So I think I'm getting slightly better at first-person shooters.  Bioshock was good training apart from the unforgettable experience and, although I'm still getting fragged more often that I would care to admit, I feel as if I'm getting the basics down pat to survive a full fifteen minutes or more.  I only now just need to work on ammo conservation and not haphazardly shooting everything that moves.... and missing my targets 45% of the time.

Of course, I wanted to go further than Bioshock, so I decided to try Resistance. I picked up all three Resistance games for my PS3 a few days ago, and have been playing the original Resistance practically non-stop.  Resistance is certainly an old-school kind of first-person shooter, and nothing like all the third-person shooters I'm a bit more accustomed to.   It's more challenging than Bioshock because the Chimera come in many different flavors and are far more aggressive.  For a PS3 game, Resistance looks a little dated, and understandably so seeing how the game was released around the time of the PS3's first cycle; made even more apparent by the utter lack of Trophy support.  Still though, as of this writing, I'm near the end of the game and hoping to start up Resistance 2.

No leapfrogging this franchise for me.   I didn't want a repeat from Assassin's Creed---even though that game is vastly different in every way from a first-person shooter like Resistance.  Storywise, I want to enjoy the games spoiler-free and, so far, it's pretty intriguing.

The next game in line for me possibly is Killzone.  I understand there are three games in the series, like Resistance, and almost similar in style and substance.  But Killzone has you shooting soldiers, not aliens, and it's far more grittier.  Even though I do not typically buy first-person shooters on the PS3, these two franchises are solid Sony-exclusives that I couldn't ignore.  A good thing I waited, too, because Killzone's dead-cheap.  If you've played Killzone before and have varying opinions, let me know.  In fact, if you can recommend other good FPSes for either the PS3 or the 360, I'm open to suggestions!

Thanks for reading.  Now it's high time that I finished my business with the Chimera.

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I figured I better make a post cause the level i reached sounds cool and motivated me to do so.

Im taking 6 week intensive summer coruses for math and anatomy and physiology locally near my home So ive been rushing to study and get assignments done like a madman..(woman?) lol...um i took the summer off to come home for a bit and be closer to things i actually like doing as opposed to being at uni and basically sitting in my apartment 24/7 which is what typically happens since i dont have a car there.

Thats whats up with school life currently

With gaming, im excited for E3 of course also excited to see MS's announcement of their next gen system as a basis of comparison.

Ive gathered a pile of games to trade in toward a playstation 4 this coming fall as well cause thats a must for me now since its becoming appearant that ff versus was created for this gen.

Only new games ive gotten recently are luigis mansion dark moon which is very fun ^_^ and playstation all stars cause its a simple pick up and play game for vita and thats about all i have time for now.

Other news i was kinda gonna wait to share....

My sister and I are going to canada for a week the news isnt that exciting tbh, unless your like us and havent left the country since u were 2 years old. So we're planning a bunch of stuff to do... and well we're excited to go somewhere new! 

Also without giving away any further information...im excited to finally have the opprotunity to meet one of the closest friends to my heart the "GIANT ENEMY COW" @finalstar2007 .... *claps*  

If it was Japan i wouldve told ya'll much sooner but that will hopefully be in the near future!!!

Yesterday hanging out on gamespot's EA WiiU thread...we had a masive comment war going on which was also hilarious and probably the longest time ive ever spent having fun on gs just thought id mention that

Hope the summer is finding everyone well!

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Okay, people bitching about Dragon's Crown; happy now?

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WARNING THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR BIOSHOCK INFINITE.

Now its important that I state up front that despite the possible negativity that may come across in my thoughts is in no means a reflection of how I feel about the overall quality Bioshock infinite, if anything Bioshock Infinite is a startling and stunning experience that is both the product of an astoundingly talented mind in the shame of the games director and writer Ken Levine but also of an incredibly talented team at irrational. Its also one of the early highlights of 2013 and this console generation.

Bioshock infinite is a game that you owe it to yourself to play through at least once.

Its also important to note, that I played through the game twice. Firstly through on normal to experience the story before spoilers ruined the experience for me and secondly in the unlocked 1999 mode.

My experiences through the game differed greatly both times although I  was experiencing exactly the same content, but more importantly my thoughts on the game as a whole did not changes at all. If anything they strengthened.

The problem is that Bioshock Infinite lacks something very small that the original Bioshock does not. Simply, glue.

