dissonantblack / Member

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dissonantblack Blog

I'm back

Hey, i'm back from vacation in Ohio. Had a fun time at the great wolf lodge. Also got to see electric six. It was a great show.

Why i believe national pride is sports is trivial

As much as i enjoy watching the Olympics and other sporting events, i must say, i don't really understand why people feel the need to glorify their nation over the fact that an athlete from their nation won a gold medal. Or any championship for that matter.

I mean think about it, Is there really any need to say "I'm proud of my country for producing a kid who talks like Bill and Ted, and looks like carrot top who can do 4 rotations in the air"?

Take hockey for instance. players from all the teams play in the NHL, they know each other, they're friends, and when they lose, the are always gracious in defeat. Feeling glad for their friends who have worked so hard to get the championship. When people cover their bodies in paint, and wave flags while screaming for national supremacy, i think it disrespectful in a way.

If i was ever an athlete, i would want to represent myself, my believes, and enthusiasts of the sport before any nationality.

hiatus from video games.

Just letting you all know that i have decided to take a hiatus from video games. I will not be renewing my subscription to xbox live next month. If i do renew it, then it won't be for a while.

I've finally come to the realization that video games has become a major source for my frustration and anxiety. I get frustrated VERY easily as all of you know. It's so bad i can't even put on a tie. This has always been very hurtful to my mother deep down inside.

I can't really explain it. Other than Many games today are just too frustrating because they're difficult, and because all other players are just way better than me. I have strived to be good at so many games, but always end up losing horribly every time i play. It's just become a major drudgery for me. Always feeling like i have to beat something. And that i have to keep playing because it's the most popular form of entertainment now (or at least it seems that way to me).

I think it was my mistake to give into all the countless group speeches. The ones that go "oh you have to play and beat this game. IGN insists you play it before you die." I found myself playing games that i didn't enjoy all that much, and just gave up early on because the games were too frustrating for me.

I did drop from video game school a few years ago mainly due to bad grades, (particularly in drawing classes). And a lack of funding. I realize now that it was for the better. I don't want to make something that i don't enjoy. And besides, there's enough people going into the video game industry anyway.

it's 2010, and i'm 24

It's hard for me to believe that i'm 24 years old. i'm a year older and not a penny richer. I find birthdays to be highly depressing for me. Makes me feel one step closer to my life ending. Perhaps it's just my extremely dim outlook on life that i always have.

And will always have. Every year, i listen to this song, it gives me hope, and makes me depressed at the same time.


I am expecting birthday fursona pics from a couple of you (you know who you are), I hope you all followed through.

special little gifts

Christmas was a lot better this year. I didn't have enough money so i could only get each person in my family one gift.

My sister actually got more more stuff this year than she ever has before. I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact that i pretty much disowned her after she got drunk and bit my mom in the face. She must have figured it and thought that she could use money to redeem herself. She got me some long purple coat from tripp, a black hoody from iron fist, a Charlie the unicorn journal *facepaw*, and a tripp button up black shirt with a zipper over the pocket.

My mom got me some shirts from the shrine, one of my favorite clothing lines, and Tim (my mom's boyfriend) got me some expensive cologne, a tote bag with skulls on it, and a box with beers from around the world.

losing interest in video games.

for the 4th year in a row, i have spent more money on music than on video games. i can't even begin to calculate how much i've spent on CDs and concert tickets.

Anyway, over the last few years, i've been gaming less and less, if i'm on your xbox live friends list, you'll notice i'm not online much anymore. and if i'm in a party, i hardly ever talk. I've never been the social type, i prefer single player campaigns over co op, and I have completely dropped out of competitivegaming. No more head to head gaming for me. I was always a terrible player anyway.

I finally threw in the towel on oblivion tonight. I know it's a great game, and I do regard it as a game of the year title, which it fully deserves, but i just can't handle it anymore. over the last few days i spent up to 45 minutes fighting single enemies. Not realizing there's something i have to do differently to defeat them. I advanced way too far into the game to simply start over. I'm constantly asking people what to do and how to resolve things. Only to be told i need to go here and do this. Which requires a lot of backtracking and other tedious drudgeries. Or i can't advance any further until i found out what i need to get. It's annoying because i want to play. Certainly i'm not going to say it sucks just because i'm playing it wrong. I'm not that immature. If you like it that's fine with me.

I'm not a collector, or a strategist. I'm someone that just likes to go in and kill things and get it over with. I hate having to read through walls of text online or in a strategy guide to find out i need all these items or something won't work. I have stopped playing so many RPGs in the past because of little things that prevent me from killing something, or getting somewhere, and me never figuring it out. I still to this day never beat final fantasy 8. I even had someone come over to my house once to try and beat a boss battle for me that i'd spent months on and he couldn't do it because i "leveled up the characters and summons incorrectly."

It's unfortunate though. I like to roleplay. I like to assume the role of something i'm not. Maybe it comes from my miniscule self esteem. But that is really why i've never been into RPGs. I just don't like to organize andstrategist.

I'm also getting annoyed with a lot of the gaming people. Certainly not all people. But a great deal. Like people who elevate their personal selves onto a golden pedestal and engrave their gamertag for all eternity because they got every achievement in a game. xbox live achievements and PS3 trophies have no monetary value. Such boastfulness is trivial and unjust. i'm not MLG. If an achievement is there for the taking, i'll gladly take it. But it requires hours of tedious gameplay, forget it.

Hell, i even felt like throwing my controller at the wall during Banjo Kazooie nuts and bolts. that's how easy i get frustrated. I'd rather not talk about that.

