Cranberry Sauce this!

Turkey that!

Tryptophan nap!

What's with STUFFING?! It' just STUFF! Whose idea was it to pile a bunch of STUFF together and call it FOOD!? NASTY!

Ever heard of a Turkey Buzzard? Yeah BUZZARDS! That's what you're eating! They just take the BUZZARD off when Thanksgiving rolls around to make them seem more appealing! NASTY!

Ham! PIG GUTS and BUTTS! NASTY!

Cranberry Sauce! BUT IT ISN'T EVEN SAUCE!!!! I don't understand!!!! NASTY!

Pumpkin! Have you ever carved out a pumpkin or even just been around a pumpkin for Halloween perhaps? I don't want to be eating that. Whose idea was it to bring over decorative left overs that littered our yards, porch steps, fields and side road ditches from the previous Holiday and insert them into our mouths during the next Holiday?!?! NASTY!

Greens! Or Collard Greens for those who really get down. Why!? It's leaves! Leaves and Grass! Stems and all! And if you're really lucky you'll find a piece of........what is that? A Mouse Pellet?! Oh that's meat!?!? NASTY!

Oh how could I forget.....GRAVY!! EW! NO! JUST NO!! This slop looks like snot and diarrhea got together and said, "Let's Coagulate!" GOD NO! And you people just douse it over everything! Really?! Your turkey, mash potatoes, stuffing and ham aren't complete unless they're drowning in phlegm!!?!?! NASTY!! NO! NASTY!!!

Speaking of Mash Potatoes.......Mash Potatoes! Even has "TOES" in it's name! I don't eat toes. Do you eat toes? Unless you have some nasty foot fetish you don't! What is a mashed potato? A potato beat up for being so darn NASTY!

Butter Beans! What a cruel joke! Butter doesn't taste like that! NASTY!

String Beans! Where's the string? I just see NASTY!

Broccoli! My god. This word looks German! And we all know how the German's get down. Their cuisine has messed up their vocal chords! Everytime they speak it sounds like a crime. Ugly language. NASTY!

Peas! Don't even get me started! TOO LATE!!! These little balls of crap in disguise may look small, but they pack a punch. They will knock your taste buds right on out! Oh my jesus! They have like little stored packets of moosh inside! What is that? Who eats something that sounds exactly like a bodily function in which we perform in order to rid ourselves of waste?!?!?!?! Even in some places, people drink it! That's right! They drink Urine! Well hand me a cup! Too far? Did I go too far?

Well people went too far when they decided to eat things that grew out of the ground! Who likes Vegetables?! Who likes peas!? Nobody! N-A-S-T-Y!

THANKSGIVING is MANSLAUGHTER in disguise. Think of all the poor nasty animals slaughtered to fulfill your bellies. All of the turkeys......all of the pigs......all of the...............well that's about it isn't it.........Well think about the freaking Pumpkins Darnit!

Stop forcing these excruciating expectations upon me every single time this time of year comes around! Don't make me feel as if I have to eat these people's nasty food! I'm not a murderer!

And when did it become okay to make Christmas an accessory to murder?! Ever notice how Christmas has just become an extension of Thanksgiving!?!?! It's all the same freaking food!!! TRAVESTY!!!!

I love Christmas! Don't taint it with the Unbridled Prepostery that is Thanksgiving!

It's an emotional rollercoaster! "Time to open presents!!!!!!" "YAYYYYY!!!!!!!" "Time to eat!!!!!!" "PLEASE MOMMA NOOO!!!!"

Come on Obama! Where's that freaking CHANGE we can believe in!?!?! CHANGE THINGS!!!!!!

Take the Turkey Holiday away! What did Turkeys ever do for us?! Put us to sleep with that Tryptophan Poison! I can't open up presents if I'm sleep! So it's okay when we're put to sleep, but god forbid we put an animal to sleep! Double Standard! That's NASTY!

*NOTE* The contents of this Blog Post are purely for _____________ ________, rest assured. But seriously, I HATE Thanksgiving from the depths of my being down to the pits of a turkey's gizzards and everything in this Blog Post __ ___ ________ ___ _____. It's NASTY! *NOTE*

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Throughout my life I've gotten comments, whether observatory or derogatory, about my "soft" features.

I've even been confused for a female before. Told by one individual that they could only ever think of me as a female.

Okay.

Now I'm in college. Off on my own. Been so for a while now. Nothing new. Now I'm experiencing a different side of what it means to look like me.

People see my features and assume I'm homosexual. Well......that part isn't new. That started in 4th Grade.

