Please don't feed the vermin, thank you!
Theme Hospital from Bullfrog dates back many years now and I have to say I do have some affection towards the game. It was one of the first games I bought for the PC back when all I owned was my mere Pentium 133 MHz with 8 GB hard drive. The idea behind the game is simple, you get given a large wad of cash and using that cash you then have to build and maintain a hospital. Upon meeting the health boards specifications, rating, cure count, bank balance and hospital value you can then progress to the next level and onto an even bigger hospital.
Once you’ve began your level you can then begin building the hospital of your dreams, you decide which location and how big the staff room is. Or perhaps you’re like me and like to create a masterpiece of a reception area, something of which even a great artist would appreciate.
Don’t expect patients with any of your everyday hospital injuries, as you will soon be greeted by a weird array of strange, bizarre and in some cases dam right scary illnesses. You’ll never forget the first time you see a patient with Bloaty Head, Slack Tongue or even someone with Hairyitis, a disease that causes the sufferer to house more hair than a Chewbacca family reunion. All of these problems and lots more can be cured by even more peculiar methods. Those suffering from Bloaty Head feel just a small prick when their heads are popped only to then be re-inflated to a more regular normal size.
If handling a wide variety of weird problems wasn’t enough, you’ll also get challenged with earthquakes which damage your machinery, emergencies which flood you with critical patients, and the dreaded epidemic, which grants you a small amount of time to cure all infected patients as possible, if you don’t, expect to pay the consequences with a visit from the ministry of health and a hefty fine.
You’ll need staff to work in the hospital and there will be plenty of doctors, nurses, receptionists and everyone’s favourite, the handyman to employ. Just watch out for the ones that hollow out vegetables and use them as soap holders, they are bad for business I tell you!
You will notice the odd jaggy, but then you’ll be kept busy enough to miss the rest of the not so smooth bits of graphics. The graphics are decent though, despite their age. But due to their cartoon style appearance it’s something that doesn’t affect the game greatly.
Rest assured you will mute your speakers after playing through a level of this game and while there are a number of musical tracks they become so repetitive you just end up wanting to rip your nose hair out with a salad fork. Then there’s the receptionist from hell whose voice could draw a river of blood from Stonehenge. The audio isn’t that bad, but only in small portions. There will be times when you find yourself jiggling to the music and there will be times when you are reaching for that mute button.
Sadly there isn’t much replay value within the game and once you have finished it, you’ll be wanting to wait a while before playing through it again. Having said that there is a multiplayer option which lasts nearly all of ten minutes which is fun in small doses but just doesn’t have enough going for it. These days it can’t compete with other ‘sim’ games such as Roller Coaster Tycoon and Zoo Tycoon but if you want a bit of a giggle and don’t mind parting with a small amount of cash then you may find yourself wanting to get the game for those Sunday afternoons for the quiet time before your raid to Zul Gurub and your dust_2 session. You can find the game on a large selection of budget ranges so you won’t have to part with much money for the pleasure. Due to the reason it is on the budget ranges I would recommend everyone to at least give it a play, even just for a laugh and giggle. But don’t expect to be playing it religiously two weeks later.