"He was a natural born killer, and he admitted it, and he lived by it. I have shot nine squirrels, four rabbits and one of my own feet. I ain't no natural born killer, I am a natural born fool. And a proud one."

• 31Mar 10

  Final... Fantasy...

  Righty ho, about a month ago I purchased Final Fantasy XIII after I came back from Denmark. Why did I go to Denmark again for eight days? See the charming pic to the left...

  Anyway, Final Fantasy.

  Lemme clear my bad name a little when it comes to FF:

  - I have absolutely no history with Final Fantasy.
  - I never ever gave a damn either.
  - There's an awful lot of hentai regarding this series...
  - ... which obviously has traumatized me. Sorta. A little.
  - What was I talking about again?
  - Oh yes, the girls are insanely well stacked.

  So, let the bashing commence!

  STORY/CHARACTERS

  The story goes as followed;

  A long, long time ago, there was a train. And on that train, there was a girl that has watched G.I. Jane a time or thirty too often. And next to her is the black dude from Predator... With an afro shaped like a fruitbowl which houses a damn bird. The girl is a soldier/ex-soldier/AWOL marine/something that made the government hate her and the guy is just there.

  My thoughts at this moment: Well... It ain't all bad, I kinda like the Sarge-like-dude-from-Predator.

  Some time later it introduces some dude who I just hate, the fruitcake with the beanie/snowhat. Followed by the annoying brat called "Hope", whose name is a contradiction. And topped it off by showing me the most off-the-charts character ever introduced in a video game; The broad with the pigtails. The entire purpose for that character being there is to make you feel even less connected to the game and to prove how bad the characterization of the game really has become.

  My thoughts at this moment: Ahhh ****... -_-"

  I lost complete understanding of the story, and perhaps because it's my first FF game and this is number... thirteen. Perhaps it's unclear. Perhaps it's just another saga in the never-ending Asian-pop-movie-turned-game, I just don't understand! D:

  GAMEPLAY

  Ahh the hate-it-or-love-it part to all JRPGs. Turn based combat.

  Now, back in the days... I'm 21 and I'm talking like a World War II veteran. Back in the days... Games could get away with this feature and become hits. Nowadays... not so much. See, this is a bit like Resident Evil 5 pulling the 'you can't strafe because our games never allowed you to!' gimmick and forcing us to watch a semi-realistic battle go like this:

  Two parties, armed to the teeth with guns, claws, potions and spikey hairdoos wait for oneanother to beat eachother ****less.

  Doesn't really work well anymore. But it can be forgiven, as it's the core part of what Final Fantasy is... I suppose. So lets move on.

  The thing that really bothered me is the transition from the linear walking down a corridor to combat. It's annoyingly bad. A two-second pause between encountering whatever you're gonna fight, and the fight itself. Just when you feel the least bit connected to the character, you're yanked out of the experience by what looks like a loading screen and thrown into this sequence where your characters are bobbing about and fifteen thousand menus appear.

  All in all... The movement is clunky, the freeroam-to-combat transition is flawed and the combat itself suffers of being an afterthought as for the 4-6 hours I played, the "Autoattack" was sufficient to every encounter.

  THE EXCUSES

  As much as I like to believe you... And I do, actually. It's not really a good thing for a game to torture you with mediocrity for up to 20 hours before the game gets 'better'. I did the clever thing, I bought it for the PS3 so I wouldn't have to swap discs.

  But I'll never even get to the point where the game would tell me to swap discs if I had the 360 version, cause a game should hook me in the first 20 hours, not lose me! :I

  Now, to cover my tracks... and ass; It's how I experienced the first 5-6 hours of Final Fantasy XIII. If you loved it and you feel violated, offended, insulted or a combination of all three, be my guest and rip me a new one. I don't mind... You love it, I don't. Roses are blue, violets are red. Inverted logic bla bla bla...

  There.

  Adios amigos.

  • Posted Mar 31, 2010 4:20 pm GMT
  • Category: Games
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• 19Feb 10

  Mistakes of the week.

  I'm merely human, but in hindsight... I regret doing all of them. I'll make a lil' list outta it;

  • PRESTIGED IN CALL OF DUTY MODERN WARFARE 2: Ohhh yes. Never once did I prestige in any of the last three CoD's. I did it out of pure misery in WaW and it pretty much killed my joy right there. To this day, the game's gone untouched since I prestiged in that game. This was before all that crap DLC Treyarch pumped out. I've been playing CoD:MW2 for so long, I got the Fall camo for the AK47, M14 EBR, M16A4, UMP 45. Long story short, unlocking the camos ran old so I figured "**** it" and hit the prestige button. It's like a fat man climbing a 90 degree steep hill, I feel... weak without my insanely overpowered material.
  • MAG. Just the game in general. I love it, I really do. It's Battlefield on anabolic steroids, minus the huge selection of vehicles. But I swear, I can only die so many times before I just give up. And while dying isn't a huge issue in a game like MAG, respawning is. I feel like grabbing a rifle and unload hell on a old fashioned clock. Thirty seconds respawn, if I'm unlucky. I die so damn much, I've seen every damn second in that countdown. **** me sideways!
  • BIOSHOCK 2. I scored the game 4 days before release. Was done with it 3 days before release. How far did I get into it? The third area/mission. The game just fails at gripping me. That what dragged me into Bioshock was the story, the twists and the atmosphere. Well, I kinda know the story and it's all tragic, yeah... Boo-hoo. The game lost me before the first twist could occur and the atmosphere was a bit lacking. I dunno, severe case of "been there, done that".
  • GEORGE HARRISON. I fell asleep with my MP3 player on(The iPod was five bucks more expensive, sue me), with Harrison's Set on You playing on loop. I feel like Dexter, only bad lyrics instead of French.
  • DENMARK. Leaving tuesday. Whats my preperation? Flannel shirt, pants, underwear, faint knowledge of Copenhagen and the three words of Danish I know; "Jeg elsker dig". Wanna know what happened last time I did this?

  

  Portsmouth, United Kingdom. January 4th, 11:15PM, -5 degrees celcius... No hotel, no destination, trains gridlocked, busses stuck and even cars got stuck in the FIVE inches of snow.

  I'm ****ed.

  • Posted Feb 19, 2010 10:37 pm GMT
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• 17Feb 10

  MAG - What the...

  Right, a while ago I blindly bought MAG for the PS3 and played one round of the 64 player team deathmatch. It was a great experience...

  ... when I was alive.

  Today, again. I play the game, rank up a couple o' times and get access to the 256 player objective based mode. I had a blast, we lost and we won. Match after match, I had a hell of a time...

  ... when I was alive.

  Cause for the most part, I was looking at "Deployment Countdown: 19" cause I got my ass handed to me by vastly superior players who played the game for muuuuuccchhh longer, learned the maps inside out and unlocked a boatload of items they can upgrade their rifles accuracy, stability, reload time and the likes. I had a plain M4 with a reflex sight.

  I got a loooonnnggg effin' way to go. Wait! Waaaiittt...

  Respawn in 5, 4, 3...

  YESSSS! I RISE AGAIN MOTHER****ERS!

  P.S, I'm off to Denmark next week. Adios amigos!

  • Posted Feb 17, 2010 11:14 pm GMT
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