All in all, Given how easily i get frustrated, it goes without saying i will always prefer music over video games.

Interview with me.

Why did you decide to do an interview?

I decided it would be fun after reading numerousinterviews with other bands. So i could make myself out to be some introverted celebrity.

What holiday do you like more between Christmas and Halloween?

That's an easy one. Halloween. Christmas has really fallen apart for me due to how dysfunctional my small family is. And i won't lie, my heart is bigger than my brain so i always end up giving more than i receive. Halloween is much more up my alley because it's a Goth/horror themed holiday. It allows me to be anything i want for an entire day and get free candy.

what is your favorite moment in life?

I'm too much of a pessimist to answer that. Also i don't believe I've trully lived yet. I'm never getting married, never having kids, and i'm good enough to graduate from a 4 year college. So whatever it will be, i'm certain it's something that would be considered trivial by society.

When did you and Eddie meet?(and if you wish to provide, what was the moment that made you and him become friends?

I used to have a picture of a werewolf holding a spear and snarling on my profile. One day i just got a PM from him and he was asking me where i found it. I told him i just found it in a google image search but invited him to join the werehouse. Which was a werewolf themed union i used to have. I didn't really think too much of it at the time until he sent me a PM telling me that i was a cool friend. Guess i was really taken aback because i don't think highly of myself at all. It only took about 2 months for me to finally convince him to get MSN and when he did, we started talking regularly.

Why do you choose music over video games?

Because music is all audio. i can take it in the car, Dance to it, or headbang to it. I can also take it on my ipod while i'm working. I don't have to worry about glitches, noobish players, or wondering around on a huge map not knowing where the hell i'm supposed to go. The fact that i get frustrated easily adds to it.

who would be your all time fav band/group/artist?

that's very tough for me to answer considering music is my life, but if it came down to the nitty gritty i'd have to say Velvet Acid Christ. I also really love Psyclon nine, Clan of Xymox, Miguel and the Living Dead, Pride and Fall, The Birthday Massacre, and many others.

What got you into goth?

This was actually a long time coming for me. around 2002 or so, i found a channel on music choice that played nothing but 80's New wave, early industrial, post punk, and Deathrock among others. Gary Numan, Christian Death, Nitzer Ebb, New Order, Ultravox, Alien Sex Fiend, All the good stuff. From there i got into industrial and eventually Gothic metal. That, combined with my love of Halloween brought me into the community. I think the thing i love about it most is not just the huge variety of music or clothes, but just the people too. We don't strive to fit in to society and jsut want to be ourselves, so we don't feel the need to be jerks to everyone.

What would you do if a UFO landed on your front lawn and Elvis came out?

umm.....probably laugh.

When about to you become a fur?

I think i've always maintained the same psychological motives that all of them have but didn't realize there was a subculture for it until i got into the sly games.

whats your favourite game of all time and why?

Doom. hands down. I started playing it when it first came out. I don't think my mom was too happy with my dad letting me play it XD. I loved everything about it. The dark atmosphere, the guns, The fact that you're fighting hell. I used to use god mode alot. No greater feeling than knowing you have the power of a god. I still play it to this day and I have shown it to friends of mine who were born after it was released and they too love. I'm glad to see that this game is being handed down to new generations. And i hope that will be the case for until the end of time.

What is it about the husky you like?

I think it's a very natural fit. They are used for exploration, and i like to travel, They're snow dogs, and i prefer cold weather. And they are one of the few breeds of dogs that carry the heterochromia gene. Which in case you don't know causes them to have 1 blue eye and 1 brown. I love it. I've even considered getting colored contacts to match it.

interview with me. now taking questions

i've decided to do an interview. I will be accepting questions from any of my friends or people that just happen to stumble upon this. so post your questions here and i'll get to the interview once the questions stop coming. If i refuse to answer something, please don't take it personally.

Caustic Disco

went out with some friends to a club tonight. A goth club to bet exact. One of my friends suggested that we both get jedi mind tricks from the bar. It was rather tasty. And left me pretty buzzed. My friend wasn't able to consume very much of her Jedi mind trick and let me have it. I wasn't sure if i could handle 2 straight Jedi Mind tricks since they are pretty strong drinks. But i downed it anyway and sat in the corner and zoned out. Random thoughts really.

I started thinking about my future. My birthday is coming up on January 2nd. I really don't like my birthday. With each passing year that goes by, i find myself jsut a year older, and not a shred richer or more successful. I'm dreading it. Knowing i'm a year older just depresses me. Most people celebrate it. I become nervous about my future.

I also was thinking about my Mom's boyfriend who recently broke up with her. This break up really hurt me. He was the only man i ever got to talk to and bond with. He was also the only reason why i got to go to Kinetik festival this year. He was generous enough to pay for half of it. Quite frankly, there were things i told him but never my mother or my family for that matter. Now i'm stick here again with no other men to talk to. Just my mother, my sister, and my grandmother. It's nothing against them, but sometimes, I really want to talk to men who are old enough to be my father just to bond,

a bit later some songs came on that i really like. fairly depressing ones. I got up and started walking around the club. I'm not going to go into detail about the songs since i highly doubt any of you here would be familiar with the bands. But honestly, these depressing songs actually kind gave me hope. I much prefered to listen to them than get on the floor and shake my booty. I don't know of it was that or the jedi mind drinks i'd downed earlier, but i actually started feeling really euphoric.

When i got home i found a gift from a friend.


Sure was nice to come home to this.