dancingbeatle / Member

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If it makes you smile

*Does a half hand wave* Hi people, *sees less than 7 people*...okay don't ask me about my title, I don't like them that much, but maybe some of you do, ehh moving on what is this you ask? Gee I don't know you're laundry, old food, that missing schoolwork you couldn't find. No! This is not one of those this is my blog, obviously :roll: now with added fruity and flower scents. :P what type of blog, a joke blog okay read and enjoy or not doesn't matter either way to me.

1. Pulled Over

Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in California, I was stopped by a state trooper in Kansas for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked. "Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies."

cookies

2. The Will

A wealthy man had a falling out with his two sons. It was serious enough that he decided to change his will. At his lawyer's office, he threw his will on the table and said, "This needs an heircut."

Hobbes the lawyer

3. Exercise Techniques

Physical exercise is good for you. We know that we should do it daily, but our bodies don't want us to do too much, so here's a program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.

01) Beating around the bush

02) Jumping to conclusions

03) Climbing the walls

04) Swallowing your pride

05) Passing the buck

06) Throwing your weight around

07) Dragging your heels

08. Pushing your luck

09) Making mountains out of molehills

10) Hitting the nail on the head

11) Wading through paperwork

12) Bending over backwards

13) Jumping on the bandwagon

14) Balancing the books

15) Running around in circles

16) Eating crow

17) Tooting your own horn

18. Climbing the ladder of success

19) Pulling out all the stops

20) Adding fuel to the fire

21) Opening a can of worms

22) Putting your foot in your mouth

23) Starting the ball rolling

24) Going over the edge

25) Picking up the pieces

Whew! That's a workout! Now sit down and

26) Exercise caution.

Metaphor

4. Complicated Operation

A lawyer awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him. "Why are the curtains closed?" he asked. "Is it night?" A nurse replied, "No, it is just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."

Hell

Well the way I see things if I can get just one person to chuckle at these without having to show myself in person or move my body in anyway then I've done my job, later members.