While every element of Bioshock Infinite is connected by narrative themes, design, both visual and game design, story and messages the game has clear separate boundaries. While this does not make the game a less then enjoyable experience there is a sense of disappointment once its all over. One that says a lot more about the issues with games as a narrative medium on the whole as well as an entertainment format.

Bioshock is one world that is made up of three distinctly related yet also totally separate parts. Story, World narrative and Gameplay; these parts cross over each other, stacked like folded edges of an old box sometimes blurred but still obvious when you look.

The overriding feeling you get from Infinite is that its a mix of shooting gallery and interactive digital play.

 On two separate occasions I heard stories from people that painted a negative sounding reflection of the game experience.

The first from a work friend who after a large amount of time with the game said I really like it but the combat, it just doest feel fun. Its like a meat grinder. Wave after wave of enemy just come at you constantly.

While the combat in Infinite is acceptable and on paper has interesting and forward thinking mechanics this sense of a lack of depth cant just be brushed aside.

On my own first playthrough I felt this too, that the combat more often then not becomes a chore and not another interesting element that you look forward to. That even though this is a good story in a vivid and stunning world that the combat in the needless grind that you do to see the next bit of the play.

The other comment that stood out to me was from my partner, she shared the feeling of the game being a bit of a chore sometimes when it comes to the combat but what really struck her was the disparity between the experience she was expecting and what she got.

While re-watching one of the trailers she just simply said. yes, this, this is what I was looking forward to and I got something else.

This is not a terrible issue, early demos and trailers are there to create a feel for the game were going to get. Yet I cant help but feel that developers, publishers and PR do not really look at the disparity between how a game is marketed and how its actually received or perceived during play.

Is it even important for them to have to stick to initial perceptions?

It is maybe time developers and publishers did stop and look at how the games they are promoting & creating are coming across. The issue with video games in general is that they are exclusive and nearly never inclusive. Irrational painted a picture of a deep and involving narrative about a beautiful and flawed world that appealed to a wide range of people. They sold an experience to as many people as they could because rightly so they want all those people to play that experience but then bore no though to people not enjoying the parts between.

My aforementioned partner is by no means new to games, FPS or the Bioshock series being somewhat of a fan of the first and even second title, but when I mentioned the issues she had with the game to another member of the games press they said more or less maybe its just because it was that they were not expecting the shooting in the game.

To an extent this is a logical reaction but it really shouldnt be. We as gamers and the games community on all sides are so used to the notion of people not being good at something and so it being their fault and not the games that we brush the issue off like it doesnt matter. When the very problem is preventing so many from experiencing the very games we are attempting to sell as immersive and artistic.

Going back to the issues of gameplay and this distinct division between gameplay and story. The sense of the game being an elaborate play is apt.

As I said before the games more combat orientated elements feel like they should work. In fact on small doses the combat is somewhat easier to get to grips with then it was in Bioshock. So where are the issues in this area?

Firstly and most obviously is the Serious Sam aspect to the common enemy, more often then not there is little tactical action to be had. Yes the game throws different types of enemies at you each with different weaknesses or attack powers but ultimately they all come more or less directly at you all guns or powers blazing. Victory and loss never feels interesting and more often then not cheap.

When you fall its not because you made a mistake or got outsmarted but more often then not you just couldnt move into cover fast enough as everyone stood or ran at you and shot over and over again.

There are moments that do impress combat wise, small snatches of the game where the combat is interesting but these are few and far between. Moments you would expect to be so are not as fun as one would at first hope.

The Handymen, while having a couple of interesting behaviors are some of the most infuriating enemy encounters in the game. Being as mindless as the smaller enemies you face for the most part. Leaping and sliding at you often times in near unavoidable attack animations. Being somehow faster and more damaging then any other enemy yet also near impervious to damage even on lower levels of challenge. Their only real mix up being to use the electrocute the skylines (another feature somewhat scaled back since the original trailers) every time you spend too long on them.

This would make for a fun experience because by enlarge the times you get to mix the skylines into your combat is quite fun; that is if it were not for the excessive speed the beasts show. Even once you manage to escape an area where fighting one head on would be a disaster and land in a temporary safe area, are you faced with one landing next to you, causing often impossible to avoid splash damage. What could be an interesting mix up to the combat turns into run shoot twice, run.

