demoman_chaos / Member

Forum Posts Following Followers
13896 117 82

demoman_chaos Blog

Dethklok's Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle Ponified Lyrics

Do you folks like Ponies? Real Ponies, From the hills of Equestria? The lil ponies will teach you, To love and tolerate. To live in Harmony (hug, HUG!) I'm dying for a hug. If you're pegasus. or a unicorn, even earth ponies. (hug, HUG!) You're dying for a hug. Prepare for ultimate parties... You're gonna get one, NOW! And scream, for Pinkie! (Solo- Skwisgaar Skwigelf) MY LITTLE MY LITTLE MY LITTLE PONY!

Forgot about this thing

I forgot about this thing, well poop I guess now that I remember I have to post here (bloody internet laws).

New avatar, Gearrex from MGS: Peace Walker, horizontally inverted so he faces where what I type shows up.

Sonic RPG Union is in need of a rebirth. Those that care should go there and post stuff. Those that don't care should go and post there anyways otherwise I will punish them in a way that some may consider severe and others consider sub-par.

Reviews:
GTA4- Sucks. Ending is poop, all missions are identical. They traded fun for realism, a bad idea indeed.

Portal- Sucked,1 hour romp with no replayability.

GT5- Awesome.

Can't think of anything else.

The 7 Levels of Shennaigans.

Everyday we all face situations that are messed up.

Here is the general guide to describing exactly how bad these situations are:
Is the situation...:
A-Nonsense
B-Shenanigans
C-Communism
D-Bulls**t
E-Random Buttf**kery
F-SNAFU (S**t's Now All F**ked Up
G-FUBAR (F**cked Up Beyond All Recognition)

Please put this helpful guide to full use, and remember to use FUBAR only in EXTREME situations.

Its Just a Ride

The world is like a ride at the amusement park. When you chose to go on it you think its real because thats how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills and its very brightly colored and its very loud. And its fun, for a while.
Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question, is this real, or is it just a ride? And other people remembered and they come back to us and they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because its just a ride." And we kill those people. "Shut him up! Shut him up! I have a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, my big bank account, and my family... this has to be real." Its just a ride. We always kills those good guys that try and tell us that and we let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because it just a ride. We can change it anytime we want, its only a choice, No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money, a choice between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.
Here's what we can do to change the world to a better ride, we take all teh money we spend on weapons and defense each year and instead spend it feeding, clothing, and educating the poor of the world which it would many tiems over not 1 person excluded. The we can explore space together, both innner and outer foreer in peace.

-Bill Hicks.

Modern Auto Safety is Over-Rated

I drive (present tense) a 1979 Ford Ranchero GT. It is old in every way, no power windows, no A/C, no airbags, etc. Recently, I wrecked the thing. It hydroplaned into the back of a semi (impact speed was about 20 mph) during a major rainstorm that started up just as we left and ended just after the crash. Now most of you will probably assume the thing was totaled out, it did hit the back of a semi afterall and we all know how sturdy those things are. I will then point you to the first four words in this post, "I drive (present tense)," and laugh.

After fighting the semi, the 'Chero came back with a missing tooth and a broken nose. The front fiberglass was destroyed and the bumper fell off (though the bumper itself is mostly undamaged, the mounts bent upwards and snapped). However, everything mechanical is perfectly alright. We had to tear off the plastic fan shroud, but other than that is is fine. I am only worried about the transmission cooler (which is mounted low on the front of the radiator) and if the hood latch will hold at higher speeds (45 was no problem, but 65 might be). I can't drive it at night anymore.

Me and my passenger (a friend I was ironically taking to pick up his car from an atuo shop) survived unharmed (minor sorespot on my arm from teh steering wheel, my friend was a bit woozy right after the wreck but was ok after the rain stopped and we were able to get out and walk around). I credit this to the lack of safety features. A new car's front end would have crumbled and the car would be totaled. An airbag would have went off and broke a few ribs. Also, the cop who came to the wreck told my step-mom (who was the first famly member on-scene, it seems family has a sitxh-sense that makes them know whenever a member is in a crash and fills them with the unstoppable urge to call them) that I was lucky to be in such a beast because I would have been badly hurt in a new one........ or a Chevy :P.

So suck on that burn sauce automakers. A 30 year old beast you deemed obsolete proves to be uber-l33t and outperforms your modern vehicles in a safety test AND drives away from it. Plus it gave the semi the business as well, the back-bumper-thing was noticably hurt.

I am glad I didn't try steering away from the thing. I would have hit the less armoured flank (side, for all the stupids) of the car and someone would have been hurt. By keeping the impact square on the front, I kept the damage to a minimum to everyone.

inFamous Review

This may be out of character, but I am going to do a review of my newest addiction, inFamous.

