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df853

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#1 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

Drink beer. And I will do that. When I make a goal... I accomplish it... unless it's hard. Then I usually give up pretty easily.

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df853

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#2 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

My New Year's resolution is to stop having New Year's resolutions cause they are a waste of time. Everyone breaks them anyway. Why waste time making them. Although if I HAD to pick a New Year's resolution... it'd be to eat more of the KFC grilled chicken instead of the fried. 50-piece buckets of extra crispy every day is not the most healthy thing...

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df853

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#3 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

Just be a janitor. It's way easier. If not that, then work at a fast food place. Then you get free or discounted food. If that doesn't work out for you, you could always just become a bum. Then you don't ever have to work.

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df853

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#4 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

I would buy a top hat, monocle, and cane and then walk around the city and throw handfuls of nickels at hobos. Then they would think I was rich and then give me the immortality. Then I would be unsure what to do with my life... I guess play video games for the next few centuries until that gets boring. Hopefully by then humans will have invented something even cooler to do. If not, then I'll just go out and buy kegs of beer and buckets of KFC and consume them both constantly. It's not like it'd be bad for me... I'd be immortal, right?

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df853

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#5 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

I don't care about cars or racing so you would have to pay me to see the race. If you were willing to pay me $500 bucks, I'd go see it provided I didn't have to drive more than like 30 minutes to get there. Either that or like 30 cases of non-crappy beer. Either would be an acceptable form of payment.

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df853

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#6 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

How bad was your hair to begin with? If it started out looking like a porcupine that got electrocuted and then you went to bed... then it makes sense it looked better when you got up. I mean... it couldn't have gotten much worse, right?

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df853

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#7 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

The guy all the chics want...

(Look like this and you'll get all the chics)

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df853

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#8 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

Because most things in life that seem impossible are really technically possible, but the chances are like 1 out of a billion. I mean... surviving a nuclear blast at ground zero? If you were inside a castle or bunker or something, and you were in the bathroom and there were no windows and the walls were made from materials shipped in from China (increased lead content to resist radiation) and then the bomb went off over you, then you might survive. So next time you're afraid of nuclear war, go eat a sack-o-ten in the bathroom of a White Castle that was built by a discount construction company.

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df853

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#9 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

Ever seen Harold and Kumar go to White Castle? Remember those two girls that had that bag of Tacos, and they entered the women's bathroom where Harold and Kumar were hiding out? Remember that? And the girls played that one game? That's why. My theory is that this is a very popular game.

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df853

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#10 df853
Member since 2004 • 1433 Posts

the oldschool chipmunks exist becauue Ross Bagdasarian sped up some tapes and thought the higher pitched voices were amusing. The movies exist because Hollywood is out of ideas.

dissonantblack

lol. I think you might be on to something here sir.

They really need a final movie that wraps it up for good with zero chance of there being any new movies. Like, perhaps Dave can exploit the chipmunks singing abilities for the millionth time and then being major music stars the chipmunks get mixed with some bad crowds. Then Theodore gains like 10 lbs (~300 lbs for a human), Simon gets electrocuted while running a substance-producing lab and loses all movement of his limbs, and Alvin becomes a mega-alcoholic.

Then later they all try to clean up their act so they can put together a comeback special concert, but Alvin is driving their tour bus and he's had like 1.5 beers (~30 beers for a human), and he ends up driving the bus off a cliff and it explodes in a giant fireball. Dave gets a call from the police telling what happened, and he's just like, "Nuts... I guess I'll need to come up with some new money-making scheme. I wonder if I still have that letter template for the Nigerian doctor that is giving away a million dollars." Then in the next scene you see Dave getting put in a jail cell and that's the end of the movie.