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shanethewolf Blog

House of Ill Repute

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I had never visited Roys house before, but he invited me over so I decided to go and call for him to see if he wanted to come and catch some bees. I had trouble finding his house, but when I got there the door was answered by his mum - a tubby woman about 50years old with curly hair. I asked if Roy was home and she told me to come in. While I was waiting, she started chatting to me:

 Hi love, do you want a cup of tea.

No, Im ok thanks, I replied.

What you been doing today?

Not much, just playing on my computer.

Oooh, youre one of those computer whizz kids are you?

 Not really.

Want a massage?

I wasnt sure if I heard her right. Errsorry? What?

Oh, love, could you give me a massage first? My back pains me, my dear!

She turned around so her back was facing me.

Erm, I just wanted to see if Roy was in. Is he about? I asked.

Oh go on, deary, just a quick massage. Dont let me down.

I didnt want to offend Roys mum so I decided to rub her shoulders.

Ooh, thats nice, Love. A bit lower.

I went lower.

Just a bit firmer, deary. Put some muscle into it, I wont break.

By now I felt uncomfortable, but I went with it.

Ooooh, thats really good. Do you mind if I take my dress off? she asked.

Im sorry, I have to go. Ive just remembered something I gotta do!

I left her house quickly and shut the door behind me. Just then I heard someone call out to me. I looked up to see Roy leaning out of the window of the house next door. He let me in and I told him about what had happened. It was not his mum afterall!

Thieving Gypsies!

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Me, Roy and Keith went over the park on our BMXs. We were riding around and pulling wheelies and stuff, but we needed to sit down and rest so we sat on the grass eating our sandwiches - except Keith, who ate a roast beef dinner. Roy spotted 3 guys walking towards us. Gypsies!

 They came over to us and started asking questions:

 What ya doing, Mush? asked one. (gypos call everyone Mush)

Just eating sandwiches, but were gonna have to go before my dad comes looking for me, said Roy, getting scared.

Nice bike, Ill buy it off ya said another.

I cant, my dad wont let me sell it replied Roy.

Just let me ride it, ok Mush? he said, picking up Roys BMX and sitting on the saddle.

Yo Mush, what you eatin? another gypsy asked Keith.

Just a beef dinner. Do you want some?

Na. How much money you got?

None, but I can go and get some if you want Keith replied, looking to escape.

The gypsy on the bike said if they didnt get some money now, wed all have a snake burn. Id heard of an Indian Burn and a Snakebite and both were upsetting, but Id never heard of a snake burn before, but Keith knew what they meant and he sat there trembling with fear.

 Look mate, Keith pleaded as tears welled up in his eyes I promise Ill get you some money, just please dont give me a snake burn. Come on, mate, I aint done anything to you.

The gypsy turned Roys BMX upside down so the wheels were in the air and started winding the peddles really fast. The other two gypsies grabbed Keith, pulled his trousers down and pushed him against the spinning BMX wheel causing it to graze against his knob. It made a really harsh grinding noise and Keith screamed out in pain!

They did it again and I decided to make a dash for it. I jumped on my BMX and rode off as fast as I could, leaving Roy and Keith behind. They probably thought I was a coward, but I was going to get help.

I returned to the scene as fast as I could with my grandad, but by this time Roy and Keith were lying on the grass, crying and holding their burning snakes (if you catch my drift). The gypsies had gone and so had Roy and Booses BMXs.

We got back to my place and my grandad called the cops, but the cops dont like to deal with gypsies, so the bikes are probably gone forever. Bastards!