You've heard, "It's the small things that matter." That is very true instandardizing a person's anatomy. Over the course of my life it wasn't the big things that have changed me - heart and morals - dramatically; it's the small events put together to collide in one.
I am not defined by morals, a constitution, laws and regulations, I am characterized by the actions of others. I've never been around a lot of "love" in my life; it is more of bitter hearts and spiteful mouths. Thankfully, I didn't turn out that way. That has shaped me into someone who would rather present kindness and compassion rather than deceit and hatred. I cannot stand the sight of abuse or be around constant cursing - I can only take so much.
Roughly two years ago I had a long historical line of "abuse" in many small shapes, sizes and forms. Yes, I was cheated on, but that wasn't the big "error" per-se. It's the plethora of things that led up to that event [or the day I saw it]. It was sitting on the couch watching her text and talk about other men in front of my face; leaving the town to spend the night at another man's house; the confusion; never kissing me unless she was drunk. Although those are big aspects in retrospect, they were only pieces of the puzzle that eventually composed into the final missing link.
Those belittle events have caused me, today, to be paranoid and jealous beyond measure. The question is, however: Would I be paranoid and jealous if those events didn't occur to me? It's a possibility. I guess all it takes is time for those scars to be healed - but every new relationship, friend or more, the wound is open and bleeding again.
Maybe I'll become immune to these problems. That'd be sweet. Or emotionless. Who knows? All I know is that no matter how many bad things have happened to me, i.e. house burning down, cheated on,compulsively lied to, best friend for nearly twenty years not being friends anymore, obviously happened for a reason, but has also caused me to only give out more love, to treat others more respectfully, and to never see someone hurt. To lead people to a more happier world, because this world doesn't need Painful Pam's, it needs Positive Polly's. And at the end of the day, all I can ask is the same in return:Nothing But Love.