Where the hell is all the drug money?! I mean, why am I living in a 2 bedroom apartment, and can only buy one $60 game a month if I'm a goddamned drug dealer? Apparently, I must not be a very good one. Where are all the drugs at, anyway? I've searched my house, high and low, but they are nowhere in sight. I must keep them at warehouse, or something. But how could I afford a warehouse? All the money I'm making from selling drugs, of course! Or, maybe I'm just using a friend's. But none of my friends seem the type to own a discreet warehouse specifically designed for storing drugs. Maybe it wasn't specifically designed (it wasn't in the leasing agreement, anyway), but we made alterations. How? With all the drug money!

I do believe that I would remember going to prison, being 15 and all. I'm pretty sure you remember going to prison at any age, but I may have been selling drugs during that part of the prison oritentation. What the hell did I do to be sent to prison? Maybe I killed someone, but I probably would have remembered doing something like that, or something similarly fun. But no, I think I know why I went to prison: I sold drugs!

My rapping career must not be going very well, since I'm not shopping at thrift shops very often. I haven't been asked to sing in a song with Justin Bieber yet, or perform on Sesame Street. Goddamn it! Oh wait, wait, wait... I was in Call Me Maybe. Yeah, I was the guy who was watching Hillary Scott's fine cinema on my computer, in the top window of the house across the street when Carly finds out her crush is gay. That part wasn't cropped out, was it? How do I not remember being such a industrious connoisseur of the ghetto arts? Well, drugs, of course!

Well, it may not be a fantastic lifestyle, but if the ultimatum is giving up Grand Theft Auto, then I'll gladly accept the former. Thank you Rockstar, for all the wonderful memories and good times with my brothers, as well as the chance to be a drug-dealing rapping ex-con, who moonlights as an astronaut; you may know me, as I was with Neil Armstrong when he boosted his smug ego to the ultimate extreme. For now, Buzz Aldrin, signing off.

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Masters of Reality: By Pierst178
Why Tomb Raider Failed as a Reboot: By biggest_looser
If the rumors are true: 5 reasons the next Xbox will fail: By -Saigo-
BioShock Infinite: Baptism of the Human Heart: By adusenbery
and  The Zone of Influence: How Paratext can change our experiences with games: By tom_cat_01

These are features that are picked no by community members, but by GameSpot staff, myself, and Carolyn Petit. 

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When I played the Halo 4 campaign I had that feeling. Halo 4 has changed drastically from the Halo I grew up with. The campaign is eerily reminiscent of Call of Duty. The first in game breaks in which Master Chief pushes a button seem out of place. In a way its glorifying a lackluster action that can be overlooked. The sole purpose of the first person actions is to make it more cinematic and Call of Duty-like.

The Call of Duty theme comes up time and time again. Halo 4 sports the same interactive gameplay elements that Call of Duty made popular. Remember climbing the glacier in Modern Warfare 2? Youll see those elements here. While its not bad, it just doesnt feel like Halo. I feel like Im playing a Call of Duty spinoff. This feeling is worsened by a change in the Needler inflicts damage. Every time a needle hits you, there is virtually no damage inflicted. The damage is only inflicted after the needles explode. While this seems trivial, it drastically impacts gameplay. I dont always realize when Im getting shot with a Needler and die seemingly randomly.

The story behind Halo 4 would have had me in tears had my roommate not been breaking my immersion every three seconds. I think it might very well be the most emotional game Ive ever played, at least the most emotional Halo game. Cortana has gone rampant, and the interaction between Master Chief and Cortana is incredibly well done. My only gripe is that it was too short. I miss Halo 2s long campaign. I completed Halo 4 in only about six hours. There was so much missed potential between Chief and Cortana due to the campaigns brevity. I would have loved to see their interactions play out for a longer period of time before the credits role. 

The story also ties in perfectly to the Forward Unto Dawn short films. The new characters have unique personalities, although Master Chief doesnt have long lasting relationships akin to his relationship with the Arbiter or Johnson. The new faces fade as soon as they come. One of the most interesting characters is a female O.D.S.T. although she only appears in two or three scenes. Shes the perfect candidate for a series long partner. The story however is a solemn tale of the struggles between two close friends, so I can understand why they didnt introduce that many new characters. The narrative focuses beautifully on Cortana and Chief.

While it feels a lot more like Call of Duty than Halo, Halo 4 is still not to be missed for its narrative alone.

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            Kinect remains overall unappealing.  The ability to turn your Xbox One on and off via a voice command is a nifty feat, but the 1080 camera, improved motion capture, etc., are all wasted on me.  Its like theyre milking a one-trick pony.  In all fairness, I feel the same way about Sonys Move.  I cant help that Im an old-fart gamer!

            Microsofts Xbox luster is gone from my eyes.  They seemed to focus more on what products to show via their new system than they were of the games one could play.  They mentioned a number in the teens of exclusive titles, apparently within the next year, but instead showed two of the games and spent the rest of the game trailers on multi-platform releases.  Granted, they did look very nice.

            On paper, the PS4 and XBO (XB1?) are identical.  The major differences between the two lay in the companies differing focus which gives Sony an advantage on the gaming side, and thats the point of the systems.  Sonys presentation showed us more of what gamers can do with the powerful system.  Microsofts every-man appeal has its draws, and Steven Spielberg, but I was turned off by the fact that it seemed like they were trying to say the gamer is not their main target.

            Forza looks awesome.  The controller looks cool, and theres no denying that the number of exclusives coming in the next year is impressive.  A lot of the new bells and whistles seem to over complicate the system and could threaten to ruin the entire experience.  But dont take an old gamers word for it.  Im just looking forward to spooning the PS4 controller.

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When Microsoft revealed the 21^st of May as their showcase for the future of the entertainment medium I was excited by the prospect. Having been disappointed by Sony's offerings of sequels and pseudo Frankenstein controllers, I was hoping MS would offer something more...much more. Well we all saw the console which is more than what Sony did, however upon feasting it's rather bland 1980's vhs player styled design should they have showed it at all? A small part of me thought it was deliberate in an attempt to make the console look similar to those of old, those from my generation. Maybe they wanted to grab the attention of the Space Invaders elite?

If that was the intention then they failed as the new Xbox One (it's now official name) looked more akin to a set top box than a console with the same features enjoyed by that said medium. As I sit here a cool breeze gusting through the balcony doors and a refreshing Orange juice greets my lips I wonder if this is the future of gaming? The Xbox One reveal seemed nothing more than MS wanting to get into a territory already frequented by other companies who quite frankly have much more experience with the subject matter. Has MS decided to put the other entertainment mediums first and games second? Such a prospect is so bizzarre and non coherent I dread to think it.

Then there is the rather more alarming concern of used game fee's and one user per console mentality. Do MS honestly expect a married couple to both buy the same version of the same game so both can enjoy it on the same console? In another world it would be comedy gold the kind of content that Laurel and Hardy would use to captivate audiences worldwide. The worrying feeling however is that this situation is no joke and it's a nightmare that we will never awake from. No matter how one looks at it the reveal raised more questions than eyebrows and alerted the gaming world to some very serious questions.

Please leave your thoughts on comments on the issue here and at my youtube channel found here: www.youtube.com/dragonps

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^This is Microsoft!