This would be all well and good, but theres no feeling of skill, a lack of accomplishment. On harder modes like 1999 I personally fought one for two hours before a fortunate in game glitch caused the handymans animation cycle to stall allowing me to dangle from a skyline and unload every weapon I had into him, three times.

The most disappointing encounter though was Lady Comstock, or what may or may not be a spectral ghost like take on her. These encounters were a chore that involved essentially infinitely spawning basic enemies that constantly got in your way while you battled a less then interesting boss character.

Yes people have rightly complained about the ending boss encounter to the original Bioshock but instead of thinking of a better solution to boss encounters irrational simplified it even more and made us fight it three times.

The tedium reaches a peak during the final moments though placing you in charge of protecting a vulnerable thing that you have manage while dealing with wave after wave of mindless enemies And heavy airships. For a game that we were promised we wouldnt have to worry about protecting out partner during the game proper. That this wasnt another escort mission to be presented with one at the very end of the game as its substitution for a boss encounter is ironic and even insulting.

Yes even this encounter sounds good on paper, the songbird character you though was going to be a threat actually becomes a weapon for you to use in battle. You get to command this powerful man/bird/cyborg/thing to attack those who would do you harm but the use of even this feature becomes underwhelming with its mapping to the x (or in ps3 square) button. Often the use of this commend isnt picked up, or is badly timed with Elizabeth offering important items like health or weapon ammo.

So in tense moments where you are taking damage, your airship and ward are taking damage and youre attempting to shoot another airship out of the sky you are instead interrupted with a longer then youd realise animation that takes up enough time for you to get shot down or the airship to also get shot down.

Probably the biggest disappointment comes from the boys of silence. An enemy type that if implemented as originally planned would have really reinvented the way you played the game. As it is they are relegated to a small section at the end of the game, now behaving like explosive takes on the original games cameras. The first encounter with one is actually unavoidable, leaving you as to wondering what you have done wrong. Couple this with the now inconsequential design to the character and you are left feeling like these distinct creatures were left in the game because, well itd be a shame to waste them right?

They are an element that once again, serves a use, yet still feel like wasted potential. Another part of the game we could have been miss-sold on.

So we should step away from the combat of the game and look instead to the other factors. Like I said before Infinite feels like a really interesting play, set in a stunningly well put together world that you are rewarded with for enduring the combat.

While the combat has a contextual reason for being there both with regards to the story and the world narrative, it doesnt feel connected. The strongest moments you experience in Bioshock Infinite take place during its opening moments. From the second you read the quite on screen at the start to the questions already swilling in your head as you climb the lighthouse, ascend into the physical heavens and land on Columbia you are taken for a stunning visual ride. The world is glorious and striking to behold, your early steps out into the streets and shops of the city really help to paint a picture of a world brighter and darker then any other. All the way through until the narratively important raffle scene the game is a ride that just works as a coherent whole. Even after making your first; in your mind important; choice of many important choices and you face the local police force the game feels coherent and strong.

Its the moments immediately after the first battle where the game splits almost instantly into three distinct parts.

The worlds narrative backdrop of social and political strife is always there but feels more and more weak over time. The vox populi and their struggles go from interesting narrative, to ok subplot to eventually basic mindless bad guys to kill.

Yes theres an initially strong narrative reason for the characters to exist, but the second you step into alternate realities twice over the potential depth to the world and its peoples struggles are gone.

The world narrative affects the game visually and physically but without really having a deep bearing on the story.

The choices you are promised, or at least teased with at the start of the game and ultimately in early trailers for the game turn out to be devoid of gravitas. You choose a or b and later you still get some equipment.

What we get in reality is a series of well visualised scenes that we get to shoot people in or watch the story from. The story marches on regardless, and while the scenes, story and world narrative have moments of great strength they remain un realised potential.

Now this leads to the ultimate question with regards to the story we are partaking in, do we really have any bearing on that? We know that through the game we have had no effect at all on the world narrative so haw about the somewhat smaller story narrative.

Well the impact we have here is even less then that which we have on the rest of the world. Instead of being a powerhouse of storytelling in the gaming medium Bioshock Infinite is an interactive play. We can jump, move around and look at different scenes from different angles but the story rolls on regardless.

This is true of other games but here the critical and player reaction initially seems to paint the game as one that really spoke on behalf of the medium as a tool for storytelling. When really its using old tools in a very traditional way.

