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geoff-uk123 Blog

New Layout Thoughts

Up until now I would have had no problem with popping in to write new blogs and check out other people's, but this new layout has completely turned me off this entire site altogether, and I likely won't be the only one who feels this way. To me, it's just feels like a disaster. Bland and just plain confusing. I don't understand why GS could have just added a more up-to-date feel into the classic layout rather than design a completely different and confusing one that people wouldn't settle with. I thought YouTube were taking the piss with their channel layouts, but GameSpot have hit a new low. I could easily handle the constant glitches over time, but this is just an insult.

You can't even change the background colour anymore, and are instead stuck with a bland, ugly white background that I'm sick off seeing be used all the time for modern web design. And all blog comments have been deleted a second time, because GS were too lazy to convert the data to the new crap comment system. Unions have also been removed as well. It's as if they just don't care at anymore. I can't promise this will be a final goodbye as I've said stuff like this many times before, but the design here is just far too different to get used to. The last one felt alot more user-friendly and easier to navigate. With that said though, I'd like to say a big THANK YOU to people like @Venom_Raptor, @macrules_640, @ChristianKiss, @-Vulpix-,@SoNin360 and many other people who have commented on my blogs during the 4 years I've been here. Wish I could include everyone.

I also apologise if anyone reading this has a different opinion on the layout than I do. Find me on YouTube under Gst0395. Here's a trailer for a machinima project I'm working on in case you want to see, it was produced in Lionhead Studio's The Movies and is in the style of 70s/80s movie trailers for sci-fi and gritty B-flicks, complete with some vintage film snipes:

And my e-mail address is geoff-t@hotmail.co.uk, in case you want to contact me about anything. And please, no spam.

Again, I MIGHT write another blog, I might not. With this design, I really don't know. I will admit the blog post system has improved finally, but that's about it. I don't want to be over-dramatic and announce an official leaving of some sort, as I never really know when that'll happen.

Manhunt 1 and 2 - Reviews

Here are some reviews I wrote for the controversial Rockstar title Manhunt and it's even more controversial sequel Manhunt 2. These are the first video game reviews I've written for Gamespot in years. I was never proud of my reviewing style back then but I feel it has improved heavily since. I hope you take the time to give them a look.

http://uk.gamespot.com/manhunt/user-reviews/810602/

http://uk.gamespot.com/manhunt-2/user-reviews/810610/

I must warn you these are long reviews. I feel as though I have to really go into detail whenever I review games and movies. You don't have to read all the way through though I'd appreciate a like at least. As for the games themselves, great overall but very gritty and violent, definitely ones to be kept away from the kiddies. Manhunt 1 is the superior game in my opinion though I still enjoyed Manhunt 2 alot despite what many say. Enjoy.

It's been a while...

Man, I realize it's been months since I wrote a new blog. Last night I was actually considering to write one last farewell blog, but I realize that may not be necessary. I only thought of that because I was tired. I remember years ago when I was obsessed with this site, I would often write blogs 3-5 times a week. My blog was pretty popular back then, each post usually getting about 10-20 comments (my replies included).

Why am I not thinking of giving up this site? Why should I? After all, I still LOVE video games I despite the many glitches, biased reviews and awful changes I've always found this site very user-friendly and enjoyable. I've just not been into it as much in recent years. You could say it's because I've been more into movies and music instead or because of some downright unnecessary changes such as the horrible new comment system, which has deleted ALL of my old blog comments. As of now, I'm 18 years old and had an account here for over 4 years (I joined on April Fools). Problem is that in the last 2 years my activity here has completely dropped. I'm usually on other sites instead.

As for games, I've not been playing many new ones recently. I got a used PS Vita off eBay using my birthday money (along with Uncharted: Golden Abyss) and I finally got the chance to play the extremely controversal Manhunt games by Rockstar. A very gritty stealth game which I really enjoy. There is not many upcoming games that I'm anticipating other than GTA V obviously, considering I'm such a Rockstar fanboy (I wouldn't say fanboy as I can respect anyone disliking their work). I also currently take Graphic Design in college as apposed to Media Studies that I did last year. I feel my taste in many different media forms helps me with these courses. :cool:

I've mostly been into movies in the past year or so, exploring several different genres such as sci-fi (Alien, Predator, The Terminator, RoboCop, The Thing e.g), action (Die Hard, Speed, Lethal Weapon e.g), crime drama (Scarface, Goodfellas, Casino e.g) and many others. I've also watched some really horrible Mystery Science Theater flicks like The Creeping Terror, Hobgoblins and Monster-a-Go-Go which is quite possibly the worst film I've ever seen. I mentioned it on my Worst Movie Monsters blog. I've just been going on a film watching complete rampage. I currently have an account on Letterboxd.com which is my new favourite site. I've added nearly every single film I can remember watching. :lol:

http://letterboxd.com/gst0395/

So that is just what I've been up to in the past. I don't think I'll ever make a real farewell to you all. I like to pop back in now and again just to say hi. Shame my blog isn't half as popular these days, I guess that's the same for everyone since they changed the comment system that I CANNOT stand. As for Letterboxd.com, I HIGHLY recommend that you sign up for it if you love movies as much as I do. It somewhat feels like this site only it focuses on movies, well I guess MovieTome was that until they shut it down. It wasn't really successful. This site however, is growing rapidly so I feel you should give it a go if you're a film buff.

