My friend stapled my hand

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*in Philosophy class*

Friend: *holds out stapler* "Hey, Will, put your hand in here."

Me: "OK." (thinks) He'd never be dumb enough to actually close it on me. *puts hand in stapler*

*friend puts pressure on stapler*

Me: (thinks) Uh, he wouldn't be that dumb, would he?

*click*

Me: OW! WHAT THE F***!! YOU JUST STAPLED MY HAND YOU F***ING MORON!!

Teacher: Are you alright?

Me: No, I'm not alright. There's a staple in my hand.

Whole Class: ROFLCAKES

Long story short, it was stuck in my knucklebone. The first aid lady had to pull it out with tweezers.

Eden is the best manga ever written and it's all mine

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Trufax, the best manga ever written is called Eden: It's an Endless World! (exclamation mark is part of the title btw) and as far as I can tell nobody in the entire world has read it except for me. Okay, maybe a few people, like the dude who wrote the tiny weaksauce wikipedia page on it. But he probably didn't care about it since his page is so weaksauce. Then again I love Eden and I haven't contributed anything at all to the wikipedia page about it so maybe this guy is okay.

Alright, well some people probably read it apart from me, otherwise it wouldn't still be in production, but still, it's relatively unknown. In proportion to how mind-blowingly awesome it is. If the world was good and fair then Eden would be right up there at the top of the sci-fi anime pantheon, alongside EVA and Ghost in the Shell. But the world is neither good nor fair so Eden languishes in the back of storerooms of anime shops everywhere.

So what is this Eden all about? Basically it's a post-apocalyptic sci-fi, a bit like Akira, but with cyber-robot-people like in Ghost in the Shell. It's really, really dark, probably one of the goriest manga there is, and also has lots of sex, drugs, prostitution, mutant robots and other horrible things. Mostly each chapter falls into one of three categories: a) characters talking about philosophy b) characters talking about how messed up their past is and c) characters shooting and bombing each other. Sometimes the writer mixes things up with scenes of people talking about how messed up their past is while shooting and bombing each other.

I know that doesn't sound like anything special but it's just that everything is done so well. The characters are brilliant, the action scenes intense, and the artwork - well the art is probably the best part of it, it's some of the most detailed artwork I've seen in any graphic novel. It's extremely realistic and gritty, but the fight scenes still contain that stylized sense of motion that you see in Naruto or Bleach. According to my uber leet artist friends, the 'body proportions' aren't always correct, but I can never see it so they're probably just lying like they always do.

Anyway, I've written too much again and probably put everyone off reading this because it's so long, but if you got this far then go out and buy Eden. Until you do though it's all mine.

Die Hard 4... a welcome surprise

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So there I was going to the cinema to see Die Hard 4 (Americans read Live Free or Die Hard, which is a much better title). I wasn't expecting much of it. I loved the original Die Hard, mainly because the hero wasn't some sort of Chuck Norris super-ninja who could eat bullets and crap gunpowder. When he cut his feet on broken glass, and was really scared and stuff, it was awesome.

So I was not expecting much because the trailer for Die Hard 4 showed Bruce Willis doing all kinds of crazy stuff that was, I thought, far too over-the-top for Die Hard. As far as I could see, they'd turned John McClane into just another uber 1eet action hero. And, well, they have. But he's not just another uber 1eet action hero. He is THE MOST AWESOME ACTION HERO EVER. While they were leaving the realism behind, they went way overboard and ended up even less realistic than most action movies. The whole story is silly, no, stupid. In the magical world of Die Hard, hackers can cause the apocalypse, because everything, from gas stations to traffic lights to TV channels to the White House security system is controlled by a single computer network, and after a few days of haxxoring, Johnny Nerd can bring the entire country to its knees with the touch of a button.

Apart from the sheer, unbridled, completely unbelievable and totally awesome action scenes, there are also some funny lines between Bruce Willis the rock-eater and that guy from the Mac ads who plays a witty and well-groomed nerd. However none of the intentionally funny bits made me laugh as much as the ridiculous action scenes.