For real examples of the medium as a tool for the potential for storytelling you need to look at games like Journey and Papa & Yo. Both tell a story, but in a way thats distinctly impossible in any other art form or medium.

While Papo & Yo is flawed in its conventional gaming elements its points of narrative invention and subtext are astoundingly important for the medium. There are moments that require you to impact them in order for them to in turn impact on you.

Journey is distinctively different from Papo, almost totally devoid of traditional storytelling but managing to through carefully paced and though out gameplay moments convey a story to you that is at all times the same and individual from those of other players.

While Infinite tells a stunning and thoughtful sci-fi adventure romp, its still something that could potentially be told in any other format.

The problem isnt that Bioshock Infinite is a bad game, it's quite the opposite it's a fun whole that makes you want to come back for more. 1999 mode is a worthy challenge that actually makes you take more time over the combat and turns most of the combat into something close to a tactical experience. Bar a few Handymen and Ghosts.

I actually had more fun on my second time through, collecting all the hidden items, spotting like secrets and easter eggs, taking each moment as its own. You could view this as a consequence of finally freeing myself of the story. Having seen it in its entirety the game was no longer something in the way of the story but instead a fun and simplistic draw. I could come up with good tactics to use against my endless attackers.

In the end 1999 mode my second time through was both more enjoyable and much easier to take on. It was more fun.

The problem is that this simple revelation could be speaking volumes about the game as a whole and in turn how we still view games based on hype, production and topic.

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It's plot twists are truly epic and I love how it can be dark and poetic at the same time.

Dunno what game I will play next,I was going to buy Soul Sacrifice but the cheap copy of it is no longer for sale and all the other eBay owners want around 50 dollars for it if you include postage and handling.

I'm thinking I might play Bioshock next because I want to play something with flowing gameplay since I've played through a few JRPGs and a visual novel recently.I have the PS3 and PC version of Bioshock,I am thinking I'll play the PS3 version because it has trophies even though I prefer to play FPS games with a mouse and even though the PC version will look better.After Bioshock then I'll give Wild Arms 4 a try,I've never played a game from that series but I've heard it's good.

That's all for now.

Not long now until Yuri meets the woman of his destiny...

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Maybe if I got back I'll see more videos building up the reveal of the other consoles but I don't know. Someone commented that GT pairs with SpikeTV which is owned by Viacom who has a partnership with Microsoft which wouldn't surprise me.

Then again, not all the vids are super positive and let's face it, ever since Adam Orth's comments and the on again off again rumors of an "always online Xbox" most of us are looking towards the nextbox reveal with some degree of skepticism.

Voice of GT talking about how Kinect needs to be better. http://www.gametrailers.com/videos/77lluh/next-xbox-one-man-s-kinect-experience "Most of us would say 'get rid of it."

Xbox E3 screwups: http://www.gametrailers.com/videos/7eghir/next-xbox-lighter-side-of-xbox

10 Games we want from Rare. Yeah try not to lay on the floor and cry watching this one. Or as I call it "10 games we'll never ever see." http://www.gametrailers.com/videos/t0nuqf/gt-countdown-top-ten-games-we-want-from-rare What a shame as it would be nice to see Xbox exclusives that don't involve guns.

Guess I can't blame GT for doing a bunch of nextbox coverage as there isn't much else going on right now. E3 is a way off yet and no major releases are out any time soon but seriously GT, I don't recall seeing this much stuff for Nintendo or Sony.

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So I'll show off some of my short stories and a little of my Beaumont series in the blog.  To read more though then look up ReinaHW on Deviant Art and Reina Harriet Watt on Wattpad to see my work, the blunt of it is on Deviant Art.

This short story I'm going to show is one of my more recent ones, it's called I Remember:

I remember

I remember the first time that this happened, I was a child of barely two years.  I remember being dressed for bed and as I closed my eyes after my mother had said good night, I died shortly after in my sleep.

I remember it so clearly, I recall how I felt myself detaching from my body and not feeling scared.

Then I woke up the next morning with memories of my parents finding that I had died in my sleep, memories of my funeral.

But I do not recall exactly how I came back to life.

I remember

This would continue every day, I would sleep, die and wake the next morning with memories of something that couldnt have happened.

It wasnt until I was older when I realised that every day brought slight changes, from a toy being in a different place to colour changes in the clothing my parents wore or behavioural changes.

One change in particular was unexpected, I woke from my death one morning when I was in my mid teenage years to find that my mother had died many years ago, yet when I woke from my death the next day my mother was still alive.

