dissonantblack / Member

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dissonantblack Blog

end of ages

why am i still here? time to pack it up and leave. there's nothing for me anymore. I don't play video games anymore, all my best friends left, and OT isn't the same anymore. My favorite users from that board got banned or left.

in addition to that, there's something about this redesign i don't like. I can't put my finger on it, but i just don't feel as obligated to use this site anymore. could be that unions are gone, or that user levels are no more. i'm not sure.

thank you all for 9 years of enjoyment.

It's over!

december 21th 2012 finally came and gone, and of course, nothing happened! i'm so glad no just because i'm alive, but because we can finally not have to deal with the countless threads asking whether or not it would on a daily basis anymore. i've been going to off topic for a long time, i've seen too many.

december 2010 update

I don't know how active i'm going to be for the time being. To make a long story short, my grandmother is in the hospital and she's not doing very well. She just broke her hip, and is having problems with the pain medicine that they're giving her. It's making her psychotic. (turns out this is common with the medicine they're using). So as you can imagine, i'm not feeling up to the task of making any pictures at the moment. Hopefully once she gets better, and when my sister leaves, then i'll be able to resume. But aside from that, i haven't really been gaming much. I'm still not gaining anymore interest in video games. It's so bad that i never had the interest to play assassin's creed 1. Which i am currently doing. And that's pathetic because brotherhood is out now.

so far so good. and new stuff coming

So this week we did some interesting stuff at the vocational training place. In case you don't know, i started going to a vocational training program for people with autism and Asperger syndrome. This week we did some cooking, grocery shopping. and some laundry. We have many more fun activities planned ahead.

You may remember this one autistic girl i mentioned in an earlier blog. She had a crush on me many years ago. I never went out with her or became her boyfriend. This was actually before i realized that i was asexual. So i didn't really understand my feelings at the time. Well as i was leaving with some other people and the counselor to run some errands, i overheard her say my name. I couldn't make it out exactly but she was talking to another girl. When she came back, i was in the room and the girl she was talking to started asking me questions. She asked if i had a girlfriend, to which i replied, "no. Never have". She then asked me if i was into Relationships, i said "No. I don't like sex". All of this within her earshot. I know this was a girly setup. But I'm glad. I feel i finally got it off my chest.

The counselors are very nice. One of them is a really good artist. She wants to work with me more. She knows that i am unable to draw due to my autistic dysgraphia and finger stimming problems. But she really enjoys working with me and offered to help me with drawings. She already gave me a few wild animal sketches for me to color. so i'll get to those as soon as i can. Thanks for reading!

Vocational school

o i've decided that i'm going to start going to this local vocational school and training place. It's basically this training program for people with autism, aspergers, and other mental illnesses to learn how to take care of themselves, they also help you find jobs.

I'm not exactly sure what they're gonna have me do yet. I'll be sure to make another blog talking about it. For now. I want to get something off my chest.

I was rather annoyed when i walked into this school to check it out because a girl from my old government funded autism therapy group was there. Someone who, along with another girl, had a crush on me and probably still does.

She used to always try to flirt with me, and often times get into fights with the other girl over it. Some times the councilor would get involved. And try to get me to talk to them more. One of them always had really bad mood swings. One minute she'd be find and the other throwing a tantrum. I was always afraid to talk to her for this reason. But the councilor told me that i had to act like i care. Even when it involved being asked if i thought she was attractive.

i continuously ran into both of them at this one pizza place that had kareoke on saturday nights. i used to sing but eventually stopped when they started coming. The parents of these 2 girls would always fawn to me and my mom. Trying to convince me to talk to them more. Even have a relationship. To make a long story short, Me and my mom gradually grew sick of it. She knew that i didn't want any relationships. And felt like i was just being used by them to make them happy.

