analogue is just not meant for this sort of thing. So if the controller couldn't handle four directions in a maze, just amplify... you know, I won't even bother drawing this comparison. Bottom line, it's terrible and Capcom doesn't care. No, I refuse to invest in a controller that costs more than half the price of the console, and I refuse to pay extra for outfits that already existed in the arcade version of the game well before it came to the consoles. Capcom clearly hates gamers, but they so obviously love dupes. If you paid to own this game, congratulations, you've been had.

  I was watching E3 with a lot of you here on Gamespot, and I recall someone making a remark about a light saber game for the Wii. I don't remember who made it, but it's not the first time I've heard that, and I can never tell if they're serious or not. I hope they're not. For anyone that thinks it is a good idea, grab a remote and pretend to have a light saber duel with someone doing the same. What's missing? Everything! You will both swipe around like nitwits until one of you decides they've been hit, because there is nothing to resist you, nothing to clash up against aside from air and your lost dignity. Whoever bloody thinks that's brilliant game play spits into the eye of every consumer in this industry. These are probably the same doorknobs that are wondering why their "recession proof" business is taking such a strangely coincidental downturn. Make no mistake, they deserve their bankruptcy as much as Charles Manson deserves his involuntary prison lovemaking. Industry "geniuses" make me gag.

  And finally, I get to this motion sensing fad that we now see approaching the Xbox 360, making the gaming industry's turn to the dark side complete (cue maniacal cackling). Let's get something out of the way; there are gamers and there are gamers. Some of us enjoy a challenging fun experience that we might someday look back upon with the same kind of fondness one may feel for a good book, a fine movie, or even a perfect day in the park. Then there are gamers that clap like freaks when they "make that thing go that way by moving the magic stick-a-majig". For the record, the latter is destroying the former. What do you get when you cross the "hardcore gamer" sector with the "let's make shovel-ware for kids and grannies" crowd? You get Natal, for some imbecilic reasons pronounced nah-tall, even though it's actually a word, pronounced nay-tall, which is defined as "Of, relating to, or accompanying birth: natal injuries." I guess on top of being crooked, devs, publishers, and "journalists" share a common speech impediment. So the most exciting thing on the Xbox 360 was a virtual interactive boy? Should I even begin to broach the things that are wrong with this? I think not, but I do think that it indeed proves, rather mightily, just how far we've fallen thanks largely to "money first, quality last" development so many of us have come to expect. I won't bother ranting about something that hasn't come out yet, but I look forward to it about as much as I would a colonoscopy (no, I don't care for those... you sillies).

  • Posted Nov 6, 2009 2:39 am PT
  • Category: Rant
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• 28Aug 09

  Pac-Man Made Us Fat

  Read this article about an enlightened politician's take on why his country is falling into criminal chaos. Go ahead, skim it if you like, it will help to really contextualize how misinformed, potentially stupid, this man really is. I do try to avoid openly insulting others, but then some just really make it too difficult to resist.

  Skimmed it? Read it? Good! Now, does anyone remember why they banned switchblades in America? Anyone know the old Link Wray song "Rumble"? They tried to outlaw that in America too. They said that both, in their own respective times (switchblades were featured in movies quite a bit in their heyday), promoted gangs and violence, and so irrational out of touch adults (I'm an adult, but not so out of touch, I assure you) and fear mongering politicians, rather than promoting personal responsibility/accountability, blamed these things rather nonsensically.

  The ratio of violent video games sold or rented is widely disproportionate to the amount of acts of violence replicating or simulating similar acts. In other words, millions have played GTA3,4, whatever, but of the millions that have played those games, a minuscule percentage went off and reenacted what they played in those games in real life.

  Here's a fun theory. How many violent criminals actually bother playing most violent video games in the first place? Think Manson, or BTK, or Ramirez, or Hitler (just threw him in for a funny), or most serial killers all enjoyed games of Doom between murdering people?

  Here's an even better one. Obesity! In America, (where I live) it's at what they call epidemic proportions. Seriously, it's fast becoming one of the number one contributors to premature death for most adults in the land of the free and the home of the Whopper. So why hasn't anyone tried banning Pac-Man for contributing to this epidemic? I mean, the game is all about eating, and since people are eating too much, shouldn't we look at how video games clearly contribute to America's weight issues?

  It's not The Master Chief's fault some people are killers, any more than it's Pac-Man's fault heart disease and diabetes are rampant health problems.

  • Posted Aug 28, 2009 5:05 pm PT
  • Category: Opinion
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• 12Nov 08

  Tar-Baby?

  I've been a visitor here at Gamespot and gamefaqs.com for years now, well before even becoming a registered member, and I have for the most part always considered this place a good resource of information as well as having a more enjoyable community of users, especially in comparison to other such websites I've visited over the years. So I have to say that I am truly shocked and very disappointed that a place as reputable as this is okay with racist remarks in their message boards.

  The thread in question is on gamefaqs.com, and the term used is tar-babies. Foremost, I want to say that as a black man I am gravely offended by that term. I think it becomes especially ugly in light of past usages as a means of negatively referring to young black children, not necessarily babies, but just children in general. To racially slur a child is unquestionably an act off evil, and should by no persons be tolerated for any reason.

  Now I realize that while the post in question doesn't necessarily use this term as a slam against black people, it is still a term I find totally unacceptable. If this were one of those "anon boards" or something I would not be so bothered, since that is how those kinds of place conducts itself, so one does not go there expecting anything less than bottom feeders, but in a place like Gamespot or gamefaqs.com I would expect such behavior to be better policed by the administrators and the moderators.

  I have reported this post on at least three occasions, and the only action taken was that I cannot continue to report the post, still the term remains, and has fast become a glaring reminder that racial intolerance and insensitivity must always have it's place on the internet, even here in a place that is usually very good about governing certain bad behaviors such as these.

  I'm not asking for a lot, just that the post be changed. This, or give free reign to all users to say whatever they want without fear of reprisal. Is one racist term any more acceptable than another? They guy that made the post may as well have used the "n-bomb", since the reference is clearly a matter of black "people" (or at least creatures that resemble them), so to use a derogatory remark about black to describe them should be just as disgusting to any reader as it would be if the term was in fact used as a deliberate slam against people of color.

  I appeal to the sensibility of the administrators, to the moderators, to the powers that be in Gamespot and gamefaqs.com; please remove or change this ugly remark!

  • Posted Nov 12, 2008 5:47 pm PT
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