Seriously what is wrong with them? You have to report to them once a day to be able to play games , you can't play used games unless you pay a fee for the game you have ALREADY BOUGHT , you can't upgrade your hard drive and 70% of their presentation was about TV and how you don't have to work hard to click the buttons on your controller but you can instead use the ability of human speech! I hate when things are so mainstream and even though i love Sony I'm scared that it wont be long until Sony starts doing things like that.   Instead of embracing their customers MS treats them like terrorists. And not to mention that freakin Eye of Mordor that is the Kinect!! It's completely ridiculous , even a hardcore MS fanboy can see that.

The gaming world is under attack!

What do you guys think?

~Rein

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They bombed it badly with this console in my opinion. They could have shown off that the console was not a constant online, used games hating, with no forced Kinect and core gamer embracing console. It failed in all of these aspects. 

Now before i bash the console it has some upsides. It has 8 ram DDR 3. It also has a slick new controller.

The controller is something i was worried about, but it looks really slick and great. 

The processor also has the ability to switch between games, movies, tv and music. This is something that is really good feature for those that want to use it. 

Forza 5 was the real shining star of this show. With great graphics, It has really good lighting and just looks awesome. This will be a system seller. This is the only reason i am actually considering getting an Xbox One

Now to the really bad part. The used games fee is just flat out stupid and is an insult to gamers, it is actually worse than the Online Pass fee. Making everyone even force to be online to register the game is also as insulting to anyone. Requiring to be online at least once a day or to be online to register a new game. Also Kinect being forced to be used with the Xbox One and not even working without it is also flat out insulting. 

The conference itself was sorely lacking in anything appealing for core gamers. Only appealing with movies, tv and music apps. There was nothing that really appealed to anyone that have been a part of the core crowd. 

There is also no backward compablity despite the fact that the possibility is there for it. I get it with the Cell Processor and PS4. But why shouldn't it be possible to do it with Xbox One`?

I will not get this console, and i will go with Wii U and PS4

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Microsoft needed a new console. The 360 may have been selling well, but not because of Microsoft. Third-party devs were the ones keeping people glued to their 360's. It was games like Dishonored, Far Cry 3, and Borderlands 2 that made the 360 a continued success throughout 2012. First-party titles were few in number, and while Halo 4 was a big success, it was the only major release from Microsoft last year that couldn't be found on another platform.

Microsoft needed to one-up Sony by offering a steady stream of games that you simply couldn't find on Playstation. This morning, Microsoft dropped the curtain on their 360 successor. It was a revelation not only of the hardware, but of Microsoft's vision for the gaming future...

...or should I say, lack thereof.

The Xbox One reveal was saturated with meaningless and culturally exploitative information catering to the most mainstream of mainstream video game player. It was bad.

Promoted as the unifier between TV, music, movies, social media and games, the Xbox One was Microsoft's way to capitalize on every entertainment format available right now, all condensing it into a package that fits perfectly in the living room. It remains resonant, a grandiose defragmentation of media that can deliver content from multiple fronts while simplifying the interface into a box reminiscent of a modern DVR. It's nothing too sensational and from that perspective, it works. But this wasn't a showing for those who watch Star Trek or The Price is Right religiously. Xbox is a name synonymous with video games, but Microsoft swept that concept far under the rug.

One problem that I discovered early on is that the interface looks as clumsy as Kinect did years ago. Microsoft wants people to like Kinect, going so far as to bundling the Kinect 2.0 with the Xbox One console. It's a standard feature now, but that doesn't mean it works. With the motion control fad dying, it's concerning seeing Microsoft continue to push Kinect. Even switching channels looks wonky and unappealing; why not just use the remote control like we've been doing for decades now? It's something out a sci-fi movie like Minority Report, only mixed with interpretive dance.

But Microsoft's presentation's biggest blunder was the sheer alienation of the gamer culture. Aside from three major game announcements (excluding the EA Sports lineup), the entire presentation was about the console's place as an entertainment system instead of a gaming system. Yes, being able to instantly go from live TV to a game is an interesting technological approach, but it's a novelty and I highly doubt that it'll become as front-and-center as a future game industry standard. Smartglass and Kinect navigation (auxiliary features that very few consumers truly consider to be essential) were promoted far more than they should have.

Even worse was that the games announced were in no way a decision maker. Call of Duty: Ghosts, for all its hair textures and dynamic fish AI, is a Call of Duty game. It's a multi-platform franchise that might see increased sales on an Xbox platform, but it doesn't serve the Xbox market in such a huge way as, say, Halo would. You can get Call of Duty on PS4, and even with the title of "exclusive first on Xbox One", it's not something to get people to buy your console for it specifically.

Yes, you do get Forza and you do get your EA Sports garbage, but the only game that I could say I'm really interested in is Quantum Break, a game developed by Alan Wake dev Remedy. It looks cool, yeah, but with only a brief and cryptic trailer, I couldn't get too excited over it.

Once I heard them start wrapping things up, I couldn't believe what I had heard, or more appropriately, what I didn't hear. For a console line so enamored with promoting deep and expansive video game content, Microsoft demonstrated a vision that only alienated the gaming crowd that praised them so much last generation. I know that we'll see more at E3, but right now, I'm not even excited about Microsoft's showing at E3 this year

But the news trickled out steadily, revealing even more questionable announcements. Mandatory installs, fees to play used games and no way to play 360 or 360 XBLA titles added even more facepalms to an already groan-worthy showing. While other games have been formally announced for the console, many of these are multi-platform like Watch_Dogs, Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag and Destiny. These aren't the ways to gather consumer confidence. Microsoft may think it's innovating, but with each innovation, they're stepping away from the video game world. If anything, the Xbox One is a "bro" or "Chad" console, a stereotypical game console that you'll see in movies and TV ads with generic shooters and online play without a trace of dev creativity.

At this point, Microsoft hasn't done anything to promote the Xbox One in the right ways. Fears of Microsoft's Draconian restrictions on second-hand games have been realized, their neglect for the smaller development houses has been shown without any doubt, and every negative opinion that I've heard the game journalism crowd say has been met with some form of truth. I do think it will sell, but to the people who don't value those true gaming experiences.

All I can say now is bring on E3. I'm gonna need something to wash this terrible taste out of my mouth.

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     Over the last few decades, the human species have done some incredible things. We reached the moon, we created the modern computer, and one of the most prominent forms of entertainment today: the video game. We have evolved over the years and created such a glorious entertainment. As well as evolve technologically, we have evolved away from horrid gender stereotypes. Women used to be viewed as the housekeeper, while the men were the breadwinners. Likewise in video games, gender stereotypes and roles in the industry such as protagonists and even jobs or appealing games have changed. Women are becoming accepted to be in higher job roles and even taking on more masculine characteristics. With video games, women are usually found being the damsel in distress, the voice-over sidekick, or the sex object. Throughout the past four decades, gender stereotypes as well as the cultural norms have changed through video games, and there is also a parallel trend from how our culture has come to accept the overall different types of people, in which as time goes by, we have culturally gone away from gender stereotypes and sexism.