Seriously, if you haven't already, go see this movie now. Just leave your brain at the door.

I got a PS3

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8) 8) 8)

Just like Chad Warden says, that **** is slick. I mean, pressing buttons on your console is so last gen. The PS3 just has little little icons drawn onto the casing, which you tap lightly with your finger, like a god bestowing a miracle.

And due to Sony's AWESOME :roll: pricing strategy, it came with Resistance, Motorstorm and another SIXAXIS for free! I haven't played Motorstorm yet but Resistance was pretty fun. Though I have to say that the generic human soldiers in it are the most fragile organisms on the earth. I swear I saw them keel over and die just from looking at a Chimaera.

However the point of the plot is that I'm the last survivor of my company, so hopefully later in the game my allies will be a little more... dependable.

OMG I got Killer7 :D:D:D

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Have you ever tried to type a blog post without being able to see anything? It's tough let me tell you, but I'm doing it right now since Killer7 just ASPLODED MY EYEBALLS FROM ITS SHEER AWESOMENESS. It's as pointlessly innovative as Katamari Damacy, as gory as Sin City and as slick as Chad Warden's hair. I never thought there would be a PS2 game that could be Okami in art style but Killer7 is definitely the winner in that department.

However while we're comparing to Okami, Killer7 is a long way behind that pinnacle of game-ness when it comes to gameplay. Sure, walking down a fixed path and not being able to move away from approaching enemies is innovative, but that doesn't make it good. You know, some things have never been done before because they're just a bad idea.

If it weren't for the story and presentation, Killer7 would not be a particularly fun game. But fortunately it does have story and presentation so it roxors all over your face. The style is so perfect. Everything from the smooth cel-shaded graphics to the grasshopper on the 'checking memory card' screen to the cute but clumsy attempts at being 'hardcore' by having the characters swear a lot. It's on this line, a bit like God of War and Sin City, a line between actually being hardcore and making fun of other stuff that tries to be hardcore. When you open a tumble-dryer to find a severed, yet still talking head inside, is that funny or sickening? How about when the head reveals that she killed her own mother?

Anyway, it's awesome. And the gameplay isn't actually bad, just not up to the standard of the presentation. There's plenty of backtracking and item collecting, harking back to the ol' adventure games like Grim Fandango. It's just that between items you have to shoot a whole load of giggling, suicide-bombing zombies. While standing perfectly still.

To end, I'd just like to say that you can play as an old man in a wheelchair who wields a rocket launcher. MOST. AWESOME. GAME> EVER.

Cruller out!

Decision sealed in pain!!

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Well, I might skip the pain part. But anyway, I swear that the next game I buy will be Killer 7. With this blog post I am sworn to this task, unable to turn aside to trivial pleasures that may tempt me, such as Wind Waker or FF12. Yeah...that's all. I have trouble making my mind up about games, see, so I decided to write it down here and make it more...definite.

birthday loot and Dark Cloud 2

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Birthday loot is a wonderful thing. I guess I'm at that beautiful time of my life when I'm young enough to get stacks of presents and old enough to appreciate the monetary value of them. In the end, I got Warioware smooth moves, Soul Calibur 3 and Psychonauts. Probably one of the most profitable birthdays I've ever had.

However, since I just bought Lunar Knights as well, I am now drowning in games. And there's the ever-present Dark Cloud 2, waiting in the back of my games drawer like a malevolent frog, ready to pounce on me and swallow me in the eternal guilt of failing to get proper value out of your game. I bought that monstrously long game about 3 years ago off Ebay for nearly $100 (Australian money, nubs) and I've been playing it on and off ever since. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that after slogging through 15 dungeon floors it tires me out, and then I end up in EB Games with $70 in my pocket and some high-concept 6-10 hour action-adventure on the shelf screaming "Buy me!", and how can I resist?