Even in Primary School, kids, specifically other boys, would ridicule me for my naturally curly eye lashes. They'd say I went home to curl them like a girl and what have you.

I've gotten comments about my lips. About how pink they look. How red they look. How much they resemble a certain part of the female anatomy.

I've been told I have girl hands. (Really? That's a new one)

So now I'm getting hit on by boys........young men.........old men.......homeless men............

Anonymously and in person.

I've been accosted twice on the streets of my college campus by these older guys. Demanding I give them my number with their Cell Phone extended. Hovering around me as I pack up my vehicle to leave. Asking me about where I live. Complimenting about my eyes. Telling me I look like a super model. Asking if I'm coming back. Attempting to hop into my car to use a cigarette lighter that's not even there. Begging me to come back as I'm leaving. Still there when I get back. Leaning inside passenger side window of my car as I try to pull off.

Asking me if I'm "interesting in being with a nigg@."

I'm getting facebooked anonymously now by people from my college. They obviously know me. I have no idea who they are. They ask me questions.......compliment me........make statements........

Of course I ignore. I don't want to be rude.......I don't want to give the wrong idea........

I'm naive so my initial response to such compliments is to say, "thank you", and be done with it. It occurred to me that giving the circumstances, that might not be the best thing. So yeah......I ignore.......as a result......periodically through the years here, I get a check up from the select few individuals who are open about their status, don't care if I know, and continue to message me (in addition to the countless numbers who do so anonymously).

Is ignoring them still leading them on? I don't know..........

It's all rather interesting.......I don't lose sleep over any of this. I'm just trying to imagine how it's going to be once I'm officially out on my own in the real world. College is just a miniscule bubble society that's a lesser iteration of what is to come.

Hope I'm ready.

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I never get use to it.

So excited. And I'm wondering how long this has been because I don't check up on my iTunes Charts regularly but just so happen to check it today.

Either way......good stuff!

I mean, he beat out Miley Cyrus and bumped her frisky cheeks off the top.

The Black Eyed Peas.....Britney Spears..........you name 'em, he beat 'em.

Amazing.

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It's due today at 5:30pm.

Saturday I spent the entire day reading the play. I finished!

Sunday Night into Monday morning I completed over half of the assignment.

Monday night into Tuesday morning I completed the second half of the assignment, including the extra credit and completed it sometime pass 6am this morning!

Phew! Load off my shoulders right? No.

Found out I have another exam next Monday and just received a take home exam from another course due in 2 days.

You may be thinking the take home exam isn't anything to stress over but take home exams tend to be take home for a reason. Because they're super duper tough!

I feel like I should be able to breath after completing the Dramaturgy and I was looking forward to being able to do so, but I can't.

Anyway, the Dramaturgy ended up being about 40 pages long. She didn't give us a limit we had to fulfill. The assignment was kind of loose ended and presented to us in a rather sloppy manner.

Not to mention that while we were already assigned this Dramaturgy assignment, she also assigned us a new project where we practically do the same thing, but instead of doing it on a play, it's on a playwright instead and it'll be in presentation form to the entire ****and we do it in groups.

She doesn't want us to read any presentations and she doesn't want us to use Power Point.

Ummmm........how in the heck do you expect us to present anything?! And it has to be 30 minutes long? Say what?

I guess we're going to have to come with a lot of video clips to show because I can't really think of any other way to tell an audience about something without speaking or having them read it themselves.

Whatever.

If I was still a teenager, I guess this is where I'd threaten to kill myself for attention, but unfortunately I don't have that mental handicap to fall back on. So while teenagers are off dying, I get the short end of the stick.

*Sigh*

Awww Cannon Balls.....

Me: Hey You Pikachu. How about making me some Lemonade?

Pikachu: Okay!

Me: I have some lemons over here.

Pikachu: Good. I love squeezing your lemons!

Me: Here you go. Squeeze my lemons.

Pikachu: I love making lemonade.

Me: Hey! What are you doing?

Pikachu:

Pikachu: Well I was just tasting it to make sure it was turning out right.

Me: How does it taste?

Pikachu: Salty.

Me: Ummm.......taste it some more.......

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*Bob is throwing up*

*We're trying to get paid though so we're just going to sit here and whisper threats until he stops out of fear. Even if he has to swallow it back down*

(No Diane Sawyer we would not like to take a minute out to take care of our son. Ask us questions chick.)

Diane: "Ummm....excus---"

Me: That's a thought bubble Diane Sawyer. You can't hear my thought bubbles Diane Sawyer. Please don't make me get naturally original on this live television program Diane Sawyer.