Nothing more to say, I may blog more often actually. I'm not promising anything but I hope to be a bit more active here.

Stupidest Movie Monsters Part 3

Oh yeah, you thought I was done didn't you? Honestly, even after discussing 14 of the worst movie monsters Hollywood has to offer, I still don't feel satisfied. With that being said, I've decided to do a third part discussing another batch of horrifically cheesy monsters in Z-grade flicks. I have a few odd choices here, some that may or may not classify as "monsters" but I felt needed to be mentioned anyway. If you missed Part 1 and 2, they're here.

Part 1

Part 2

Before I officially start the blog, I'd just like to mention something I forgot in one of the previous parts. You know I chose Creature from the Haunted Sea, right? Well one thing I forgot to mention was that the movie features a cute opening sequence with crude 1960s Hanna-Barbera style animation. This animated sequence seems to be a satire of the Cuban Revolution in the 1950s, along with an animated version of the monster, which can be seen here.

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So the monster in the animated opening is depicted as some cuddly looking crocodile/alligator mutant that has gained the ability to walk on two legs. Bears very little resemblance to the one seen in the actual film doesn't it? I honestly think it would have been more interesting to see them try to make the monster more like this rather than some retarded looking seaweed mutant with tennis ball eyes. I am convinced though this title sequence was made after the movie was filmed. Strange how they didn't base this animated monster more on the actual thing. Anyway, moving on to discuss more crappy monsters.

16. The Sting of Death (1965)

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They were perhaps creative with this one. It should be noting that this is the first film on my list without a Wikipedia article, so I had to look somewhere else for the plot synopsis (yes, I haven't seen all these movies fully and rather just see clips from them). As far as I know, the story is about a marine scientist who mainly studies jellyfish. His assistant is Egon, who is heavily ridiculed by a bunch of rowdy, poolside partying college students. So what does he do? He turns himself into a half-man, half-jellyfish mutant who terrorizes and slaughters them one by one. Well lets talk about the jellyfish monster itself. As I said, it's a pretty cool concept but is poorly executed, typical in these kinds of movies. As you can see, it's just some dude wearing a wetsuit with rather fake looking tentacles glued to it, some obvious diving flippers, and of course the head which looks to be an inflated garbage bag spray-painted pink. In close-up shots, you can ACTUALLY see the guy's human head inside! It wouldn't have been hard to put something else over so the actual head wouldn't have been revealed, wouldn't it? A particularly interesting scene in the film is where these drunk college kids are at the pool-side and dancing to some cringe-worthy ska song (sung by Neil Sedaka) apparently titled "The Jellyfish". It has some Grammy-worthy lyrics like "Wella, I'm saying fella, forget your Cinderella and do the jella, the jilla-jalla jellyfish", delightfully cheesy. This is later followed by the jellyfish monster suddenly coming out of the pool and attacking them, ironically. Okay, well moving on then.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtjfYKA1pBE


17. The "birds" from Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008)

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I'm not particularly sure if these things classify as "monsters" or not, but these "birds" are so painfully bad that I had to mention them. Infact, this whole movie is a cinematic train-wreak and considered to be one of the WORST films in recent history alongside Tommy Wiseau's The Room (both of which are ironically set in San Francisco Bay). You can't believe money actually went into funding this thing. Directed by James Nguyen who is the self-proclaimed "master of the romantic thriller", this flick was meant to be a tribute to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" from 1963. Before I get to the birds, I'll just quickly list a few other things wrong with this film. The "acting" is so incredibly terrible that you have to wonder if these "actors" had any dedication on set. Other bad points include the incredibly poor editing and sound. The music score is also very lackluster. After an incredibly boring love story for over 40 minutes, birds suddenly start attacking the city. The "birds" are without a doubt the worst part of the entire film. Since Nguyen obviously couldn't be bothered to try (or even afford) to get real birds to attack, what has been used instead is what look to be animated GIFs of poorly computer-animated birds flapping their wings and flying around that have been crappily placed on the screen, probably with Sony Vegas or Adobe Final Cut. They remind me of an old animated screensaver in Windows 98 or GIFs from late 90s websites. The way they "attack" people is laughable as well, with one scene where a group of people are trying to fight them off with coat hangers (I kid you not, THEY ACTUALLY DO USE THESE AS DEFENSE WEAPONS!) as the "birds" are just flapping their wings while plastered over them (Oh hai birdies!). Even in most cases when the camera moves, these birds tend to stay in the same place. The same bird cries are looped over and over as this happens (cheep cheep cheep!). The most bizarre thing about these birds is their strange ability to explode randomly (preceded by sounds of crashing planes) and spit acid at people. And how are they're doing this? Global warming apparently is the only logical explanation. All the other special effects are laughable as well, with fake explosions plastered onto the screen along with smoke. You'd honestly find better effects with Action Movie Essentials. Seriously though, you HAVE to see these sorry excuses for birds in action to see how ridiculous they look, just watch the video. Honestly, this ENTIRE flick is like someone's crappy home movie. I bet Hitchcock would turn in his grave if he saw this.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrxZblVUkMU

18. Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973)

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I'd just like mention that this is the fourth monster I've mentioned that has both been featured in Dr. Ashen's "5 Rubbish Movie Monsters" video (one of the things that inspired me to do these blogs) and been distributed on DVD by Something Weird Video, which mainly release very strange old B-flicks from the 50s to 70s that have been long out-of-print (the others being The Mighty Gorga, Blood Freak and Sting of Death). Anyways, this ranch in the American west seems to be terrorised by this so-called "Godmonster". It's supposedly meant to be a giant mutant sheep of some sort (caused by toxic gas), but you wouldn't know that just by looking at it. Just what does this thing look like to you? Alf maybe? A giant hamster? I really don't know. I will admit that they did an okay job of getting it to move around despite being bigger than the average human. Still looks retarded though.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLTUV1RitPM

19. Psycho Reindeer from Santa Claus (1959)

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Okay, I know. This isn't really a "monster". Well I consider it a "monster" anyway, because it's one of the scariest things I've ever seen. Aside from being one of the strangest Christmas films ever made, this Mexican holiday flick features Santa battling some evil Satan-like demon from hell in order to save Christmas and prevent all of the earth's children from becoming evil. If that wasn't scary enough, the creepiest part has to be when Santa launches his mechanical white reindeers, one of which brings out an incredibly scary sounding (and somewhat perverted) human laugh. All you need to do is see the video in action which illustrates what I'm talking about. The clip was even featured as a stinger when the movie was shown as a MST3K Christmas special. I know this wasn't exactly a good choice, but I found it disturbing enough to be worth a mention. I'll get back to the "real" monsters now.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB8gYMfeREI


20. The Killer Shrews (1959)

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Yet another MST3K movie, and featured on "5 Rubbish Movie Monsters", The title of The Killer Shrews is self-explanatory for the most part. A group of people stuck on an island are terrorised by giant shrews of course. This time, it's not humans dressed up in stupid costume, but dogs instead! These "shrews" are really just dogs that are covered in carpet samples and fur. The problem here is that dogs bear very little resemblance to shrews in general. Shrews are rodents, dogs are canines, big difference. In close-up shots however, dogs are not used but puppets instead as you can see above. While these puppets do look well done in general, they still have very little resemblance to what one would call a "shrew". Like Ashens in his video stated, I doubt the filmmakers have really seen what a shrew looks like. That doesn't stop this from being an enjoyable B-flick at best though.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VPcMTg4Lq4


21. A*P*E (1976)

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Okay, WTF? I hope the Gamespot moderation staff has enough sense of humour to not moderate me for the above image. Before I explain that, let me just mention that yes, this is another King Kong rip-off. Released about the same time as the 1976 King Kong remake, this Korean giant-ape film even had the tag-line "Not To Be Confused With KING KONG" and was released under several alternate titles such as "Hideous Mutant" and "Attack of the Giant Horny Gorilla". No, I did not make that title up, that was actually used as an alternate title. So this giant gorilla escapes from an oil tanker, fights an incredibly fake looking rubber shark, kidnaps an American actress played byJoanna Kerns (who would go on to star in a TV show called Growing Pains, if you care) and in the meantime destroys several buildings which appear to be made with cardboard. In one scene when he's stomping toy tanks, he can even be seen with tennis shoes on! The most hilarious scene however, has to be when he destroys a toy helicopter and for NO REASON, he flips off the camera for about 3 seconds! Why he'd do that in what COULD be considered a serious movie, I have no idea, I-I just don't. All you need to do is watch the clip below, or maybe you could just check IMDb reviews to see how crap this film is, not that you'd really want to.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH-fNG9GH5E


22.The Brain from Planet Arous (1957)

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Okay, so some evil brain creature named Gor from the planet Arous (as the title suggests) arrives on earth processes the mind of a scientist, using him to try and take over the country, threatening to take down anyone that stands against him. Unfortunately for him, another brain from the same planet named Vol inhabits the body of a dog and reveals that Gor is a wanted criminal on Arous. This is a pretty good plot I will admit. We later get to see Gor in action and although design wise he looks pretty cool, he moves around like a helium balloon, he's obviously being moved around by some strings. You can EVEN see the strings that are moving it around if you look closely. It just looks so awkward. Overall though, its not like they had CGI back in the day, so it's a pretty good way of doing it. I will say this is one of the better monsters I've mentioned. It's not particually awful though the way it moves around very silly, but not too bad otherwise. And this is another monster (like Creature from the Haunted Sea) that can be briefly seen in the Malcolm in the Middle opening credits, the part where the brain is getting bludgeoned with an axe.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qImQ1YBZtwg