Since I am known to rant about things that I hate, lets start off with the bad.
First complaint is minor texture and object pop-in, only really a big deal to those who only play games if the graphics are border-line real, but still noticable. It can be forgivien since the only loading is done when you first turn on the game.
Sometimes you get rushed by so many enemies, it turns into a perverbial cluster-f**k. That only gets more irritating when you get hit by a rocket launched by someone off in the distance you couldn't see. I also F**KING HATE how the bad guys (who are mutated street thungs, hobos with bags on their heads, and then one professional group each with their own island) have perfect aim from any range even though they lack any real training with AK-47's that are inaccurate at at distances more than 50 ft. Combine those last two and you get some some frustrating moments.
Last complaint is that Cole (your character) sticks to objects to make platforming easier, not a problem in and of itself. Problems come along when he doesn't stick to what you want or sticks to something you don't want him to. I have had a lot of trouble in certain missions because of this, though it helps more than it hurts.

Now onto the good.
It is one of the few games that doesn't lovingly render everything with only the colors of the dirt spectrum (which means there are more colors than justshades ofbrown and grey), and is pretty colorful. Lightning effects are the best I've seen, which they should be since the game revolves around the lightning powers. The graphics aren't too stellar technically, but artisticly they fit quite well with the story. The atmosphere is very well done, it feels like the city is in a major crisis.

The gameplay is top-notch. Minus the above issues, the climbing works really well.The animatiosn are excellent, and you can shoot from pretty much anything. The cover system isn't the best in the industry, but it works. Circle makes Cole attach to an object, but only those that are below teh waist line, he can't attach himself to a corner or something tall like that. He can however, grab onto a ledge, and reach up and blast baddies that way.
You can't drive cars or shoot guns, the electricity in your body makes them go boom. I do't understand why youw ould though, you an shoot lightning, throw static greades, or launch rockets (among other powers). Plus you can grind on rails or powerlines to get around quicker. Guns and cars are pointless when you can do all that.
Except when you are running low on juice. You can absorb energy from most anything electric, including lightposts, gerenators, TVs, cars, and people to name a few. When peopel are on the ground wounded, you can either heal them, restrain them, or suck their life out and fully replenish your health and energy.
That adds to the games karma system. While not the best system out there, is it well done. You can be good or evil, and the city will reflect on your chocies and so will the story. Minor things like healing people or killing pedestrains chagne your karma slightly, but there are Karma moments that have a big impact. Cole weighs the pros and cons of each choice and it is up to you to decide to do teh evil thign ordo the right thing. One example is a trash golem is holding a fuel tank. You can either blow it up and destroy on of the beasts arms, but it would also kill a lot of wounded bystanders in the area. I of course took the evil path in my first playthrough, but I will do a good playthrough as well.

I barely scratched the surface of the possibilities, so if you have a PS3 you MUST get this game. 360 players will have to go to their 3 year-old Crackdown for anything even remotely close to this experience, but Crackdown is nothing compared to inFamous so they still lose.
inFamous gets a 10 outta 10 and is a good candidate for my game of the console generation.

Gaming Originality (and the lack there of)

Recent gaming news shows that Treyarch is working on the next historical Call of Duty game, though Modern Warfare 2 is still in development. It is very sad that 2 games from the same series are in development at the SAME F**KING TIME!!!! Wherever happened to originality? Is there a law against it? We have an abundance of space marines kicking alien ass (a trend started by Quake in the early 90's), WWII shooters, and sequals with increasingly absurd numbers on the end (FF13!!!!).

Mirrors Edge is probably my favorite title of the past year, not because of gameplay (it sucked in that respect) but because it is a completly original experiment with some good ideas. It did things differently. A respectible uniqueness in this era of bland-ness and mini-game collections.
Fighting games (for example)last changed on the N64 when Smash Bros was first introduced. Since then, NOTHING has really changed. MK tried a new system, but went back to the old system with a few new mechanics (they get special commedation for at least trying, though they got rid of the brutality because DC doesn't want their God Superman having his immortal head ripped off by Sub-Zero). Street Fighter has stayed as spammy as ever, and Smash Bros has not really evolved (just had stuff added on). Tekken and Soul Caliber have stayed the same (Tekken bosses keep getting cheaper and Soul Caliber keeps adding 3rd party goons).
Nowadays there are really only 3 genre's that matter, beat 'em ups (blades optional, blood manditory), RPGS, and shooters. Racing games are down to niche appeal and Mech combat games have disappeared outside the AC franchise (which took a major turn away from sim-styIe it used to be for more Anime-like action). RPG's stay strong because everyone loves doing repetitive-mindless tasks endlessly. City-Combat games like C&C and Halo Wars are rare, and RTS games being even more rare (Total War is the only one I know of).

In short, creativity is non-existent. All gamers nowadays only want samey-sequals of space marines killing alien monsters for no real reason other than they are there. That or Americans killing Nazis (our last real war, the rest have been "conflicts").

I wish the COD franchise would be split in two. The Call of Duty name cast aside for more fitting names for each side. One dealing with the Modern fake wars, the other with the historical ones (if the next historical one would be in WWII again, I would say call the modern one Call of Duty and the past one World At War, but with it being in Vietnam instead it kills that idea).

