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Mario Comics: Bedtime for Drainhead

So continuing my look back at Mario's short lived comic book series, the stories I found the most amusing were the ones that delved into Mario's comic book fanboyism for the fictional hero Dirk Drainhead. As I said in the previous blog, Mario was allowed to have something resembling a personality in the comics and looking back now, in a time where comic book superheroes are the biggest thing around, Mario being a comic fanboy is quite amusing.

Bedtime for Drainhead

Full spoilers ahead.


In this story Mario goes on a 72 hour comic reading bender I assume reading all the issues in chronological order and then says "the scary thing is I'd do it all over again." Then promptly falls asleep. Luigi busts into the room waking Mario to inform him that Bowser kidnapped Toad. Why Toad and not Peach? Who knows, maybe Bowser was tired of doing the same thing every week. Oh wait he catches Toads from time to time too.

Mario basically says "f*** Toad" and demands to be allowed to go to sleep. Gee Mario, you'll fall all over yourself to save Peach, but seem content to let Bowser have Toad. Then again Toad won't give him "cake" if he's saved. We assume that at least Peach puts out for him every time she's rescued. But there we go thinking too much into the Mario universe again.

Luigi and Peach realize they have to get Mario's lazy ass out of bed to save Toad and Luigi's prepared to get violent as the panel shows him with ice water, a radio, an alarm clock and various other things. However the bedroom door opens and Mario is standing there with his plunger and a towel he's wearing as a cape and declares he's Dirk Drainhead and he must go rescue his hapless sidekick "Snakey" (Toad) from his arch nemesis "Pipe Ooze" (Bowser). Luigi explains to Peach that Mario is prone to what I have termed "Sleep Larping." Where he is asleep but acting out the comic book. While this explanation is going on Peach and Luigi don't notice Mario has climbed out the window and making his way towards Bowser's castle.

Peach: "Luigi, is Dirk smarter than Mario?"

Luigi: " Well just about everyone is."(like I said, Luigi is vastly different in the comics then what we know)

Mario proceeds to go on a homicidal rampage across the Mushroom Kingdom leaving destruction is his wake. Luigi and Peach try to follow the path of carnage left behind. Meanwhile at Bowser's castle. Toad is just sitting there on the arm of Bowser's throne while Bowser looks pitful. Seriously Bowser didn't bother locking him up or anything. I think this was one of those days Bowser just phoned it in.

Toad: "Just wait until Mario gets here! Then you'll be sorry."

Bowser: "Keep it down the kingdom's Most Wanted is coming on and I want to see dad."

Mario busts in but neither Toad or Bowser is aware he's asleep and thinks he's a comic book super hero. Mario and Bowser get ready to fight.

Then it cuts to later that night, Luigi and Peach are tired and frustrated because they got to Bowser's castle and couldn't find Mario, Bowser or Toad. They come inside only to find Bowser serving drinks to the king while Mario (still sleep larping) stands guard. Bowser basically says he'll do what they say as long as the nutjob with a plunger stays away. Luigi and Peach see this as a good thing. Bowser's their servant, Toad's safe. Then the King, in his idiocy says "Mario's more valuable asleep than awake!" and slaps Mario on the back and he wakes up. Mario looks around confused and Bowser realizes what's happened.

Bowser: "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THIS GUY TOOK ME DOWN SINGLEHANDEDLY...IN HIS SLEEP!!?? I can't believe I wasted my whole afternoon with you guys!!"

Mario: "Hi Luigi. Hi Princess. Hi Koopa. Hey wait. Is koopa supposed to be here?"

Everyone starts to storm out of the room. Mario asks "when are we going to save Toad?" and Toad replies "next time I'm captured!!"

And Mario is left alone in the throne room where he finds a comic lying around and sits to read.

I told you the comics had some goofy stories. Just wait until Mario and friends go to a Dirk Drainhead Larping convention.

Believe it or not, there is an audio version of this story you can listen to here.