So yeah, I don't think at this point I can discuss anymore. There are even some bad ones I know of but I didn't really feel like mentioning. I honestly think this part wasn't as good as 1 and 2, though I am proud of a few choices. At this point, a fourth part is quite unlikely, but if I do consider doing one then it'll be shorter and have monsters I may have planned for this installment but ended up forgetting. I think I've pretty much discussed the worst of the worst. As for regular Gamespot blogging, I may write the odd blog now and again though I'm afraid I probably won't have time to comment on others. I hope you won't take that as an offense. This site has gone downhill in recent years, especially with the horrible new comment section. Seriously, what was wrong with the old one? Thanks for reading though.

Stupidest Movie Monsters Part 2

In case you haven't read the first part, I suggest youu go here.

http://uk.gamespot.com/users/geoff-uk123/show_blog_entry.php?topic_id=m-100-25993946

Okay, here is the second part of my blog about retarded looking monsters in movies. I said I would feature 7 more, but I've decided to include an additional 8 as there was one more I thought looked pretty stupid enough to be in the blog. Are are some I feel I could have made better choice with but I'm overall satisfied. Here we go.

8. The Creeping Terror (1964)

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The Creeping Terror is one of the worst movies I've seen in my life and made another great episode of MST3K. Its not just the monster that illustrates the badness of the movie, everything else. The narration dubbed over dialogue of characters (apparently to replace the soundtrack that was supposedly thrown into a lake), the lackluster directing, horrible editing and really cheesy music that tries too hard to be over-dramatic. The highlight of this gem has to be the monster itself. It has been described by many as being a carpet monster and I'd say that sums it up well. Imagine a bunch of shag carpets sown together and dumped over a group of drunken college students (kinda like those Chinese dragons) along with the front which looks to be a cross between male and female genitalia (I wont get moderated for that, will I?). The monster is supposedly an alien thats landed on earth from its landing ship (just reversed stock footage of a missile taking off) in a peaceful Nevada countryside to devour everyone in sight, including a bikini-clad teenager at a picnic, a fat grandpa and his son, and the ENTIRE community of a dance hall (where a random fight breaks out for no reason while the monster attacks everyone). The worst part however, is the way it eats people. Not only does the thing move so SLOW that its victims have to stand there screaming at it, but the victims have to CLIMB their way into the monsters mouth and simulate kicking and screaming along the way. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. This is literally how the monster eats people! The victims literally feed themselves to it! And you want to know how they get killed in the end? One gets killed by a grenade and the other gets run over by a car. Yeah, thats it, yet it managed to eat dozens of people who were too stupid not to run away. Theres also a classic scene where its humping the back of a car to try and eat the victims inside. It doesn't get any worse than this people, I kid you not.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyAfEhZO974

9. Robot Monster (1953)

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Another movie considered the worst of its kind and featured on MST3K, Robot Monster has a pretty straight forward narrative. A family and a few scientists are the only remaining people on earth after the monstrous Ro-Man as managed to destroy nearly every human on earth. I just want to ask you question, does this thing look robot to you? The only "robot" I'm seeing is that stupid looking helmet. Other than that, its just some guy in a gorilla suit with a metal robotic helmet on its head. They were originally going to have a robotic suit but due to budget limitations they made the odd decision to use George Barrow's (the guy playing the monster) gorilla suit and stick a helmet on it, and there you have a so-called "robot monster". Yeah, I dont think so.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h2QJ44HnrM

10. It Conquered The World (1956)

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Now THIS is a bizarre one! In a rare occurrence, this movie actually features the lead monster being helped by a human, a scientist who is unaware of it's pure evil! Another Roger Corman flick, and another one that made in onto MST3K, this movie features one of the weirdest looking monsters you'll ever see. Its not as bad as Creature from the Haunted Sea but it still looks pretty stupid, like its been made out of cardboard or wood or something. It looks like a giant potato sprout, or turnip, or carrot or whatever. The way it moves its arms is very awkward as well. This monster cracks me up alot though. The evil expression on its face is absolutely priceless, and it's mouth does actually move a bit. I'll admit this monster has a very cool design to it face-wise, but it just looks so awkwardly put together that I had to mention it.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hPwxwtuu9w

