well, im back on Gamespot now. Its been a very, very long time since i visted the forums or was active in posting or anything that has to do with this site really.
Its been a couple years now, and im a different man now. Many things have happened to me to change the way i think and live. A truly special relationship has come and gone, leaving scars. Battles with personal habits and feelings have left their impressions. I just recently graduated High School, and i will be 19 years old this October. Im getting older and dealing with more responsibilities now.
I used to be so many things. I used to be very interested in Star Wars and its expanded universe, wanting to create my own fan fiction and even my own fan films, and i was passionate about it all. Now, i simply dont want any of it anymore. My midn says i want to dive back into my Star Wars fandom, but i simply dont feel like it anymore, i dont have the drive anymore. This is a literal and metaphoric example for many, many other things in my life that i feel differently about now.
I still play video games to an unhealthy high degree, yet it is only because it helps to pass the time and relieve my mind from thinking about painful things. I have friends, and i spend time with them, but its only temporary relief, much like my video games.
I still train for martial arts, but its more MMA now than strict kung-fu. Training physically helps. It helps me to go for something, to have a goal. It helps to relieve the enormous amount of stress that is making me buckle. Not to mention, it also makes me tired, so that i have a better chance of falling asleep at night.
I havent been sleeping well lately. I stayed up until 6:30 last night playing video games and looking up stupid stuff on my computer. I cant sleep, i dont want to sleep. Sometimes i want to think, and sometimes i dont.
Maybe your wondering why im posting this on a blog on a video game website. To be honest, i dont know. It could be because im bored and have nothing to do. Its not like i dont have real people to talk to. I do, and they have listened and talked to me very well. But for some reason i wanted to, and thats all there is i guess.
I need to find some way to reverse this downward spiral. At first, it seemed like i would improve greatly, and i was, but im losing hope in certain things, and things are not going the way i had expected them to...