The Wii stain on the Carpet

I used to support the Wii, but my faith in Nintendo dwindled after I got a PS3 and learned what real next-gen gaming is. I used to own a decent amount of Wii games, now I am down to 3 and don't plan on getting anymore. Why the sudden shift in perspective you might ask, a question I will gladly answer.

The Wii is a toy, plain and simple. The name says it all (and leads to more bad puns and innuendos than any other console name in history). The word is only used by little kids or when talking to them (and sometimes by the Irish and Scottish). "He made a wee on carpet," or "I gotta go wee-wee,"are two phrases that come to mind outside the shout, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The game line-up sickens me. Name 3 games that are 1-Not an old Nintendo franchise built upon 20 year old characters, 2-Not a minigame collection or rail shooter or 3-Not from Sega. I can't think of that many, I really can only think of the lackluster verison of Star Wars: Force Unleashed. Besides Sonic titles, the only 2 other non-mingame collection or rail shooters are No More Heroes and Madworld (both made by Sega).

Another hit to the morale of US Nintendo fans is that the game Fatal Frame is not being released outside Japan. Nintendo denies one of the few mature titles left unreleased for the Wii. Reasoning is probably that they don't want to scare the little children, though they will probably say different.

I bought a Wii for Smash Bros just likeI bought a GC for Smash Bros. I will probably end up buying the next Nintendo console just for Smash Bros.Brawl is worth the $300 total I spent on it and the system, considering I haveplenty more than300 hours spent playing it. It is just sad that (unlike the GC) there really isn't anything else for it worth a darn.

I am still waiting for a Star Fox game on the Wii. Should be good as long as they don't butcher it by implementing too much motion control gimmicks, letting Fox run around on foot when he should be flying an Arwing, or but by making it stupid easy when all the ones I have played are difficult.

Console Wars vs World Wars

The Sony vs Microsoft wars remind me of WWII. PS2 being the Brits, strong but getting drained by repeated German assaults (XBox and 360) after the Dreamcast Frenchiesand the Polish GameCube were crushed, the Nazi 360 was owning. Then the American PS3 declared war. After getting past the hedgerows of software development, the PS3 took charge and has the Nazi 360 on its last leg while the Japanese Nintendo has taken everyone down on the other side of the gaming world. It is only a matter of time before the PS3 goes after the Wii. It will fight hard to hold the Casual Gaming Islands, but it won't be able to hold out forever.

A Wee Bit of a Pickle

pickle.jpg

Now that the bad PUN is out of the way, lets get to business.

I will be recieving my PS3 back from repairs on the 24th. I bought it broken to save money (80 gb backwards compatible for a total of {ironically} $360 after repairs) and didn't buy games for it (couldn't read them). The question I have is what games I should buy to start out with. Before you go on about some random game I don't care about (Final Fantasy for example), let me inform you of what games I like.

I like most anything with driving or killing. Shooters and racing sims (beside GT5 prolouge, an extended demo for retail price) fit the bill there. Action based arcade racers are good every once and a while (Burnout Paradise for example).
I love destruction and destruciton physics. Car damage (preferably realistic), environmental destruction, decent gore (but not over the top), and ragdoll physics are always a plus (especially when they are easy to fling around and aren't stiff like in BIA: EIB).

I am big into RTS games, but I dislike the Command & Conquer styIe where you build up bases and have to learn build orders and all that non-sensical crap. Total War styIe is very much preferred (battle mode, not the management mode {unless that is an option with teh battle mode}). I dislike turn-based games.

I like a game with instant gratification with high replay value, but I would rather have replay value as long as the wait for gratification isn't too long (like in open-world RPG's where its only fun once you are a high level {WoW}).

I don't give a rats tail about how pretty it is. As long as you can tell what is going on and there aren't too many graphical glitches, I am happy (I'll happily take Doom 2 over Crysis anyday, plus my PC can actually run Doom 2). Graphics are a plus though.

Anyone who recommends obvious ones (MGS4, GTA4/Scarface rip-off {would go into detail to support my claim, but I'll save that for when GTA4 inevitably wins every award GS award}, Little Big Planet, etc) or those that are obviously against my criteria without a strong support to back their claim will be shot. Give me a good reason as to why I should get that instead of my early favorites (in order that I thought of them):
Armored Core 4/For Answer
Battlefield: Bad Company
MGS4 {Of bloody freakin' course}
Buronout Paradise
MK vs DC (most likley a rental first)
Orange Box
CoD WaW
CoD 4
Dynasty Warriors (not sure if I want 6 or Gundam)
Grid
Dirt
Rachet and Clank
and (when I finally cave) GTA4

If anyone recommends a J-RPG, I will rip off their arm and shove it up their d**k-hole while playing the theme to Team America (you are warned) {western ones are more tolerable}.

Thank you in advance for your help.