11. Blood Freak (1972)

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Blood Freak has to be one of the weirdest films I have ever seen. This old grindhouse flick basically tries to promote an anti-drug pro-christian message but still featuring excessive scenes of gore along the way. Its a film about a Vietnam-war biker called Herschel who after smoking pot for the first time in his life, gets a job at a turkey farm and takes part in an experiment in which he eats some chemically modified turkey meat, resulting in him passing out and waking up as super bloodthirsty turkey-headed mutant! He goes around murdering some potheads in the most violent ways, like hanging them upside down and slitting their throats or sawing their legs off with power tools. The turkey head looks incredibly fake and more like it was made with playdough, along with ping-pong balls for eyes again. The blood, like typical splatter films of the era looks really fake and more like red paint. The most bizarre part of the movie is when Herschel (as a turkey mutant) gets decapitated after begging for mercy for no reason, then it SUDDENLY cuts to actual stock footage of some poor turkey running around and with its head chopped off. Then Herschel wakes up as a normal human being and realises the whole thing was just a bad acid trip, then everything goes back to normal. Weak. And film also opens and closes with the director explaining how drugs are bad even through he is smoking himself.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq9A3kZdy00(Warning: extreme scenes of gore!)

12. Its Alive! (1969)

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Here is a very cheesy horror movie by schlock filmmaker Larry Buchanan, who produced several Z-grade made-for-TV flicks that were remakes of older movies of American International Pictures in the 1950s. Many of these were notorious for being of low-quality, featuring bad acting and horrible special effects. Its Alive! of course, is no different. The monster has the typical features of a goofy movie monster. No facial expressions, silly ping-pong ball eyes and the fake rubber head. Its not the worst ever made but it still looks really stupid. In this movie, the monster is supposed to be a giant aquatic dinosaur that a paleontologist feeds his victims to, despite having very little resemblance to what one would consider a dinosaur. Since this monster was also used in a Bunchanan's Creature of Destruction (remake of The She Creature), they clearly couldn't be bothered making a new one that looked more reptilian than amphibian so they just lazily reused the monster suit from that movie. It is implied that the "dinosaur" is 80-feet tall, but you never really get that feeling since its clearly just a guy in a cheap rubber suit. Enough of this, time to move on.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw7HDe4OtbY(long video, could not find shorter clip or trailer)

13. Monster-A-Go-Go (1966)

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Monster-a-Go-Go is a truly awful film. And I dont mean it in the so bad its good kinda way either. Its just really, really awful. Extremely painful to watch. Even watching in on MST3K was hard. Its a film where NOTHING happens. Nothing whatsoever. A strung-together piece of random events that make no sense. Its supposed to be about an astronaut named Frank Douglas who has returned to earth and been effected by radiation, turning him into a 6-foot tall monster that attacks people around Chicago. The monster if you can even call it that is really just a very tall guy with peanut butter smeared all over his face. A very sorry excuse for a monster if you ask me. The monster is only seen on-screen for about a minute or two. The rest of the movie drags on and on and makes no sense whatsoever. Not to mention that characters disappear halfway through the film. This kinda makes sense though since one director (Bill Rebane) filmed the first half of it but didn't have enough money to finish it and then another director (Herschel Gordon Lewis) picked it up and added more footage but wasnt able to track down some of the original actors. He should have just left this piece of garbage the way it was so it wouldnt have to be unleashed upon the world in its pure awfulness. The biggest insult is the ending in which everyone is getting ready to stop the monster (this also drags on) but then it just disappears for no reason. Its revealed that Frank Douglas was rescued in the North Atlantic, and the monster never existed in the first place. That was a big "screw you" to the audience, totally. Some bad movies do have redeeming factors. Monster-a-Go-Go however has NONE whatsoever. Just pathetic. Sorry if this seemed more like a review of the movie itself than an analysis of the monster but this movie is so horrible I felt I had to get my anger out.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD2yrLUzvbA(MST3K stingers, monster is at 1:34)

14. From Hell It Came (1957)

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In this 1957 horror flick, after a South Seas island price is stabbed in the chest, nuclear radiation resurrects him as a murderous walking tree stump! Out of all the monsters on his list, I will say that this is at least the most original. It looks pretty cool in general but moves around very awkward though, therefore earning a place on this list. However, it is not as bad as some others on this list. Overall, a good idea, but not the best execution.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiP6W0ZCQRg

15. Torg from Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)

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I think we can all agree that a movie with a ridiculous title like "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" is going to be a horrible piece of garbage. That being said, this is probably one of the worst Christmas films ever made. Yes, it was obviously aimed at kids but its hard not to point out the flaws. There were actually two ridiculous monsters in this film. One was a really fake looking polar bear costume (obviously a guy in a cheap suit) and of course the robot Torg (very similar to Torgo, coincidence?). This robot has got to be the cheapest looking thing I've ever seen! You'd honestly find better production values at a school play! It looks to be made out of whatever cheap materials they could find. As Crow in MST3K said, it pretty much looks like a guy in a "cardboard box with a coffee urn on his head". I remember some Year 3 kid in my old school made a life-size robot and I can tell you it looked WAY better and somewhat more realistic than this thing! Quite funny how later in the movie, Santa turns him into a toy, even though he looks like a toy to begin with. Well like I said I've actually seen toy robots that look more realistic. Well maybe this was just a typical depiction of a robot at the time so maybe I guess I'm nitpicking too much.

Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zZhLH-5fws

So there you have it. 15 of the dumbest monsters you've ever seen, though I don't think Torgo counts since he was mostly human though a satyr at best, at least he was supposed to be. Tell me out of this list you thought was the sillest looking, and I'm aware that there's dozens of bad movie monsters out there. This was simply to discuss my favourite ones. If there's anymore you thought looked dumb but weren't on this list, tell me and I MAY consider doing a third part. Until then, hope you enjoyed reading.

Stupidest Movie Monsters Part 1 (PLEASE READ)

Okay, so I know I haven't been blogging as much in recent years and nobody really cares about me anymore, but here is something I've wanted to do for some time. I am quite a fan of really crappy old movies, usually with bad acting, lackluster special effects and plots that go nowhere. I am a casual fan of the show Mystery Science Theater 3000 which takes the piss out of old Z-grade horror and sci-fi flicks. This films are usually not scary at all but instead laughingly bad, usually featuing really cheap, really stupid looking monsters. I've complied 14 of the most ridiculous in my opinion, and I'll be showing and talking to you about 7 of them in this first part. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it. I want this blog to get more comments than usual as I've worked very hard on it, and I feel it wouldn't have paid off well if so little paid attention to it. With that being said, let's start. I'll just say that these arent in any particular best to worst order.

1. Torgo in Manos: Hands of Fate (1966)

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Okay, not necessarily a true "monster" but Torgo is a classic character of bad movies so I feel he should be put on this list. Manos is considered to be the one of the WORST movies in history, even worse than Plan 9 from Outer Space and one of the best episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Filmed in El Paso, Texas, it consists of a family going on vacation to a lodge, but ending up at one maintained by a satanic pagan cult, one of it's members being Torgo. Played by John Reynolds (who sadly committed suicide before the film's premiere), Torgo was meant to be a satyr (half-man, half-goat) so Reynolds had to wear metallic riggers under his pants, giving him this bizarre stumbling movement. It is also rumoured that Reynolds was on LSD while acting in the film, which does seem apparent from his really weird facial expressions and stuttering dialogue (thE masteR woulD noT approvE!). There are some classic scenes with his guy, such as when seems sexually attracted to Margaret (the wife of the family) and is constantly trying to grab her hair and boobs, much to her disgust. He later has his hand burned off by "The Master" at some point in the film as punishment and ends up running into the distance, far away from the lodge. What happened to him afterwards? Who knows? All that I can say is he isn't seen again for the rest of the film (unless the end credits count).

Monster in Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VRPht-KQX8

2. The Giant Claw (1957)

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Here's a classic one. This plot of this flick is your typical 1950s giant monster movie. Giant monster is threatening a civilization, lots of people in the street are panicking in horror, and the army in brought in to try and stop this giant monster. The monster in this case, is a giant bird which has become an icon of bad horror movies. The "bird" is a completely ludicrous looking puppet on strings that is moved around to look like its attacking things. Infact, this monster is SO bad that everyone in the movie theatre laughed everytime it was shown on screen during the premiere in 1957. It was particularly embarrassing for one of the film's stars Jeff Morrow, who left the movie theatre from the laughing audience to avoid further embarrassment. Believe it or not, this monster was originally going to be a stop-motion creature made by Ray Harryhausen, but due to the low-budget it never went through, and instead the monster became a pathetic looking marionette puppet made at a special effects department in Mexico! The monster's fate occurs after being attacking by missiles and crashing into the ocean after attacking the Empire State Building in New York City. Watch a video of it in action on YouTube and then you'll really see the flaws in its movement. Moving on.

Monster in Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOj0nXpRqX8

3. Hobgoblins (1988)

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Hobgoblins is one of my all-time favourite Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. An obvious rip-off of Gremlins, this film has to be one of the worst 80s flicks you'll ever see. I love everything about it. The cheesy 80s new-wave soundtrack, the horrible acting, the incredibly non-sensual situations and of course the Hobgoblins themselves. Not just the fact that they're obviously stuffed toys being controlled by crew members (with very little facial expressions other than moving mouths) but the way they can make every character's fantasy come true by giving them really weird hallucinations. Unfortunately, the characters in this film are so retarded they actually fall for these tricks. In the movie, they have been kept in the vault of an abandoned studio lot for years by some strange old man (no explanation is given) and Kevin (the incredibly unlikeable, idiot protagonist) lets the Hobgoblins out even though the old man told him not to. Then they go around Los Angeles terrorising people by jumping on their face. Well just say that the "victims" are just holding these stuffed toys to their face while stumbling around, supposedly pretending to get attacked. Its so unconvincing though that you cant possibly take it seriously. I can't sum this entire movie up in one paragraph, you just have to see it to believe how ridiculous it all is. I'd recommend the MST3K version.

