dancingbeatle / Member

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Prevent wrinkles

Another blog on bettering your body. I almost never blog about myself. I'm not interesting not in the least. Anyway here's the blog.

1. Wash with a soap-free cleanser
Natural oils on the skin's surfcae create a protective anti-wrinkle sealant by locking in moisture. Regular soaps strip this barrier.

2. Sleep face up to keep skin smooth
Sleeping on your stomach or side can contribute to lines and creases on your chin and cheeks, since skin gets crumpled against the pillow.

3. Quit smoking to stop sagging
Research shows that smokers tend to have more wrinkles on their entire body not just the face. Quit and you stop the cellula damage that puts the agging process into overdrive.

4. Don sunglasses to avoid squinting
Overworking the muscles around your eyes leads to fine lines and crow's-feet. Shield your eyes from sunlight to dodge the crinkles.

5. Choose moisturizers with AHAs
Alpha hydroxy acids help slough off the skin's dead surface cells. And that's not all: They also repair broken collagen, creating skin that's tighter and tauter.

6. Drink up to plump lines
Almost three-quarters of skin is water, which is why dehydration often shows up on the surface of your face. The best way to avoid this "prune" effect: Down eight 8-oz glasses of fluids daily.

On to the jokes

1. Interesting Ads and Signs, Part I

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

For Sale: Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last

Stock up and save. Limit: one

We build bodies that last a lifetime

See ladies blouses. 50% Off!

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!

2. Interesting Ads and Signs, Part II

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

For sale: A quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas. Only $299 For rest or fore play.

Auto Repair Service. Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and Up after.

3. Ice Fishing

There were two good ol' boys from Alabama, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks."

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got."

The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet."

4. Flight Time

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

That's all for now, thank you for reading and have a wondeful week.