      Women in video games overall were uncommon in any strong position pre-21st century. One of the first time the lead character of a video game was a woman, but the catch was that it was revealed upon completing, and that was only if the game was completed in under five hours. That game was called Metroid. In the game, the playable character was a space bounty hunter named Samus Aron who fought against the Mother Brain and a bunch of space pirates, her weapon was, and still is, a gun. Back when this was made, in 1986, there wasnt another female protagonist, and if there was, they certainly wouldnt be shooting anyone. But at the end of the game, Samus took of her suit and revealed her true sex. The response to this revelation was complete shock in the audience. But the audience came to accept her through the entire game, thinking that she was a guy, even though she wasnt. There are mixed conclusions one could make, as the developing team didnt even think to include this until after the game was finished, but the series creator Sakamoto, even stated in 2004 that they didnt want the bounty hunter to become nothing more than a sexual object. (Sorice) Back then, women were only viewed as sex objects, and intentional or not, Samus was wearing a bikini. So as the start of women in video games were emerging, there were still problems, but at least Samus was not intended to be a sex object. Most other women who were in video games, were damsels in distress. One of the first and most famous video games was Donkey Kong. The hero is jump-man which we know today as Mario. Mario traverses the traps that Donkey Kong set up to try and save the damsel in distress, which in this case, is Princess Peach. She is completely helpless as she waves her arms around like a fish out of water, and outbursts cries of help because she needs a man to save her. Once you complete the third level, Donkey Kong falls to his dismay and there is a heart that appears between the two. Later on in the industry, when they began to star females in games, one female lead stood out from the rest: Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. She was in countless games where she is a treasure hunter. She gets dirty and kills anyone that stands in her way. The one problem with having a female doing this, was that she was highly sexualized. The industry still wasnt used to having a strong female lead, and many men wouldnt want to play this game unless they could look at her butt the entire game. Most images that you see of her from her first games, are her abnormally large breasts, her tight tank-tops, and her extremely short shorts. A writer at IGN says about the men who played Tomb Raider, But for others, as the series declined prior to Crystal Dynamics Tomb Raider: Legend, Lara Croft became symbolic of the video games prevailing failure to offer up real characters rather than cardboard cut-outs with huge guns/muscles/breasts. (MacDonald). The women she says viewed her as an iconic heroine, but the factor of how she was sexualized outweighs the factor of that she is a woman. So with the sexualization of women, and the damsel in distress helplessly flailing her arms away, women didnt have an easy time in the industry. Men in videogames had a lot easier time in the industry, with no one even questioning their position.

     Men had much more of a common and easier time in the industry, such as being the lead role without any big fuss, but also were described as the one in power, with hyper masculine traits. The male in general was typically the guy who provided for the women and got dirty when he had to. Margaret Fuller describes in her essay The Great Lawsuit, The wife praises her husband as good provider, the husband in return compliments her as a capital housekeeper, (Fuller 22). The women in our society accept the men in charge. In games such as Max Payne, Halo: Combat Evolved, and the original Resident Evil, the male protagonists each had a female sidekick. The job of the female would be not to kill the people that stand in their way, but to give them information behind a desk, or just run around helplessly. In a game like Mario, it would be the males job to save the princess, similar to that in the Legend of Zelda. In most games pre 21st century, the male would save the female. The men in video games were typically described as muscular and overly strong. If you look at a game like Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter, the men in that game have their shirts off to the point where you can see the over-the-top muscles. Take Ryu for example, the most well-known street fighter. Every picture of him is him with a tough looking face, with a karate suit on, and either flexing or in a fighting stance. Every guy in that game on the character select screen has a tough looking face. Similar to what expert and educator Jackson Katz says in the documentary, Tough Guise. Jackson Katz says in his argument The front that many men put up thats based on an extreme notion of masculinity that emphasizes toughness and physical strength and gaining the respect and admiration of others through violence or the implicit threat of it, (Katz). That accurately represents how all of the male Street Fighters and Kombat warriors are portrayed. Although the street fighters are still disguised as this masculine pose, and women are still sometimes the sidekick, there has been several positive changes since the new millenium hit.

    When the 21st century hit, there have been numerous changes to the bias that video games had in regards to gender and sex. Females are more common to be the lead characters and getting more dirty. Games like Uncharted, Final Fantasy, Gravity Rush, Assassins Creed: Liberation, all star females who arent afraid to get dirty and do things that are described as masculine, except the opposite sex is taking on these roles. Take Gravity Rush for example, the main character, Kat, has to defend the city from the Nevi, an unknown terror that rose up from the ground. Typically you would see a man saving the world from an alien attack, but in this case, its a women taking on the attack. She uses her gravity shifting powers to kill the Nevi. She kills, fights, and saves people. Countless times, she saves the rookie cop from trouble. Another lead female is one I have already talked about, that is Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. Square Enix is rebooting the series with a whole new look at Lara Croft, she is no longer a sex object that has men drooling over her when people cosplay. The first images released of the new Lara Croft were of a dirty female in jeans and a shirt. Ron Rosenberg, the executive producer was in an interview talking about the changes, where he said, Gone are her ridiculous proportions and skimpy clothing. This Lara feels more human, more real, thats intentional, (Schreier). This is a sign that people are changing. If some company who intentionally made Lara Croft into a sexy protagonist, into an actual and realistic human, there is so much other companies and we as a society can accomplish, and we can change. The change in who plays video games is a surprise. Typically the ones who would play the NES, or Genesis, would be the brother in the family. But starting in the mid 1990s, games were having more appeal. The Sims was a huge success among women and men. Kristina Benson says, even studies from the early and mid 1990s suggest that a large percentage of females play computer games for approximately 1-2 hours a week, (Benson). The console that were released in 1995 was the original Gameboy. Due to the complete lack of solid graphics, the blood and gore were merely pixel dust. Nintendo was releasing games that could attract both genders, like the Game and Watch Gallery. Today, women are seeing a lot more play time than 1-2 hours a week. The Electronic Software Association explores the growth of women gaming, as they say based on studies and statistics, Forty-seven percent of all players are women, and women over the age of 18 are the industrys fastest growing demographics, (ESA). While this might not have to do with the roles of women being the lead character, it does have to do with the variety of games. Mario has shifted away from just saving the damsel in distress, to games like Mario Party, Super Paper Mario, the sports games, and Mario Kart, all are games that you can play as Princess Peach and are genres that attract everyone. Not only are those games fun and violence free, but they are also games that encourage you to find a partner to join in. The guy in the relationship can now play a nice, friendly game with his partner. The changes in the industry have had a positive influence, as there is less controversy like in Custers Revenge, where the goal is to rape a Native American girl, and we are shifting more towards a less offensive and family game. Culturally, we are making huge steps in the right direction.

         Gender problems through video games and through culture are growing out of pathetic stereotypes. Our culture has been shifting around a little bit, and there is a parallel trend from how video games are changing and how gender stereotypes are changing. For video games, when the games go from women being the helpless, screaming hostage, to a female described masculine hero, it provides hope that stereotypes dont need to exist anymore. When women are becoming the dominant sex in education, as more women are graduating, we can stop viewing them as just a sex object who lives under the stove. The industry is making games also more appealing to feminine characteristics, which leads for more opportunities for them to play, similar to how in the job world there are opportunities for both sexes. If we would take these trends and put them on a graph, the x-axis would be time, and the y-axis would be progress towards eliminating gender stereotypes, both lines would have the same slope going positive. For the future, this could mean a lot of things. We may see new series with female protagonists, we could see men being the sidekick, we could even see more women saving men as they are in the damsel in distress position. There is a vast open-world that we can take anywhere, and in a few years, the changes may even double.