Monster in Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0fhewrzBRM

4. Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)

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If like me, you are a fan of TV show Malcolm in the Middle, you'll most likely be familiar with the image above. Believe it or not, this was actually from an early 60s horror flick called Creature from the Haunted Sea (way too similar to the far superior Creature from the Black Lagoon, they should have been a little more original with the title). This 1961 Roger Corman flick has one of the WORST monsters you'll ever see. With its retarded googly ping-pong ball eyes, its brillo pad fur, barely visible carrot teeth and pipecleaner claws, there's just no way this monster can't be on the list. This film is quite unique in the sense that it isn't just a horror movie, but a bizarre combination of different genres. Its meant to be a comedy-horror-spy-gangster movie. It was only shot in a few days back-to-back with another Corman flick The Last Woman on Earth, both of which were filmed in San Juan, Puerto Rico and had the same cast members. It should be worth noting that the monster itself doesnt appear until the final 10 minutes of the flick, but it is worth it just to see it in its retarded glory. The hardest part is figuring out just exactly what they were trying to make it look like. It doesnt look fish-like, or reptilian either. It just looks like a Muppet, or a giant walking turd with eyes. The monster IS meant to look silly for comedic-effect though, I'll give them that. I personally think they made it look too silly though. Even for a comedy flick, this monster looks very crappy. Some Halloween costumes look more impressive. I'll also state that believe it or not, this was a HUGE phobia of mine until a few days ago. I used to be scared of this thing for 5 years. Thats right, 5 YEARS. I dont know what it was, I guess it was the horrifically bizarre appearance of the monster in general, and the way it popped up out of nowhere and grabbed that woman. I wasnt bothered by it while seeing it on Malcolm in the Middle originally, but after seeing this shot in its original black-and-white movie form I grew a huge phobia of it for years. Seeing it again in detail in 2012 though and knowing more about the movie in general, I really dont know what I was afraid of in the first place. Its more hilarious if anything!

Monster in Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZOmMFOvoLg

5. The Horror of Party Beach (1964)

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Another movie about killer sea-monsters, this one is more impressive than Creature from the Haunted Sea, but still has its fair share of ridiculousness. At least this time you actually get some idea of what its supposed to be. It obviously has a very fish/amphibian mutant appearance to it. Another good MST3K episode, The Horror of Party Beach is actually a pretty enjoyable B-flick. It has a cheesy surf-rock soundtrack, a good amount of gory attacks and of course the goofy monsters. This film was made to cash-in on the success of the beach party genre movies which were very popular among American teenagers in the mid-1960s. This film takes the concept and gives it a horror twist, where radioactive waste is dumped into the ocean and reanimates underwater skeletons as very goofy sea-creatures with signature ping-pong ball eyes, an oversized plastic head, and a wetsuit which seems to be covered in hanging garbage bags of some sort. And don't forget the mouth. I can understand everything else because of the films budget, but I have a hard time figuring out what those things in the monsters mouth are supposed to be. Multiple tongues? TEETH PERHAPS? Like many people have said, they look a lot like hot-dogs. According to Bobby Osborne of The Del-Aires (the surf-band that performed in the film), the "hot-dogs" were in fact the fingers of rubber gloves, but the decision to put these in the monsters mouth does seem questionable on their part, unless they were trying to make it look dumb. The "hot-dogs" looked so ridiculous that in a comic-book style magazine that was published to promote the film, the images of the monsters had the hot-dogs removed and replaced with sharp teeth in what some would call an early photoshopping. Thats enough about this one, next.

Monster in Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9qWNvLGTrk

6. Troll 2 (1990)

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Ah yes, Troll 2. One of the absolute WORST movies in history. Who could forget that infamous "OH MY GOD!!!" scene? Despite what the title says, these monsters are actually goblins instead. They just called it Troll 2 to cash-in on the small success of the original Troll movie which actually did have trolls. This however, has goblins that look pretty ridiculous to be quite fair. Never mind the fact that their facial expressions are almost NON-EXISTENT, just look at the fake latex masks and burlap sack clothing! I really dont have much to say about this one unlike the others, so I'll move on.

Monster in Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RV1JHn7hYY

7. Dinosaur from The Mighty Gorga (1969)

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So this film is an obvious King Kong rip-off with a very fake looking gorilla costume, which is only seen from the torso up in the entire movie. But I'm not putting HIM on the list, I'm putting the dinosaur on the list. The dinosaur is LITERALLY just a plastic hand puppet that is being waved by some crew member back and forth to simulate its threatening, aggressive nature. When you see this rather pathetic dinosaur in action, especially when he's fighting Gorga himself, there's just no way you can think the filmmakers thought they were achieving anything. The dinosaur looks so unconvincing that even Rex from Toy Story would have made a better monster. There's of course a classic scene where its supposedly fighting off two people away from its egg nest, but all thats really happening is its being moved backwards and forwards (as well as its mouth bouncing up and down) on the right side of the screen while its victims on the left try to fight it off with guns. Its JUST like that Family Guy episode where Peter waves a toy dinosaur in front of a camera to try and fake Quagmire's death! Its worth noting that this dinosaur has been featured in 2 flicks. Of course this, and the other being One Million AC/DC (no, not the band!) which was a softcore flick written by Ed Wood. And yes, I was inspired by Dr. Ashen's 5 Rubbish Movie Monsters video to put this on the list.

