dancingbeatle / Member

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Healthy living + Jokes

It's that time again.

1. Act younger and you'll look younger!
One of the biggest factors in looking young is feeling young-and that's directly related to your energy levels. two nutrients short-circuit the drop in pep that typically occurs with age: the amino acid acetyl L-carnitine and the antioxidant alpha lipoic acid. Supplementing with this combo helps repair age-related changes in the mitochondria of cells, which in turn, fire up the body's energy reserves.

2. Cinnamon instantly plumps lips!
You can achieve a beautiful bee-stung look just by dabbing on a natural skin stimulant:cinnamon! Its tingly properties cause tiny blood vessels to dilate, plump the skin and smooth fine lines. But does this trick subtract years? Our lips naturally thin as we age.

Cinammon sticks

3. This cream takes years off your hands!
The skin on the backs of your hands is a bigger giveaway to your true age than the skin on your face. Scientists have discovered the best treatment for keeping that area soft and supple: Slathering on a cream made with glycolic acid which quickens the rate of cell rejuvention, decreases wrinkles and increases collagen and retinyl palmitate- which hydrates your skin and reduces the appearance of age spots. Hands adorned with rings were rated as younger looking by observers than those that were bare.

hand cream

4. Nature's youth vitamin shaves off years!
In one study, women who consumed the most vitain C rich foods- such as orange juice, citrus fruits and tomatoes had fewer laugh lines, crow's-feet and less age related dryness than the rest of the study participants! Vitamin C is a potent antioxidant that protects against the destructive effects of free radicals and even reverse damage they may already have caused. Add guava to your daily diet. Or mix guava nectar with orange juice.



1. Ham Dinner

A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"? And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."

Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied,"I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."

A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"

Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."


2. Turkey Football

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"


3. Wisedom

-- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

-- The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

-- The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

-- Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

-- I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day!

-- I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff

4. Rules For Choosing A Superhero Name

Don't call yourself by your real name: e.g., The Incredible Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.

Don't call yourself by someone else's real name: e.g., Super Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.

Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess: e.g., Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.

Don't be too modest: e.g., Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-so, Fairly Incredibleman, Captian Invincible on a good day.

But don't labor the point: e.g., Mr. So-Powerful- Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.

Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image: e.g.,Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Sweetiepie.

Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.

It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.

Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not.

Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.

Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable To Strontium 90.

Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.