Works Cited

Benson, Kristina. "Five Myths about Female Gamers Debunked." LA Weekly. LA Weekly, n.d. Web. 1 Feb.

   2013.

"Game Player Data." The ESA. Electronic Software Association, n.d. Web. 1 Feb. 2013.

MacDonald, Keza. "Rewriting Lara Croft." IGN. IGN Entertainment, n.d. Web. 1 Feb. 2013.

Shrieier, Jason. "You'll Want to Protect the New, Less Curvy Lara Croft." Kotaku. Kotaku, n.d. Web.

   1 Feb. 2013.

Sorice, Adam. "Samus Aaron, the Woman Within." Nintendo Dojo. Nintendo Dojo, n.d. Web. 1 Feb. 2013.

Tough Guise. Screenplay by Jackson Katz. Media Education Foundation. Film.

http://www.ign.com/articles/2012/10/11/rewriting-lara-croft

http://www.nintendojo.com/features/editorials/samus-aran-the-woman-within

http://kotaku.com/5917400/youll-want-to-protect-the-new-less-curvy-lara-croft

http://blogs.laweekly.com/arts/2011/03/five_myths_about_female_gamers.php

http://www.theesa.com/facts/gameplayer.asp

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"The 4A Engine is a graphics middleware engine developed by 4A Games for use in their video game Metro 2033, published by THQ. It supports Direct3D APIs 9, 10, and 11, along with NVidia's PhysX, and also NVidia's 3D Vision."

"The engine was developed in Ukraine by a set of people who split off from GSC Game World a year before the release of S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl, notably Oles Shishkovtsov and Aleksandr Maksimchuk, the programmers who worked on the development of X-Ray engine used in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. video game series."

"The game is multi-threaded in such that only PhysX had a dedicated thread,and uses a task-model without any pre-conditioning or pre/post-synchronising, allowing tasks to be done in parallel. When the Xbox 360 iteration had been measured during development, they were running it at "approximately 3,000 tasks per 30ms frame on Xbox 360 on CPU-intensive scenes with all hardware threads at 100 per cent load". Shishkovtsov also said that the NV40 architecture of the RSX in the PlayStation 3 proved to be very useful during development noted that there were many "wasted cycles". The engine can utilise a deferred shading pipeline, and uses tesselation for greater performance, and also has HDR (complete with blue shift), real-time reflections, colour correction, film grain and noise, and the engine also supports multi-core rendering."

"The 4A Engine implementation of Metro 2033 features volumetric fog, double PhysX precision, object blur, sub-surface scattering for skin shaders, parallax mapping on all surfaces and greater geometric detail with a less aggressive LOD(s)."

(Sorce: Wikipedia - engl. version)

Rendering:

• The gamma-correct, linear colour space renderer
• High dynamic range rendering (HDR) Using floating-point buffers, allowing for tone mapping, exposure adaption, and blue shift, for camera/eye perceptual rendering
• Advanced deferred shading - allows hundreds of lights in frame, in huge, complex scenes
• All lighting is fully dynamic (including sun and skies), ability to use light-shaders, with dozens of special effects
• Umbra and penumbra - Correct soft shadows, including shadows correctly curved on bumped surface. Shadows from semi-transparent objects like particles.
• Weather and day/night model, including light scattering model and god-rays
• Volumetric fogging and lighting, even in animated, non-constant density media
• Global illumination effects and real-time reflective lights
• Parallax occlusion maps and real (geometric) displacement mapping
• Hierarchical per-pixel occlusion culling
• Real-time colour correction, film grain and noise, correct depth of field
• Velocity preserving motion-blur on a scene with millions of polygons and complex shading detail (including object blur)
• Deferred reflections - allows a lot of planar real time reflections in a single frame, like water, glass, etc.
• Ambient occlusion calculated on both the global scale (pre-calculated) and in real-time in screen space (SSAO)
• In addition to standard MSAA, the engine features analytical anti-aliasing (AAA) and "deferred super-sampling" modes which have much lower impact on frame-rate, while correctly ant-ialiasing all surfaces and not just edges
• Renderer is highly multi-threaded for multiple CPU cores.
• Plus: per-pixel lighting, bumpy reflections and refractions, animated and detail textures, shiny surfaces, cosmetic damage using albedo and bump blending, soft particles, etc.

Physics System
Powered by nVidia PhysX technology, can utilise multiple CPU cores, AGEIA PhysX hardware, or nVidia GPU hardware.

• Tightly integrated into the content pipeline and the game itself, including physical materials on all surfaces, physically driven sound, physically driven animations
• Rigid body and multi-jointed constructions. Breakable fences, walls , sheds and other objects. Thousands of different physical entities simulated per frame.
• Cloth simulation, water physics (including cross-interactions)
• Destruction and fracturing, physically based puzzles
• Soft body physics on selected special game entities
• On hardware-accelerated PhysX platforms engine implements full physically correct behaviour of particles such as smoke, debris, etc.

Audio
Multi-threaded high dynamic range Audio system with constant memory usage and data-driven design

• 3D sound positioning, spatialisation and attenuation
• Sound path tracing and transfer approximation for correct occlusion and obstruction perceiving.
• Reverb, low-pass/high-pass filtering, pitch shifting - all auto-calculated based on sound-path and adjustable by multi-layer environment zones, scripting or programmatically
• Dynamically reconstructing audio graphs
• OGG-vorbis compressed with adjustable quality, multi-threaded decompression

(Source: Eurogamer.net article)

I would say, the 4A Games Engine can hold its own against DICE's Frostbite 2 Engine or the Crytek Engine, in its state. Wouldn't you agree?

The Metro 2033 game is still used around the world by video game and tech-magazines for benchmarking graphic cards. The latest version of their renderer, featured in Metro: Last Light feels more polished (I can only speak to the DirectX 11 version) and it already proved how their engine can run in parallel and concurrency, utilizing the most out of your CPUs and GPUs. Running at nearly 100% on all cores. The emphasis is on "ALL" cores. Unlike in the past, when a game engine - especially rendering frames - ate up all your CPU/GPU cycles was a bad thing, because it almost froze your Personal Computer (sound stuttering, not responsive input/controls, etc), the modern day, multicore world, is one, in which the problem is upside down: "how can we make the game run on every core available, balancing the load?"

Only in the recent few years the game developers made the jump from "somewhat" parallel to truly parallel programming. Something that is especially hard to accomplish, if you are making video games and video game engines. Developers had to adopt to the "new ways" and avoiding the "old tricks" from the past, which often included shortcuts and optimizations, based on someone's genius, having to juggle dozens of "game systems" and "spaghetti code" and other forms of highly delicate code pasta, which could break at any moment, if somebody in the office caughed, or looked at it in a funny way.

Their state-of-the-art engine does a fine job in Metro: Last Light. Deferred Shading, Screen Space Ambient Occlusion, Sub Surface Scattering can compete with Battlefield 3 or Crysis 3. If you have quadcores, the engine will use them all. If you have 6-cores, it will adjust and scale. The engine in the game still has some room for optimization, though. If you switch from Analytical-AA ("Very High" Settings) to 4x SSAA (Supersampling Anti-Aliasing), you can see a significant performance hit, reducing the framerate. Even on high-end GPU's.