Monster in Action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk3jUxjfKKg (The Mighty Gorga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWo_9CKbSXE (One Million AC/DC)


So that's all I have for you now. I have another part already lined up but I'm gonna post it later in the week. Try to be consturctive with criticism and tell me which you thought was the dumbest looking monster. Thanks for reading.

Geoff's Rant 18 - New Comment System

Yeah, you probably thought I'd left, but I just I'd post a few thoughts on this since I'm not happy about this. This is my first blog in a few months. As you know, although I've lost interest in the site, I do like to pop in now and again. Don't expect this rant to be as detailed as my others.

Well I've just come back to this site and I've noticed that they've changed the comments section. The worst part of all is that ALL the old comments from my previous blogs are gone. Why?!? I wrote over 200 blogs with thousands of comments and now they've just been deleted in favour of a new comments section, which sucks in my opinon. You can't even vote comments up or down anymore, instead you can just sort of "like" them. I guess that's cool, but this isn't Facebook! It's like YouTube's new channel design all over again. I don't understand why Gamespot felt the need to change this. They could have at least kept in comment voting. Another thing I don't like is the fact that the user avatars are TOO small. I liked it when they were as big as the one shown on your profile.

That's about it really, tired of websites completely changing things that have nothing wrong with them. Gamespot have said that the old comment data will be converted in the future. I just hope that appiles to bloggers like me, even though I don't blog as much as I used too.

Where am I?

Yeah, you're probably noticed that again, I've been completely inactive. I know I've gone over this before but I'm really sorry to say that I've just completely lost interest in this entire site. It's been my 3 year anniversary here and I haven't written a blog in months. I still like to play games, but I don't frequent this site anymore. I remember I used to during 2009 and 2010. It was fun while it lasted, even though I did alot of immature things on forums and such (like getting mad at someone just because they said "so what" on some crappy pointless topic I made).

I am now 17, I go to college and frequent other sites instead. I think I lost interest in this site a long time ago, but it happens to GS users quite often. My blogs even starting getting less comments and I didn't comment on others as much. At least I'm explaining my absence, as alot of people leave without explanation. Whatever the reason is, I can't seem to get myself into this site again. It was fun writing your own blogs, commenting on other people's and reading updates on the latest games. Nowadays I seem to have moved on, though I usually hang around on other sites instead. I have a YouTube account, I occasionally post around GTAForums and I'm also posting alot on Pixar Planet nowadays (which seems to be inactive at the moment). If you're curious though, here are the other sites you'll find me at.

GTAForums:http://www.gtaforums.com/index.php?s=4967feb822c433cfa1d8e0e1cd45ea76&showuser=648207(only accessible if logged in)

Pixar Planet:http://www.pixarplanet.com/forums/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=2755

YouTube:http://www.youtube.com/user/Gst0395?feature=mhee


As you're probably know, I'm also on PSN and Stean under the same name I have for GameSpot. I can't promise that this is my last blog ever, though it is likely. I may sign back in occasionally but I seem to have moved on from the whole blogging thing, I'm just not into it anymore I'm afraid to say. Infact,I'm not really interested in this whole site anymore, but while I was you guys were great. Thanks for commenting on my blogs and I hope I was good enough to return the favour. Not many people will probably read this but I just had to get my thoughts out.

But yeah, I just explaining why I was gone. I think I'll be leaving for good. See you later though. Just a quick note, here's the first blog I ever did:

http://uk.gamespot.com/users/geoff-uk123/show_blog_entry.php?topic_id=m-100-25649105

2009-2012


The world is NOT going to end on December 21st BTW. I also noticed that the space glitch is still here. Oh GlitchSpot.

100% Sandbox Completions

Hey, what's up? Lack of activity, I know. Not that interested in GameSpot nowadays but still like to pop in now and again. Been busy playing games, obviously. Happy New Year to you all. Anyway, while I've been gone, I've been doing some past times. I own a crapload of sandbox games and for something to do until Grand Theft Auto V comes out, I'm currently trying to complete them all 100% by completing the side-missions and earning collectibles. I've started with the GTA games obviously, and already completed 4 of them. I've mostly used NO cheats expect for a couple of rampages in GTA III because of the INCREDIBLY frustrating hostile behaviour of the gangs.

Done:

Grand Theft Auto III
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories

Not Finished:

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories
Grand Theft Auto IV
Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City
Bully
Red Dead Redemption
Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare
Saints Row 2
Saints Row: The Third
Just Cause 2 (might not try due to the MASSIVE scale of the game)

So yeah, that's what I've been doing while gone, not meaning to be a show-off. Another reason is because of college. Peace.