Regrets and Inner Musings
These past few days have been rather hard for my relitives and I. We recently had a death in the family, and for most of us it came as a shock with little to no warning. My cousin (age 25) took his own life early Tuesday morning (11-10-09 around 1am) by taking a months worth of pills at once.To make matters worse he did try and call out for help from other people by placing phone calls and e-mails to a few friends letting them know what he had done. He had even told his family that it would be good if they checked up on him since he wasn't feeling safe with him self at the time. Unfortunately no one was home to receive the phone calls and when his parents checked up on him, it simply looked like he was sleeping and was in no real danger.The next morning when they went to wake him up, it was obvious what he had done and it was too late to do any thing to save him.
I know that it wasn't my fault or any thing like that, and that no one is to be blamed for what happened. But when some thing like this occurs it's hard not to ask questions like,"What could I have done to prevent this, or if I had known he had this problem would I of been able to help?" What's bugging me even more is that a week before he died I had found him on facebook and added him as one of my friends. After that I saw some messages he wrote about having trouble sleeping and feeling down. I meant to say some thing encouraging to him, or at least ask him what was bothering him so much but I just didn't make the time to ask. It probably wouldn't have made a difference, but one can't help but feel guilty for not putting forth the effort.
I guess the one thing that I can take away from all of this is that friends and family are too important to ignore. If you think some thing is worng, at least talk to the person, who cares if it makes for an awkward conversation at least you'r showing you care. I know that this is some thing I'm going to try and do from now on if only so I don't ever feel this way again.