Though, this is a minor point. In comparison Crysis 3, still does a lot of CPU (geometry) computation, that could have been shovelled over to the GPU. Every game engine has its ups and downs. It's weak and strong points.

As always, a game or just rendering engine has to serve their pragmatic purposes - it has to provide a robust system, to run all (games) systems. Most of all, it has to scale, it has to be flexible, turning features on and off without creating blue-screens or red-rings-of-death. I personally do not see the importance, nor do I know anyone, being able to see the difference between 3x or 4x SSAA. But, depending on your hardware and TV/Monitors (the latter, mostly size, but not only), you can see at least minor differences, while you are playing. It is a curse for people, who professionally have to deal with these things, since once you start paying attention to those tiny details, you cannot turn your eyes off. You start actively looking for certain "effects" and starting to read the tea-leaves. Terms like "ugly" enter your vocabulary more often, yet there really is nothing "ugly" - it is just not optimized beyond a certain, pragmatic(!) degree. Especially consistency between platforms (Consoles/PC) becomes a factor. On PC, 4x SSAA is not automatically "better" than MSAA vs TXAA or FXAA - it is different.

Further reading:

4A Engine (engl. Wikipedia)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4A_Engine

Older article (from 2010) on the orig. Engine & Metro 2033

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/metro-2033-4a-engine-impresses-blog-entry

Performance comparison btw 360, PS3 and PC on Eurogamer.net (incl. some technical analysis)

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/digitalfoundry-metro-last-light-face-off

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Personally, I would prefer that Nintendo of America and those opposed to it declare truces with each other, back off from their stances and sweep the issue under the rug until it rears its ugly head again - hopefully until after the unlikely event that human civilization as we know it no longer needs money.

(I wish that I was completely joking about that, but I am digressing.)

If they still want to be at loggerheads with each other then, then they, and anyone with a stake, such as the "Let's Play" video-making folks, should compromise and go for the win-win solution of sharing revenue.

That is because any other outcome (barring that everyone just drops the issue and goes on business-as-usual) has everyone losing.

IF THE OPPOSITION GETS ITS WAY...

Before going further, I would remind people that the notion of property is one of the oldest lynchpins of human civilization. If the newer aspects of modern civilization, namely freedom rights, are allowed to trump it, then we are going backwards, just like we would if property is to ascend above freedom rights.

That said, Nintendo is certainly thinking that it is entitled to revenue that is generated by YouTube videos that feature its properties. A legal argument against this will be terrifically difficult to formulate, but if litigation is pursued anyway, then we run the risk of having Nintendo harden itself, and a hardened Nintendo will very likely be an ugly Nintendo.

You may want to be reminded that Nintendo of America had signed the letter to the Congress of USA in support of legislations that protect IPs. There is not any strong evidence that Nintendo had thrown its weight behind SOPA or withdrew support from it, but it just might think of having a more blatant official stance if the likes of Lamar Smith brings that bill out of the shelves again or creates a new similar bill while Nintendo is contesting a legal challenge against its attempts to claim all ad revenue for said YouTube videos.

In other words, we risk having this issue being blown into something bigger if it escalates into a legal battle.

If Nintendo loses, there is of course the old-but-difficult-to-dismiss expectation that a Nintendo bereft of a potential source of income becomes weaker and lousier at making games; money is how the likes of Nintendo gets the resources and ideas to make games after all. A weakened game-maker is rarely a good thing for anyone with a stake in the gaming industry, the people who make those Let's Play videos included.

Of course, one can just say "f*ck Nintendo", but not everyone hates Nintendo, is it? We can look elsewhere other than Nintendo, but such antagonistic scenarios are likely to repeat with other game-makers instead of Nintendo until the involved parties learn to hand figurative olive branches to each other.

IF NINTENDO GETS ITS WAY...

That would be awful, because it would turn into a lose-lose outcome for certain.

To elaborate, there could be a boycott of Nintendo's properties by YouTube content-makers, since they don't get any income from making videos featuring Nintendo's properties if Nintendo gets to eat all the advertising revenue. Barring die-hard Nintendo supporters, they have no incentive to make videos on the game-maker's products, especially if they depend on the ad revenue for their livelihood.

Nintendo, and any other game-maker that has similar plans, can forget about being paid for marketing work that it does not fund.

However, the ones that would lose out most are game consumers who are doing research into possible purchases. They may well lose the sources of information that those YouTube videos featuring games could have provided.

In addition, such an outcome may well stall the advent of a new kind of career that is being formed in this Age of Information, namely that of people making a living making videos on the Internet.

I am aware that some of you have more than enough scorn for such people to utter statements such as "Get a real job!" - among other far less courteous remarks - but some of us actually like seeing new kinds of careers coming into being.

A COMPROMISE: SHARING REVENUE

If Nintendo has any wisdom, it may want to consider proposing the sharing of revenues. It is more than likely to run into opposition anyway, of course - there will always be people who believe that they are fully entitled to all of the revenue from the advertisements that accompany their videos, as well as those who believe that Nintendo should be reamed.

However, I like to believe that most of those opposing Nintendo's move to attempt to claim the ad revenue in their entirety would reciprocate if Nintendo was to propose sharing of revenues.

If they could shake hands and work out the proportions of their shares, this agreement can even turn into a partnership of product promotion, e.g. Nintendo gives them preview builds of games to make videos with and such. That would give the likes of Nintendo more partners to highlight their products with, in addition to the established gaming sites.

Most importantly, the regular game consumer would benefit from this, as there would be richer sources of information on games, upcoming or existing.

Here's hoping that Nintendo and the opposition would come together for the win-win.

P.S. My account is still afflicted with one of the glitches that have been reported here, so I won't be able to reply in any way in the LiveFyre thread below.

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Subsequently, a lot of people have been in touch asking what I'm up to now. The last couple of weeks have been really exciting -- I've put out the first episode of my new weekly podcast, which not only reunited me with Jane Douglas, Lucy James and Dan Maher, but also went to number one on the iTunes chart. I've also been busy writing for Wired, appearing on BBC and Sky News, and updating my YouTube channel with new videos. In the next few weeks I'll be sitting on a BAFTA games journalsim debate, interviewing Rhianna Pratchett at the Hay Festival, talking about the next Xbox on CNN and BBC, and of course heading out to E3. If you're going to be attending any of those events, please say hi, and if not, I look forward to hearing from you over on my website or on Twitter. There's loads more coming down the line, but for now, please let me know what you think! See you all again soon.

Jane, Lucy, Dan and I recording the first episode of my new podcast.

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        For the past I dont know how many years, Ive been quite the card toting warrior. Battling mostly friends and the occasional friendly match with a stranger in Magic the Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and good old Pok mon.  As I grew older, some of the games seemed less engaging. Pok mon felt stagnant and Yu-Gi-Oh!, well it had run its course for me. But MTG was always there for me, with something new and shiny (mostly shiny) and some new way to experience the game. In that horizon comes with a lot of fears and hopes.

