Okay, I get it, Ottawa. Your team is down 0-2 in the opening round playoff series against Pittsburgh. You need something, ANYTHING to rile yourselves up and bring your team out of the ditch it's in right now. But a bad--and I mean BAD--300 knock-off/motivational speech to start off tonight's game? How is that going to motivate anyone, beyond Internet nerds like me who feed on this stuff like it was Spaghetti-Os with meatballs.

There's so very many things wrong with this video:

-- The Spartan himself--Gerard Butler this guy ain't. He's doughy, he's hairless, and his helmet doesn't fit right.

-- The sound--"We fight... [indecipherable]LA! I call on all of you to st[indecipherable] do[indecipherable] warriors and will them... [pause to readjust helmet] to victory!"

-- The helmet doesn't fit. It wobbles on his head. How many Spartan slaves would have died if King Leonidas' helmet was this ill-fitting?

Nice job, Ottawa. I like your spirit but your execution leaves a lot to be desired. Is it any wonder you're down 3-0 in the series now?

Of course you know this means that either NHL 09 or NHL 2K9 are going to have to bring a "create your own overblown and poorly executed rip-off of a major movie" opening ceremony. The hockey community will demand it.