So DC2 gets a few hours of my time every time I run out of other things to play. By the time I'm 20 I might have beaten it. Every time I pick Wario's nose, beat up Zasalamel or switch to a different Terrenial, Dark Cloud 2 is there, staring accusingly at me, haunting my dreams. I feel like an unfaithful husband who's been shopping around. When I boot up DC2, I keep expecting one of the characters to yell "OK, who've you been playing with this time?" I'm considering putting a lock on my games drawer. Just in case.

By the way, it is fun beating up Zasalamel. That freak.

It's my birthday

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ME!!

My parents gave me Wario Ware Smooth Moves, disc 4 of Cowboy Bebop (even though I haven't watched disc 2 or 3 :?) and a family guy DVD. And chocolate. Not bad spoils considering how old I am. Wario Ware is awesome "It's a wii, Wario!"

I love crossovers

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CROSSOVERS!! It's like, when there's two shows or comics or games or whatever...and then they're like, fused INTO ONE!!!!!11!!

Crossovers can be really crap if they're just, like, to make a quick buck. But they can be SO AWESOMES when they are...awesome. Like Kingdom Hearts. That's a pretty extreme crossover. I don't know about you but when I heard about it I was like "WHAT THE F*** ARE THEY THINKINGS???/??" But somehow it just...works. It's like, nobody ever thought to do something so CRAZIES so nobody ever knew it would be AWESOME. (The best bit is how Sora has big feet).

Other crossovers I like:

- The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. They are hyper rad even though the movie was terrible. I just ordered the first volume of the comic from the Amazons.

- Smash Bros. of course everyone loves Smash Bros.

- Jump Ultimate Stars. For those not 'in the know', it can be summed up as "Anime Smash Bros." And you can bet your bottom dollar some OTAKU is going to comment on this post and say "It's not ANIME you nub it's SHOUNEN JUMP MANGA"

- Tsubasa Chronicle, the CLAMP crossover anime. Actually I stopped watching this because it's boring.

- Dissidia Final Fantasy, the newly announced Final Fantasy Smash Bros. game *crowd cheers* for PSP *crowd moans*.

- Itadaki Street. Think Monopoly on PS2 with characters from FF, Dragon Quest and Mario and you've basically got it.

- Super Robot Wars (OTAKU says: "SUPER ROBOT TAISEN joo nub!!!"). All of anime's greatest mecha running around on a grid bopping each other.

- Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. Now seriously, WTF? I know this is a list of crossovers I like but I do not like this. It's just freakin stupid. But then again that's what I said about Kingdom Hearts so...but still, why the freakin' Olympics?

- Most of Stephen King's novels cross over with his 7-book series, the Dark Tower, in some way, which is very awesome.

One type of crossover I don't like is SUPERHERO CROSSOVERS. They crossed over so many times that in the end they just made all the superheroes live in the same universe. In real life if there was that much spandex concentrated in such a small area the entire universe would explode.

P.S. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHH!!

 

Errors: Your message contains a single word over 80 characters in length. This can cause problems for certain browsers, and is not allowed.

 ^This error message is my ARCH NEMESIS.

All over your face

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well actually this post is just about faces. It has nothing to do with something going all over a face but I just wanted a more eye-catching title.

When I'm online, I have to imagine a person who I'm talking to as looking like something. And mostly, I just imagine that they look like whatever their avatar is. Take for example my friend bulletsword (well, he's more like an acquaintance. But it says he's my friend in that nifty little box on the right.) His avy is...some Japanese guy, presumably a musician, screaming. So I imagine that bulletsword is a screaming japanese rocker. Holding a sword that shoots bullets. Another of my official friends, mavericking, is almost certainly not an angry-looking red-haired anime girl, but that's how I imagine her - I mean him. Then there's the matter of potterpipi, whose avy is a picture of Light Yagami from Death Note. Problem is I saw that before I ever watched Death Note, and when I saw the first episode, I exclaimed: "Whoa! That guy looks just like potter!"

So now I'm wondering if other people think this way and I don't really know what would be worse. If they don't think like me then they will all think I'm weird if they read this. But if they do think like me they will all think that I'm some kind of freak with bugs crawling over his face. Sucks to be me. 

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