Another had me waking as the opposite sex from what I usually was.

I wasnt just dying, I was shifting from reality to reality whenever I died.  Every version of me was.

I remember

I have died almost every day of my life, I have memories of my funerals and I do not know how to stop this from happening.

I am far from the reality I started in, I am unable to make friendships because I keep dying.  My parents are like strangers to me due to how often this happens.

I am a shadow of a life detached from a solid reality, drifting from death to death, life to life, possibility after possibility.  Will this condition ever end?  Am I doomed to die and shift to another reality until I am too old to continue?

Will I ever have the chance of a life of my own?

I remember

As the years pass and I get older, I wake to find myself married, a parent, I wake to find myself single and alone, I wake to find myself disabled from an accident or from birth, I wake to find myself in many different paths.

In one reality I may be pregnant, the next morning I am not.  In another I am with my spouse, male or female, in another I may be facing a day of pain and torment.

It is all random with no pattern and the years are falling away at a rapid rate.  Soon the years will stop and I will not wake at all.

I remember

My body begs to sleep and as I close my eyes and feel myself die again, I wonder if it will be the final time.  I wonder if I will see another sun rise.

I am so old now, my body is becoming weak with age as I near the end of my life and the nights are terrifying for me.

I close my eyes in protest, I do not want to sleep, but I always do even when I try to stay awake.  And again I die.

Again I await the dawn.

I remember

The dawn comes and something unexpected has happened, I have been reborn and I am once again an infant, I am starting my life anew.

But will the shifting continue or will I be able to live this life?

I dread the coming night, for it brings an uncertain future.  Please dont let this be a loop.

I remember.

~

This next short story is part of my Beaumont series, it is called We Are Never Meant To Live Forever:

Is it a curse?

Is it salvation?

Is it hope?

Is it damnation?

The word is Immortal

The reality is beyond understanding.

The mother:

An illusion of sincerity can be seen in the eyes of those who do not grasp the horrors of living beyond the natural life span intended for humans.  They pretend to understand when they learn of what I am, but how can they truly understand something that even those who are forced into this kind of life can barely understand?

I envy those who are not long lived and I pity those who are, for those who are not long lived eventually come to the end that nature intended, they become dreamers of the dream.

But those who keep going, they do not dream, they simply continue.  As they do they lose the will to live, they fade away a little bit for every year they continue to live when they should have been long dead.

It is a curse wrapped in the thin layer of a blessing.  There is no pleasure in slowly and surely fading away within yourself.

~

The sister:

Eternal tears of hopelessness develop but never fall, you wish so much to cry those tears in the hopes that those tears will be your last, but they never are.  They are merely more tears that pool into a large river within the weakened soul of one who is being kept alive.

People come and go in our lives, we may love them, hate them, wish them dead or wish them to remain with us in this unwanted torment.  But they never do.

They come from so little and become nothing but dust in the bitter and cruel winds of time.

Take my hand, I beg you, plunge a blade into my heart and let it drain my lifes blood from me, let it drain my body of all life so that I can finally, and blissfully, sleep.

Take my hand and remove me from this damnation of undying existence.

For humans are not ready to live beyond their means.

~

The daughter:

The winds carry petals from many flowers that have grown from a mere seed, like all life those petals become part of the winds that are life.  We are all, in a sense, petals in the wind.

We twirl and swirl in the winds of life, settling or constantly going until finally gravity brings us down and holds us in place where eventually we wither and crumble into nothing.

But what if you were born to forever stay in that wind?  What if gravity could not bring you down onto the unforgiving ground of a sudden end?  Where do the winds take a petal that does not fall?  What lands are there for that petal to see?

I am a petal that does not fall, I am a rarity amid many petals and the winds of life keep blowing me along into paths that so few or no one has ever been to before.

What does the future hold for me?  What delights and horrors will I witness?  Only the winds know and they do not reveal their path to anyone.

~

The grand-daughter:

I am a product of violation, an unwanted life.  That is what I am and like my birth mother, I am born into a life that does not seem to have an end.

Am I bothered by this?  I do not know, for me it is perfectly natural and feels normal to me that I do not age as many others do.

I watched those around me become old while I remain young, I watch their bodies decline and then stop.  I do wonder why I was born the way I am, what does life hold for one who is born to live so much longer than the majority?