Diane: My word.....

Me: No. They're my words and you'd best recognize before I get Katie Couric all up in this piece.....

*Later That Night*

Wolf Blitzer: I don't know if Bob can hear me, on account of the fact that he's vomiting rather loudly and profusely, but ask him if he heard either you or Pikachu calling his name at any point in time during this ordeal.

Pikachu: No........

Me: ??? No sweety. He can answer it. Shhh Shhhhhh now.

Me: *Sigh* Okay Bob. He's asking you a question. The hairy wolf guy wants to know if you heard us calling your name.

(You better say no god darnit.)

Bob: "ummmm........yes i said...........we did it for the blog......."

Pikachu: "No......."

Me: "Ah man.........."

(After I wear your tail out later tonight, my hand isn't going to be no more good boy)

Wolf Blitzer: I don't know if he can hea--

Me: NO WOLF!!!! HE CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!! HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO PREFACE A QUESTION TO MY KIDS WITH, "I don't know if he can hear me......."----JESUS CHRIST! IF HE COULD HEAR YOU, WOULD I BE CONSTANTLY REPEATING YOUR CONVOLUTED QUESTIONS TO HIM? YOUR QUESTIONS WHICH YOU TAKE 45 MINUTES TO GET OUT THAT ONLY TAKE ME 2 SECONDS TO GET OUT?!!? JESUS CHRIST!!!!

Pikachu: *Speaks something in broken English that I don't dare try and translate because he just murdered that sentence and I don't need to be anywhere near another crime scene*

Me: Look Wolf. I see the direction you guys are heading with this and I'm quite offended.

Wolf: You don't look offended. I see no emotion.

Me: I'm sorry Wolf. Emotion? You're speaking on emotion? When is the last time someone was able to detect emotion through all of that pubic hair on your face? The next time Hafferty tells a joke, LAUGH GOD DARNIT! Jesus Christ!

Wolf: I just wanted to know what Bob meant by the, "we did it for the blog", comment.

Pikachu: No....... ( 'o')('o' )( 'o')

Me: Yes honey.....we're screwed. Stop talking now. Nobody can understand you when you speak. Just sit there and look Asian.

(What was I thinking picking up the first thing I saw in acting school.......and why didn't I finish? Maybe I would have been more believable.......and maybe Pikachu would have learned English)

Wolf: Excuse me?

Me: JESUS CHRIST! HAS ANYONE NEVER HEARD OF A PRIVATE THOUGHT BUBBLE?!?!?!?!?

Pikachu: Po' Po' at do' ( '')('' )( '')

Me: Jesus Christ........

Pikachu: OOOoooohhhhh.....prewty silva braslits......

(He's going to make someone a nice wife in prison) ( -_-)

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Samus Aran, the "Proxy Maiden", got her just desserts and Link got Gordon Freeman's due diligence.

See?

Isn't it such a beautiful thing. The last time I saw Link sprawled out like that was during his 2D Side Scrolling Era. He deserved it then, as well as now.

Gordon Freeman carried the torch for Pikachu and Bub and Bob all the way to the finish. He represented like no other.

Bub and Bob got jilted and so this was the only way things were ever going to turn out. Samus Aran had to go.

Gordon Freeman was the next underdog in line and so naturally he was going to be the one to trample through, be the vindicator for all of those Bub and Bob and Pikachu fans and stomp out the dreams of all of those who would stand in our way. In the end, it all worked out and we still win.

Let's not whine and point fingers. Let's celebrate.

Master Chief is dead. Sonic is dead. Link is dead. Samus Aran is dead . And now Mario is dead.

Thank You Gordon Freeman. Thank you for being the last glimmer of light and hope in this competition. This competition which the entitled thought they had won. Thought they deserved to have won and were so graciously and abruptly humbled by GORDON FREEMAN, PIKACHU AND BUB AND BOB.

The Myths........The Legends......The Mascot Killers.........Gordon Freeman.......Bub and Bob.......and PIKACHU!!!!!!

Jesus Christ it feels so good.

SEND ME OFF PIKACHU!!!

PIKA! PIKA! PIKACHU!

PIKA! PIKA! PIKA!!!!!!!

PIKA! PIKA! PI----

Enough! Just take me and do what you will!

Oooh Gordon Freeman.....you take such liberties.

Stop that Pikachu! You can share! There's enough!

Bub and Bob you too? Those bubbles feel........Niiiiiiiiiicccccccccceeeeeeeeee............

Who is next?

