OOC- Thank you, and I've got one more to break in the new year
*French is shown sleeping on a bed in a small room, snoring away as the camera man zooms in on him sleeping-
*All of a sudden, I doing my best nature show narrator accent cut in*
Me: This is French, or Frenchus trogolodytus, one of the most fascinating beings on the planet! A full grown adult male can weight as much as 250 pounds, this youngster however only weighs 195, and still has much growing to do!
*As French begins to wake up, still oblivious to me and the camera man around the corner*
Me: The French gets out of its 12 hour hibernation, curses off last nights party attempts
French *To himself*: I think that girl played me, was that really a bar?
Me: And releases an odor to mark it's territory
*French lets one go*
French: Woops! *
French is now shown looking in his refridgerator looking for food*
Me: It's now time to look for food, and in this harsh environment a meal is hard to come by
French: Mama, where is the brisquette?! *Still looking in fridge*
Me: At his size he has little time to waste, as grandma and other larger predators could easily take him out. He spots a biscuit and goes in for an easy kill
*French now stands in the hallway outside the apartment* *Still totally oblivious to me and the camerman*
Me- By now it's already noon, and high time for the first smoke of the day, feeling lucky the French reaches into his pocket to grab a cigarette, to his surprise he cannot find his lighter
French to himself* Fourth one this week! That chick at the bar probably stole it....
*Now outside of the apartment as French begins exiting the front door
Me: He makes a risky descision and decides to head out to the market across the street in search of a lighter, for this young French this will be a long and dangerous migration
French again to himself* *Slightly nervous* Should I take the car? nah thats too expensive- Continues walking along*
Me: Over the years the French has evolved an interesting physical feature, the fo-hawk on its head, not only allows it to blend in to its surroundings but also to impersonate larger predators such as the guido and gypsy.
*Continuing down street*
Me: Wary of his surroundings, the young French carefully steps out into the world and begins his migration. With his shirt tucked into his pants, and his pants tucked into his socks. The French is ready for any altercation.
*French finally catching a glimpse of the camera-man* French- Hey what the heck are you looking at?! *
The camera man smoothly ducks into a bush, and remains unseen*
*Now sitting at a bench-
Me: While sitting on a park bench the French notices two females, for the French the mating season lasts all year. And this young one is interested, he lets out a mating call to catch the females attention and let the other males know he's ready for competition
French: *To women* Heyyy Madame!
Me: He awaits for the females response, but she seems uninterested in a youngster of his size.
French *To women- Forget you too! You're only a 6 out of 10!
Me: After all, he will have to wait
*French is now shown doing pushups on the ground*
Me: Discouraged by the females lack of interest, he resorts back to intense physical training
French- 100! 101! 102!
Me: As the young French grows older with age, it begins to switch its attire. From Puma to Nike, Nike to Adidas, Adidas to Hugo Boss.
French: Nobody can afford these threads! *Again to himself*
Me: As the search for a female becomes more desperate, the French resorts to his vehicle and decides to head into town
*Camera zooms in on French in his car, stopped at a light blasting some French Rap trying to hit on this group of 4 women who keep walking French: Hey baby! *Flexing out window*
*Now downtown*
Me: Hours later and the young French has had no luck in locating a female, completely discouraged he decides to head home.
French Now listening to some cheesy folk music- Singing along, and cursing at his steering wheel angry*
Me: And that, ladies and gentlemen concludes our journey chronicling the daily habits of this one of a kind species! Join us next time as we venture further into the hidden depths and trenches of the WOTU!
Edited on Dec 31, 2012 4:25 pm PT