Do I consider myself superior to them?  No, I do not, I consider myself to be both equal and inferior to them.  Some would say that my being unable to grow old and die could be seen as a blessing, as a sign of superiority.  But what superiority is there when you say goodbye to those you care about more often than you do hello to anyone you have only just met?

There is no superiority to being long lived, there is merely the ever constant loneliness and heart ache from the many losses of those who mean a lot to you.

Why was I born this way?  What purpose is there to an immortal being born?

The many possible joys and delights of life, the happiness that you may find along the way tend to pale next to the goodbyes that gnaw at you.  What does the future hold for me?  I do not know, I hope there will be happiness.

But I feel that there will be more loneliness than happiness, and that hurts a lot.

We are never meant to live forever.

~

This next short story is called Sunshine And Lollipops, a dark story:

What can I say of how it was?  It's hard to say since it just was and ultimately meant nothing.  You look at me as if expecting me to say something profound, something predictable to whatever you clearly expected of the moment.
But I find I have nothing to say, it meant nothing to me while it meant everything to you.  Do I lie to you and say it was wonderful?  Do I tell you the truth and say it meant nothing, that I felt nothing?

All I know is that I am still alive and for that I can't apologise.

Still you look at me, your eyes displaying more pleasure than I feel.  How long must I wait until I know there is something wrong?  Is there something wrong with me?  Or am I feeling the way my heart feels?
Please stop looking at me like this, like that, like you expect me to say something that I don't feel.
From the corner of my eyes I can see that it's a sunny day, sunshine and lollipops like my mum would say.  Have the hours passed by that fast?  I must have lost track of time when I switched off within and felt nothing, nor desired to.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

You try to engage me in banter, it's clear that you don't feel what I feel.  For you this was special, wonderful.  For me it was just another day, another job.
I feel nothing for you, nothing for this job.  Yet I need the money due to the way my gender is seen and regarded, as if we're still inferior to you, still nothing but property.
So I switch myself off whenever I'm with anyone while on the job, be it day or night, I switch off so that I don't feel the increasing shame within me.  I hate that I feel this shame.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

The money owed is paid and I say goodbye in a half hearted way, you still look at me as if you expect me to be happy.  I feel only revulsion now, at myself.  I hate this job, I hate my life.  I hate what I'm forced to do because of the lack of options I have.
I head home and as soon as I am alone I collapse in tears, then spend an hour in the shower sobbing and trying to wash away all traces of my job for another day.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

I feel so numb, so cold despite the beautiful day.  Sunshine and lollipops, mum, that's what you told me.  Sunshine and lollipops.
I look down at the gun in my hand and wonder if today is the day I can pull the trigger.  If today is the day when the numbness will end and I can be free of this hell.
Can I be free?  Can I feel even the freedom?  Only one way to find out.

Yet I am still alive and I can't apologise.

~

And one more, this next story is called For I Am:

Sticks and stones may break my bones

Taunts aplenty come from your lips, hurt so much comes from your hands and feet as you attack me, insults never seem to stop coming from you.  You try to bring me down, you try to crush my spirit.

You are succeeding, yet you are also failing.  A part of me is still fighting against the misery you bring upon me.

But your words can only graze me

You call me a freak, an it, a thing.  You demand me to be just like you because you are too close minded to understand that no one can be exactly like you, no one can be what you demand them to be.

You and your friends who follow you around, who dont think for themselves because it is so much easier to be a group mentality than a single mind, you and your friends do not think for yourselves.

Every word stings, every bruise is painful, but as much as I am hurting and wounded, I am determined to stand my ground.

You spout ignorance and hate

I try to reach out to others who are as different as I am, who are like me.  But they are also hurting due to so many who also hurt them for daring to be themselves instead of conforming to the demands of hurtful ideals and misinformation.

How can we ever speak when our words are dismissed as not conforming to a limited notion of what it is to be a person?

Is there anyone who will listen to what me and so many others like me have to say?  Is there anyone in the world who even cares about those of us who cant help the way we are born?

You are insecure though, you are afraid of looking inside yourself

For I am trans-gender, I do not conform to a gender binary because I am unable to do so since I was born this way.

My gender does not match my body, my feelings do not match who I am demanded to be.  Many demand me to be what is between my legs, they tell me that it is sinful and evil to not conform, to not be the person I can never be.

Please, oh please, is there someone out there who can see me for me instead of only seeing me for who and what I can never be?

