When I was in college, it was the life: I ran the whole gamut of everything from nerd-dom to party lifestyle. I hung out with "cool guys," until the bar was ready to close eating wings, watching football and finding women. On the flip side, I'd spend night playing Magic: The Gathering or pen and paper RPG's, along with my steady flow of video games in my own down time.
When I was 22 I worked as a disc jockey at a radio station. I was winding down my post-college career, rooming with a childhood buddy and entertaining a litany of girls streaming in and out of our "crib." Seems like the life, right? It was- for a while. Eventually it became stale. Repetitive. Finally, it became annoying. Too much money spent on good times, not enough money going to bills. No thoughts given on the future, only the now (it's really not a good way to live life, don't believe the carpé diem folks).
So, I met somebody older than myself; more mature probably. More stable and settled down. Quickly I figured out "Yeah, this is where I want to be at this point in my life."
Granted, I understand that's not for everybody, but for me at that particular point...I guess it's just what I was ready for.
I'm going to be 36 in a little over a month.
In the last five years, I've drastically redesigned my life once again. The only mainstay throughout those transformations in Who I Am has been a video game (of some sorts). I've engrossed my spare time into teaching the pole vault- my girl is ranked #1 in the state this year- and I've enjoyed it. I weigh 177 lbs. now. I can do 15 pull-ups and I generally feel good about myself.
The only problem I have is that issue with gaming. Is it my re-assessment of life again? Have I grown out of games? Has the gaming industry not lived up to the standards of innovation I'm used to? Was there a golden age that I was privy to in the 80's and 90's that can't possibly be surmounted or even equaled? The sequels? The glass ceiling of ingenuity? My economic stability? Getting old?
Likely a combination of all of those factors in varying degrees. Whatever the case may be, gaming as a form of my own personal entertainment is dying a slow death. I cannot get excited to go into a video game store. I don't get a giddy anticipation over a new release.
The odd thing is, I want the excitement back. I want to be invigorated by the idea of a game. My best memories are there. Sadly, when I sit in front of a television and pick up a controller (or a monitor and keyboard)...it just doesn't click. Invariably I'd rather just go walk outside or something. Go on a trip somewhere. I don't know.
I cannot figure out if I lost gaming along the way, or if gaming lost me. This is the crux of my problem. As I look back through my backlog of blatherings, I think it's more me than the gaming. Some sort of personality shift. I remember old GS friends saying "Don't worry, it'll come back. We all go through the gaming doldrums."
Well, we're a few years down the road, and it hasn't come back. I'd rather just sit down and bust in an old game from 15 years ago, and that's only to get an injection of feel-good nostalgia.
Crap, I'm just getting old.