            Now, all I play is Magic the Gathering, however Ive seen a vast emergence, I do use that word lightly, of trading card games. Some are physical but most are digital. Games like Rage of Bahamut, Cabal, Deity Wars, Shadow Era, Carte, the list goes on and on. People complain about the whole paying to win aspect of these digital card games. But thats what the card game is about, buying and trading cards to get ones to fit a players style or even just to collect. Personally Im a player and collector. Mobile card games, these are a very shady bunch. They require players to spend money on so few cards and have a very low chance of obtaining a really good ultra-rare card.

            Rage of Bahamut was the first one I tried. It was fun, but felt more like an RPG rather than a card game. The interphase was card focused but more on leveling monster cards, fusing them and enhancing them. To win against other players and quest bosses, it all came down to numbers. Is a players monster card team powerful enough to take on the enemy? It wasnt all that competitive, more recruitment based. A player joins a guild, randomly accepts or adds other players to get points to spend for free on card packs where they get an insane amount of the weakest monster in the game. Once in a blue moon getting any variety. Rage of Bahamut is not the only culprit, Deity Wars and other such games have the same model with a different paint of coat. I realize its all dependent on the player whether or not to spend money on them, really my fear is that this is what people are going to think of when they hear Trading Card Game. And in no absolute way is there any real player interaction other than people asking to trade and join their guild or be in their friend list, for the sole purpose of increasing their own wealth. No hate to those games listed beforehand just business practices like that really hurt the honor of the card game. (I think that sounds like a martial arts movie)

            Some people complain of expansion packs for card games and how its hard to get into them with so much that has already been released. I will agree with them, but offer the alternative of wikis and guides, as well as asking other people. The card game community isnt based on elitism; people are generally nice during matches and when spectating. Also they do offer trial decks at comic shops.

            As mentioned before there are digital card games that do not suffer the whole money-grabbing tactics of the companies. Hero Mages, is a bit like Dungeons  & Dragons. Shadow Era, does have an in game currency but it offers the RPG feel where you duel characters and after you win you get experience and gold. As you level up you get 25 shadow crystals, the currency needed to buy packs and digital card sleeves. What Shadow Era does right is that it doesnt require too much money to be put into it. Players can sell cards they used shadow crystals for to gain gold from the merchant. Then can purchase cards using that gold. So it balances itself out, players dont feel to shamed to be putting money into it. That system also gets rid of any feeling of rushing players to buy more now. Carte, a pc only card game, had a great system, brilliant card art, but failed in the marketplace. It was easy to get single cards in the game. But packs required a lot of cash, and when it was just starting out it was an overload of packs and cards. And for a digital game it didnt have much of a tutorial or guide on buying cards, it felt that way. Digital card games cant make players feel too overwhelmed to buy or purchase in bulk at once just to enjoy the game.

            With Pok mon not doing so well in sales from what I gather. Yu-Gi-Oh!, is still going to be around, even if it isnt as strong as before. Magic, need I say more? There is a young cub entering the card game ring. Cardfight Vanguard, or simply Vanguard to players, it has the same humble beginnings as Yu-Gi-Oh!, where players play the game thats played in the anime. Only one difference makes Vanguard more interesting is that if a person watches the anime, they actually learn the real rules. This really impressed me from watching nearly all of Yu-Gi-Oh!, with most of the stuff they do that really isnt in the actual game. Cardfight Vanguard, follows a fantasy story in a reality setting, but puts the card game as a card game not the means to saving the world or sucking away peoples souls. The card games in the anime do get pretty tense, I was watching them as if they were real games. Not wanting to spoil the plot or story but it is highly recommended. Watching the anime made me go through nostalgia with Yu-Gi-Oh!, and I have been considering purchasing a starter deck or two to check it out. Its fan base has been growing since last inquiring about it. Im actually glad that another well-crafted card game can stand up to Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and Pok mon, while its basically in the infantile stage. 

            Card games are going through a massive change now that phones and tablets can handle a lot more now. People are missing a lot of good stuff with these Ponzi scheme built mobile games, and are being cheated on most (not all obviously) digital card games. The ratio of getting foils and rare cards drops significantly because its computer based. Shadow Era, for the record has a good ratio for getting good cards and being able to profit from useless ones is good. One game I should have addressed is Eye of Judgment for the Playstation 3, and that one just failed. It seemed like a good idea, had potential but didnt quite get enough people. There is another game called Elemental Monster Online. $5 gets you a booster pack of 24 cards, it seems decent.

   (Shadow Era is a bit reminicent of MTG, but with a class focused twist.)

Of course within card games and gaming itself people are going to have to give in some money to buy cards. Its a matter of Is it worth my time to get better at this game? As with any competitive game there are tricks and the like to use. No person should feel burdened to buy a card pack or two, rather fell excited to buy something new to see what they can get and a new deck to utterly own against their opponents. Hopefully Vanguard can stand the test of time and be in the big leagues. And when that happens, I want to be right in the fray. 

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http://m.gamerevolution.com/features/5-ways-microsoft-could-screw-up-the-xbox-reveal

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As you may have noticed, articles, editorials and news features having to do with various social issues surrounding gaming (or with a gamers' slant) have been making an upswing here on GS. These issue range from violence in gaming to mental illness and so much in between. As gaming becomes more of a mainstream form of entertainment, the gaming community is growing, as is our social awareness of such issues. And, with the increase in the gaming population, there is bound to come an increase in pieces reflecting on social issues and their perceived relevance to members of this community.

Some pieces have been met with good debate within the community; others have been scorned and readers have threatened to leave GS for posting what they consider information that is not newsworthy. Still, some have even been praised for bringing awareness to issues that may be embarrassing for gamers to bring up on their own and opening a dialogue for change, or at the least, a better understanding of the highlighted issue.

The first topic that has really exploded across this site is feminism and gaming. It is also arguably the most hated, but is definitely one of the most polarizing. Don't worry, I'm not going to go on a rant about my actual opinion as I've done so on the numerous features on the site. Some of the more notable and commented-on pieces are as follows:

Dead Island sparks sexism flap (September 8, 2011 - 531 comments)

From Samus to Lara: An Interview With Anita Sarkeesian of Feminist Frequency (June 12, 2012 - 3724 comments)

Halo 4 devs speak out against sexism (October 30, 2012 - 700 comments)

Naughty Dog: games don't need males on cover to sell (December 12, 2012 - 454 comments)

Publishers said 'You can't have a female character,' says Remember Me dev (March 19, 2013 - 1131 comments)

Documentary on sexism in games hits Kickstarter (April 29, 2013 - 1366 comments)

A significant portion of the comments in these articles are decrying the fact that these pieces are even being published, that the issue of sexism in gaming either does not exist or that even if it does, there is no place on GS for this kind of piece. From my observation, the response to these articles was overwhelmingly negative.

Next on the list is the debate about how the violoence portrayed in video games may (or may not) affect people who play such games. Various studies have been conducted and opinions run the full gamut, some saying they affect us and may desensitize us to others saying it can help us manage pain and improve other aspects of our lives:

GS News - Violent Video Games can Ease Pain (September 11, 2012 - 134 comments)

Senator introduces bill to study violent games (December 20, 2012 - 1183 comments)

N.J. Gov: violent games must be examined (January 9, 2013 - 1447 comments)

Obama calls for game violence research (January 16, 2013 - 1298 comments)

Former FBI profiler says games do not cause violence (February 25, 2013 - 261 comments)

Study: Violent games can desensitize players (May 10, 2013 - 806 comments and counting)

This series of pieces seems to draw more of a debate than a simple "GTFO of GS". There doesn't seem to be as much of an internal argument between users as there are just differences of opinion which are handled in a more respectful manner than the issue of sexism and gaming.