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You tread where you ought not to and now it's time to pay the PIPER and he has a name. Where did you really think this was going?

Mario is the PLUMBER and you're about to take a PLUNGE.

Mario is representing. He's going to avenge his Nintendo mates Pikachu and Bub and Bob. That's what this has always been about.

Mario is going to take this competition in the name of these 3 treasures.

They are the Nintendo All Stars Team and if one wasn't going to make it, the other one certainly was.

You can take your suit off and don your skimpy leotard to your mechanical heart's content but you're done.

There's still hope for this competition when innate evils like you get what's coming to you. Maybe if you hadn't done what you did, you could have won, but look at those votes against you. That's for a reason.

2 little reasons actually and they rhyme with Rub and Rob.

You may have dodged the BUBBLES but you won't dodge the PIPE. Farewell my proxy maiden.

P.S.-----> You may be of the Nintendo Brand, but they only kept you around for the Sammiches. Lunch time is over. It's time for dinner bish. Hang up your mits. You never had a chance.

Main Course: Metroid Prime Ribs.

Om Nom Nom Chick!

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I'm referring to Owl City's most recent Album called "Ocean Eyes."

It came out this past July. I just received my copy in the mail today and an impending review of the Album may or may not ensue. We'll see how I feel.

By the way, Owl City isn't a band, it's just one person who goes by that Moniker. A Myspace sensation signed and topping the iTunes Electronic Charts.

Either way, from what I've heard, because I haven't listened to the Album yet, I expect to be very pleased by it.

The Single from the Album, "Fireflies" is rather amazing.

Just putting the word out there. That's the point of this post. Check it out!

Pikachu likes it and he approves this message so it must be good!

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I just want to thank these guys for their love and support and all of their votes. Especially the recent surge in votes. All 10,000 of them. Every single legitimate one.

We came through! We did it!

If YOU are appreciative of us, these guys, then leave them a little shout out here. They'll see it. Believe me.

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IT WAS PIKACHU!!!!!

We saw each other. Met eyes. He smiled. I smiled.

And it went a little something like this:

Me: "Hey baby! Come over here with me!"

Pikachu: "Okay babe!"

*Pikachu goes to cross the street. A bus comes out of nowhere. Pikachu is going to get hit!*

Pikachu: "PIKAAAAA!!!!!"

*BUB AND BOB like a bat out of heck, flies out of nowhere, blows a bubble, captures Pikachu in it and floats him to safety as they jump in front of the bus*

Crowd of People: "OH NO!! NOT BUB AND BOB!!! THEY'RE DOWN! IT CAN'T BE!!!?!?!?!"

Me: "Don't worry. They're okay. They'll survive anything. They can survive CHIEFS at SONIC speed."

Crowd of People: "But how do you know. Do you promise?"

Me: "I promise"

*Pikachu floats back down*

Pikachu: "Oh my! Bub and Bob! They were hit!"

*Runs over to Bub and Bob*

Pikachu: "Oh Bub and Bob. Thank you so much! Are yo---!"

*Bub and Bob emerge from the rubble with not a scratch on them*

EVERYONE: *GASP!*

Me: "I TOLD YA!"

Pikachu: "What happened!?"

Bub and Bob: "Well first off. Don't thank us Pikachu. We'll always look out for you and carry you and support you and REPRESENT YOU! FOREVER PIKACHU! We saw this pile of metallic metal just laying on the sidewalk, so we threw it in front of us to shield ourselves."

Me: "Well where is it?"

*Bub and Bob Points*

*Everyone looks*

*There was Samus Aran. A bloody mess. Mangled. Dying. On her last breath. Entangled within the scraps of metal, debris and humans bodies that were on the bus*

Me: "oh noo...oh my god....i can't believe it...i'm all broken up....definitely didn't want to see this happen."

Me: "Aint that a bish. I mean it. Look at that bish. Now who's going to make me a sammich?!"

Bub and Bob: "We didn't know! What was she doing laying on the sidewalk?!"

Pikachu: "Look, there's a bottle over there.................a bottle of booze!"

Me: "Was that bish sipping again!?"

Bub and Bob: "And at 11am in the morning at that. What a silly bish."

Me: "I guess she felt DEFEATED for some reason."

Bub and Bob: "How come?"

Me: "Who knows. Could be a number of reasons. Perhaps she's falling behind on her bills. Perhaps she just had a miscarriage. Perhaps she just LOST A COMPETITION."

Me: "Either way you 2 have defeated her now so it's irrelevant."

