• 7Jul 09

  It's not the size of the chip...

  It's the motion of the controller.

  Motion controls are a strange egg, despite their potential for good they are instead often used for great evil. Generic mini-game collections with the inclusion of motion controls 'because they are there' hassulliedthe name of the technology, perhaps unnecessarily. Many will blame Nintendo for creating a motion focused system and perhaps even Sony for copying -- sorry 'adapting' the technology to the PlayStation 3. Microsoft looks like they are without blame here, their games are without such gimmicks (for now) and they can't possibly be blamed for the motion madness over the last few years, right?

  Wrong

  

  Exhibit A1

  
  

  Exhibit A2

  I submit to you the Microsoft Sidewinder FreeSty1ePro fresh from the year 1998. I'll give you a moment to take in the facts and compose yourself.

  The Sidewinder controllers died off over 5 years ago and even if you can find a computer with aDB-15 port (game port) it won't run under Vista, so the controller has little use now beyond decoration. I must of gotten about -- oh, four hours of use out of it since the only game that it really worked well with is Motorcross Madness 2. Having a throttle in such a strange place on the controller is a little awkward, but MCM2 was a lot of fun, tilting the controller caused you to lean left and right, forwards and backwards, the Dpad was used for tricks and I have no clue what the others were used for (something inconsequential no doubt). Frankly I sucked at MCM2, but I had fun biking over the repetitive landscape trying not to fall flat on my ass, then reaching the end of the map and being launched off my bike like a cannon. Good times.

  Strange thing is, you cut off the wings at the bottom and hide a few buttons, and doesn't the FreeSty1e look like an old six-button Mega Drive (Genesis) controller?

  • Posted Jul 7, 2009 1:13 pm PT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 9Jun 09

  E3's terrible secret

  I'm sure many of you watched E3 with delight of the great games that are scheduled to come out over the next year or so and I'm sure you also spent this time blissfully unaware of what was really going on.

  Every company has had one thing uniquely in common this year over those previous: Motion controls. Sure you can kid yourself by saying that these are simply an evolution to how we play video games, but think about it, there's something wrong here. The 'big three' are being led by the nose by the mastermind Kudo Tsunoda to force gamers to get exercise! It's an insidious and well engineered plot! Nintendo puts on an elaborate ruse by tricking you into believing that they care about your well being by releasing another pulse monitor and selling Picachu pedometers (which we all know relay your position to the space-station Pikapollo1), but NO they don't care about us!

  
  

  So why, why would they do this? Bah! The answer is obvious: THEY PLAN TO STEAL YOUR COUCH! Nintendo have been fooling us all with their motives to keep us distracted while Microsoft train Skynet (AKA Milo) to relay orders to an army of Kojima's snakes. Now we've seen that they have used advanced technology to get into a 2 snakes 1 box situation it's a matter of time before these soldiers sneak into your house/apartment while you're busy standing and waving your PS3 glow-stick like a flail at the TV.

  My sources haven't yet found why these couches are so sought after, by my instincts say that Kudo plans to build a Couchtopia.

  So please, hug your couch and tell it that you love it and I hope you all had a great E3

  

  Now if you'll excuse me I need to take my meds.

  • Posted Jun 9, 2009 8:50 pm PT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 31May 09

  'Twas the night before E3 and all through the net...

  Not a blogger was stirring, were they anxious? You bet!

  ---

  
  

  Of course that's far from the truth, I can't remember an E3 with more leaks, roomers and speculation. Just listing all the things that have happened in the past couple of weeks leading up to E3 would be one mammoth blog posting, so instead I want to talk/write about the E3 of old and how I imagine it to be.

  Having never been to E3 (yet) all I know is from what I've heard from GameSpot staff, either current or past. I wonder if the E3 veterans still enjoy the show as it sounds like a grueling Ironman event. There's no leisurely browsing the show floor, instead there's meetings and press conferences going on so often that you need a team of staff and a plan to have any hope of covering the show. The halls are huge and occasionally you'll be running across a large part of the floor to try to meet catch the next meeting, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the hordes of other people doing the same thing and the heat. So many bodies all crammed into the convention center, big booths, big lights and big TVs make for a hot and sweaty atmosphere, and where there's droves of sweaty folks running around, there's the smell that comes with them. It's no wonder so many people get sick after E3, the atmosphere has to be a breeding ground for germs to spread and breed, perhaps I can understand Capcom not showing up to show off Dead Rising 2, but it still seems a littleOTT . Not all the events get held in the convention center, some companies don't have a presence at the show and instead setup shop in nearby hotels, I don't know how far away these events get held, but trekking back and forward across LA when you're in a rush sounds like a pretty stressful experience. After a long day of running around, fueled by way too much Red Bull andKencha Hall hot dogs you'd probably want a break, but instead now is time for you to write up the events of the day. Now between writing and attending the night time 'meetings' (read: Parties) you can expect to be to awake up until far gone midnight, with the expectation of starting all over again tomorrow morning, shall we say, 7am?

  Sounds like hell, especially if you're sat in a booth listening to the same game play trailer run over and over -- and over.

  Despite all this, it sounds like the most fun that can be had as a gamer (With the possible exception of TGS) and I'd give a lot to be part of it some day soon. But until then, I wish you good luck at 2009 E3 GameSpot and stay safe!

  

  • Posted May 31, 2009 1:20 pm PT
  • Category: Editorial
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