Lastly, GS has gone even deeper into gamers' psyches by promoting a feature on gaming and depression and mental illness in regards to the gaming community:

Survey examines links between gaming, behavior (November 15, 2010 - 170 comments)

Study links pathological gaming to depression, anxiety in kids (January 17, 2011 - 606 comments)

Light in the Darkness: Dealing With Depression in Games (February 8, 2013 - 71 comments)

Depression Quest: A Retrospective (February 19, 2013 - 25 comments)

Video Games vs. Depression (May 3, 2013 - 1888 comments)

The last link, a relatively short documentary which was featured on the front page, has garnered a LOT of support. Comments on pieces in this group tend to be more positive and supportive in nature.

It seems to me that the most negative feedback comes from pieces where users feel judged or stereotyped themselves, which is no surprise: nobody likes to feel like they are being judged in a negative light. But pieces that analyze parts of the community and offer insight without judgement, such as the depression pieces, are welcomed overall, mostly because they are more helpful and not telling the user they need to change, or that the industry they hold so dear needs to change. Personally, I, too, enjoy these kinds of social awareness issues the best because I feel they can impact the most users in the most positive way.

I actually enjoy watching GS grow up and report on social issues. I feel that there is more than enough content on the site to the point that if you absolutely hate mixing social issues with gaming, you can find plenty to read and keep you busy without having to bother with content you really don't like. It also baffles me why so many people comment with such vitriol when GS does tackle these issues. I understand the voicing of the opinion that GS should not have these kinds of pieces on the front page, but what I mostly see are people trolling such pieces and massively increasing post counts on pieces they think shouldn't exist anyway, which is sort of defeating the purpose--but that's beside the point.

So, how do YOU feel about how all of these social issues are being represented here on GS? If you love it, what other ideas would you like to see tackled or acknowledged? If you would rather leave it behind, what would you like to see instead, and do you feel the presence of these issues truly undermines your ability to enjoy the rest of the content on the site?

-z

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So I'll show off some of my short stories and a little of my Beaumont series in the blog.  To read more though then look up ReinaHW on Deviant Art and Reina Harriet Watt on Wattpad to see my work, the blunt of it is on Deviant Art.

This short story I'm going to show is one of my more recent ones, it's called I Remember:

I remember

I remember the first time that this happened, I was a child of barely two years.  I remember being dressed for bed and as I closed my eyes after my mother had said good night, I died shortly after in my sleep.

I remember it so clearly, I recall how I felt myself detaching from my body and not feeling scared.

Then I woke up the next morning with memories of my parents finding that I had died in my sleep, memories of my funeral.

But I do not recall exactly how I came back to life.

I remember

This would continue every day, I would sleep, die and wake the next morning with memories of something that couldnt have happened.

It wasnt until I was older when I realised that every day brought slight changes, from a toy being in a different place to colour changes in the clothing my parents wore or behavioural changes.

One change in particular was unexpected, I woke from my death one morning when I was in my mid teenage years to find that my mother had died many years ago, yet when I woke from my death the next day my mother was still alive.

Another had me waking as the opposite sex from what I usually was.

I wasnt just dying, I was shifting from reality to reality whenever I died.  Every version of me was.

I remember

I have died almost every day of my life, I have memories of my funerals and I do not know how to stop this from happening.

I am far from the reality I started in, I am unable to make friendships because I keep dying.  My parents are like strangers to me due to how often this happens.

I am a shadow of a life detached from a solid reality, drifting from death to death, life to life, possibility after possibility.  Will this condition ever end?  Am I doomed to die and shift to another reality until I am too old to continue?

Will I ever have the chance of a life of my own?

I remember

As the years pass and I get older, I wake to find myself married, a parent, I wake to find myself single and alone, I wake to find myself disabled from an accident or from birth, I wake to find myself in many different paths.

In one reality I may be pregnant, the next morning I am not.  In another I am with my spouse, male or female, in another I may be facing a day of pain and torment.

It is all random with no pattern and the years are falling away at a rapid rate.  Soon the years will stop and I will not wake at all.

I remember

My body begs to sleep and as I close my eyes and feel myself die again, I wonder if it will be the final time.  I wonder if I will see another sun rise.

I am so old now, my body is becoming weak with age as I near the end of my life and the nights are terrifying for me.

I close my eyes in protest, I do not want to sleep, but I always do even when I try to stay awake.  And again I die.

Again I await the dawn.

I remember

The dawn comes and something unexpected has happened, I have been reborn and I am once again an infant, I am starting my life anew.

But will the shifting continue or will I be able to live this life?

I dread the coming night, for it brings an uncertain future.  Please dont let this be a loop.

I remember.

~

This next short story is part of my Beaumont series, it is called We Are Never Meant To Live Forever:

Is it a curse?

Is it salvation?

Is it hope?

Is it damnation?

The word is Immortal

The reality is beyond understanding.

The mother:

An illusion of sincerity can be seen in the eyes of those who do not grasp the horrors of living beyond the natural life span intended for humans.  They pretend to understand when they learn of what I am, but how can they truly understand something that even those who are forced into this kind of life can barely understand?

I envy those who are not long lived and I pity those who are, for those who are not long lived eventually come to the end that nature intended, they become dreamers of the dream.

But those who keep going, they do not dream, they simply continue.  As they do they lose the will to live, they fade away a little bit for every year they continue to live when they should have been long dead.

It is a curse wrapped in the thin layer of a blessing.  There is no pleasure in slowly and surely fading away within yourself.

~

The sister:

Eternal tears of hopelessness develop but never fall, you wish so much to cry those tears in the hopes that those tears will be your last, but they never are.  They are merely more tears that pool into a large river within the weakened soul of one who is being kept alive.

People come and go in our lives, we may love them, hate them, wish them dead or wish them to remain with us in this unwanted torment.  But they never do.

They come from so little and become nothing but dust in the bitter and cruel winds of time.

Take my hand, I beg you, plunge a blade into my heart and let it drain my lifes blood from me, let it drain my body of all life so that I can finally, and blissfully, sleep.

Take my hand and remove me from this damnation of undying existence.

For humans are not ready to live beyond their means.

~

The daughter:

The winds carry petals from many flowers that have grown from a mere seed, like all life those petals become part of the winds that are life.  We are all, in a sense, petals in the wind.

We twirl and swirl in the winds of life, settling or constantly going until finally gravity brings us down and holds us in place where eventually we wither and crumble into nothing.

But what if you were born to forever stay in that wind?  What if gravity could not bring you down onto the unforgiving ground of a sudden end?  Where do the winds take a petal that does not fall?  What lands are there for that petal to see?

I am a petal that does not fall, I am a rarity amid many petals and the winds of life keep blowing me along into paths that so few or no one has ever been to before.

What does the future hold for me?  What delights and horrors will I witness?  Only the winds know and they do not reveal their path to anyone.

~

The grand-daughter:

I am a product of violation, an unwanted life.  That is what I am and like my birth mother, I am born into a life that does not seem to have an end.

Am I bothered by this?  I do not know, for me it is perfectly natural and feels normal to me that I do not age as many others do.