Bub and Bob: "But we didn't mean t---"

Me: "Shush up. It's irrelevant now. Who cares about the bish. She was a crazy bish. Running around here in her suits of metal, looking like an ONYX with legs."

Bub and Bob: "What's an ONYX."

Pikachu: "It's a POKEMON."

Pikachu: "Pika Pika."

Me: "That's funny Bub and Bob. You didn't know that, but Pokemon LOVE you. Specifically the Totodiles."

Pikachu: "Umm.......anyone realize that Bub and Bob just killed Samus Aran...............?"

Me: "We'll blame it on the Al-Al-Al-Al-Al-Alcohol."

Me: "I mean, thank god for that drunk bish. If she hadn't been a sloppy mess all over the sidewalk, who knows what would have happened."

Bub and Bob: "Well we would have just thrown that BLUE PILE of metal over there in front of us instead."

Pikachu: "Thats MEGAMAN!!"

Me: "Phew! We wouldn't want that to have happened." ('-')

*BUS COMES OUT OF NOWHERE!*

Bub and Bob: "Watch out! We'll save you!"

*Bub and Bob jump for the BLUE PILE OF METAL*

Pikachu: "NOOO!!!"

Me: "Yes."

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Bub and Bob came out of nowhere and each grabbed one of Pikachu's arms and helped and supported him.

Pikachu smiled.

He looked at me.

I looked at him.

And it went a little something like this:

Pikachu - "I'm sorry."

Me - "You have nothing to be sorry about."

Pikachu - "But I let yo-"

Me - "No. Don't you even go there."

Nurse - "Doctor the patient is flatli-"

Me- "Shhh! Don't you see I'm speaking with Pikachu!?"

Bub and Bob - "Don't worry, we have him. We'll take care of him. We'll carry him to the end."

Me - "To the end of what?"

Bub and Bob - *Goes over and turns off the radio playing Beyonce's "Halo."

Me- "What did you do that for?"

Bub and Bob - ""Halo", is over. It's old. It's time to move on to bigger and better things."

Me - "Well it's just background music for the surge-"

Bub and Bob - "Well we just ended "Halo"."

Me - "Fine. Just take care of Pikachu."

Nurse - "Doctor, please."

Me - "Get out."

Nurse - "But the patient, they'll die."

Me - "Pikachu is fine. Get out."

Nurse - "Wha-?"

Me - "Pikachu! Thunderbolt!"

Pikachu - "PIKACHUUUUU!!!!!!" *ZAP!*

Nurse - "..........." X0

Me - "Crap, she's pregnant. We can at least save the baby. Bub and Bob, be some peaches and go over there and hand me that SONOGRAM."

Bub and Bob - "Where is the SONICGRAM?"

Me - "Nevermind, Pikachu has it. He shouldn't be carrying it though. Go help him."

Pikachu - "No I have it."

Bub and Bob - "No, give it to us Pikachu. We'll help you. Depend and lean on us."

Me - "You know what, just take the SONOGRAM out of the room. I've seen enough. It's just too much trouble."

Bub and Bob - "Okay. We'll take the SONIC Gram out. We'll take the SONIC out."

Me - "Huh? No. It's called a SONOGRAM."

Bub and Bob - "That's what we said. The SONIC gram. We'll take the SONIC out for you. We'll finish it."

Me - "No, it's cal-..........Oh nevermind. You go and take out the "SONIC" then."

.............*2 Days Later*................

Pikachu - "Bub and Bob are 2 of a kind. When I was down they built me up. They made sure the memory of me never died."

Me - "Yup. That's what they're here for. It's the purpose they serve. As long as they're here, you'll go on. You live on."

Pikachu - "Yup, it's ve----Hey, what's that?"

Me - "Huh? Oh it's the new "God of War" game. Don't you like it?"

Pikachu - "NO! I hate it. Must I call Bub and Bob to come over here and take out "The God of War" like they took out "HALO" and the "SONIC?"

Me - "No no. It's fine. I'll do it."

Pikachu - "No no. Let me. I'll take out "The God of War." I'll obliterate it. I will. As long as nothing fishy happens. Here, play "FINAL FANTASY VII" instead. Cloud's hot."

Me - "Ohhhh Pikachu."

Pikachu - "What?"

Me - "You're so darling and cute when you're testy."

Pikachu - "Oh you like it when I get fiesty huh?"

Me - "You know I do."

Pikachu - "MmmmmHmmmm."

Me - "Mmmmmm."

Pikachu - "Pika Pika."

Me - "Oh Pikachu. I've got my unique, multicolored, fantabulous eyes on you."

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