Very weak for it's title and plot.
How wrong i was.
Now, when you start playing this game, you see a few things: Promising advertisement, a slew of high-budget companies (THX, Universal, Sierra [famous for Half-Life]) and a well rendered starting menu. "OK" i thought, but then I wondered why the game was slowing down. Of course, the graphics to begin, start at the highest possible. Ok, ok. Not so bad. I had to play the game on low graphics, so i didn't expect too much in that department. Game starts, and a promising intro video comes up. The Beginning is pretty good. No true complaints.
Then starts the game.
Tony walks up and pulls out an assault rifle (you know, THAT one with the grenade attachment) and then starts... miming? What? I hear voices. Definitely! It's from the movie! BUT HIS MOUTH ISN'T MOVING! What is this? I then thought, "Ok. Well the year when this was made was..." checking for the box, and to my astonishment, replied, "2006?! Really?! Hitman: Codename 47 was made 6 years earlier and had moving mouths! I mean, mouths started moving after the Nintendo 64. So, if that's the case, i don't think it's that hard to render mouth-movements, especially at this day-of-age. "I'm going overboard. Who am I, a game critic?" I thought. "There are worse things to rag on. Like the explosion animation and the lack of in the same scene". How silly was it when 4 poorly dressed Mexicans and a door that shatters into a few pathetic pieces? Well, to answer the rhetorical question, yes. yes it was very silly.
I watched the rest of the cutscene, and Tony spews his usual arsenal of lines: **** you, you maricons!", or "You can't ****ing kill me! I'm Tony Montana!", and then the gameplay starts. I started shooting a few guys, then noticed the "Rage (v)" note flashing. I obviously pressed V, but nothing happened. Figured, you had to hold the key to unleash it. Ok, that's knit-picking, but whatever. So the game goes into First Person, and you auto-lock onto everyone's face, gaining "200+ Health" with each death. From all of the yelling and bullets, i couldn't hear any of Tony's signature lines, but since i put Sub-titles on, i could see what he was saying. No problem.
Then the madness ended, went back to third person, and shot a few guys and then... I... what? What is this? I checked at the side, and gained "+60 Balls - Head dismembered". What did that mean? I mean, i know what it meant. I got a headshot, and the statistic of "Balls" went up by 60. I then checked the side of the box, and it says, "All you've got are your balls - and your word" So obviously, Balls refers to your testicles in a theoretical sense, like manliness or something. However, what got me so riled was the way it was given to you. You shoot a guy, and then... You get... more Balls? Does he have a fetish of killing people, that he gets aroused? Not only that, but i figured that if you "Taunt", you get even more Balls. I wanted to really see if i could get a front view of him to prove my hypothesis right or wrong, however, i never thought about it then.
Now, i didn't say much about taunting. Of course, you get balls when you do it, and you then dispense a healthy serving of **** (etc.)", making for a nice, yet probably tiring gimmick, however, what really got me annoyed was the voice. Now, you could argue that the voice is like Angels singing sweet lullabies into your ears, but to me, it sounded like a bull screwing a near-dead cow. In short, the voice acting was pretty bad.
Now, i stopped playing after 10 minutes. This obviously isn't very long to make a full review, but it's enough for me to rag on anything wrong for 4 paragraphs. I'm obviously going to get hate-mail from blinded fools who "Love" this game, but remember: there are still people who think the Sonic games are STILL good. Yeah, and my ass is the Monarch of Mozambique. That was stupid...