I watched those around me become old while I remain young, I watch their bodies decline and then stop.  I do wonder why I was born the way I am, what does life hold for one who is born to live so much longer than the majority?

Do I consider myself superior to them?  No, I do not, I consider myself to be both equal and inferior to them.  Some would say that my being unable to grow old and die could be seen as a blessing, as a sign of superiority.  But what superiority is there when you say goodbye to those you care about more often than you do hello to anyone you have only just met?

There is no superiority to being long lived, there is merely the ever constant loneliness and heart ache from the many losses of those who mean a lot to you.

Why was I born this way?  What purpose is there to an immortal being born?

The many possible joys and delights of life, the happiness that you may find along the way tend to pale next to the goodbyes that gnaw at you.  What does the future hold for me?  I do not know, I hope there will be happiness.

But I feel that there will be more loneliness than happiness, and that hurts a lot.

We are never meant to live forever.

~

This next short story is called Sunshine And Lollipops, a dark story:

What can I say of how it was?  It's hard to say since it just was and ultimately meant nothing.  You look at me as if expecting me to say something profound, something predictable to whatever you clearly expected of the moment.
But I find I have nothing to say, it meant nothing to me while it meant everything to you.  Do I lie to you and say it was wonderful?  Do I tell you the truth and say it meant nothing, that I felt nothing?

All I know is that I am still alive and for that I can't apologise.

Still you look at me, your eyes displaying more pleasure than I feel.  How long must I wait until I know there is something wrong?  Is there something wrong with me?  Or am I feeling the way my heart feels?
Please stop looking at me like this, like that, like you expect me to say something that I don't feel.
From the corner of my eyes I can see that it's a sunny day, sunshine and lollipops like my mum would say.  Have the hours passed by that fast?  I must have lost track of time when I switched off within and felt nothing, nor desired to.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

You try to engage me in banter, it's clear that you don't feel what I feel.  For you this was special, wonderful.  For me it was just another day, another job.
I feel nothing for you, nothing for this job.  Yet I need the money due to the way my gender is seen and regarded, as if we're still inferior to you, still nothing but property.
So I switch myself off whenever I'm with anyone while on the job, be it day or night, I switch off so that I don't feel the increasing shame within me.  I hate that I feel this shame.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

The money owed is paid and I say goodbye in a half hearted way, you still look at me as if you expect me to be happy.  I feel only revulsion now, at myself.  I hate this job, I hate my life.  I hate what I'm forced to do because of the lack of options I have.
I head home and as soon as I am alone I collapse in tears, then spend an hour in the shower sobbing and trying to wash away all traces of my job for another day.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

I feel so numb, so cold despite the beautiful day.  Sunshine and lollipops, mum, that's what you told me.  Sunshine and lollipops.
I look down at the gun in my hand and wonder if today is the day I can pull the trigger.  If today is the day when the numbness will end and I can be free of this hell.
Can I be free?  Can I feel even the freedom?  Only one way to find out.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

~

And one more, this next story is called For I Am:

Sticks and stones may break my bones

Taunts aplenty come from your lips, hurt so much comes from your hands and feet as you attack me, insults never seem to stop coming from you.  You try to bring me down, you try to crush my spirit.

You are succeeding, yet you are also failing.  A part of me is still fighting against the misery you bring upon me.

But your words can only graze me

You call me a freak, an it, a thing.  You demand me to be just like you because you are too close minded to understand that no one can be exactly like you, no one can be what you demand them to be.

You and your friends who follow you around, who dont think for themselves because it is so much easier to be a group mentality than a single mind, you and your friends do not think for yourselves.

Every word stings, every bruise is painful, but as much as I am hurting and wounded, I am determined to stand my ground.

You spout ignorance and hate

I try to reach out to others who are as different as I am, who are like me.  But they are also hurting due to so many who also hurt them for daring to be themselves instead of conforming to the demands of hurtful ideals and misinformation.

How can we ever speak when our words are dismissed as not conforming to a limited notion of what it is to be a person?

Is there anyone who will listen to what me and so many others like me have to say?  Is there anyone in the world who even cares about those of us who cant help the way we are born?

You are insecure though, you are afraid of looking inside yourself

For I am trans-gender, I do not conform to a gender binary because I am unable to do so since I was born this way.

My gender does not match my body, my feelings do not match who I am demanded to be.  Many demand me to be what is between my legs, they tell me that it is sinful and evil to not conform, to not be the person I can never be.

Please, oh please, is there someone out there who can see me for me instead of only seeing me for who and what I can never be?

Please?

The bruises fade, the broken bones can heal.  But the scars within from all the hate, those do not heal so easily.

I can not conform to your demands, I do not want nor wish to conform to your demands.  I wish to be myself, I wish to be the person I was meant to be but was denied due to natures random acts.

My seeking to be myself is no threat to you, your demands are the real threat.

So please, do not judge me for something I had no choice in.  Please stop hurting me.

For I am Trans-gender, and I have the right to live.

~

Let me know what you think.  These are just four short stories from my fairly large portfolio, although much of my written work has been lost over the years, I still have a great deal written.  In total I guess I've written well over a thousand pieces - stories, reviews, articles and more.
And there we go, all done.  I might do another blog some other time if there's anything to be talked about.  And please don't expect me to write what's demanded by the many, I write what I wish to write and say what I wish to say. 

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A remarkable bounceback season for the Habs came to an end as they were eliminated by the Ottawa Senators in game 5. After coming in last place in the Eastern Conference last season the team made a lot of changes especially in management and ended up hiring a new GM Marc Bergevin along with a new coach Michel Therrien who together formed a winning team. New players included Brandon Prust, Colby Armstrong and Francis Boullion along with three rookies Jarred Tinordi, Alex Galchenyuk and Brendan Gallagher who stepped into there new role and gave the Habs some fresh faces to look forward to in the future. As trophies go, Montreal has been nominated for three: Michel Therrien nominated for the Jack Adams Trophy (best coach) P.K Subban nominated for the Norris Trophy (best defensive) and Brendan Gallagher nominated for the Calder Trophy (best rookie). Along with that Montreal came in second in the Eastern Conference and first in the North-East Division. But such a great season meens nothing if you cannot produce wins in the playoffs which is exactly what happened for the Habs in the first round of the playoffs facing the Ottawa Senators. There first few games of the series the Habs outplayed the Sens, but still managed to lose games and ended up being eliminated by the Sens 6-1 in a heartbreaking game 5. The reason for the failing team was simply there size and the amount of injuries. The Habs are a very small team and were easily intimidated by the bigger Sens from game 2 were they started to play there physical game. A hit from Eric Gryba in game 2 which sent Lars Eller to hospital angered the Habs team to a great deal and set the tone for the series. Game 3 being an absolute mess were at one point only five players remained on either teams bench after countless fights which led to some injuries for the Habs. Jump to game 5 and the Habs in a desperate attempt for a win played many rookie players seeing that half there team have been injured including the already injured Alexei Emelin, the captain Brian Gionta, Brandon Prust, Max Pacioretty, Ryan White and most importantly there goaltender Carey Price. But the Sens took advantage of this and beat them Habs 6-1 breaking many fans hearts. At the end of the game the whole Habs team skated onto the ice and let the remaining fans cheer for them, knowing that theres always next year.

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