fantasyfacade / Member

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Complications and Other Head Wrecking Stuff

As you may (or may not) know, I cam getting married in 8 months... nail biting stuff... to my kind and funny boyfriend of almost 7 years. Fortunately he is the most resilient and patient person I know. I am very indecisive and somewhat of a pessimist - in my opinion if it can go wrong it will go wrong - a more optimistic view is to say I'm a perfectionist, while a psychologist would diagnose me with OCD. This does not do well with the fact that I have a very complicated life. So let me give you the short version...

My Dad cheated on my Mom (lots) and got another woman pregnant (probably) and I have a half sister (probably) between myself and my young sister. My younger sister believes without a doubt that she is our sister, while I have doubts and my older two sister don't believe she is at all. Regardless I am close to (possible) half sister and we are very good friends regardless of whether we are sisters or not. Most of my friends are guys, but there are 3 girls amongst my friends that I am so close to that I would consider them sisters; those being my potential half sister who is always there for me, the one who brought me out of my shell of solitude (aka shyness) and the one I can talk to about absolutely anything without fear of looking stupid. All of them great friends. If I could I would have chosen my bestfriend, but I don't think he would look good in a long black dress.

Anyway, I've always wanted to have 4 bridesmaids, 3 being the sisters I grew up with and a close friend. I have this thing for even numbers. So thanks to my younger sister most of my friends believe my possible half sister is without a doubt my sister, I've only ever talked about my doubts about her to one of the said 3 girls above, and obviously it wasn't the first one. So, if I didn't pick her as a bridesmaid all of my friends would be questioning it, some would even get angry on her behalf (we are that close of a group) and I would upset one of my closest friends, since not picking her is like saying she isn't family and would make my doubts obvious to her. It was kind of a no brainier in the end, but here is where is gets complicated. Her Mom has brought my Dad to court multiple times in just the past year alone to get money out of him despite the fact that he has given my potential half sister money for all of her life to the point he risked going bankrupt. I have a feeling she saw none of this money until she entered university when he started giving it to her directly. But wait it gets worse, her mother also has brainwashed her into thinking that my Dad is the most evil man on the earth that she won't talk to him or his current wife, while her own mother made her sleep on the couch... on the couch, I kid you not... and gave her room to students, also made her cook meals for them and come home from school early in order to look after them... but nope my Dad is evil. My Dad may have cheated on my Mom, but he has done everything he can to ensure that myself and my other 3 sisters grew up without any of this drama and had everything we needed and for that I love him. Despite all this drama my sister and myself have chosen to have her as part of our lives, DNA test or no DNA test to us she is like family, whether I have doubts or not.

There is another reason I asked her, I want to try sew some bonds between her and the rest of the family, even if they are not aware of who she is, I want her to talk to Dad and not ignore him, I want all this sourness gone and the feeling of walking on eggshells a thing of the past. I do not want to be stuck in the middle anymore. Yet I want her mother nowhere near my family, her mother is poison. She has manipulated her own daughter, she has tried to manipulate my baby sister and she even tried to manipulate me own mother. To me that woman is the one who ruined my family, though my Dad isn't innocent in this she is the one constantly dragging all this mess back up. If it weren't for her I believe there would be no problem with me having chosen her as a bridesmaid. My friends are aware of the situation with my family and know not to talk of this to them.

Recently I told my Dad my decision, he was understandable upset, but was no way angry at me, he hadn't realised how close I was to her and was more shocked that he never realised. I was frightened of telling him my decision as obviously the situation is very complicated, but he was understanding and I explained to him I asked her because she was not just a sister but a close friend. I apologised a lot, but he told me that it was his problem that he would have had to eventually had to deal with and he was sorry it had to be for my wedding. My one worry however was her mother, which he was quick to say he had a way of dealing with it and had already talked to our families solicitor about putting a restraining order in place against her so that she will not be able to step one foot near my wedding on the day. While this does take some of my worry away, I can only hope that I can persuade everyone to sit down and talk about this very awkward situation. At the end of the day it was not her fault she was born out of a situation like this, but its how we act now that matters.