Hi all! So despite mufujifi's suggestion, I finally have a story to tell. This is good, somewhat, I promise you!
It all started with mufujifi suggesting to me to get Borderlands 2 and for some reason, I became really obsessed with the idea of getting it. The thing is, I have been watching another friend... Okay, you know what, just for you guys, let's make this story more interesting and juicy ya. This other friend, Cullen, plays BL2 too and quite often stream his co-op play on Twitch. And this Cullen is the guy I talked about previously. In a post somewhere before my progressive play series I think. Yes, my feelings for him has went on for more than year now but you know, you can't force love. Now that he makes me feel that I am only good for another lifetime, know what, forget it.
My love runs deep down into the earth and reaches high up to the sky yet my feet are bound to the ground and hands are tied up to the sky. Yes, I was putting things in a poetic expression that means as much as I have that amount of love for him, there is nothing much I can do when I am bound to earthly and heavenly laws. Still cryptic? I am Muslim while he is not. Go figure.
Can't blame him.
So... Life goes on. And I hope that was juicy enough for you guys. Haha!
Anyway, I have been watching those streams, basically because I do enjoy his playthroughs but I never really felt like it was a game I would buy.
In fact it felt like a game I would never buy because I feel like my skills fall short of it and therefore I would never enjoy it. It's the same sentiment I have for The Last of Us.
But yeah, don't know why mufujifi is so magical in making me fall in love with BL2.
Then, last Sunday night, Cullen alerted me of a sale on GMG. BL2 + season pass for 14.99 on top of a 10% discount. So I got it for 13.50. USD of course.
So I spent the entire night playing with two other girl friends. OMIGOSH! I was so ridiculously happy that I even shared with Cullen's friend (who randomly added me on Steam that same night, on the grounds of BL2 I suppose) about how ridiculously happy I was. It felt surreal. Like, wow, I am actually playing this game that I thought I would never touch. It was just beyond my wildest dreams. We played until 3am in the morning? Hahaha! It was good fun!
The following day, Monday afternoon, we played some more and this time round Cullen's friend joined without me inviting him. I was like, woah! Really? So random! So it became a whole lotta fun with a full room of four people!!!! OMIGOSH!
Yeah, that's like the best first-time BL2 experience for me. I will forever attach a sense of nostalgia to this game really.
And speaking of nostalgia...
I dreamt of my late paternal grandfather last night. Actually, it was around 5am to 6am when I had the dream? Because I set an alarm to wake up for school but I dozed off. (HAHA FAIL!) He was in good condition. As in he was standing compared to when I last saw him bedbound and frail and just skin and bones. He was also dressed in his usual attire whenever he goes to the mosque. Black songkok (go Google if you don't know what it is), white baju kurung top (again, Google) and black pants (the kind you wear to work). I didn't talk to him. In fact I ignored him. We weren't really on talking terms when he was alive. Old habits die hard. And then my father brought him to his room. After that, my father emerged from his room and was holding a thick book that kinda looks like your regular textbook. He was telling me that he needs it for something and that I should read it too. Somehow I was holding a mini-version of it and was trying to convince my father that the version I have is exactly the same only smaller. Then my father realised it and exchanged the book he was holding with me. I remember the title vividly. It's "Why you are a Muslim".
So when I woke up, I immediately knew I had the book. I looked for it and I found it. It's in my bag now. For some reason, I just feel like keeping it close to me.
It is most definitely a sign.
You see, the solution to the Cullen conundrum is simple. I just have to convert out of Islam and I can have him. Easy as ABC. Heck, I even got close to becoming reckless and just forsaking everything and everyone and just have a baby with him. I suppose I was getting fed-up with having so much love, which is simply going nowhere because I couldn't do anything about it yet at the same time, I actually could.
However, I would like to believe that my late grandfather has been looking out for me without my knowledge.
The whole BL2 thing was simply too miraculous and timely. I have been struggling with school and work that BL2 makes a good coping mechanism for me. Something for me to look forward to at the end of the day.
On top of that, I am being consoled about the Cullen catatonia through that book.
I think my late grandfather communicated that to me through my father because he knows we are not on talking terms. He can't guide me but my father can and he can do so in real life.
And you know, a Muslim woman's obligations are to her father until she is married, when her obligations are transferred to her husband. Two-way street of course (for some reason the media do not tell you this); the male (father/husband) is highly responsible for the women under his care to the point that he will be held accountable in the afterlife should he neglect or is unable to fulfill his duties.
So it's like, if I were to be reckless, I'm only going to get my father into trouble when all he has done for me is good. I mean, it's not fair that my old man is to be punished albeit in this world or in the permanent afterlife for something I did. (Of course, I will have my own share of punishment, d'uh.)
For 23 years he has fed me and clothed me and bought me things I begged for like a freaking princess (laptops and computers, electronic keyboard, 4GB Samsung K5 MP3 player with slide-out speakers which I still use today and a whole lot more). Whatever I want, he WILL get it for me. It's just a matter of time. I am serious. My siblings are often jealous of me because he doesn't seem to fulfill their requests as much as he fulfilled mine. He helped me secure my education. I now have first-class Honours in Communication and am currently studying for a Diploma in Early Childhood and Care Education - Teaching (English). (Just a side-not here to the garbage media who kept saying Muslim women are oppresed and uneducated: _|_)
Ugh. (Well, something happened to me and something happened in Singapore that gave me low-blows about my headscarf and religion that I just got pissed off there, sorry.)
In retrospect, that middle finger should not have come out but oh wells.
So yeah back to the story. So you know, to throw the old man's efforts of 23 years for some guy who doesn't even love me back (actually he is very vague about what he feels about me so I guess I'll never know) and hasn't sacrificed that much for me is just...
Summary: 1) BL2 is love. 2) There is a love greater than mine.