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outsidethewall Blog

The Ultimate Review Challenge.

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Over the next few weeks, in preparation for my first year of university, and, in turn, a higher standard of writing criteria used when judging essays, I shall undertake a rather arduous task.

I shall write reviews. Video game reviews. Yet they shall be flowing and beautiful, all but empty of the standard, miserable trappings of current video game 'criticism'.

I have already begun, with the classic Nintendo Entertainment System title Blades of Steel. Here is a preview:

It is warm out here, on the ice. My body quivers. My legs shake. My mind rattles.

It is warm out here, on the ice.

But ice, ice is cold.

The puck drops.

And so begins, with little fanfare, the new era of criticism. This is it, people. I hope you brought your Pampers.

-otwall

A Message to you All

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I've been reflecting a lot lately. Specifically, reflecting on GameSpot's influence on my life. I came here on my birthday, back in 2004. I wanted to join earlier, but I refused to lie about my age to meet the 13-or-over-only policy. Over time I grew up thanks to this site. The lads at Church & State had more influence on my teenage development than a lot of people in real life. It's eerie to think of it, but I've been friends (more or less!) with them for longer than most of my current close friends. We may be seperated by fiber optic cable and computer screen, yet there is still a personal connection.

GameSpot has almost become an archive of my high school years. There are blog posts here that I remember making seemingly years ago. I can look through old posts and see how I used to be an anti-American socialist with a closed mind and a penchant for trolling. How things change. I hope to continue loving this website, even though I rarely use it these days. I will never forget some of the people I encountered here. CanadianNooB, Elraptor, MarcusAntonius, Herrdoktor, Poopskadopp, syx, Smaug, MeanQuestion, elmo... the list goes on into eternity. Thank you all, and I love you all.

Now Let's GameSpot.

A Bit of First Class Fan Fiction

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Here's a piece, written about my favourite thing, me. It's a short narrative story, but I find it to be Pulitzer-worthy.

On Jerky Love
A Thesis

Dare not call the beauty of its red packaging false. Cursed be the man, woman, or child that considers its sweet flavour artificial. Oberto is my shepard, delivering me from evil, in the form of authentic beef jerky. And don't forget the refreshing, heart-attack inducing power of Rockstar energy drink. Without its guidance, my coffee break is a mere shade of the coffee break it deserves to be. Forgive me for the long-winded introduction, for the meat of the story lies within the creamy nougat centre of the narrative. 'Twas a late evening. I was thirsting and full of hunger. The setting of our scene is Zellers Incorporated, a division of Hudson's Bay Company. Indeed, I am in the employ of the Hudson's Bay Company. Trading furs... exploring the wild... mapping... wearing pretty sashes... maybe naming a lake or small creek after myself. I don't know. Retail isn't glamourous. Forgive me for romanticizing, okay? It's not enough that I've got to write in some form of English no person can understand. Ahem. Back to the glorious narrative. I spotted a package of Oberto beef jerky, and a can of Rockstar. It was perfect for break-time snacking! So, with great joy, I purchased Oberto teriyaki-flavoured beef jerky and a can of Rockstar. I then proceeded to the break room. No one in sight. Just me, some beef jerky, and a can of Rockstar. No one to be all up in my face about the grossness of what I was eating. Score, I daresay. If you want me to describe the taste of teriyaki beef jerky with a Rockstar chaser, I'd have to compare it to a charming dinner party on a midsummer's eve, where the guests all compliment your parlour's interior decorating, and your manservant Jorge isn't talking about how he killed twenty-seven men in search of Mayan gold. Yes, it was that delicious. It tasted like that scenario. Don't ask me how. It just did. And so, my break was refreshing.

Positively succulent, like a fine steak.

-otwall

Just Checking In

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They see me rollin
They hatin
Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My music so loud
I'm swangin
They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirt
y

Jeah, jeah, dey always trying to catch otwall ridin' dirty.


Dedicated to the memory of CanadianNooB - Keep owning those idiots in OT up in perm ban heaven!

-otwall

Finally Set Up a Wireless Network

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I've been staring at this D-Link Wireless Starter Kit for over a month now, but I never got around to setting it up. So I finally did today...

It's pretty spiffy.

Well, no, not really, but it is nice to know I can use my PSP to browse the internet. Not that you can do much with it. Because you can't... but it beats my painfully slow Windows 95 machine for late-night, "Dag, I have to know this one thing, or I'll never get any sleep! But my good computer isn't on, and takes forever to boot up!" internet sessions.

Well... actually... no, not really.

But it is perfect for virus free pr0n! No, wait... not that either.

Well, I guess this means I can go online when I get a Wii, without having to buy an adapter so I can use an Ethernet cable. And if I save up, I can always get that WiFi thing for the 360... meaning I can have both my PS2 and my Xbox hooked up... (it's a real frickin' pain when I have to swap the wires around behind my TV)

In other news, there's a lot of tangled wires underneath my computer desk. A LOT.



Ack. There needs to be more wire colours than black, black with white stripe, and beige. Honestly.

-otwall

Reading Ulysses

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And it's incredibly hard. I got to the end of chapter one last night... I only understood about half of it, but I think I have the general context of what's going on. At least I hope so. I found that reading through it fast, not caring if you don't understand it, helps.

Pray for me.

-otwall

6 Hours of Sleep? Heck Yes!

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Dear lord it's friggin' uncomfortable in this hotel room. Loud fan that does nothing to cool the room, way too humid... Yeah, I got 6 hours of sleep last night. Maybe it was the time change, but 2 AM Eastern is late on the west coast too... Ugh..

The plane was alright, there was some crappy satellite TV (half of the channels couldn't even be picked up), little to no food (we flew in during the afternon. I only had two small cups of Pepsi, a couple cookies, and some weird pretzel mix. God bless discount airlines!), but comfortable seats... spent most of the flight listening to month-old HotSpot podcasts...

Can't comment on the town, yet, it was late when we came in last night, so I couldn't see anything.

-otwall

I'm Outta Here, Punks!

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Well, for 5 days at least. Me and the folks are going to St. Catharines, Ontario to drop off me brother at university. I'm in the path of Tropical Storm Ernesto! That's my first tropical storm/hurricane leik evar! Woo!

Anyways, either you'll hear news of a fiery plane crash involving a WestJet that left Kelowna, BC for Toronto, Ontario (in which case I'll be dead and totally owned), or you will hopefully hear from me within the next 5 days... but that depends on whether or not I'll be able to find an internet terminal/hotspot, and if I have the time to make a blog or forum post.

By the way, I'm not scared of flying. Just in case you thought that from reading the previous paragraph.

So long for now, folks.

-otwall