Please?

The bruises fade, the broken bones can heal.  But the scars within from all the hate, those do not heal so easily.

I can not conform to your demands, I do not want nor wish to conform to your demands.  I wish to be myself, I wish to be the person I was meant to be but was denied due to natures random acts.

My seeking to be myself is no threat to you, your demands are the real threat.

So please, do not judge me for something I had no choice in.  Please stop hurting me.

For I am Trans-gender, and I have the right to live.

~

Let me know what you think.  These are just four short stories from my fairly large portfolio, although much of my written work has been lost over the years, I still have a great deal written.  In total I guess I've written well over a thousand pieces - stories, reviews, articles and more.
And there we go, all done.  I might do another blog some other time if there's anything to be talked about.  And please don't expect me to write what's demanded by the many, I write what I wish to write and say what I wish to say. 

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Link to pictures click here .. (Click on me)

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Yes, I have obtained my 400th video game. Years upon years of collecting, came from last generation during my college years when I had less expenses and more free time. I think I bought about 200 games during that time. Now that I'm no longer playing Final Fantasy XI (An highly addictive MMORPG), I am trying my best to keep up with the mounds of video games slowly starting clutter up my room. Although I bought more video games last generation, and had more free time I didn't get a chance to play a lot of other video games besides Final Fantasy XI. I've noticed I've become more patient when it comes to price drops (3DS games take forever to go down in price, though!). And it is well worth the wait. I've saved hundreds thanks to amazon.com and Steam.

When I first got into video games I was only two years of age. My parents would only buy me one to three video games a year. One for my birthday, one for Christmas, and one for doing good in school. They'd buy the latest console as long as I was doing good in school. Sure, it kept me focused on my grades, and probably made me into a better person not being spoiled by my parents buying me lots of video games a year. I remember back in my grammar school days I use to go over my friend's house, and he'd have draws full of games. What this did to me was make me very jealous. He was more into playing basketball than playing video games, and he wouldn't allow me to borrow one single game. What this also did to me was repress my desires of having a collection comparable or better than his.

So, to this day, do I think I'm trying to make up for not having the childhood I desired? Maybe. But, people desire many things growing up. And that's how we set goals, and go for them. Maybe having hundreds of video games was one of mine. I didn't realize it until I was getting close to that 400th video game. I'm wondering how "attached" I've become to these video games that I don't have as much time for anymore. If I were to get rid of them I'd probably pass it down to a relative, or sell them. As of right now, though, especially with the next generation of consoles about to hit the market soon, I doubt I'll be departing from gaming collection anytime soon.

Oh, and New Super Mario Bros. 2 is my 400th video game, but I haven't even taken it out of the plastic yet!

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Why am I returning to blogging again ? Honestly cause I really want to hit the 40s levels on Gamespot . The 40s to me have always represented veteran users on this site

Anyways .. last week I finally got my 15th Platinum trophy . It was bloody horrible . It took soooooooooo much restraint not to throw my controller at the wall !!

The game in question was the remastered edition of Shadow of the Colossus . The game itself was great on the first plathrough . Unfortunately , I decided to go for the platinum and man was that an awful decision . Not only does it have trophies with ridiculous requirements (time wise .. requiring you to play for sooooo many hours) but the main problem was that when the game got remastered for the PS3 , for some reason they messed up the gameplay causing Wander to be super shaky on colossi . So if a colossus just breathed , that would shake Wander and interrupt his attack . That made getting through the Hard Time Attacks (defeating each boss on hard difficulty with minimal health and stamina and in a super tight fixed time) almost impossible . Specifically for two colossi .

At that point though I had gotten every other trophy so I was compelled to keep going . After many many days and even more frustrations and yelling ... I got the platinum .

It's one thing to be difficult (something I love) and another to be extremely frustrating and hard due to bad design not challenge . But anyways , I intend on writing an editorial about trophies and what I think makes a good/bad trophy set .

What has been your most frustrating trophy and which has been the trophy you are most proud of ? I'm personally quite proud of my Demon's Souls platinum trophy . As for most frustrating or hated .. it'll have to be between this trophy and the Soul Calibur V trophy where you had to walk with the characters a ridiculous distance during fights ( I literally had to start a fight with infinite time then use a book to keep the analog pressed to the left so the character kept backing away .. it took hours ! )

Adam out !

