Oh yeah, you thought I was done didn't you? Honestly, even after discussing 14 of the worst movie monsters Hollywood has to offer, I still don't feel satisfied. With that being said, I've decided to do a third part discussing another batch of horrifically cheesy monsters in Z-grade flicks. I have a few odd choices here, some that may or may not classify as "monsters" but I felt needed to be mentioned anyway. If you missed Part 1 and 2, they're here.
Before I officially start the blog, I'd just like to mention something I forgot in one of the previous parts. You know I chose Creature from the Haunted Sea, right? Well one thing I forgot to mention was that the movie features a cute opening sequence with crude 1960s Hanna-Barbera style animation. This animated sequence seems to be a satire of the Cuban Revolution in the 1950s, along with an animated version of the monster, which can be seen here.
So the monster in the animated opening is depicted as some cuddly looking crocodile/alligator mutant that has gained the ability to walk on two legs. Bears very little resemblance to the one seen in the actual film doesn't it? I honestly think it would have been more interesting to see them try to make the monster more like this rather than some retarded looking seaweed mutant with tennis ball eyes. I am convinced though this title sequence was made after the movie was filmed. Strange how they didn't base this animated monster more on the actual thing. Anyway, moving on to discuss more crappy monsters.
16. The Sting of Death (1965)
They were perhaps creative with this one. It should be noting that this is the first film on my list without a Wikipedia article, so I had to look somewhere else for the plot synopsis (yes, I haven't seen all these movies fully and rather just see clips from them). As far as I know, the story is about a marine scientist who mainly studies jellyfish. His assistant is Egon, who is heavily ridiculed by a bunch of rowdy, poolside partying college students. So what does he do? He turns himself into a half-man, half-jellyfish mutant who terrorizes and slaughters them one by one. Well lets talk about the jellyfish monster itself. As I said, it's a pretty cool concept but is poorly executed, typical in these kinds of movies. As you can see, it's just some dude wearing a wetsuit with rather fake looking tentacles glued to it, some obvious diving flippers, and of course the head which looks to be an inflated garbage bag spray-painted pink. In close-up shots, you can ACTUALLY see the guy's human head inside! It wouldn't have been hard to put something else over so the actual head wouldn't have been revealed, wouldn't it? A particularly interesting scene in the film is where these drunk college kids are at the pool-side and dancing to some cringe-worthy ska song (sung by Neil Sedaka) apparently titled "The Jellyfish". It has some Grammy-worthy lyrics like "Wella, I'm saying fella, forget your Cinderella and do the jella, the jilla-jalla jellyfish", delightfully cheesy. This is later followed by the jellyfish monster suddenly coming out of the pool and attacking them, ironically. Okay, well moving on then.
Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtjfYKA1pBE
17. The "birds" from Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008)
I'm not particularly sure if these things classify as "monsters" or not, but these "birds" are so painfully bad that I had to mention them. Infact, this whole movie is a cinematic train-wreak and considered to be one of the WORST films in recent history alongside Tommy Wiseau's The Room (both of which are ironically set in San Francisco Bay). You can't believe money actually went into funding this thing. Directed by James Nguyen who is the self-proclaimed "master of the romantic thriller", this flick was meant to be a tribute to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" from 1963. Before I get to the birds, I'll just quickly list a few other things wrong with this film. The "acting" is so incredibly terrible that you have to wonder if these "actors" had any dedication on set. Other bad points include the incredibly poor editing and sound. The music score is also very lackluster. After an incredibly boring love story for over 40 minutes, birds suddenly start attacking the city. The "birds" are without a doubt the worst part of the entire film. Since Nguyen obviously couldn't be bothered to try (or even afford) to get real birds to attack, what has been used instead is what look to be animated GIFs of poorly computer-animated birds flapping their wings and flying around that have been crappily placed on the screen, probably with Sony Vegas or Adobe Final Cut. They remind me of an old animated screensaver in Windows 98 or GIFs from late 90s websites. The way they "attack" people is laughable as well, with one scene where a group of people are trying to fight them off with coat hangers (I kid you not, THEY ACTUALLY DO USE THESE AS DEFENSE WEAPONS!) as the "birds" are just flapping their wings while plastered over them (Oh hai birdies!). Even in most cases when the camera moves, these birds tend to stay in the same place. The same bird cries are looped over and over as this happens (cheep cheep cheep!). The most bizarre thing about these birds is their strange ability to explode randomly (preceded by sounds of crashing planes) and spit acid at people. And how are they're doing this? Global warming apparently is the only logical explanation. All the other special effects are laughable as well, with fake explosions plastered onto the screen along with smoke. You'd honestly find better effects with Action Movie Essentials. Seriously though, you HAVE to see these sorry excuses for birds in action to see how ridiculous they look, just watch the video. Honestly, this ENTIRE flick is like someone's crappy home movie. I bet Hitchcock would turn in his grave if he saw this.
Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrxZblVUkMU
18. Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973)
I'd just like mention that this is the fourth monster I've mentioned that has both been featured in Dr. Ashen's "5 Rubbish Movie Monsters" video (one of the things that inspired me to do these blogs) and been distributed on DVD by Something Weird Video, which mainly release very strange old B-flicks from the 50s to 70s that have been long out-of-print (the others being The Mighty Gorga, Blood Freak and Sting of Death). Anyways, this ranch in the American west seems to be terrorised by this so-called "Godmonster". It's supposedly meant to be a giant mutant sheep of some sort (caused by toxic gas), but you wouldn't know that just by looking at it. Just what does this thing look like to you? Alf maybe? A giant hamster? I really don't know. I will admit that they did an okay job of getting it to move around despite being bigger than the average human. Still looks retarded though.
Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLTUV1RitPM
19. Psycho Reindeer from Santa Claus (1959)
Okay, I know. This isn't really a "monster". Well I consider it a "monster" anyway, because it's one of the scariest things I've ever seen. Aside from being one of the strangest Christmas films ever made, this Mexican holiday flick features Santa battling some evil Satan-like demon from hell in order to save Christmas and prevent all of the earth's children from becoming evil. If that wasn't scary enough, the creepiest part has to be when Santa launches his mechanical white reindeers, one of which brings out an incredibly scary sounding (and somewhat perverted) human laugh. All you need to do is see the video in action which illustrates what I'm talking about. The clip was even featured as a stinger when the movie was shown as a MST3K Christmas special. I know this wasn't exactly a good choice, but I found it disturbing enough to be worth a mention. I'll get back to the "real" monsters now.
Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB8gYMfeREI
20. The Killer Shrews (1959)
Yet another MST3K movie, and featured on "5 Rubbish Movie Monsters", The title of The Killer Shrews is self-explanatory for the most part. A group of people stuck on an island are terrorised by giant shrews of course. This time, it's not humans dressed up in stupid costume, but dogs instead! These "shrews" are really just dogs that are covered in carpet samples and fur. The problem here is that dogs bear very little resemblance to shrews in general. Shrews are rodents, dogs are canines, big difference. In close-up shots however, dogs are not used but puppets instead as you can see above. While these puppets do look well done in general, they still have very little resemblance to what one would call a "shrew". Like Ashens in his video stated, I doubt the filmmakers have really seen what a shrew looks like. That doesn't stop this from being an enjoyable B-flick at best though.
Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VPcMTg4Lq4
21. A*P*E (1976)
Okay, WTF? I hope the Gamespot moderation staff has enough sense of humour to not moderate me for the above image. Before I explain that, let me just mention that yes, this is another King Kong rip-off. Released about the same time as the 1976 King Kong remake, this Korean giant-ape film even had the tag-line "Not To Be Confused With KING KONG" and was released under several alternate titles such as "Hideous Mutant" and "Attack of the Giant Horny Gorilla". No, I did not make that title up, that was actually used as an alternate title. So this giant gorilla escapes from an oil tanker, fights an incredibly fake looking rubber shark, kidnaps an American actress played byJoanna Kerns (who would go on to star in a TV show called Growing Pains, if you care) and in the meantime destroys several buildings which appear to be made with cardboard. In one scene when he's stomping toy tanks, he can even be seen with tennis shoes on! The most hilarious scene however, has to be when he destroys a toy helicopter and for NO REASON, he flips off the camera for about 3 seconds! Why he'd do that in what COULD be considered a serious movie, I have no idea, I-I just don't. All you need to do is watch the clip below, or maybe you could just check IMDb reviews to see how crap this film is, not that you'd really want to.
Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH-fNG9GH5E
22.The Brain from Planet Arous (1957)
Okay, so some evil brain creature named Gor from the planet Arous (as the title suggests) arrives on earth processes the mind of a scientist, using him to try and take over the country, threatening to take down anyone that stands against him. Unfortunately for him, another brain from the same planet named Vol inhabits the body of a dog and reveals that Gor is a wanted criminal on Arous. This is a pretty good plot I will admit. We later get to see Gor in action and although design wise he looks pretty cool, he moves around like a helium balloon, he's obviously being moved around by some strings. You can EVEN see the strings that are moving it around if you look closely. It just looks so awkward. Overall though, its not like they had CGI back in the day, so it's a pretty good way of doing it. I will say this is one of the better monsters I've mentioned. It's not particually awful though the way it moves around very silly, but not too bad otherwise. And this is another monster (like Creature from the Haunted Sea) that can be briefly seen in the Malcolm in the Middle opening credits, the part where the brain is getting bludgeoned with an axe.
Monster in Action:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qImQ1YBZtwg
So yeah, I don't think at this point I can discuss anymore. There are even some bad ones I know of but I didn't really feel like mentioning. I honestly think this part wasn't as good as 1 and 2, though I am proud of a few choices. At this point, a fourth part is quite unlikely, but if I do consider doing one then it'll be shorter and have monsters I may have planned for this installment but ended up forgetting. I think I've pretty much discussed the worst of the worst. As for regular Gamespot blogging, I may write the odd blog now and again though I'm afraid I probably won't have time to comment on others. I hope you won't take that as an offense. This site has gone downhill in recent years, especially with the horrible new comment section. Seriously, what was wrong with the old one? Thanks for reading though.