I do wish them all the best. But i have to admit, if you Have to rely on someone else to make your children happy, then you're not doing your job as a parent. I hope if anyone who's reading this who's a parent, then you'll do your job as a parent and not resort to this. I can sorta see why though, considering her mother was an alcoholic and probably still is.

Someone from the school is coming over to talk to me today. I'm going to tell him specifically that i do not want to be put in the same group as her. I know what will happen. I'm going to this school to learn. Not to socialize. If only they knew me personally, then they'd know that i'd not be a good boyfriend. Maybe i should just tell them relationships and sex aren't my cup of tea. maybe then they'll understand.


I have finally noticed what could very well be the source of me becoming rude and dismissive sometimes. If i stay in public for too long and listen to people being chatty for too long, i start to get annoyed.

Like just last night, i went out with my mom, and grandmother, and my mom's boyfriend to eat. My sister didn't go thank god. Otherwise it would have happened a lot faster. I'm always very quiet and don't talk much. After a while i just want to go sit at a table all by myself and not talk to anyone.

Social interaction has always been a major weakness for me. I've always favored standing in a dark corner by myself rather than join in the group chat of friends. I honestly could never understand why people have thought that i was lonely all my life.

Sometimes i get so annoyed by being surrounded by all the talking that i have these urges to just lock myself in my room and listen to music. If i can't do this i tend to get dismissive and unintentionally rude. And i try to avoid talking as much as i can.

3D movies....

i gotta admit, i think 3D is starting to kill movie. It was cool like 25 years ago, but now it's getting milked too much. I don't have a problem with movies that are made specifically for 3D, like muppetvision 3D, and captain EO. But as far as cinema releases go, It's crossing the line. I've heard people say things like "that movie is good in 3D but besides that it wasn't that great." So now what? a special effects gimmick can actually redeem bad movies? Since when? guess it does make sense when you take into consideration all the mass marketed crap that Hollywood spawns each year. It's sold out and become a cheap marketing ploy. If a film doesn't have what it takes to do well at the box office, then throw in 3D and it will sell seems to be the attitude. I don't watch 3D movies at all. They never seem to work as well as the movies you see in theme parks designed just for 3D. And besides, there's evidence now that it's bad for your eyes.

I miss the expos

Ya know, after thinking about it for about a year now, getting more into baseball, and after going to Montreal last May, i have to admit i really do miss the expos baseball team.

First of all, i always thought the expos had really cool uniforms. the hats with the white front, the blue bill, and red in the back, the creme blue shirts with red on the sides, and the other jersey that had the logo over the heart. Looks so much better than the national's uniforms if you ask me.

Here's an interesting fact, if it wasn't for the Expos, there would be no Toronto Blue jays. When Montreal was awarded an MLB franchise in the late 60's, baseball became more popular in Canada. The string of achievements that Montreal got, namely expo 67, and winning the rights to host the 76 Olympics, the MLB decided to give them a team. In the 70's baseball became more popular in Canada and the MLB was so impressed that they decided to make a second Canadian team. The Toronto blue jays in 1977.

What really killed the expos? well, a number of things. I know Bud Selig always disliked having a team in French Canada, and the MLB wanted to get rid of them much sooner than they did. But what really did it was the 94 strike. When it happened, they were the number 1 team in the league. I know they would have won their division easily. And as good as that team was, i'm almost positive they would have won the world series too. They also lost all their best players from the srtike. Which inevitably led to a huge loss of fans.

They also had a string of bad luck from 97,80, 81. 3 golden opportunities to be world champions and it just didn't happen. Had these bad luck incidents not have happened, they'd have a new ballpark, and not that dump olympic stadium. I swear that team was cursed.

I remember at a Montreal Canadiens game back in 2004 when they released a tribute banner inside the bell centre. Youppi, the expos mascot had now become the Canadiens mascot. I just remember all the people in the crowds pretending to care. Come on Montreal, if the expos really meant that much then you'd still have the team. I learned something from that moment. Nobody ever trully appreciates something until it's gone.