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Leaving behind all the nonsense that's been going around, let's focus about what I've been upto.

1. These. Few excerpts --> I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII
2. Also a little event that's in the title of this blog.
3. Where I did this.
4. And later wrote about my experience.

OK. That kinda seems vague.

So,let me explain. Point by point.

1) If some of you didn't know (I have mentioned it previously), I was the Literary Chief of my college over the past year. Besides organizing a couple of inter-university events and a costly (but fun) cultural festival in February, I was also the Chief Editor of the annual college magazine. It came out the previous week and they are three sample photos I took just to show it to you guys. The artwork on the cover was done by me. As pretentious as me I know. If you want to know the concept behind it, it's basically about materialism. The objects we have defining us more than what we are.

The next image is the Editor's Note where instead of thanking all the professors, fellow Students' Council members etc, I thank me. So narcissistic of myself I know I got a lot of praise from my peers and professors for that Editor's Note, so I guess you should check it out. I simply wrote what I wanted to. If people liked it, it's cool.

The final four images (III, IV, V, VI) is a running concept throughout the magazine which I came up with. Each section's intro page has a short description of life in the four years of engineering. So, basically as you traverse through the magazine from start to end, you are living through through the years of college. Supposedly made a senior "wet" his eyes when this was distributed during their farewell ceremony.

2) Ludum Dare 26. The 26th edition of the biggest game jam. I wanted to participate in it since I've had a previous string of attempts of incomplete projects. So, I wanted to start with something simple and finish it. I was weirdly targeting for the more challenging 48-hour deadline of the stricter "Compo" (competition) event than the more relaxed 72-hour Jam. I knew I wouldn't be able to finish it but I saw it as a learning process. 

3) Guess what? I did finish it. Here's the game page on LD' site. It's a dynamic rhythm game. I simply explain it better there on the page so see it and let me know what you think. Keep in mind this is my first "finished" game and was made in 48 hours. So, please be gentle. If not, you shall be burned.  

4) The post-mortem. Where I lay in a rather personalized and stream-of-consciousness intro about persistent aspirations from our childhood and my previous experience with game development and the timeline of the 2 days. It's unusually fun because an awful LOT of things were stacked against me but even to my surprise, I showed dedication which I didn't know I had. I made the 48-hour deadline with mere minutes on the clock. IT'S THE PLAYOFFS SEASON,Y'KNOW!

That's it for now. Let me know the feedback -- good or bad. Read the description to get a better hang of the mechanics and the concept behind it and how it relates to the theme (which was conveniently minimalism)

Later.

Lightwarrior179

P.S: From what I've seen, Gone Home is going to be the big indie darling of this year. I bet my money on it. It looks absolutely brilliant. Also,  I heard Fez is out. I was told I should get it. I guess I will. At some point. Blood Dragon looks cool but I'll wait for Summer sale. Not really playing anything besides Super Hexagon(daily!) and the occasional Tomb Raider and CKII(of course!)

EDIT: Indie Game Mag covered my game as their "Indie of the Day"

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Been a while since I've posted anything from my dA, so here ya go.

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I recently activated World of Warcraft again, because I'm hoping to play with a friend who just signed up.  I figure it might be fun to see my total play time thus far, to the shock, awe and dismay of many of you reading this.  To be fair, I haven't touched the game since 2011, I bought the last expansion at release, but never installed it until recently.

1st Character (60 Mage) : Total Played Time - 24 days, 2 hours, 56 minutes.

2nd Character (71 Warlock): Total Played Time - 44 days, 1 hour, 15 minutes

3rd Character (60 Priest): Total Played Time - 29 days, 4 hours, 10 minutes

4th Character (66 Mage):  Total Played Time - 22 days, 22 hours, 14 minutes

5th Character (85 Hunter): Total Played Time - 25 days, 21 hours, 38 minutes

6th Character (85 Shaman): Total Played Time - 23 days, 21 hours, 13 minutes

7th Character (80 Priest): Total Played Time- 32 days, 1 hour, 24 minutes

8th Character (62 Druid):  Total Played Time- 15 days, 11 hours, 32 minutes

This doesnt count all the lower level charries, but its where the bulk of my time spent playing is, for the most part.

Anyway, if we add all this up, I get a total estimated playtime of ..(are you ready for this??)

5,139 hours!

This is around 214 days of total playtime, (give or take).  Sure seems like a lot when you put it that way, huh?  >.>

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